Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Happy Hump Day!
Speaking of humping, what would you do if you caught your boo gettin' busy with someone else? I mean, ass all in the air, red handed?
Has that ever happened to you? If so, how did you handle it?
It's not TMI Tuesday, but I wanna hear all the details anyway - go!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Hey, hey, hey everyone!
So I'm sure by now everyone has heard of the impending divorce between Kobe Bryant and his wife Vanessa. I'm sure you've also heard by now that there was no prenuptial agreement between them. This brings us to the question of the day.
If you are (or were to become) a man or woman of significant wealth, would you have your significant other sign a pre-nup before marriage?
If you are NOT a man or woman with means, would you still have your significant other sign a pre-nup?
Like Chris Rock said: "If I'm making $30 million, and my wife wants 15, so what...I ain't starvin'. But if I'm making $30 thousand, and my wife wants 15, I might have to kill her!"
Also, would you be offended if your partner asked you to sign a pre-nup? Would you take that as a sign that the other person planning the divorce before they plan the wedding, or does it make smart financial sense?
Let's hear it, go!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Many shop by pushing the limits with thoughts of dealing with the ramifications in the New Year. It is the season of giving, but it will not feel so good when you start receiving the bills associated with all your giving. It’s hard to decide who gets what on a limited budget, but it's more painful trying to dig yourself out of the debt created by trying to please everyone.
Many are going different routes this holiday season to try to soften the financial blow.
- Just buying for the kids this year
- A Secret Santa amongst family members
- Create games where the prizes are wrapped gifts
- Set a spending limit per gift per person
- Offer to perform a service as opposed to a tangible gift (wash the car or mow the lawn for a month coupons)
Many have traditions which they are not willing to part from, but in these economic times, you have to consider what is reasonable while trying to stick to your annual rituals. Consumer spending is up 15% so far from last year. This is interesting given all the reports on unemployment and home foreclosures.
I am a huge advocate of gift giving, but I’m a bigger advocate of ensuring we are not financially stressed after the holidays. You have to find your personal fine line where you can spread the holiday cheer and still maintain your financial sanity.
How do you balance the two during the holiday seasons?
Thursday, December 15, 2011
How did it get to be Random Thoughts Thursday so fast!?
I've been slippin' on the blogs lately....gotta fix that!
- I've lost another 3 lbs, woo-hoo!
- I have MANY more to go, but it still feels good to say :-)
- I got an iPad for work and just learned how to use it. It does all these fancy things, but I'll probably only play Angry Birds on it ;-)
- Have to hide it from my nephews.
- Been ripping and running in meetings all morning, but so thankful to have a job that I actually love. Thank God for blessings...praying for more for my friends and family.
- Finally got that mani/pedi. Pedicure is great! But my mani is messed up already. Never fails.
- Gotta get my Xmas cards out soon! I'm always late with that stuff.
- What to get my stepson for Xmas? Probably something educational...that boy is a genius!
- What is the new "hotness" when it comes to toys? Unless
- Miss my family - especially the boys.
- Can I PLEEEEEAAASSSEEEE hit the Mega Millions!? PLEEEEEEEEAAAASSSEEEE!!!!????
- Remember, don't act a fool at your company's holiday party.
- What is on your sexual bucket list?
Monday, December 12, 2011
Austin the Realtor is back with Money Mondays!
Savings and Debt: Part II...by Austin the Realtor.
Welcome back everyone!
Hope you had a great time with family and friends over the Thanksgiving Holiday. For many, Thanksgiving Day means spending time with family. For others, Thanksgiving Day is referred to as Black Friday Eve - a time of shopping and being out at all hours of the night trying to get the best deals possible. Some shop with the cash they saved up all year (Ha!). The majority may be using that plastic friend that is always there in the time of need ……Mr. Credit Card! Now that Black Friday has passed, now it's time to assess the damage. What we want to do is make sure we are making the most of our credit card payments.
This brings us to “Savings and Debt: Part II” – Debt Management”. Last time, we took a record of your income along with your voluntary (coffee, breakfast, gum) and not so voluntary (rent, gas, light) payments to see where our money goes. This allowed us to “trim the fat” in areas that we were able to reduce spending. Today, let’s discuss some tips to manage your credit card debt. This type of debt is considered unsecured debt, which will normally carry a higher interest rate than secured debt (car payment, mortgage). The goal is to pay as little in interest as possible so you would want to start with paying off unsecured debt first.
Tip #1: If you have more than one credit card, pay the minimum on all except the card with the highest interest rate. You want to pay down the card that will cost you the most as fast as possible. Budget how much you can afford and pay that every month. Once that card is paid off, take that monthly payment amount plus the minimum of the next highest credit card and continue your payments...and so on.
Tip#2: Contact your Credit Card company and ask them to reduce your interest rate. You may be surprised how many companies will reduce your rate if you simply ask. When I had credit card debt, I did this every quarter (Operative word here: HAD, it really works). If they say no, you will be paying the current rate anyway so what do you have to lose? Try again next quarter.
Tip#3: If you are carrying a zero balance, ask your credit card company to increase your limit. This may sound scary, but there is a benefit to this. Let’s say you incur an unexpected expense of $5,000. Let’s say you are looking to buy a house (hint: www.austintherealtor.com) and your bank is looking at your debt ratio. $5,000 on a card with a $20,000 limit has a better ratio (25%) than $5,000 on a card with a $10,000 limit (50% ratio)
What other tips have you discovered that has helped you eradicate your credit debt?????
Friday, December 9, 2011
Wanting To Be Loved...by Su.
I recently listened to “Empty Prayers” from MJB’s album My Life II: The Journey Continues, for the first time. To say that the song touched me would be a huge understatement. That song moved the earth beneath my soul. For the first time in a long time, I heard music set to the simple, honest words that I myself have been too scared to feel or admit out loud.
The feeling of wanting someone to love you, to be chosen, to be cherished, is monumental when you really examine it - yet it is such an innate, raw, human emotion that most of us desire and need. The feeling of being loved can overwhelm and sustain you, suffocate you and cloud your judgment, lift you to the highest highs – and level you when that love never shows up – or worse, shows up and then leaves. The world sees my tough-as-nails defensive exterior, but if you really knew me - the me that is fearful of letting down my guard - you would know that internally my soul just wants to be held and loved for all the days of my life. Not the self-love type of love or the type of love that you get from a friend or family...for that I am thankfully blessed in abundance. I’m referring to the type of love that would have you on your knees “begging God”. The type of love between a soul and a mate – that rare kind of love that lasts a lifetime – even if the lover is lost or left, the feelings never die – kind of love. The type of love that you would give everything not to lose: true love.
