Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Happy Hump Day!

So last night, emotionally drained from a day of mourning Michael Jackson, I couldn’t think of one thing to write about. I slipped into a white tee, sweating like a runaway slave who refuses to turn on her AC (not ready for sky high electricity bills yet) and sat in front of the fan...laptop buzzing. Then I hear a clap of thunder and think how sexy this thunderstorm would be if I had someone here to enjoy it with.

Oh...but wait! I FINALLY got my issue of Essence Magazine today – with the YUMMY Idris Elba on the cover. I DO have someone to share the sexy thunderstorm with...if only in my dreams. Pathetic I know, but so what...don’t judge me.

Y’all don’t know. This man could get it. I mean...GET IT! Talk about a chocolate drop. I’d drink his bath water with a straw. Long, slow sips. I’m getting tingly just thinking about him. Six feet, three inches of pure black platinum, with bedroom eyes and a silky, dreamy British accent to go with it. Yeah, he’d get his back cracked.

Thunder booming, I read the article and discover that the author shares my same lust. She writes, “Etched deep in our collective psyche is the notion of the Perfect Black Man: The brother who can handle his business in the bedroom, the boardroom or the streets. Simmering with alpha male masculinity...for women nurturing this fantasy, finding Idris Elba is like learning Santa Claus really does exist. Then all you want is to take a ride on his sleigh.”

Yeah girl, I hear you!


But come on...really? Does this PERFECT BLACK MAN exist? Yeah, good luck with that one. Idris is an actor, a character, a fantasy. A fine ass one :-)

Let’s face it. No one is perfect. All we have to do is find that person who is perfect for us. In the article, Idris said he wanted to date someone “regular.” Now, this Hercules of a man could probably have his pick of women...but he wants someone “regular.” That got me to thinking. Do “regular” dudes want “regular” women too, or do they want the “Idris Equivalent?” Halle? Beyonce? Gab Union? Men: insert fantasy here.

Do men want the “fantasy” chick or the “regular” chick?

Let’s get back to that in a minute shall we?


One night while out with a group of girls, we were talking about exes, guys we dated, men we kicked it with, etc. After running down my little list of suitors, one “friend” said, “oh yeah, Brooke gets some cuties. They be loving her for some reason.”

What did she just say? For “some reason?”

I look at her sideways.

Jokingly, I say to her, “For some reason? Why do YOU love me?”

What I really wanted to say was, “B*tch, what the f*ck did that mean?” But let me give her a chance to explain before I accidentally spill my drink over her head.

She then tells me that the fine ass men I’ve dated all preferred the “girl next door” type – not the “model” chicks. Read: size 0. I know what the hell she means, but I let it go...and I'm not wasting my drink.

Let me tell you the reason why they be loving me “for some reason.” Maybe it's because us “regular” chicks don’t obsess day in and day out about how we look. I couldn't give a damn about makeup, and hair is just hair to me. I don’t follow fashion trends and I don’t own a million pair of shoes. I shower a couple times a day, take care of my teeth, my skin, my nails and Miss Kitty. I wear sundresses and flip flips and a bra that fits. That’s about as much as I do when it comes to “beauty.”

It’s not that I don’t care. I do care about my appearance. But what I think makes “regular” chicks more approachable and/or appealing is the fact that we’re comfortable with who we are. Model chicks that are constantly sizing up other chicks don’t exude beauty. They exude insecurity. And that’s not cute.

Maybe the reason why a man or woman would choose a “regular” boo over a model, actor or other fantasy is because maybe...just MAYBE...regular people actually take time to cultivate a personality. Maybe they nurture their spirit instead of their eating disorder (if you can count your own ribs that's a problem). Maybe intelligence is more appealing than pretension.

When it comes to body image, I look at myself naked everyday and love my brown self. I know there’s work to be done, and I’m doing it. But this body breathes for me, supports me and moves me everyday - and for those reasons, I love it. I'm healthy. I’m strong. I’m soft. I’m curvy. I’m comfortable in my own skin.

Comfortable exudes confidence. Confidence is sexy. That’s why they be loving me bee-otch!

But hey, that’s just my opinion.

So men...tell me: “model” chick or “regular” chick? Women: Idris Elba...or a “regular” dude?

Damn...I’d still drink his bath water...

-b

30 comments:

JUSTBNME♥ said...

Good Morning Brooke & Friends,

Once again you hit it on the head Brooke! Fab! For me...regular dude. My hubby is a cutie pie, great dresser and keeps me in stitches; he's my "regular" guy.

mzbutler5977 said...

