Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Happy Hump Day!
And while we're talking about "humping," let me take this opportunity to clear up a few things.
Many have commented to me offline about my "sex talk" as of late. People are asking if I'm okay or what's "wrong" with me. Some think I'm some sex kitten, while others think I'm a freak...and neither title bothers me :-) I won't try to convince you of what I am, or am not - but what I will say is that I'm being honest. It just is what it is.
I'm not writing about sex to grow my readership, to get votes for my nomination for the Black Weblog Awards (you have til the 25th to vote - hee hee) or to shock your sensibilities. I'm writing about it because it's been on my mind...a lot ;)
But sex to me is more than simply a biological function, and what I do or don't do in the bedroom is not a complete representation of the type of person I am.
Yes, I believe in human freedom and in liberating yourself from sexual inhibitions. I want to be able to be free to explore and express my sexual nature in its entirety. Yes, this open discussion is all for the benefit of promoting a better sex life. All true.
But that being said, I don't want the price I pay for sexual freedom to be diminishing sex itself or a corresponding dehumanizing of sexuality. For many people, there is nothing - at least of any consequence - to sex besides the purely physical act and the sensation that comes with it - no moral, spiritual or social dimension whatsoever. Sex is almost a form of exercise, a release...a stress reliever.
And while it may be beneficial in those ways, to me, sex is more than that. I can joke and tell you that my hormones are raging all day long. Actually, it's not a joke, it's the truth. It's hormonal. It's biological. I can't deny that it's there...and I can be as blunt about it as an elbow to the nose.
But what I struggle with more than wet dreams and broken toys has more to do with matters of the human spirit. My spirit.
For some folks, especially men, they can strip sex of all emotion. For me, the thought of removing emotion from sex ironically makes the sex very "un-erotic"...pornographic even. And hey, if that's cool with you, then rock with it!
But like I said before, sex is deeper to me than that. I'm not saying it has to be completely about love (or "extreme like") - but there's something to be said for simple physical-emotional passion. Sex for me means nothing if you strip it of all its mystery and spirituality. For me, when you do that, all that’s left are discussions about technique, if size matters, and "forget a man, I got a Rabbit." Sex...to me...is about more than just chemistry. It's about a connection. It means more to me than just an orgasm.
And this, my friends, is why I'm suffering.
People think I'm being a little "too open" with my sex life on my blog. And maybe there's something to that. After all, there are some areas of life that shouldn’t be subject to public scrutiny. Stated differently, some feel it just "ain't none of y'all's business." While I wouldn't call myself a prude, I do agree there are some things better left unsaid - which may be hard for some of you to believe since some think I'm somehow thrilled by my own "naughtiness," delighting in the belief that I've thrown off the shackles of inhibition.
But could it be that the stuff I'm peddling to you in the guise of sexual freedom and "honest discussion" is simply an indication of something missing? Because when you look behind all the X-rated chatter, you’ll find that the real issue with all this exposure isn't that I’ll let people see too much of me and my sexual self. It’s that if you look close enough, you'll discover that there isn’t anything significant being said. Sex with no love, no mystery...dare I say magic...isn't really much of anything worth seeing at all.