I don’t know if I know what it feels like to be truly, unconditionally loved by a man. Perhaps my father loved me in that way...I honestly don’t know. He never saw me at my worst. He never witnessed the wrath of my tongue, the spite in my spirit, the revenge of my nature, or the stubbornness of my ilk. He only saw the “weekend” me who was just so happy to see him - my best behavior overflowed. I loved my Daddy, but I did not learn how to love or be loved by a man by being in his presence. I know he loved me dearly in the way a father loves his pride. I loved him and forgave him – and overlooked everything else. He loved me as he could and I treasure and miss each moment I spent in his presence. Perhaps not having that leading example has left me at a disadvantage in the "getting and keeping love" department.
As I age, I have come to accept that I am not an expert at love by any means or stretch of the imagination. If you believe, and I do, that we learn our love lessons from the very beginning, I have to accept that my soul-mate love examples never showed up for me - and I have been looking, yearning for it ever since.
I’ve loved and lost, made bad love decisions, loved more than I should have and at times, have not loved enough. In my yester-year, I have been fortunate enough to have been deeply loved by a mate, but that love-light - that all-spark - has managed not to land on me or stick to me in a long, long time.
There. I said it. I want you to love me, love me, love me!
S.A.A.D - 12/9/11
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!
- Brrr...it's chilly!
- I'm slowly but surely getting into the Christmas spirit. Time to decorate the tree!
- My partner and I have started a business! It's called Expert Land Management, and if you're in the NYC area, call us for your snow removal, lawn care, hauling and light maintenance needs. We do all your "honey do" handyman stuff around the house, haul away your junk, paint your house, dry wall, small electrical work, you name it! Call us for a free quote/estimate - 267-586-0889, day or night. The snow is coming, so tell a friend!
- I had the best fish for lunch!
- I haven't gone spinning in a while, and I'd probably die if tried it today. Not sure I should try.
- I've been eating healthier though :-)
- I love seeing pics of baby Jordan on Serena's FB page. Always makes me smile :-)
- Looking forward to Yolanda and DMoe's random thoughts today :-)
- Annamaria says Mountaintop is an awesome play, so I'm gonna make it my business to go see it soon!
- Did I mention we started a business? Pass it along! :-)
- I'm so glad the week is almost over!
- DMoe's throwback!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
That Time I Shaved Her...by The Fury.
Satin grabbed my hand and looked me dead in my eyes.
"Please be careful. I trust you, but…"
"Be careful." I finished.
"Yes!" She laughed and took a deep breath.
Satin was sitting on a stool in her bathroom. Her legs were propped on opposite sides of the stool, spread eagle. She was totally nude from the waist down and I was holding a small electric razor in my hand. The razor clicked on with a buzz and she involuntarily flinched.
"Calm down." I said. "You can't do that when I'm shaving you. Just relax. I promise I'm a steady hand. I work well with these hands." I smiled.
"I know…I know…" She smiled flirtatiously.
I eased the razor to a spot an inch or so below her waistline and smoothly shaved off the hair that had grown there. When I looked up for reassurance, she was staring intently at her exposed vagina. Another gentle stroke of the razor and Satin exhaled. She was comfortable now. I sat with the buzzing device in my writing hand like an expert calligraphist and carefully trimmed off the hair above her plump sex.
I carefully eased the razor south. There were no words between us. Just the sound of the buzz and the occasional sigh from Satin. By the time I reached her labia, her eyes were closed and she seemed to be concentrating her thoughts on prayer. My fingers eased her lips aside and gently clipped any errant hairs closer to her entrance. She was visibly excited. Her petals plumped. Honey dew formed.
The lower I got the wider she had to spread her thighs, arch her back, lay further back, further exposed…and further excited.
I moved back up to the little area I had avoided. The clippers vibrated near the hood of her clitoris. She tensed for a moment then relaxed. Perhaps she enjoyed the vibration of the clippers so close to her pleasure point.
"All done." I said.
Her eyes opened to see a well manicured slim strip of hair above her bald privates.
"That's kind of embarrassing." She referred to the increased wetness visible on her lower lips.
"Not at all…I've been there before. Remember?"
"Yes and you'll be there again. Right now." She undid my belt with a hungry grunt.
Have you ever let a partner shave you? Would you ever? Have you ever let a partner do a routine act of maintenance and it turned you on? Wash your hair? Manicure? Pedicure?
They call me The Fury and I have a steady hand and a gentle touch.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!
- How was everyone's Thanksgiving? Mine was great! So much to be thankful for.
- It's December already. Geesh!
- Any fun holiday plans coming up? New Year's Eve parties?
- I want something good for lunch, any suggestions?
- I've been in need of a mani/pedi for over a month now. My toes are crying the blues right about now.
- Still trying to get rid of this cough. I'm in the season where my cold just lingers for 2 months. Sucks.
- My back is getting better....slowly.
- Sherri Sheppard irks my nerves.
- Are Greys Anatomy and Private Practice new tonight?
- T.I. and Tiny have a show...I sense some hot country ghetto mess coming. I need a translator to understand what Tiny be talkin' bout.
- It's a bit chilly out today - winter is just about here...and I'm NOT a snow person.
- What's going on at Syracuse man?! There's a special place in HELL for people like Sandusky (Penn State), Bernie Fine AND his simple ass wife. What is WRONG with people???!!!
- NBA is back! Who's happy? (DMoe, that's who ;-)
- Herman Cain is a clown.
- Question of the day: Has cheating ever made your relationship STRONGER? curious to hear responses on this one.
The throwback today - courtesy of DMoe!
Monday, November 21, 2011
Ever run out of money before the end of the month? Do you sometimes feel like you're robbing Peter to pay Paul? For many people, thinking about their finances and understanding how money works can be a bit overwhelming - they simply feel like there is too much going on, most of which is out of their control. However, it doesn't have to be that way. People looking for help are either buried with too much information or don't trust the people giving financial advice. With Money Mondays, Austin doesn't want to overwhelm, confuse or hoodwink you. He simply wants to try to provide information succinctly and simply, and his advice is FREE.
Financial planning is the art, if you will, of understanding money, how it works, where it goes, and how to keep more of it. Your money is yours, and keeping your money in your pockets (as much as possible) is the goal of financial planning. It doesn't require a college degree, nor does financial planning require a keen mathematical ability. All you have to bring to the table is a desire to gain control over your money, and a willingness to do what is necessary to secure the financial future of you, your family, and your future generations.
Austin's goal for Money Mondays is to teach you how to gain control over your money and make it work for you - not someone else. Today is the first entry of Money Mondays, so we'll take it slow and build from there. If there is ever any topic you want to learn more about, simply suggest it in the comments section or visit Austin the Realtor's site for helpful hints. With that said, let's go!
Savings and Debt 101...by Austin the Realtor
I would like to start off the series by being inclusive of the blog family. Today I would like to focus on Savings and Debt. As we progress, together we will set up tools to assist in achieving short and long term goals. I will also provide some insight on the home buying process which may fall in line with some of these goals.