Preach on, Preach on LOL , Ironically my friends and I also had this talk last night and I personally consider myself a "tomboy in stilettos", and as you said a "regular chick" and I will take a "regular" dude with a mean swagger anyday LOL

Malek said...

I don't think I would call you a regular chick. And the guys you liked and who like you are good looking but they are also smart too. Not everything is always about looks. Yeah looking a Idris Elba, he is fine, nice and chocolatatae but if he open his mouth and sounded like boo boo the fool you would shut it down to quick. And the comment that your friend made is how she gets men....based on her looks.....It a shame when you NEED your looks to get your foot in the door.....shame

Cynthia said...

This my dear is why you are being nominated!!

I would take a "regular" dude anyday. If he needs to spend more time getting himself together to go catch a quick movie, than me?, its a problem...

So the chillaxed regular dude that doesn't mind me wearing his sweats to the corner, (which actually is kinda sexy) gets my vote!!!

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

Let me start off by saying...there is nothing "regular" about my girl. She is my queen. I mean I get what you are trying to say...and it's all based on looks. But one day we'll all realize that all that shyt goes by the way side... I mean I was a janet jackson fanatic back in the day... but she is easily replacable (appearance wise) by the Tarashi Henson's of the world... she is my new crush. So I want someone with staying power...someone who is going to make me laugh for the rest of my natural laugh, someone who is going to have my back. Whether the world thinks she's a model chick or not. But don't get it twisted, I do want someone who I'm attracted to.

BTW Justbnme... welcome to Brooke's Blog...but there is a proper way to announce yourself when you are the first to reply to Brooke's Blog. Brooke can you please break it down to her. (And I know it's a her because she put a little heart by her name!)

Brooke said...

JustBNMe, a man who can make me laugh gets me every time!

Mzbutler, welcome! Yes, I was definitely a tomboy growing up - no stilettos tho :) I have flat feet, so I wear my stilettos when I'm sitting at my desk, then switch to flip flops when I go out :)

Nicole (Malek) you are so right about that. Nothing worse than a fine ass man who is dumb as a doorknob. What good is just "looking" at someone? You have to talk at some point right?

Cynthia! Thank you! And I agree, if I can wear you t-shirt and sweats around the house and still be sexy, that's all that matters.

Pretty Ricky, you know "JustBNMe" is a girl because she wrote "my hubby" - not cuz of the heart. I know some men who love "hearts" too :) LOL!!

But then again...with civil unions these days....I digress.

JustBNMe may not "cuss" but what Pretty Ricky is trying to say is that when you are first, you're supposed to say "FIRST BITCHES!"

However, I find that only the men, and Annamaria, say that :)

JustBNMe has manners Ricky :)

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

I better not see no dude with a heart next to his name!!!

@Brooke...she at least has to say first so she can be recognized. I'm almost insulted that she just calmly took the first position like it's so easy. LOL

@JustBNMe now that you know the First rule... you also just can't be first just for first's sake. you have to reads Brooke's Blog first. Although there are some violaters amongst us! However.. you can declare "First" just to claim your spot..then come back immediately with your response. LMAO

Brooke said...

LMAO!! These "first rules" are funny :) You just mad that she beat you!

Keyshawan Johnson was just here, he's another one. I'd sop his ass up with a biscuit! He just made my whole day!

Can you tell I love chocolate men?

Annamaria said...

@JUSTBNME: please note that when you take first place you also risk a taser in yo a**...LOL

@ Brooke: why do I wanna tase the chick that told you dudes love you "for some reason" DUMMY. You ain't a regular chick & ANYONE who knows you loves you. You are NOT regular. You are intelligent, sophisticated, Mature, and beautiful and confident. Anyone who can't see that must have issues with themselves.

Brooke said...

awwww, thank you Annamaria!! You're such a sweetheart! I actually think your comment made my day, not Keyshawn :)

Don't tase JustBNMe yet, she's new, she didn't know :) LOL!!

The Cable Guy said...

Now your cheating on me with Idris Elba and Keyshawn Johnson??? When does it end!!?? :)

As a man who saw you in sweats, a football jersey and a scarf on your head - you STILL ain't no "regular" chick. Despite all that, I thought you were stunning, that smile lit up everything around you. Regular you are not.

Model chicks need makeup, airbrushing and probably need to eat a sandwich. That does nothing for me. I like natural women who are beautiful from the inside out, not just on the outside. You have that, nothing needs to be added or taken away from you.

