Friday, July 10, 2009
I was supposed to have a guest blogger today, but that didn’t work out, so I apologize in advance if this post is all over the place. I wrote this this morning...work with me!
I know I said I wasn’t going to touch the Steve McNair story…I know this. But as the details emerge regarding this murder/suicide, I feel I can take a different approach in addressing this tragedy.
First let me say, as I’ve said before, NO ONE deserves to be murdered. No matter what sins we may or may not have committed, no one deserves what happened to him. And it’s sad that Ms. Kazemi felt the need to take her own life as well. This is a sad story of desperation, emotional instability and tragedy.
I’ve heard so many women say that if he hadn’t been cheating on his wife, none of this would have happened. Maybe…but we don’t know for sure what type of marriage he was in. His wife claims to have not known about the relationship, and all we can do is take her at her word. None of us knows what was really going down between any of them.
That being said - for the sake of this post - let’s just call a spade a spade. He was involved with a woman other than his wife. Maybe he and his wife had an open relationship, maybe not. Maybe they had some sort of “arrangement.” Men and women cheat, they both do it…and for various reasons. I will not condone or justify cheating; I will just acknowledge that it happens.
Today, this post is for the men. I will write a post directed to the women at a later date, but I felt the need to address the men today in keeping it timely with the McNair story. So men, let me break it down for you should you decide to cheat.
1. If you’re going to cheat, do it with a SANE woman. Clearly Ms. Kazemi wasn’t the most emotionally stable woman on the planet. Her friends described her as “spiraling out of control.” It appears to be a case of “if I can’t have him, no one will.” Again, all speculation still, but this is what it looks like. That cool 20 year-old chick who is giving you all the attention in the world and making you feel all special just might turn out to be your next stalker. She is the one who will call your real girlfriend/wife just to get back at you, show up at your job and tell all your coworkers what an asshole you are, and/or mutilate you. I’m not making light of any situation, but all of this is very possible if you’re dealing with a crazy chick.
2. The hook-up girl may play it cool for a while, but trust me…she wants to be wifey. She’ll tell you she’s cool just having casual sex when she isn’t, just so you won’t bounce on her ass. Pay close attention to her, because if you don’t, she’ll work to secretly sabotage your real relationship if she can.
3. The more you go back for more, the greater the risk you’ll get caught. If she’s got that ill na na, beware…it’ll be your downfall.
4. The crazy chick will lie to you about being on the pill and actually allow herself to get pregnant. Jus sayin’.
5. McNair rented a condo he shared with a friend and allegedly used it as a place to bring his jump-offs. Never bring the side-piece to your REAL residence, whether you share it with your girlfriend/wife or not. Neighbors watch you and they WILL tell on you.
6. If you think you’re being careful and that you’ll never get caught, think again. Girlfriends/wives can see text messages from other women from a mile away. It’s female radar, and we sense it as soon as that text hits your inbox. Don’t doubt me, just accept it as documented fact. On that same note…
7. There are hundreds of signs that you may exhibit that tell your girl that you are cheating that you are unaware of. I could name them, but we’d be here all day and this post is already getting REALLY long. Let’s just say you don't realize it, but you are guilty of most of them.
8. Keep your story straight. Girlfriends/wives are often very methodical and like a criminal defense attorney - they will rip apart your story and try to exploit each gap they find. Chances are, she’s smarter than you are and you will fail at this. Lying your way out of getting caught won’t work…trust me on that.
9. If a girlfriend/wife sees a strange number in your phone (cuz they WILL look cuz they’re already onto your ass) they WILL call it. And the crazy chick will answer and tell her everything. This goes for 800 and 900 numbers too…they don’t care. That number WILL get dialed.
10. Motivated women WILL try to catch you…and will most likely succeed. They will hire private investigators if need be just to get the proof. That gut instinct we’re all born with never seems to be enough.
11. If your girlfriend/wife forgives you and takes you back, trust that her friends and family already know what you did and have a longer memory than she does. No matter how much your boo forgives you, her friends and family will ALWAYS hate you.
12. Oh…and she will seek support from YOUR friends and family too…and they will take her side. They will resent YOU, not her.
13. Chances are your girlfriend/wife WILL cheat on you in retaliation. You’ll never know about it and she and her girls will share many a giggle at your expense. Oh, and the dude she gets back at you with will probably be WAY hotter than you and will most likely either be a guy you hate…or worse - your best friend.
14. Oh…and for the record, if your best friend is a “good guy,” he probably told her what you did and secretly wanted your woman all along :-) or...
15. If your girlfriend/wife has had a "secret crush" on your best friend, now is the time she will "befriend him." You will lose both her and your friend. They will be happier without you.
16. Your girlfriend/wife will try harder than anything to forget what you did. She will not. It will always hurt.
17. If you are going to try and come clean and fix things with your girl, expect that she will ask for all the sordid details. She will likely get even more hurt and pissed off when you describe what you and the other babe did - but if you lie, she will know it and get hurt worse. More importantly, whatever you did with her, your girlfriend/wife will probably refuse to do with you – ever again! It's too "painful" to even think about, much less perform.
18. Trying to date two women costs three times as much. You better have McNair money if you’re gonna go there.
19. If you want to fix things with your girlfriend/wife, she may forgive you, but the relationship will change. She will always have trust issues with you from that moment on, no way around it.
20. If your girlfriend chooses NOT to forgive you and it looks as if she has moved on...she has - and you should do the same. Don't go crazy and stab someone just because you got caught. After all, you’ll be mad cuz…
21. Your ex-girl/ex-wife will "date up" after you – especially since she’ll realize this will hurt you the most. Maybe your boss, or one of your richer, more successful boys…or enemies. (You don’t get a brotha back like that)
22. If you share a child together, you will pay child support out the ass and she will spend it on anything and anyone she wants to. (see "the new boyfriend" in #21)
23. Last but not least, girlfriends/wives will "scratch" up your prized car/motorcycle, or destroy your things or throw them out. Think Angela Bassett in “Waiting to Exhale.” Hopefully you won’t come home to all your sh*t being burned up in your ride in the driveway. Again…just sayin.