Let’s start off with the fundamentals. Knowing where your money goes is a good way to see where your money went! You would be surprised to see how much is spent on small frivolous purchases that can be avoided. It’s always good to have a record of expenses - and include ALL expenses. Everything from mortgage/rent to that cup of coffee every morning at your local coffee shop. A simple excel spreadsheet would suffice. Once your outflow is determined, record your income. Once this data is determined, you may see why you run a little low just before your next payday. Now it's time to trim the fat. Look at your list of outflows and see what you can do without. Make coffee at home instead of buying Starbucks (aka Four Bucks!). Buy a pack of bagels from the supermarket instead of spending $2.50 at Au Bon Pain. Whatever works for you - see how the numbers start to add up.
Note: Pay yourself just like any other bill. Set a dollar amount that is dedicated to savings and pay that with all of your other bills.
There are many apps that can assist with the record keeping also. For Android users – Tap Money and Budgetroid. For IPhone users – Budgetbuster and CoinKeeper.
Share some other tips you use to “trim the fat” without drastically changing your lifestyle - Go!
-Austin the Realtor
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Send good thoughts to Ms. Brooke! I love you!
RIP to the Heavster! Today is his public viewing in Money Earning Mt. Vernon.
I'm still in denial that he's gone.
Live life to the fullest will be the motto from here on out.
What's up with the crazy weather! Monday it was 75 and sunny, today its chilly and gloomy! Boo!
Thanksgiving is in 1 week! What are you thankful for?
Interviews went well everyone! Waiting on an offer!
Can a sista get a gift card to Jiffy Lube for Christmas lol!
How about a shopping spree at Ann Taylor Loft! Let's throw in 9 West while we're at it!
Feel better Rameer!
NBA postponed until Dec 15th! Boo!
I hope they burn the coaches statue at Penn State! Shame!
Shots at the White House! Don't they know the Obama's will roll on dem fools!
Hit the dance floor on Saturday and African danced my butt off! I literally think I left my butt on the dance floor lol!
I'm going grocery shopping today! Yeah!!!
Craving Red Velvet Cake!
I want some Juniors too!
If you don't know what Juniors is you better ask somebody!
I have an airline credit that I must use by March 1st! Where should I go?
Loved DMoe's RTT last week!
My son rolled onto his tummy all the way today! Yeah!!! He's getting so big!
I smell shrimp quesadillas and can taste the sangria already! A job offer is coming sooooooooon!
This weeks throw back! Again RIP Heavster!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Happy Hump Day!
I started to make this into a “I call bullshit” blog – but the only thing that’s really bugging me today is liars, lying, mentirosas…you get the picture. I despise liars. But what I hate even more than a liar, is a BAD liar. If you’re going to lie to me, at least make an effort to think up a good one. If you don’t, that’s just wrong…and pretty insulting.
I’m not here to preach on the morality of lying. There are all kinds of lies – white lies, little fibs, slight untruths, lies by omission – and there are a plethora of reasons why people tell lies. Some lie to avoid personal harm, or by wishing to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings or to protect them. And then there are those who lie to actively seek to get something from someone else, whether it’s something material, social, emotional or sexual. The ethical nature of lying is not subject of my post today, but rather how you should lie once you’ve decided that you’re going to lay your personal morals and ethics by the wayside and just go ahead and lie anyway.
So…how do you lie and get away with it? Well, there are no guarantees that you’ll succeed in your deceit, but I do have some pointers on ways you can be a “better” liar so that people don’t suspect you. I’m pretty good at spotting a liar, mainly because I have a great memory and I pay attention to people. I also have a 6th sense when it comes to these things, and I tend to trust my gut. So by recounting the many mistakes that bad liars have made, I’ll help all of you out there with some tips so that those who decide that they want to indeed become a liar can be good at it.
1. Own your decision to lie. Once you’ve made the decision to lie, make peace with it. For some people, namely sociopaths, lying is like breathing. It just comes naturally. But for others, it’s a real struggle. Good lying means you’ve moved past your morals or faith filter and justified to yourself that telling the lie is necessary. A poor liar struggles with the morality of lying, so if you want to lie successfully, you need to reach a place where you feel the reason for the lie is justified in your own mind. But keep in mind: don’t lie so much that you actually become a chronic liar.
2. Consider the likelihood of getting caught. Before launching into your lie, ask yourself what the chances are of being found out. Only you can answer that question, in which case you’ll have to consider the worthiness of lying about the matter. Things to consider include:
- Have I lied about this or to this person before and gotten caught? You’d be surprised how often (simple) people tend to tell the same lies, to the same people...over and over again...even AFTER they’ve been caught before. This takes audacity…but it’s also very stupid. If you’ve lied to someone before and he/she caught you, they're not likely to believe you this time.
- Were there witnesses? If you were making out in public with someone you shouldn’t have been making out with, keep in mind that someone probably SAW you.
- Do you feel confident about revising events to make a whole new story? Some people can’t tell a story worth a damn.
- What are the likely repercussions if caught? Is the person likely to be forgiving, or to feel totally betrayed and toss hot grits on you? Is it a tiny lie the person can get over, or is it something that goes to the heart of trust in your relationship, that once broken, is unlikely to be mended? Think about it.
3. Get your story straight. Once you've made the decision to lie, you will need to come up with your plausible alternative to the facts. As part of this, you need to figure out what you're going to say and what sorts of questions are likely to be asked, so that you can have answers to those questions already sorted out in your head. Women are great at this. Men…not so much. Let me give you the tips to why women are so good at this.
- Women tend to think of some specific true thing (place, person, event, story) that her lie will fit into, and use those details if you are questioned. This gives you a bank of specific details to draw on so you don't have to keep making things up as you go along. Men tend to make up the lie as they’re saying it, and this gets you busted every time.
- Women keep it simple. The more things you have to lie about to support your original lie, the more likely you are to be tripped up. Lying is a bit like chess–you must always think ahead. Anticipate what the person you're lying to is going to ask, and be prepared with a response. Make sure you've thought about who you're lying to. What do they already know? Writing out the lie can help. The act of writing can enhance your memory of it, and also helps you to sort out the sequence and come up with details that can make a big difference between a believable lie and an obvious load of bullshit. This however, should not be confused with being over elaborate or over embellishing. Men tend to tell lies that involve other people for corroboration or multiple events. The more people needed to back up your story, the more likely a hole will open up as soon as one person forgets their "role" in it – and a woman WILL pounce on it. Equally, if something you've said can be confirmed, such as checking dates and/or public or phone records, checking your credit card transactions, etc., then you are going to find it difficult to get out of facts that are there in black and white – because a woman WILL check.
4. Use your imagination and envision the lie. In your mind, enact the lie as it "actually happened." This will create the event in your mind like you’re watching a movie, so you'll be "remembering" it when you begin to retell it to others. In a way, you are convincing yourself of the revision of reality, so when you retell it, it begins to sound as you're telling the truth.