Brooke, you have a heart as wide as all outside, and that is what makes you gorgeous in my opinion. Nothing "regular" about that. I'd drink YOUR bath water LOL!

Brooke said...

awww shucks!! What is this? "Make Brooke Smile Day?" :)

Thank you!

you ain't so shabby yourself :)

But that was a wonderful compliment. It's one thing to be considered attractive, which is all relative, but it's quite another to be told you have a good heart. Looks are something that you don't really have too much control over, for the most part anyway...unless you dramatically alter yourself some way. But your personality, your heart, your spirit - those are all things that need to be developed, cultivated, perfected even. That was very nice of you to say.

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

@Brooke... come on..give the Cable Guy a little! LMAO But the man is throwing it at you like Billy Dee Williams in lady sings the blues!

"Whassa Matta...you don't like Gardenias?"

Brooke said...

LMAO!!!

"you want my arm to fall off?"

LOL!!

The Cable Guy said...

Rick, she don't hear me tho :)

I profess my love for all her blog to see, and still...nuttin! lol!

Did Billy Dee get dissed this much? :)

Rameer said...

Let me be the first dude to inject some reality into the situation - well, not reality, more like bluntness...

Whomever that "some reason" chick was is a typical woman hater. That's what some women do - throw "negs" at others, even ones who they're cool with. It's an insecurity thing. They feel like they have to detract from others to feel better about themselves. A lot of times, it's not even a conscious action.

Like the men have already stated - ain't nothing "regular" about you, so kill the noise. But I think y'all women are overthinking it (as usual). Like Ricky said - we DO have to be attracted. But dudes don't tend to make such divisions like "regular chick" and model chick" daily. We tend to go "ooo, she's fly!" and then see if there's something beneath the beauty. Good personality and intelligence, we're good to go. Bubble head? We're good to go too.

LMBAO - sorry, had to throw a joke in there...well, not really, Depends on what the dude is looking for...

But TRUST - I'm assuming you would call Jada Pinkett "a model chick". But if she wasn't as intelligent and crazysexycool as she is, she wouldn't hold anyone's attention more than the time it took to bed her. Don't believe me?

Ask anyone who knows Lauren London or has knowledge of her in the industry. She's a JUMP-OFF - mad heads have checked her off, from rappers, to actors to athletes. Now people have he nerve to be surprised she's preggo with Lil' Whoopi's kid...um, she's a HOE. Just cuz she looks good and is a "model chick" doesn't change her skeezerish ways.

I'd like to say I prefer a regular chick, but I prefer anyone I'm attracted to who is cool. People who don't know me who may see pics of girls I used to mess with may think I like "model chicks" - apparently, I have very good taste to most people, regardless of age, race, gender, etc. But people who know me know that each woman was unique and special in her own way...90% of the women I've dated for any length on time in my life are considered "good ones" or "keepers" by most.

My friends even have a running joke - "Rameer don't keep no ugly females around him, friend or otherwise". It's funny, cuz it's true - not cuz I'm superficial, but cuz it's just worked out that way. I was initially intrigued by their look, and then get to know them...and if they're cool, WE stay cool.

I don't prefer either type. I prefer the GOOD type.

Serena W. said...

Reporting from Monroe, Louisiana (road trip)! Yes me and my girl over here love some Idris. Dayyyyyum! But regularr or an Idris, black or white I just want to grant me with a good man! Also one who loves the heels and tight jeans OR the sweats. But its all goo, just don't bring no drama!

And Brooke I agree with the masses here! You aren't a regular chick! None of my girls are. True blessing in my eyes :) can't wait to meet you in person sooooooon!

Brooke said...

Awww, thanks Serena! Can't wait to meet you too...FINALLY!

Thank you Rameer...and you're right, alot of women are like that with each other. Backhanded compliments and such. I just let it roll off my back.

