Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Sex...with no Magic

Happy Hump Day!

And while we're talking about "humping," let me take this opportunity to clear up a few things.

Many have commented to me offline about my "sex talk" as of late. People are asking if I'm okay or what's "wrong" with me. Some think I'm some sex kitten, while others think I'm a freak...and neither title bothers me :-) I won't try to convince you of what I am, or am not - but what I will say is that I'm being honest. It just is what it is.

I'm not writing about sex to grow my readership, to get votes for my nomination for the Black Weblog Awards (you have til the 25th to vote - hee hee) or to shock your sensibilities. I'm writing about it because it's been on my mind...a lot ;)

But sex to me is more than simply a biological function, and what I do or don't do in the bedroom is not a complete representation of the type of person I am.

Yes, I believe in human freedom and in liberating yourself from sexual inhibitions. I want to be able to be free to explore and express my sexual nature in its entirety. Yes, this open discussion is all for the benefit of promoting a better sex life. All true.

But that being said, I don't want the price I pay for sexual freedom to be diminishing sex itself or a corresponding dehumanizing of sexuality. For many people, there is nothing - at least of any consequence - to sex besides the purely physical act and the sensation that comes with it - no moral, spiritual or social dimension whatsoever. Sex is almost a form of exercise, a release...a stress reliever.

And while it may be beneficial in those ways, to me, sex is more than that. I can joke and tell you that my hormones are raging all day long. Actually, it's not a joke, it's the truth. It's hormonal. It's biological. I can't deny that it's there...and I can be as blunt about it as an elbow to the nose.

But what I struggle with more than wet dreams and broken toys has more to do with matters of the human spirit. My spirit.

For some folks, especially men, they can strip sex of all emotion. For me, the thought of removing emotion from sex ironically makes the sex very "un-erotic"...pornographic even. And hey, if that's cool with you, then rock with it!

But like I said before, sex is deeper to me than that. I'm not saying it has to be completely about love (or "extreme like") - but there's something to be said for simple physical-emotional passion. Sex for me means nothing if you strip it of all its mystery and spirituality. For me, when you do that, all that’s left are discussions about technique, if size matters, and "forget a man, I got a Rabbit." Sex...to me...is about more than just chemistry. It's about a connection. It means more to me than just an orgasm.

And this, my friends, is why I'm suffering.

People think I'm being a little "too open" with my sex life on my blog. And maybe there's something to that. After all, there are some areas of life that shouldn’t be subject to public scrutiny. Stated differently, some feel it just "ain't none of y'all's business." While I wouldn't call myself a prude, I do agree there are some things better left unsaid - which may be hard for some of you to believe since some think I'm somehow thrilled by my own "naughtiness," delighting in the belief that I've thrown off the shackles of inhibition.

But could it be that the stuff I'm peddling to you in the guise of sexual freedom and "honest discussion" is simply an indication of something missing? Because when you look behind all the X-rated chatter, you’ll find that the real issue with all this exposure isn't that I’ll let people see too much of me and my sexual self. It’s that if you look close enough, you'll discover that there isn’t anything significant being said. Sex with no love, no mystery...dare I say magic...isn't really much of anything worth seeing at all.

-b

25 comments:

DMoe said...

First Bitches!!!!

Yeah!

DMoe

DMoe said...

Brookey,

First of all (yep, that's ME!),I commend your ability to be open and conversational on certain topics. Sex talk is tricky, because when it all boils down to it, people make things into what they want them to be. I agree with the "dumbing down" of sex in our culture, and think that this kind of desensitization changes the very nature of such a thing.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the "sensation" as much as the next person, but the "emotion" in my handwriting is so much better than the act of writing my name.

With this said, Brookey's topics merely invoke the dialogue. That's her job here. Give us insight on her thoughts, blow the whistle, and referee our games. For many who question "where she's coming from" as I may have from time to time, we need to keep this in mind and be a bit easier with it all.

I don't talk much on my sexual bizness, cuz in my opinion that's just not good for dudes to do, but again, Brooke sets em' up and WE -- her blogees (sp?)

WE knock em down.

Brookey, thanks for setting the "members of congress" on this blog straight. Hopefully, there wont be any more hearings about your topic du jour.

Dmoe aka Smallie Biggs

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

Dmoe..are you standing next to Brooke when she finishes that blog!!! DAM! (Oh yeah I hit you on the email by the way about the reviews.)

Now Brooke... i actually love your discussions on sex. It's actually very interesting and somewhat educational to the point that people get others perspectives of sex. It's no secret that you're horny, which I think is healthy. Because I stays horny!!!! SO What!!! I think people should really mind their business about what you say on your blog quite honestly, if they don't like it..then just don't read it. But your blogs are written very well, and they are not trashy..and evokes adult conversation!