5. Don’t do what liars do. Liars tend to stutter, fidget…they don’t make eye contact. They appear shifty. In a normal conversation your eyes will move and you will look away to think, but otherwise you will maintain eye contact. In all likelihood, there will always be some subtleties that a good liar spotter will notice, but the average person can probably be hoodwinked with careful attention to avoiding some of the following giveaways:
- Maintain eye contact. Liars tend to look away. Appear earnest but not too eager when looking the other person in the eye. Don't look around, but don't stare either. In a normal conversation people do avert their glance from the other person's eyes naturally.
- Relax. Don't fidget, twirl your hair, or shuffle your feet. Again, these are signs of someone trying to deflect the conversation away.
- Keep your hands under control. When people are lying, hands tend to drift towards the face to cover the mouth or fiddle with parts of the face. Keep your hands relaxed.
- Don't use big words unless you usually do. Anything unusual about your language or tone will suggest something shady is up. Dummies mess this up all the time.
- Unless you're known for stuttering, don't stutter and definitely don't get flustered. Some people blush, sweat or begin to stutter, because in some cases the subconscious panics. Keep calm and collected.
6. Bring the lie up first before you're confronted. It's better to lie to the person in advance than to have the person question you first on the subject. If the victim discovers your dirty deed before you explain yourself, they'll have time to deduce what has happened with a fair degree of certainty before they ever even question you, making it much harder to convince them of your innocence. Nine times out of ten, if I get a chance to ask you what you did, I already know the answer before I asked you.
7. Make a truthful admission about something else you did wrong. If you sense that someone suspects you of lying, admit or make them suspect you of something smaller or something else completely. They will take the bait and think that that is all you were lying about in the first place.
8. Play dumb. Coming off as too stupid to lie is a great defense. I actually know a few people who I thought weren’t clever enough to lie, and they proved me wrong BIG TIME. Lie as badly as you can about something small, but never actually admit to doing it. You will be free to lie about much bigger things and never be suspected in the future. Faking memory loss can go hand in hand with playing dumb too, but watch out for this one. By simply saying you don’t remember, that may get you off the hook. But when lying to a woman, she might go ballistic if you appear overly confused about something you should clearly remember. Use caution if you take that approach. You might get swung on.
9. Appear indifferent. Another way to work your way out of an uncomfortable situation is to act indifferent and to avoid responding defensively. Keep your voice steady and don't protest too much, because people who are defensive appear guilty. Act like you don't care whether or not the person believes you. If you're really good at this, you can even make it seem like you're shocked or disappointed by their lack of faith in you – just be willing to be forgiving of them for “not trusting you.”
10. Ginko…and a good memory. Good liars REMEMBER their lies. One of the real reasons why lying doesn't pay and isn't a good means for getting through life is that you have to remember it, in all of its glory, possibly for the rest of your life. You can’t forget about your lie and its details, and you will have to go on treating it like it actually happened.
Bonus: Know when not to lie. Finally but importantly, if you're going to lie, know when it's perfectly stupid to try and do so. There are many moral and faith based reasons for not lying, and those are within your own personal realm of struggle to deal with. But there are some other realities where it has nothing to do with karma and where lying isn't going to help anything, let alone you. So, with this in mind, never lie under these circumstances:
- To officials (government, police, serious job interviews): Unless you fully understand and are prepared to accept the consequences. In the majority of nations, lying to a police officer or in a court of law is a serious, illegal offense. For your own sake, be honest about criminal activity; you may find that the penalty is lessened or that your lawyer can find technical or legal loopholes if you are honest from the beginning. The sooner you get a lawyer and start working on your release, the better; lying first will hold things up and can make whatever honest explanations you do make seem sheisty.
- To your doctor or lawyer: Ask them if you are speaking in the course of a professional relationship (doctor-patient or attorney-client). If they say yes, things you tell them are privileged, and they cannot reveal them even to a court or to the police. This does not hold true if your doctor/psychologist feels you may commit a serious offense, such as murder. Also, some other circumstances may change your relationship with your lawyer/doctor but don't forget that a lawyer is paid to defend you - so don't think with your reptile brain that wants to hide; use your neocortex and think smart defenses instead. And lying to your doctor can keep him or her from treating you properly…so go on and tell your gyno about all the unprotected sex you had last month ;-)
- To defraud: Never lie to people to get their money, life's savings, and other valuables from them. Not only is this an illegal thing to do, it's a really f*cked up way to behave. Ask Bernie Madoff....asshole.
- To an attacker: When you are being held at gun-point and having someone demand your wallet, your life is worth more than pretending you don't have your wallet on you.
- To your kids. Avoid lying to your kids about family deaths, divorce or anything else major. They're going to find out sooner or later and lies just makes things worse. Set a good example for them.
- To cover up for someone else: If someone else has committed a crime, let them pay for it, otherwise you'll pay for it by being an accessory if you know about it but don't tell. I’m snitchin’.
Monday, November 14, 2011
This was too good not to share - Serena's heart bursts through this post :-)
My Life as a Mother...by Serena Wills
Its been a long time since posting to my blog. Between the tail end of my pregnancy being full of unpacking my new apartment, getting ready for the newest addition to the world and then giving birth I've been busy. My life has changed since Jordan was born 3 months ago...but for the better. Every time I tried to write about my life and motherhood I became stuck. Almost speechless because there aren't enough words to describe how I feel.
What helped me to get unstuck in regards to my writing was watching how short life can be. My family has lost a couple of family members and our community has lost legends. I thought to myself, what if my time was up? My son would have no recollection in writing about how I feel as a mother. So here we go...
You're the sunshine of my life! I never knew I could love like this until I held you for the first time in my arms. I didn't want to let go of you and when I looked into your eyes I knew there was a God! Now don't get me wrong...I know God is real. But having you confirmed that God can make people love again, He can also show adults like me that love truly exists! After your Grandma Sauti passed away I crawled into a shell...I was at a loss. I didn't think I could love again or open up because I was (and still am) hurt that she had to leave us. Then I reconnected with your father and then came you.
I loved being pregnant with you and now that you're here I love leaning over the crib to say "Good Morning" and in return I get a huge smile!
I pray to God that we have a long life together! There are so many things to show you, dreams I have, stories to tell you and things to experience through the eyes of being your mother. You're so special to me and quite a few people. You're even blessed to have (3) living great grandparents!
We're going to have fun together between taking you to African dance class (I danced with you for 8 months of my pregnancy) to running (you're already practicing with those active feet)! I want you to have a life greater than me and your father's put together! I want you to see the world with those huge eyes of yours!
Loving you is a treasure! Jordan I thank you because one of my life long dreams was to become a mother and now I have you. I love you so much.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
DMoe's running RTT today - let's go!