I say, if you can find that "model" type who encompasses everything else as far as character, integrity, intelligence, compassion, etc., then it's rare...and something to be cherished. But "model" type is all relative...none of us find all of the same things attractive. That person has to do it for YOU, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

phillygrl said...

hey everyone..still in the trenches, but up for air!..GREAT topic...umm yeah, I guess im the "regular" chick & brook, I get the same comments--funny, I was talking to my cousin one day who broke down crying abt how tired she is abt guys saying how pretty she is, etc..& she just wants a guy to behave normally to her, not taking her around his friends, etc..NOW, I get her drift b/c "ahem" looks run i nthe family, but She is REALLY pretty , skinny, long flowing hair, etc..whatver it is that guys like, a LOT of them like her, but it's so superficial when u get down to it & she was lamenting the same thing, to have someone want you for YOU, not what you look like I think is the stuff that REAL relationships are made of!.. Now back to work, but OH..I tried to nominate you & the buttonns are not allowing me to click on them!
--now MY ideal guy...back in the day i LOVED RAKIM..now adays, I think Lamman Rucker from that Tyler Perry movie 'why did i get married'..is too otoo sexy:-)

Latinegro said...

Brook there is nothing regular about you. However, I will say that you are real. Meaning that you dont really play any games and you do you.

Compare that to alot of fake women out there...and they will think you have something extra special that they dont have. Which lets face it you do have many thing over them.

When it comes down to it most guys who are looking for the one do not want to play games. They want a woman who will relate to them.

Brooke said...

Thanks Ant!

Too old to play games, been there, done that :)

It's so funny you mention that, because I was having an offline conversation today with a friend who wanted to know what men look for when they're looking for "the one." Now of course that's different for every man, and woman for that matter, so I couldn't really answer...but I'd love a man's perspective on that. Guest blog anyone? :)

Brooke said...

And Karen, I agree...Lamman Rucker is delicious!

Yolanda said...

I'm so late replying. But... OMG, I was just talking about this with my girls in New Orleans over the weekend. And we've talked about it on our blog lately too...the wifey chick vs. the modelish one. The modelish one may win at first, but they get boring after awhile. And can they cook? Do the eat?

Anyway, over the weekend, my line sisters's sister (yes, follow along now) is married with 2 kids. She asks my line sis and I why the two of us don't date more and why we weren't out flirting more with the men at the Essence Fest. It hadn't really crossed our minds too much (especially not mine) because I'm not an "approacher." But as we talked more, my line sis explained how she didn't think she was a 'first look' kind of girl and I agreed that I'm not either. And that's not to say I have low esteem or anything (cuz I know what I'm bringing to the table)...but I also know ALL my friends are cute. At some point, someone is gonna emerge as the stunner. That's just how it is.

And typically, I'm not that girl who rises to the top as the stunner. My demeanor is more laid back...quiet sexy perhaps. So that opened up a conversation about how it may be good NOT to be that first look girl because the men don't typically 'wife' her. They go for the ones who are 'regular' so to speak, rather than the one who is beautiful on the surface only.

PS...Brooke, I'da kicked that b!tch's ass FYI...that was dirty dirty. That's like when people say 'oh, you look cute TODAY.' As if your cute game ain't proper every friggin day.

Idris could get it buck naked, on the Himalayas, in a snowstorm any day of the week!

Brooke said...

Yolanda, you crack me up!!!

And I was looking at your Essence pics on FB, you're gorgeous! All of you are! Men probably didn't know what to do with themselves down there, didn't know which one to approach.

I'm not an "approacher" either, but I think I'm very "approachable." This same "friend" also used to ask me why I was so damn friendly, and tell me that I just cuz people might speak in Philly doesn't mean I should do it here. She said I was "too nice."

I've heard that before from several people, but that's probably why "people be loving me for some reason." Who knows. Later for her...even tho I DID wanna snatch her bald headed :)

Gonna have to have someone write that "wifey" blog :)

Little Girl Blue said...

I'm mad late responding, but yesterday was crazy...Anywho. I tried to get the gist of everyone's comments before adding my two cents, so I may be repeating...

First of all, regarding your acquaintance and her comment. Forreal? I agree with dude that mentioned the haters...she's up there with the folks that say to a non-single-digit-size-wearing-woman, "Oh, you have SUCH a pretty face." ::brakes screeching:: That's it? lol. And yeah, I hate that comment too. In college, I had "girlfriends" that would say I pulled dudes because of some skill (like "oozing sexuality" WTF is that?) or another or because I was light-skinned or right-handed or knew how to speak properly. (Okay, so clearly the right-handed and proper-speaking comments weren't valid, but it's just as stupid to me as the other assumptions made.)

I think a woman that cares about herself, inside and out, and carries herself with confidence and grace is just as worthy of being deemed a "model" as anyone else. When I was young, my grandfather told me about how is mother always walked with her head held high and just acted so womanly...people commented on her beauty all the time. Visible rib cage does not a beauty make. I admit to sometimes being on the hater side of women who were the dress size I wanted to be, etc. We all have some form of hateration inside for some reason or another.