Lastly, I'm with you on the emotion part. I'm actually not the one night stand guy because I gotta be feeling you physically and emotionally to really enjoy it. I'm not saying I gotta be in love... but being the unselfish lover that I am... I have to want to please you for it to be even worth your time.

(OK... I'm getting Rameerish. Gotta Stop. JUST JOKES RAMEER!! HEE HEE!)

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

Stop playing Rameer... For real..I'm just playing.. LOL

Brooke said...

First...I'm gonna step to the side so I don't get caught in the crossfire of Annamaria's taser.

Second, glad you understand me :)

I love the conversation that takes place daily here, and I appreciate that anyone even thinks what I speak about is worthy of a read.

But at the same time, I think I give people a glimpse of who I am, sometimes hidden in humor, and I'm so much more than "sex talk." Just like I know so many of you are much more than the comments you leave. Those that know me know that, but just thought I'd put that out there too :)

Rameer said...

Lmao! Pretty Ricky - you can't be no worse than when Ant lambastes me on the blog...

Meryl - you don't have to explain yourself to ANYONE. For the record, for any nosy heads or prudes reading this - she can write whatever THE HELL SHE WANTS, cuz it's HER BLOG.

You don't like it? Go read Rush Limbaugh or something. Meryl's blog is for ADULTS...so we can talk about ADULT TOPICS, real, raw and from the heart.

Seacreast - OUT!!!

Brooke said...

Pretty Ricky always teases me when I say "we grown." But we are, aren't we? And I thought grown folks could read between the lines of what I say, for the most part anyway.

Yes, I've written about sex and relationships...a lot. But I also write about emotions, and how being emotional is a major part of who I am...and I think I stress that on a regular basis.

Some people thought I was revealing too much or trying to be sensational, when really all I try to do is give my perspective on subjects I think most of us can relate to.

I have some commenters who tell me that they'll never comment when I write about sex, because they feel it's too personal and that no one should know that about them. And I respect that. I don't consider them prudes. But at the same time, I would just hope that people give others the freedom to express themselves without making an assumption or judgment about my intentions. I thought it went without saying, so thought I'd just give my EXTRA 2 cents on that :)

the pirate said...

Happy HUMP day!!

Latinegro said...

Honestly, Brooke, I say fuck them(not literally)! Last time I checked, this is your blog and your forum to write about anything you want. You do not have to explain yourself to people who think something is wrong with you.

I wish a mothaf***a would ask me if something was wrong with me after I wrote some shit on my blog.

Here is a disclaimer for you blog:

There is noting wrong with Brooke. Stop asking her off line if there is anything wrong with her! Let her talk about whatever she wants...and if you are guy (which we know u are), if hasnt give you some by now it is because she wants you to kick rocks...

Ms. Patra-son said...

Well Brooke, I must say I can't do my work because of YOUR BLOGS lately, you got me waiting on u to post that ish to read it LOL...

If some of your readers feel like ur sharing too much then they shouldn't read it... I'm infact learning a thing or two about myself from reading ur blogs.

Also, I love the guys & girls who are commenting they are so funny!

Ms. Patra-son

Rameer said...

LMBAO!!!

Tell 'em, Ant! I co-sign 100%. Muddafuggas got some nerve questioning somebody's subject matter on THEIR BLOG....

Brooke said...

LOL!! Ant, you crazy :)

But yes, some men who have contacted me just think I need my back blown out...and I joke about that all the time.

But without sounding arrogant, don't you think that if that was ALL I needed, then I would have had that DONE TO ME ALREADY?

When I STOP writing about sex, then y'all will know ;) LOL!!

Brooke said...

Tameka, thank you! I try to be as informative as I can, but some days, I just feel like acting a fool on my blog...no harm in it :)

Latinegro said...

I dont think you will stop writing about sex and that is ok. I think that if some Latino did bang out your back then you talk about how great sex can be...

But I do think that if you switched gears and talked about love all the time...then we would know something is up...lol

Brooke said...

Ant, quiet as it's kept, I'm actually a pretty private person. I think I give just enough...and then leave you to figure out the rest yourself. If I were to SERIOUSLY start seeing someone, there would be no details of our sex life on the blog :)

But I can talk about the sex I've HAD all I want to :)

The Cable Guy said...

B, this blog is expertly written. But it shouldn't have had to be written at all.

I may not know you as well as some of these other "bloggees" (I like that DMoe), but I know you well enough to know that you're not trashy, or classless or "trying" to be sexy.

YOu have the uncanny ability to be sophisticated and sexy at the same time. To be blunt, but leave alot to the imagination as well. Not everyone can do that. Women usually are either the librarian or the hot, sexy vixen...and you maanage to be both brilliantly.