Random Thoughts Thursday!...by DMoe.
- What up y'all? The QB (The Queens Brookey) hands RTT off to Dmoe! I got the ball! Watch me run the RTT rock.
- Joe Frazier? Damn….RIP bruh. You had a golden heart and a platinum chin.
- Heavy D? Damn…RIP bruh. Your music was just plain fun when i was in high school and now. "The overweight lover" still rocks it - consistently. Then again, you (and Musiq Soulchild) was the reason people be askin' me whats wrong with my eye, since in all my FB photos (all 2 of them) I got my shades on…."Uh no…It was a sunny day when i snapped this photo. Swear to god!"
- I'm goin to hell dressed in gasoline boxer briefs for that comment. Bright side: Its gonna be sunny in hell, so I'll need my shades. (We do know the sun shines in hell...there's just no sunblock).
- Co-worker asks, "you don't have any candy on your desk?"
Dmoe: "Why do I need to buy candy for my desk when I can just steal yours?"
Co-worker: "You take my candy when i'm not there?"
Dmoe: "Honey, your here asking me about it…Which means you are not your desk. Someone is stealing from you RIGHT NOW. Did you turn the alarm on before you left?"
- Jill Scott's live album (the new House of Blues one) is straight funky.
- Da hell is Maxwell's next album?
- I'm goin back to school. Why? Cuz I'm too good for some of the BS I deal with.
- I know the water snobs are judging me for my store brand water bottles. I got something for y'all azzes. I'm rollin with Fiji all next week. Ballin! (Swish)
- I've decided to "Kirk Franklin-ify" (copyright, Dmoe) any songs I like to listen to from now on.
Scene: You at a party, standing in a group talkin to friends, and LL Cool J's "Rock The Bells" comes on….Instead of rappin the lyrics, SPEAK THEM to the group BEFORE LL raps it. Priceless, and Kirk's got a billion dollars.
- Drake's new song "The Motto" is positively euphoric. Its the kind of song my grown-azz be trying to learn the words to, or add a line from for my status updates.The album is out Tuesday. Gotta cop that. (Insert Rameer here: "Uh….got it")
- Saints/Falcons game this weekend: My fam and beaucoup (Louisiana/french word for "a whole bunch of") friends are on their way to ATL. In an annual pre game tradition, a bunch of Saints foolishness/new swag (tomato/tomato) comes in the mail via Amazon and NFLshop.com. We goin hard, and we gonna party either way, but um….I need that win. Bad. Who Dat?
- Speaking of the deliveries, I'm borderline (scratch that, I AM) OCD when it comes to "trackaging" (copyright, DMoe)
This is where you give me a tracking number, and I watch the package from the moment it leaves your warehouse, to the second it hits my doorstep.
- Speaking of that game this weekend, another tradition is to go dry the entire week before. Clean…Nothing but water from Sunday - Sunday.
- So, I'm chillin the other night after a long day. I'm all set to relax, and I got a fresh Crown/Sprite made. I'm headed down to play a lil Call of Duty 3 (stress relief - and THE greatest video game ever made) on my PS3 and boom….I miss the first stair. Needless to say, I miss the second, then….the third. At this point, Sh*t! Its official: I'm falling down the stairs. Don't panic Dmoe. Don't. Eventually, I regain my balance with a couple of bruises and some lost cool points. My cocktail? Not a drop spilled! I mean, seriously….that takes talent.
- Wait, didn't I say i go dry the entire week before? Ok, so i screwed up a little.
- Meat with marinara and cheese on it doesn't necessarily make it "Parmigiana"…Hate to be a wet blanket. Just keeping it real.
- Since this is my RTT…and I'm a guest, technically, I get to say "First Beeyotches" right? No? Lame.
- Playlist is on the way...
Your friend and mine,
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Good morning everyone.
I'm sure by now you all have heard that one of Hip Hop's icons has passed away at the age of 44 - Dwight Arrington Myers, the rapper known to us as Heavy D.
I have to admit, I'm feeling some kinda way about this one. I've been in my feelings all night and this morning, sad...my heart heavy. The Overweight Lover is gone...too soon.
A friend of mine posted as her Facebook status the other day, "You gotta love the people God gave you, because he may want them back one day." He called Heavy D home, and we miss him so much already.
First Smokin' Joe Frazier, now Heavy D. We mourn our legends as we stand on their shoulders. How many of us will be so lucky as to leave the type of legacy they did? They say Heavy D's last tweet was "Be Inspired." That's exactly what he did for us in his life, through his talent and his kind spirit - he's left his mark on us all.
As we celebrate his life, be inspired to make the changes necessary in your life to be the person you want to be, achieve the goals you want to succeed and leave the legacy you want to be remembered for. All that you touch, you change. All that you change, changes you.
I got nothin' but love for ya!
Look for him in the throwbacks tomorrow for RTT!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Good morning folks!
Going to check out the Watch the Throne concert tonight - I hope my lower back holds me up!
Speaking of my back, I was talking to my father the other day about my ailments. I told him if it wasn't lower back pain giving me grief, it was a migraine. The last few days have been unbearable and physically draining, so much so that I'm beginning to wonder if there is something deeper going on. Perhaps stress? I asked my dad what he thought and his answer surprised me.
Excuse me? Did he just say "secrets"?
Yes, he did.
He said there was an old wives tale that states when someone is experiencing severe pain physically, it's because they may be housing secrets.
I'd never heard that before, but it got me thinking...hard. Was there anything I was hiding from people? Am I keeping any secrets that are physically harming me? Good question.
I couldn't think of anything, but subconsciously, sometimes we may keep things to ourselves in order to protect ourselves...our hearts, minds and souls. I know we tend to bury hurtful memories or experiences as a way of emotional and mental survival. I don't believe I'm "actively" keeping a bunch of secrets that have wreaked havoc on my back, but who knows...am I?
Keeping secrets is ultimately about trust, or lack thereof. If something is eating at you, or you feel someone is keeping something from you, that can drain you of your energy, and sap your ability to trust if you try to walk around it. It can make us overly suspicious, a little paranoid and give us disturbing gut feelings with no words to wrap around them - making us wonder if something is off and struggling to trust our intuition. One of the worst feelings in the world is not being able to trust the messages that are coming from within us, therefore making it even more difficult to trust someone else.
Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust, making relationships doomed never to experience true, long lasting intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. He or she is not so much concerned about the other person having sex with someone else, but more so it's about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets, and deception that make you crazy and drain you emotionally and yes...physically. Trust is essential for ANY relationship to work, be it a romantic relationship, parent/child relationship or a friendship.
Now, as far as keeping secrets, I'm not saying that you all should sit down with everyone you know and divulge your top 50 secrets of your illicit past. Everyone has the right to privacy, and we're all capable of discerning the difference between being deceitful and being discreet. If you have resolved issues from your past that no longer affect the present or your future - i.e. forgiven yourself, understand those behaviors, learned from them and were able to use them to make the internal shifts necessary for your personal development - then they do not qualify as a pain causing secret that you must share with the world.