Honestly, I was never really one to follow stars like that. I'm kinda weird in the way that I would fantasize about regular dudes that I could legitimately see myself with. lol. I figured out that I would just set myself up for failure otherwise. I'm happy to have found me a regular GOOD dude who just happens to think I'm the bee's knees "for some reason." I am confident that the desired longterm outcome regardless of looks, age, body composition, etc., is that the guy/gal makes their partner happy and treats them like the most wonderful thing in the world.

Little Girl Blue said...

P.S. Brooke...we're related and fabulosity runs in our family. Don't let anyone else (HATERS) get it twisted. ;)

Brooke said...

OMG!! I hate the "such a pretty face" comment too!! It's like "really?" I always respond with "bitch, you know I'm sexy" :)

Yes, fabulocity runs in our family, and you have TONS of it! Truly phenomenal!

Anonymous said...

I have never considered posting a comment to a blog (I have a laptop that I brought simply because its 2009 and I needed to "get with it a little" )...(I mean my cell phone doesn't even have a camera on it - I am just not techie like that - ok, you get it...) But I need to say something to defend the other kinds of Sistahs out there...No, I am not the regular chick,(wait here me out)- I keep my hair done (my own hair - no extensions, long and washed and set religiously), nails done, face - no makeup, but lips glossed and eyes fierce and I am sharp as a pins point at all times- uh, all times(hey you never know when Denzel Washington or Mr. Elba may show up)... (& being a smaller dress size helps, because I can sometimes find one of a kind hot fashion pieces and bargains that would probably cost more for larger women). FYI, I am educated, employed, no drugs, no habits and credit score that I am now proud of! Now that I got that out the way, I dont think men always feel that the regular chick is better, or more comfortable in her skin or that she has such an awesome personality. I think they find her more approachable because she has flaws that make Him comfortable! I think that they sometimes... (hear me out sometimes)feel the "model" chick that has it all together,(on the outside anyway) is out of their league,and some are so afraid to step up and take the chance so they simply label the woman a model chick and they move on to the chick they think they have a shot at! Keep in mind they dont want to be rejected (so they just dont try) - they walk past the hot girl to talk to the girl with the old braids in her hair and the sweatsuit and sneakers, flat shoes laying on the ground and an old tee-shirt! They want to approach me (and my stylish sisters out there like me) in my ferragamo stilletos(& yes - I keep flip flops under my desk too!)and my limited edition designer purse(dirt cheap from the outlet store), & fabulous outfit that I paid close to nothing to but looks like a million dollars (oh yeah, I bargain shop - thrift and all that)- but they don't/ sometimes won't. I see them stare, tongues hanging out, tapping and high-fiveing their boys and yes, I do hear their comments (wow, she could get my whole paycheck, or just plain DAMN Ma!)However, yes sometimes the less confident brother walks past me with my down to earth (one generation out of the hood), cool low Key Brooklyn girl stance - and they go straight to the chubby/ frumpy sister who may also be cool and down to earth...but she needs her hair done (in some cases she needs to take the wig off) and her gear is out of date and/or worn and tattered. My point is, dont think that just because someone is a regular chick - that she is somehow more "real" or more comfortable with herself - or even a nicer person because she is chunky. Some of us "model chicks" are real, down to earth, and quite comfortable too - we just like to look good too!

Brooke said...

Anonymous, it definitely sounds like you're a fly diva who has her stuff together! "Model chicks" can be (and probably most of them are) down to earth, cool as hell women.

This post was for that woman who has nothing else going for her BUT her looks, and feels that that's all she has to offer. This post was for the person who can't understand why a man would be attracted to someone who isn't considered a "model chick" - who likes a woman "for some reason" other than the fact that she may just be a great person.

This was in no way to suggest that "model chicks" aren't comfortable with themselves, or that you have to stay fresh to death at all times in order to be considered attractive. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some men don't like women who appear to be high maintenance and that's why they walk by. That doesn't make the man less secure. There are some men who love the model chicks and have no problem going after them. There are women out there that love the model men, or the thugs...it's all a matter of personal preference, and there's someone out there for everyone.

So long as someone doesn't have to put anyone else down for being different, it's all good for everyone.

Brooke said...

oh...and if you're new to the blog, welcome!!! :-) Thank you for commenting on the blog! I'm not much of a techie person myself :-)

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