That's a tough balance to maintain, and you do it everyday. While I hope that I'm the dude that you eventually enter into that relationship with where you STOP revealing THIS part of yourself, if it's not me (and not some Latino), then whoever he is will be one lucky bastard.

Brooke said...

awww, thanks Cable Guy...that means alot :)

Annamaria said...

1. BUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

2. I agree it's your blog & you write about what you want. Why does something have to be WRONG with you???? Would these people be asking what's wrong with you if you was writing about all the good love you was getting???? NO but because you're single all of a sudden something is wrong with you??? WTF? MIND YO NECK PEEPS.

3. I definitely think that when you have sex with someone you care about & have feelings for and that you love it's way better. Not only do you have that connection with the person BUT you actually want to do whatever you can to please that person. At least that's how I feel. I ain't going to put it all out there BUT I feel connected to my booboo even when he isn't near me & I love putting a smile on his face... Even when I'm about to drop this kid any minute now...LMAO

Brooke said...

I agree Annamaria. The best sex is with someone you truly care about. If I'm not feeling you like that, then chances are the sex won't be that great, cuz I'm gonna hold something back...ALOT back actually. It's not even worth doing on some level, just like Pretty Ricky said.

It's hard for me to do something (or someone ;) half-assed (that sounded freaky right?) LOL!! But as I was explaining to a friend offline this morning - who asked me why women make such a big deal about sex - it's because that's the CLOSEST we can feel to you. We LITERALLY allow you to enter us. That's not easy to do with a cat you ain't feelin'. At least for me anyway. That's MY personal space, can't just any ole tom, DICK and Harry be all up in there.

I feel that somewhere buried in all my sex blogs it the notion of it being with someone I cared about, that THAT was the reason why I was abstaining. How it got missed is beyond me.

Rameer said...

Here's MY thing...

If you understand that's THE CLOSEST y'all can feel to us...why don't you think MEN know that too?

I bring that up, cuz in the past, we've all had discussions about why it's the end of the world to a guy when his woman cheats on him, and not vice-versa. Y'all KNOW that a guy can turn his feelings off completely and be just "f'n them chicks". But a guy knows full well it means more to a woman to give it up than vice-versa. Even if y'all just doin' it to get back, be spiteful, vengeful, etc. - it STILL typically has more invested in the act than with a typical guy.

Most guys don't make a hoe a wifey. So when wifey does cheat, it HURTS - cuz the next man was all up in YOURS.

If you can understand that about yourselves...isn't it EASY to understand the reasoning of the mindset men have on women cheating??

Not to say any type of cheating is acceptable at all...

- Rameer: The TangentMaker!

Brooke said...

Rameer, I hear you...which was why I was surprised my MALE friend didn't get that. I thought maybe he didn't get it because most men can separate the act of sex with love and keep it movin. Women, not so much. So when he asked me why we take it so seriously, I thought that's where he was coming from.

To take it a step further, he also asked me why we get so mad when their man doesn't cum when they have sex. Sure, it can be considered an ego thing. But most women want to know that we're pleasing you. When y'all cum, we know it...when you don't, we know it. Most women ASSUME that the sole purpose of sex for men is so they can have an orgasm...which for most is probably true. That's the goal. But if he cares about you, or at least enough to not be selfish, then maybe the simple act of being intimate with you is enough. So we women sometimes just need to let it go...especially if he took the time to make sure YOU were okay ;)

I think sometimes we read more into than it is. If you don't know the guy well enough to know he just wants to please you, then maybe that's the problem itself. If for some reason it's all of a sudden NOT NATURAL for him not to cum, then yes...that may be suspect. But all in all, if you have that connection I speak about, most likely you'll just KNOW what's the deal. And you can't know that with just anybody.

Rameer said...

Well put, Meryl!

BTW...I've heard so many people tell me and people hit me up on FB about how they LOVE your blog...u have WAAAAAAYYYY more lurkers than you would ever imagine!!! =)

Brooke said...

Really?? That's great!

I can tell from the analytics on my blog that alot more people read than comment, but I'll take it!

A few of my friends re-post my blog links on their FB page as well, so I definitely appreciate all the love. Very cool!

Yolanda said...

If people have problems with what YOU blog about...maybe they've got some sex problems that you're making them face! Get over it people. Sex talk is good talk :-)

And I agree with everything you say about your needs, Brooke. I'm in that boat as well. I've realized that I've just got to ASK for what I want or just TAKE it, because some men can be rather slow.

Brooke said...

ooooh, TAKE IT GIRL!!!

I'd have no problem taking it, if I had someone to take it FROM! Ha!

And I agree, my blog topics may not be for everyone. I always want people to read what I write about, but I also realize certain topics may not be of any interest to some people. If sex talk offends you, I'll always have a different blog the next day...unless you catch me in a drought...which I apparently seem to be in! LOL!!

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