However, if in the course of trying to establish intimacy in your relationships you want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now, you can do so at your own pace. If you feel a secret is taking up room in your mind, heart and spirit, to the point where it's literally making you sick, don't let it hold you back from healing yourself and growing in the many stages of intimacy that lead to meaningful relationships. Talk to someone you trust or a professional and let it all go.
And if you feel someone is keeping something from you, let that person know that your intuition is sending you a message that something is wrong. Make them feel safe to share their secrets with you, be open, and listen without judgement. If your relationship, whatever that relationship is, is valuable to you, you will nurture it. And in doing so, you'll free up space in your heart to trust, release pain and stress from your body...and you'll be free.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Hey mi gente!
Sorry I've been MIA, but a sista has been having bad lower back problems. So while I get acupuncture and electro treatments, I'm taking offers for guest bloggers this week while I'm on the mend :-) Since we missed Random Thoughts Thursday last week, our sisa-friend Serena volunteered to pick up my slack...Random Thoughts Monday...let's get it!
RTM!!!...by Serena T. Wills
Miss you and feel better Brookey!
Is it me or did 2011 fly by?
I have not 1, but 2 interviews tomorrow! Wish me well!
This will be a good week!
Why is Kim K getting so much dag on attention? Really??? I'm sick of hearing about her!
I'm craving a good old school party!
Also some salsa dancing!
So what it's the holidays! I still want a couple of people tased! Annamaria get the taser warmed up!
The cable guy came on Friday to take away my box (sniff...sniff) I'll get cable again soon!
He was nice to look at though ;) lol!
Happy 3 Months and 2 days Jordan!
Need a vacation!
Hawaii next year? Bet!
Mani and pedi would be great too!
Can someone wash all of this thick hair I have?! Nothing like getting your scalp scrubbed!
Craving chocolate! (Rameer send me some man)!
Shrimp quesadillas and a sangria are on the menu the day I get a job offer!
What are people's holiday plans?
Free gas for a year would be nice!
I'm an undercover biker chick! Can't wait for the National Bike Show to hit DC! I want a chopper...no maybe a cruiser one day ;)
I love my friends!
Love the fam!
I love being a mom and waking up to Jordan everyday!
Marathons 2012! Here I come!
Congrats to my peeps that ran in the NYC Marathon yesterday!
Here's the double throw back for the week! Me and my crew had routines to these back in the day!
Everyone have a great day and week...and...go!
Sincerely, Serena Wills
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
It's TMI Tuesday, so you know what that means! How many of you dressed up in Fury's mask for Halloween? ;-) Let's go!
Halloween and the Excess of Sexy...by The Fury.
This weekend I saw a couple of slutty nurses, a class worth of naughty school girls, a naughty nun and an entire team of slutty SWAT girls. Literally an entire team. Twelve scantily clad SWAT chicks. Two of them wanted to arrest me. I wasn't resisting. Halloween is the perfect excuse for women to wave their freak flags in the spirit of "It's just Halloween." What is it about October 31st that makes women show off booty cheeks, mountains of cleavage and the shortest, tightest fitting outfits they can squeeze into? ...and why isn't this holiday once a month like TMI Tuesday? Because you can have too much of a good thing.
If naughty nurses walked around looking like naughty nurses all the time, I wouldn't appreciate them as much as I do on Halloween...or that day someone decides to dress up for me. Even I like a break from freakdom so I can appreciate the five members of the sexy SWAT team gyrating on top of the tables next to the naughty school girls right next to the freaky fairies.
A woman once told me that she's a size queen (definition: prefers much larger endowed men) but doesn't usually have relationships with men that are very well endowed. She called them "fun time men," not "daily workouts" because to her "a really big dick is great for once a week, but as a daily lover I don't think I could handle." Too much is too much.
I can think of the time I had too much sex (a week of what felt like continuous wanton banging). I can think of the time I orgasmed too much (ending in what seemed like every ounce of moisture leaving my body at once). I remember the time I had too many drinks and woke up the next day in bed with only a faint idea how I got home. There have been excesses and EXCESSES. After it's all over, you're happy to have enjoyed it, but relieved it's not an all the time occurrence.
Halloween is the day you binge on ice cream and cake and chocolate and caramel apples and candy and pie and and and and and until you wake up on November 1 and realize you're only 61 days until a new year and you have yet to really work on that "yearly to do list." It's also the day after you see a sexy mummy in a thong gyrating on a guy dressed as War Machine and say "That mummy chick was doing way too much...I can't wait until next year."
What about you? What's too much? What costume did you see that was just too much? When is the limit only the limit for one day? How big of a penis is too big? How many orgasms are the limit? What bra size is the limit of handling?
They call me The Fury and I want it all...but not all the time.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Happy Rainy Random Thoughts Thursday!
- This weather blows.
- I wanted to stay curled up in my blanket this morning - why didn't I call out sick?
- I think it's now been a month since I got a mani/pedi...I need a treat. Doing my nails myself just doesn't look or feel the same.
- What do you all consider sexy?
- I've been wearing my new boots non-stop - so comfy! Breaking them in nicely.
- So hungry!
- I made chili for lunch but I don't want it. Could go for some Amish pizza - Monica knows what I'm talking about. Perfect day for it.
- Spin class tonight! I'm skerred.
- Where did October go?
- Anyone going to any fun Halloween parties this weekend? They're having a costume contest for PETS in my apartment complex this Sunday...should be so cyute!
- I just want candy. Reeses, Twix, Milky Ways, Snickers, alladat!
- Trick.....or treat? ;-)
- Don't you just love it when you're (arguing) debating with someone and you see in their eyes the exact moment they realize they're wrong? :-)
- My fantasy team is sucking ass big time. I lost by HALF A FREAKIN POINT last week. I was robbed! Muddafuggin Flacco!
- Anyone on the blog still in love with an ex?
- My homemade iced tea is bangin'!
- I need a hot stone massage....asap!
- I stole this week's throwback from Rameer's Facebook page. He was on a 90's hip hop rampage last night! This was my joint!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Happy Tuesday everyone!
So this past weekend, friends and family gathered for my nephew's 5th birthday party. It was mostly a group of my sister's friends who have become my "friends" by default. They were all sharing stories of their marriages, husbands, how sleeping in flannel pajamas is not sexy and passion parties. However, what struck most of the women was one woman's claim to have never farted in front her husband of over a decade.
They all wondered how that was even possible. Never???
She says she will get out of a warm, cozy bed and walk into another room to pass gas, rather than let a little one go in her husband's presence....whether he was awake or not.
