Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Happy Hump Day!
Okay, so I need my Brookey Cafe bloggers to help settle a dispute for me. I know you'll all be fair and unbiased....and will see that I'm right :-)
So...last night I was catching up with an old friend who told me that she just met this great new guy. He's funny, makes her laugh all day long, they have everything in common and they never, ever argue. They've been dating for 3 months.
"I can see us being together forever cuz we never disagree on anything...we never fight."
So I say to her, "well, it's only been 3 months...and that's a long way from forever."
She told me I was a hater and that love can last and be healthy without ever fighting.
Yeah, and I'm the Queen of f*cking Sheba.
"Ask your bloggers what they think, because they will tell you what a hater you're being, " she says to me.
Girl, you ain't said nuttin but a word!
I explain to her that while I may have taken the wind out of her sails, I was not hating on her and her new love. It's just that, in my opinion, it's unrealistic to say that you can be with someone forever and never have a disagreement. Unless dude is a punk. Yeah, I said it.
Okay, maybe I didn't say that to her...but I'm saying it now :-)
I'm not saying her man is a punk, but you can't tell me that those two will neva eva get on each other's nerves...like, EVER. It's impossible. And if a man (or woman) only agrees with everything you say just to appease you, then that person is a punk...plain and simple. And trust me, that ish will get old REAL quick.
Personally, I think it's rather healthy to have a little spat every once in a while. I'm not talking about all out brawls where you verbally slaughter each other. I believe in fighting fair and being respectful, even when you secretly wanna choke the sh*t out of someone for getting on your last nerve. Kind words should always be spoken in a disagreement, no matter how heated the discussion gets. One friend told me that during an argument once, a dude said "fuck you!" to her.
**Now, let me just say for the record that if a man EVER says those two words to me in a sentence that doesn't include "I want to..." in the beginning of it, he will become Black History quick fast in a hurry.**
Now...back to the blog.
I can disagree with someone I care deeply for without being an asshole. I can disagree with you while still respecting your opinion. I will never disrespect you or call you names. I won't throw personal things you've told me in your face or use them against you. I won't push buttons just to be mean and spiteful, and I won't talk about your mama.
If I feel the debate is getting out of hand, I'll try to shut it down, agree to disagree, be quiet (cuz I know I got a slick mouf) or I'll try to diffuse the situation with a hug, a kiss or a smiley face. It's hard for me to stay mad at the people I care about anyway, because it actually affects me physically. I get a migraine, I can't sleep and I literally feel sick to my stomach. If my sister and I get into an argument, we have to make up within 5-10 minutes - and going to bed angry at each other is NOT an option...for us anyway.
Now, that's sisterly love...and I recognize that that's a lot different than being mad at your sweetie. He or she can work your nerves to the point where you may be able to stay angry at each other for DAYS. I don't advise that...but it can happen - trust me, I know.
But I think the types of arguments that last for days are indicative of something else - namely letting little annoyances snowball into bigger grievances. That's why little arguments here and there can help. Getting out all your little "grrrrs" now will keep them from becoming roars later.
But let me say this...if you're going to really argue, argue over things that matter. Otherwise, just let the rest go. Pick your battles and let each other off the hook sometimes. Once or twice a week, let him "win" the argument...even if he's an idiot :-) Or at least let him think he won. Men, let her have the last word sometimes. It won't kill you :-)
You hate when she leaves her panties soaking in the sink? Yes... gross...but don't "FIGHT" fight over it.
He chews like a cow with his mouth open all the time? Yes, annoying as hell. But you'll live.
Arguments will happen, no doubt. But so what? What truly matters is his or her heart, spirit and soul. Is he or she genuinely a good person who has your best interest at heart? Do they make you feel happy the majority of the time? Do they lift you up rather than bring you down? Do they respect you and your feelings? Do you truly love him or her?
If the answers to those questions are yes, then your relationship will survive a little fight. If it doesn't, it's not much of a relationship anyway.
You tell me...did I "win' this one? LOL!!