So yesterday I wrote about the advantages of being single. Well, of course there's a flipside to every coin, and the grass always appears to be greener on the other side of the fence. Here to give us the benefits of being married - fresh from his honeymoon (and HIS green side of the fence) is Dwayne "DMurray" Murray. Let's see what he has to say, shall we?
I Love Her Dirty Drawz...by Dwayne Murray
I just got back from my honeymoon and this is my second day at work. Yesterday I read Brooke's blog and I chose not to respond because I wanted to see what everyone else had to say about the benefits of being single vs. being married. Don’t get me wrong, being single does have its advantages. However, being married does too. Having been married, gone through a bitter divorce (don’t ask what did I do wrong because SHE cheated), been single again (or a "Washington" as one person told Brooke) - I am now married again to a wonderful woman...and SU Alum! So I wanted to take a swag at the advantages of being married.
1. I have someone to plan my future with. It is a beautiful thing to put a plan together and share your vision with the one you love. I don’t know about anybody else’s wife, but my girl likes sports as much as I do. Sure, she likes the Cowboys and I like the Redskins, but so what?! From September to January we may be fighting anyway!
2. We have more spending power. I love my parents and all my cousins and such, but they have theirs and we have ours. Two incomes are better than one. So if she buys that purse, I won't trip out, so long as I can buy my tailor-made suits and we can still pay the bills without worry. When we can’t pay the bills, then we have a problem.
3. I go back to planning on this one. It's cool to plan a future with someone. You just can’t assume communication is key. WE can do whatever we want. Two people have now become one. It is all about the person. “Baby lets grab a bite to eat after work. Don’t go home...come straight to the restaurant.” Be spontaneous. It can happen in a marriage.
4. Sure I can invite whomever I like, but who would I want to be with and share something with more than my best friend? My wife. She understands me and I love her dirty drawz! She knows I like the Lakers, but she hates Kobe and still goes to the games. Why? Because it puts a smile on my face. She scored tickets to Cats - that play is horrible to me. Would she be dragging me along if I went with her? No...because it brings her joy and making her happy is my life’s work. If you go all out for me, I sure as hell will do the same. When you don’t go all out for me, I will still go all out for you because I love your dirty drawz! Wanna go with girls instead…really? Ok fine, have a good time. Here is some more cash. Oh, and make sure you wear your freakum dress! But you are going to tell me all about it when you get home and wish I was there...so I'm confused…
5. Solitude is awesome; we share it all the time. You can do you and I can do me. That is what makes respecting each other's space so awesome. It's nice to have it - even nicer when someone is considerate enough to give it to you.
6. It's cool to have someone who is up for whatever. Ryde or die…she shocks me on a regular basis. She wanted to ride ATVs, go fast roping and mountain biking on our cruise. I thought she was an uppity chick from Maryland! “Who are you and what have you done with my wife?” She told me she liked this stuff but thought I wouldn’t. So we are still learning about each other’s likes and dislikes. That is what makes life great - the journey.
7. Sex. Well it should get better with time. As I originally stated, I was married before. So I have had two different experiences. Honestly, with the ex, it was a chore from the beginning. It had to be the perfect storm to get some. I'm surprised we have a kid; I must have just been pretty efficient! I do have a theory. You have to make time for what got you there in the first place. Do whatever you have to - take a class, read a book...whatever you gotta do. For those who are married and think sex is a bore, communicate and learn something new about your partner’s body. After that, learn something else. The body is ever changing and will continue to until we die, and so will what works. That’s the only bedroom advice you get from the retired pimp! Sex should be full of excitement until you croak!
8. You have not decreased your family size, you have increased it. Set boundaries. Family and friends will always want your time. But you set out on a different plan and new path to establish your own traditions, norms and practices. My wife is my family...and my friend.
9. We all long to be single and dating somewhere in our head. We also wish we were back in college when all we had to do is go to class. Now I look at the silly things my wife says or does and we share our laughter with or about other couples. Every couple does. The comic relief from other friends and family are a hoot too. The laughter, love of life and thrill of being alive should not fade. It should intensify.
10. I do snore. I have nasty toes. But I also have a king size bed. She can move as far away from me a possible. I try not to steal the covers, but when I do, I get the title of "Cover Commando!" I call her "The Little Mermaid" because in the shower she has to be completely under the water. But I would not trade it for the world. I am happy just the same. I wake up each morning and think about how lucky I am to be in love and have someone in love with me. If it ever fades, all I need to do is think back to these days and remember the laughter and love that filled my heart from the first kiss - or the night she looked in my eyes and told me she loved me for the first time. That is etched in my memory and is the fabric of my soul. Sure, I would like to be a newlywed everyday for the rest of my life - and I will treat each day as such...newly-wed. If you want to be single for life, that's cool. But to share your life with someone for the rest of your life is an honor and an awesome responsibility that I enjoy every day.
Over the years, I've been blessed to have spent time with, befriend, love, learn from and share experiences with people who have helped me grow and inspire me everyday. They have shared words of wisdom, strengthened me with encouragement, gave me joy with a smile, comforted me with a hug, gave clarity to my visions and dreams and renewed my spirit with faith. It is through family and friends that I manage to be happy and hopeful.
These relationships work because we share our philosophies, our personal truths and an outlook that prompts us to seek something greater in all and in ourselves. Sharing a journey heartedly illuminates our lives and enriches our experiences. It keeps us moving....always evolving....ever changing.
I have been transformed by the wisdom, opinions, insights and revelations of those who have shared their journey with me. It's a blessing I long to share with you through my first ever blog. For me, writing is a reflection of my own direct experience and I look forward to all of you sharing your thoughts and experiences with me.
So...with that said....can I just say.....??? :-)