I guess she feels some things should remain a mystery - and since she's not really a "gassy" person, it's easy for her. Other women, however, said they felt comfortable enough to fart in front of their husbands, even before they got married. One woman said she regularly let loose around her man, even when they were simply dating and out at the movies.
That got me to thinking about dating, and when is a good time to let someone see "the real" you, or "all" of you. So the question of the day is: When should we be comfortable enough to fart in front of our mates - or should we always keep SOME things a mystery? Obviously this question isn't limited to passing gas, but feel free to tell us what you will do in front of your mate, or what you will NEVER do or let him/her see...ever in life so long as you can help it.
Friday, October 21, 2011
I have another guest blogger today! Let's see if we can help her with her dilemma - hopefully the men will chime in to give us some perspective. Let's go!
All I Really Want is to Be Happy...by Emotionally Done
The title of this post was inspired by a friend on Facebook that had it as her status. I immediately snagged it from her not knowing that we were in the same boat. Too many of my friends in 2011 are sharing a similar journey. Some even have kids with these guys. The boat we are in is love with no commitment.
All of us are in love with guys that won't commit. I tried to "control" my feelings last year. I was in denial because I just knew that I had my guard up! But by the holidays of 2010 I knew I was in love with him.
I confessed my love and he said he wasn't there yet - which is fine. The one thing I know is that people don't always feel the same way at the same time.
But what happens when almost a year has gone by and still nothing? The guys we love stated that they are attracted to us, deeply care for and even love us...but are not "in love." However, they all said that they want a woman that loves them and cares for them...but yet when God gave us to them, they don't know what to do!
Emotions are even more on a high when there are kids involved. We have a young daughter together and he said a child doesn't make a relationship. Well that's true, but I had these feelings before I even knew I was pregnant. So now what? Sometimes I wish that my feelings would just fade to the back!
I asked Brooke if I could write to the blog. I read her blogs but never really comment, but love the blog fam. I'm baffled and hurt. There have even been times when people called me his girlfriend and he doesn't correct them. Even some of his family thinks we're together...and yet he won't correct them either! WTH???
Remember that scene from Love Jones when Nia Long slept with a pillow in between her legs because he was in the next room...yeah that was me recently. Not cool!
What have I decided to do with my situation? Suppress my feelings. Why keep showing love when it's not being returned? I'm physically starved for affection but I'm tired of being a "play girlfriend."
I would love to hear what the blog has to say...especially the men. Is he scared? Does he just want his cake and eat it too? Maybe feelings from the past are haunting him? Let me hear your thoughts and if you have ever felt this way.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!
- So glad it's Thursday - can't wait for this work week to be over!
- My nephew Ibrahim's birthday is Sunday - he'll be 5 years old! Woo-hoo!
- People tryna test me this week...and I caught a cold. Not cool.
- What to eat for lunch?
- I'm in desperate need of a mani/pedi, but I keep putting it off. I need to treat myself.
- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know NOT to answer when they call.
- I realized today on the train that I'm not a big fan of high school aged kids.
- Do any of you still collect dvd's?
- I need to make a trade in Fantasy Football. I'll be reaching out to Meercat for help soon...if I have time to do my research!
- How is it Oct. 20th already??
- So thankful for all of my blessings...truly!
- If you don't "like" MadameNoire.com on FB, "like" it today :-)
- I have three scarves at work. Three. Cold much?
- Sometimes free advice is worth exactly what you pay for it.
- The DMoe throwback for this week!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Happy Tuesday everyone!
Here is a question of the day: How many of you care what other people think - be it friends or family, or society in general - about the person you date/love? This has been a topic of conversation between my friends and me for a little while now, so I thought I'd ask the blog how much influence others have on who you date, love, marry, etc.
It doesn't even have to be as deep as who you choose for a life partner. How many of you have been out on a date, ran into someone you knew and immediately tried to 1) HIDE! 2) size up your date to make sure he/she looked good enough to be introduced to your friend, or 3) wanted to flaunt your date cuz you knew he/she was hot like FIYA!? Whether consciously or subconsciously, I think we all have cared to an extent what others thought of our love choices.
I think women do it more so than men. When we tell our girls about a new guy we're dating or interested in, the usual questions typically follow. They want to know his stats - what does he do, what does he drive, where does he live, does he have kids, how many, how many baby mamas, etc. Rarely do my friends ask upfront if he makes me happy, rubs my feet, takes me to church, listens to me or if he's a good guy. While I know they want to make sure I'm taken care of, we don't normally get to THAT part of the conversation right away. They want to see a picture first to make sure he's FINE, and THEN (100 questions later) they ask me if he's good to his mother.
Men, I don't think they care what their friends think...as much. I'm sure they do to some degree - in the realm of what she looks like, if she's smart, has a job, no baby daddies and can fry up a mean steak. But for the most part, if their boy is happy, they're cool. Unless she's throwing bricks through his window or slashing tires...you know, the usual ;-)
Ultimately, I'm sure we can say that we care what our friends and family think in some way, shape or form. Some more than others - and there's nothing wrong with that. I value my close friends' opinions, because I know they have my best interest at heart. I trust anything my sister says, because she's always honest...to the point where it makes me uncomfortable to have to look at myself in the mirror and see that I just might be wrong, delusional, irrational, too sensitive, blind to what's in front of me or just plain trippin'. We all need that from time to time.
But then there are times where we care TOO MUCH what others think, to the point where we block our own happiness. You have to know the difference between someone giving you sincere advice, and someone simply hating on your happiness. There's a difference between genuine concern and someone being judgemental. It's up to us to be able to discern so that we don't live our lives for someone else.
At the end of the day, we're adults who can and will do whatever we want...so live your life for yourself. And if you put true love on hold because of how it looks to others, you’re sacrificing your own happiness for no real reason.
I know it's easier said than done when assessing the opinions of people you care about compared to your own desires, but someone who loves you will love your partner, too. Why? Because you love him/her and because he/she makes you happy. Anyone who can’t fall in line to support your choice in mate is putting their needs/desires/prejudices before what’s really important: your happiness.
So back to the question of the day: Have you ever ended a relationship because of what your friends and family thought? Not because they’re protecting you from a player/asshole/addict/violent/abusive person, but because they selfishly wanted you to marry someone just like you? Just like THEM? If so, how did you reconcile this?
Let's hear it!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Happy Monday everyone!
Our very own Serena Wills asked if she could guest blog today, so of course I said yes! This video makes me want to go back to the 90's, even if only for a day. They don't make music and videos like this anymore :) Anyway, to the blog...let's go!
What About Your Friends?...by Serena Wills.
I'm at a real crossroads these days and decided to ask other artists and entrepreneurs how they felt about being supported. I always assumed that when I finally became published and took stage that I would have a sea of friends in the crowd buying my books. Everyone talked about supporting me as an artist, but once my dreams started taking place and happening, I saw different.
