Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Happy Tuesday!

Annamaria had some thangs on her mind today, so I'm giving her the floor - let's go!

Ladies - STEP UP!...by Annamaria.

So I was listening to Power 105.1 this morning and it's Paternity Test Tuesday, which means this woman came on to prove that this dude was her baby daddy. Now, let me first say BOTH of them were educated professionals. Both had budding careers. I believe she was an accountant and he was a doctor. Here is the part that upset me……………

The kid was THREE years old.

No, they had not been fighting about this for the past 3 years. SHE HAD NEVER TOLD HIM ANYTHING. She got pregnant while he was in medical school and CLAIMED that she didn’t want to interrupt him and his pursuit of his career. But now that he was a doctor with a flourishing practice, it was time to interrupt him.

I respect him a lot because from the beginning he never said one negative word about her. He acknowledged that he was seeing her during that time and that he did care for her back then - and that the baby may be his. He said that he would definitely step up to the plate if it was his child. His only complaint: WHY DID SHE WAIT 3 YEARS TO TELL HIM?

This chick gave EVERY reason in the book as to why she didn’t tell him. She was scared, she wasn’t sure how he would react, she didn’t want him to stop going to school. Then they asked her why she decided to pursue this now. Her answer was clear: I need financial help….OH! and I think he should have a relationship with his son and it’s time they met.

I’m sure we can all predict what happened next. The baby wasn’t his. BUT this is not what angered me.

What angered me was what if this kid WAS his? Because of her selfishness, this man was robbed of 3 years of his son’s life. He wasn’t there when that kid was born, came home from the hospital, said its first word, took its first step. And now, who knows how long it’s going to take her to find his real father? And now that man is expected to come and bond with a 4 or 5 year old?

What kills me even more is this woman will be the SAME woman fighting in court to get retroactive child support for the time he didn’t even know that he was a father. I’m angry because my daughter has an excellent dad who was there for all of her "first's" to applaud her. And there are a bunch of wonderful dads who read this blog (Geeque, Cable Guy, Dmoe, Floyd, etc.) And while this chick was mentally counting all the money she was gonna get from this dude ALL he was upset about was the 3 years he missed out on.

Now I am going to say what NO WOMAN is supposed to say: Ladies STEP THE F*CK UP. Give these dudes a break. A child is not a toy or a pawn or a potential check. A child is a human being. They are our future and every decision we make affects them.

If the child's father doesn’t love you anymore - get over it and raise your kid together like two grown people. If a man is paying child support and is trying to have a relationship with his kid, THEN LET HIM. There are LOTS of good men out here trying to be fathers, and every day women make it harder and harder for them. And these are the same women complaining that there are no good men out there.

Use that money ON THE KID. I hate to see a woman getting a child support check and their kid looks a hot mess. Women - take a GOOD look at yourself in the mirror before you come at these dudes to make sure YOU are doing everything you can be doing before you go tell someone that they aren’t doing their job. And PLEASE, PLEASE ladies, be more careful about your sh*t. If you wanna sleep with 2 or 3 men - USE A CONDOM. Don’t sit up in a radio station talking about "It’s his, it’s definitely his" and then when they read the results, you look stupid like, "ummm... well maybe it could be ONE other persons…"

Yes there are some f*cked up men out there. But a part of me wonders - were they always f*cked up OR did we make them that way?



Stef said...


The Cable Guy said...


The Cable Guy said...


Anyway, I see we're on THIS topic again. I heard that ish this morning and it's the same sad story. Point blank - none of this would be happening if we practiced safe sex. I know firsthand. A woman can't trip you up like this if you wrap it up - relationshp or not.

Anonymous said...

What is this, the third blog about paternity tests? I feel like it's Maury Povich up on this blog! Every Tuesday we could say the same thing, that men and women are assholes or trifling. How about we talk about some good in our community for a change?

Women don't make men bad, men don't make women bad. People make a choice to be who they are. Period.

Ms. Penn said...

I agree with anonymous - this isn't about people making other people "f*cked up." Even if that child turned out to be his, he could simply make the choice to be a good father from then on out and try to make up for lost time. It won't give him the right to be a deadbeat. What she did would have been messed up, but they can move on from it. Both of them can. What you decide to do at that point defines your character, and it can be for the good if you want it to be.

Brooke said...


I debated if I should post this blog because we did have 2 posts about paternity before. One was a Dear Brookey letter asking for advice, and the other was from another guest blogger - Liz. I know that paternity test Tuesday can be an on-going discussion, because unfortunately we see that this type of thing happens everyday.

But you're right. Let's talk about how to make (black) families stronger. The reality is, there will be children born out of wedlock and out of committed relationships. The situations won't always be ideal. What do you think is a valuable lesson we can learn in helping to raise our chilren - no matter what situation they're born into - so that they can grow up to be positive contributors to our community and society in general?

Stef said...

I heard that on the radio this morning and I applaud the way the guy handled himself. He wished her well even though she was selfish and immature. Who knows what her true motives were, but people make mistakes, they can be immature and they can be selfish. Hopefully that woman will have learned a valuable lesson in all of this and hopefully she'll find the father and get started on reconnecting him with his child.

It's a shame that some of our children get such a rocky start in life with situations like this one. It's a discussion worth having, cuz like Annamaria said, they're our future and it sickens me when they get started off like this.

Jay said...


I think the first thing we need to learn is to make better decisions with our sexual health. Have sex with as many people as you want to, but be safe about it. I know that all forms of contraception are not 100%, but do SOMETHING. I refuse to believe that all of these cases on PPT are with men and women who had failed contraception.

Women, if the man won't take responsibility for birth control, then YOU do it. And if he won't,then that's not a man you need to be with anyway. Men, same thing. Don't believe the chick who says she's on the pill. Wrap it up anyway. This way, you won't be sitting next to Ed Love on Tuesday wondering how you got in this mess.

Jay said...

I meant "PTT"...as in Paternity Test Tuesday :-)

Brooke said...

Some of these cases on PTT occur between people who ARE in committed relationship and/or married...unfortunately. Sex education and taking responsibility for your sexual health is a great start - but it goes a bit further. It also has to do with trust and maturity. If you're going to step out on your relationship, be safe. And if you ween't safe, then be honest...and then be man or woman enough to own up to your responsibilities and take hold yourself accountable for your actions.

Yolanda said...

Brooke...talk about whatever you want. It's your house.

Have y'all been following the debate over "No Wedding, No Womb?" (http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/nwnw/). It's a really interesting movement aimed at nixing this very type of thing. Basically, putting Maury Povich and "Paternity Test Tues" out of business.

I agree with the comment about making better choices. Perhaps these media outlets should also make better choices and not put that kind of nonsense on the air, perpetuating a perceived negative in our communities. But who am I kidding... "WE" don't really control any of that anyway...

Annamaria said...

I agree it doesn't give him the right to be a deadbeat (IF THE KID WOULD HAVE BEEN HIS) but personally I think NO man should have to give her a DIME for the 3 years they didn't know they was a father. This dude wasn't trying to be a deadbeat. He wasn't hiding or running SHE WAS. She was purposely waiting in the bushes until the dude finished medical school & got that MD at the end of his name so she can go on a shopping spree.

Who Dat Baby Daddy.. said...

F**K all those greedy whores out there!!!!

Anonymous said...

@Who Dat Baby Daddy,

Real nice.

This is the type of stuff I hate to see in our communities. Calling people whores doesn't help anything.

Brooke said...


I have been following "No Wedding, No Womb" and read a great blog on it today on Clutchmagonline.com. While it would be great to believe that no woman would even consider having a baby out of wedlock or a serious committed relationship, the reality is it WILL happen. I wish I could say otherwise, but this is the reality we live in.

But as Annamaria said, two people can agree to raise a child together as mature adults - and that goes for unwed parents, divorced parents, etc. Just because a couple is married doesn't mean they'll STAY married - so if they have kids, they still need to raise that child together to the best of their abilities. The same holds true for any two people who made a baby together. Marital status doesn't ensure that both parents are active and responsible the way they're supposed to be. I know women (and men) who are married and still feel like single parents because their spouse doesn't help or contribute financially or emotionally.

Children need both parents regardless of how they were conceived - in marriage or not. Just because a child is born into a single parent household doesn't condemn them to a miserable life. Single parent household doesn't have to mean being raised by a single parent. People need to put their bullsh*t aside and think about the child first. The child didn't ask to be here, and if you're gonna do grown things, then be responsible for your actions and deal with the consequences like an adult.

The Fury said...

I've known a few women that thought they were pregnant and told me before they told the father. In those cases, all were wrong, they weren't pregnant. In those cases, they were all very nervous about "Maury drama". They knew there was only one possible person, but still were afraid of that "talk".

Hell, I know married women that have been nervous about that talk. LOL

We're all adults, make sure you lay down with one in case you need to have a serious convo after the sexy time is done.

@Brooke - Talk about whatever you want to. Have a zillion paternity posts. Especially since every first Tuesday I don't think I can write about crochet...LOL

Yolanda said...

@Brooke: yeah, the debate about NWNW is interesting. There are a lot of feminist bloggers who are writing against it. I get the point of the whole movement (and wouldn't it be great for kids to be created in and live in healthy 2-parent homes?). But, I also understand the argument that female sexuality and what women want can't be boxed in to matrimony.

Brooke said...


I debate this all the time. As someone who is approaching her 38th birthday with no child in sight, I wonder if I'd consider being a single mother ALL the time. It's not something I want, not something I plan for now, not something I even thought I'd be considering...but having a baby out of wedlock is a real possible choice for many women who long to be a mother but have no desire to be a wife or who can't find husband before her clock stops ticking. Adopting a baby as well - all considered selfish by some if you want to raise it alone - but an alternative and a chance to love a child who needs it.

No one is here to judge which is right or wrong - but whatever you decide, you have to take ownership of that decision and be a great parent, no matter what.


I know women who told their best girlfriends they were pregnant before they told their HUSBANDS because they were afraid of the reaction. I understand fear and uncertainty...even in committed relationships...so I can imagine how it would be in a casual situaion. But either way, it's not going to benefit you to keep it a secret or play games. You have to overcome that fear...unless of course the baby daddy is Rae Carruth.

Annamaria said...

A marriage certificate has NOTHNG to do with the way you parent. A marriage certificate & Vows are a symbol of your commitment to your spouse & your MARRIAGE.. The certificate doesn't get amended when you have kids to include them.
I had a child out of wedlock (yes we put the carriage before the marriage) but it never concerned me because my job was to be the best mother I could to Sophia. And at the end of the day if he's being the best dad he can be to her that is all that matters whether Powerz & I are together or not. Granted I'm sure it makes it a hell of a lot easier to raise her together but you gotta do what you gotta do.
And it kills me to see women that act like this especially because it messes it up for those women out there being AWESOME single moms that can't get a break. Because too many triflin heifers are pulling stunts like this. If there weren't an abundance of it then why do we have SOOO many shows about it.

And although I understand that there shouldn't be any name calling if you're acting the part AND putting your business in the street you get what comes your way. If you don't respect yourself then why should anyone else respect you?

Anonymous said...

I understand that someone may act the part, but it's about being better than that. It's all a choice, we can be like them, or we can be better than them.

The guy in this case of PTT seemed like he was about rising ABOVE this woman's actions. He handled himself well...and we all should.

Stephanie said...

AMEN, Tell it like it is. Some women do not realize the damage they do with this Buffoonery.People act like safe sex is no longer an option.There are worse things that can happen then trying to figure out who your baby daddy is. CONDOMS may not FEEL all that good but they WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE. and stop you from having to deal with a crazy baby momma or daddy.
When a relationship ends it's up to the adults to get over their petty difference and keep the children emotionally sound. I've heard grown folks talking about he did this or she did that ect, never once giving a rat's ass as to how the kids are feeling.
I tell my step sons all the time that just because their parents are no longer together they/we will ALWAYS be a family, we are now just an extended family.

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