At first I was heart broken (still am sometimes) that I have friends that don't have any of the books I'm published in, or say they will come to an event where I'm the feature or an open mic and bow out on me at the last minute.
When I asked artists and entrepreneurs if they were going through the same thing, most of them answered yes. One artist out of Dallas said she's had her art exhibited in multiple shows and galleries, and maybe a couple of friends attended. A musician I interviewed said something so honest that I had to take what he said and write it on a wall. He said, "At first I was upset. People are happy for me, but when it comes time to buy my music or come to shows, they don't. However I'm not pursuing my dreams because of them! I have to keep moving forward, there's a whole world out there that wants to hear me."
He's so right...there is a whole world out there. We can't keep relying on our comfort zone. We just automatically assume that the zone will support - but sometimes it won't.
In 2012, I'm going to take a lot of what others have said and re-brand myself. Reach out to more people and places. Since I've been back east, I've had a lot going on and now I have to refocus. In Dallas, I either did shows or was vending every month! I met so many people from all walks of life that ended up supporting me because they liked or loved my writing and framed poetry collection.
In closing, pursue your dreams despite who really supports you or not. Also remember you have to move forward with your dreams because they are yours! God gave them to you. Lastly, reach out to the world with your gift and step out the zone. I have to do so because right now I'm stuck in it and frustrated.
Questions for the group - if you're an entrepreneur/artist/etc. what's your gift, how do you market your product, do you or did you feel stuck, and what's your plan to build on your dreams? Do you want to retire the 9-5 world and just work for you?
- Serena Wills
Friday, October 14, 2011
TGIF mi gente!
So last night at dinner, my colleagues Crystal and Beverly and I were discussing relationships and if there is a benefit to being single rather than being coupled up. Being mature, single women who live alone, we thought maybe we (read ME) were a little too set in our ways to share our space and make compromises for the sake of a relationship.
It was a light-hearted conversation, and we laughed at each other's lists of "things that annoy the hell out of us."
Beverly said it bugs her when people wear their shoes in the bathroom, or take the last bite of food in the house. I said I can’t stand when people (read MEN) sit on the sofa in a wet towel, sit on my pillow or let the toilet seat slam down. Crystal didn’t really list her pet peeves, but I’m sure she has some. We all do.
While some pet peeves may be silly or downright irrational, it doesn’t change the fact that we all know what we like or don’t like when it comes to dealing with our partners in relationships. Our little quirks can make us adorable at first, but can quickly go left after the honeymoon stage is long over. Next thing you know, we can’t stand the way our partner breathes…”you blink too loudly!”
Every relationship has its little annoyances, and if not addressed can cause resentment…which will inevitably lead to the beginning of the end. So with that, here is the question of the day: What are some of your relationship pet peeves? They can be silly, or they can be serious character traits that are eventual deal breakers.
4. Broken Promises
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!
- I had a great time last weekend with my family - especially celebrating my sister's birthday with her! I miss them!
- It's mid October already - I feel like we're speed racing to New Year's!
- Can't wait to eat my Korean short ribs from Trader Joe's today - but Monica is tempting me with Hale and Hearty soup! Can't do it though...cuz I'm having barbeque for dinner tonight! Yum! Not to mention an open bar and appetizer's afterwards at the premiere party for our new series Bordertown: Laredo. I'll work it all off.....tomorrow ;-)
- I need to call T-Mobile to figure out what all these mysterious fees are. My bill is too high.
- I bought boots today - couldn't help it.
- I think it would be cool for my nephew to have his birthday party at a place that makes chocolate. That may just be a bit self serving ;-)
- I'm waiting for my muscles to get sore from this killer workout Monica and I did last night. There's always a day delay with me, but BOY I'm gonna feel it. Yikes!
- Almost finished reading the book for the book club! Maybe tonight on the train....
- Should I make cheesecake and bring it to Annamaria's to share with the group? Hmmmm.....
- I've missed Basketball Wives: LA for the past 3 weeks and don't miss it at all. Over it.
- Did anyone check out the BET Hip Hop Awards, or Reed Between the Lines? Thoughts? I caught only the Shady Cypher and Heavy D's performance...check it!
I think of DMoe every time I hear "errbody Dougie, err, errbody Dougie!" LOL!
Some other Cyphers...the only thing really worth watching on the Hip Hop Awards:
Why did Rosay have a blouse on? Anyway...
International flow, I see you Estelle...holla!
Okay, that should be enough - this week's throwback!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
I have a dynamic guest blogger today - and some of my SU alum may know her well. She's a force to be reckoned with, and her post inspired me to the point of wanting to share with you all. Please show some love :-)
Stop Talking About It and Just Be About It...My Journey to Fitness
by Loree Johnson
Days have passed since I stepped on stage for the very first time and I continue to struggle to capture what this experience has been like for me. I look at my competition photos and do a double take. I ask myself repeatedly "Is that really me?" It might seem like a silly (cliché-ish) question to ask oneself, but it's true.
I have always prided myself on being an intellectual, and therefore I felt a little embarrassed to share my decision to compete. Would people think I'm too vain? But this competition was never about vanity for me.
My journey toward competition has been long and varied. My journey to fitness did not begin with a desire to compete. Over the years, I gained weight, lost weight, and gained weight again. I valued being physically fit, however I never fully understood the proper balance between nutrition and exercise to achieve my goal. Like most women, I have also had a long and complicated relationship with my body, which centered around that number on the scale.
For many years, I was on autopilot. My twenties and early thirties were devoted to completing my education and establishing my career. I completed a doctoral program in Marriage and Family Therapy. I became licensed in two states. I launched a private practice with two thriving office locations by the age of 36. I was driven (and still am).
My career as a professional who helps others has always been rewarding. I delight in my clients' successes and in knowing I played some part in inspiring and supporting them in achieving their personal and/or professional goals. However, along the way of helping other, I lost sight of myself. I lost my focus on eating properly and I neglected exercising, especially as the challenges of maintaining a work/life balance became a daily reality. I sought more comfort in eating instead of physical activity. Even as I talked about the importance of balance with my clients, I struggled in my own right.
After watching a dear friend compete for the first time at the age of 40, I decided to stop talking about changing my body and my nutrition and decided to actually start doing something about it. Many competitors, who offered words of encouragement along the way, noted how I was about to embark on a journey in which I would learn a lot about myself. I kept asking myself, "What did they mean?" I had already gone through so many hurdles in life that had tested my strength and fortitude. Surely a little training would not be any more of a challenge than what I had already endured. I could not have been more wrong. I woke up at 5am for four straight months to hit the gym for at least two hours before heading into the office for a ten hour day (not including my commute). I was exhausted as I sat and listened to my clients as they recounted their personal struggles. At times I became frustrated because of my own fatigue. But through all of this, I remained determined.
During my training there were times I felt like crying and there were times when I actually wiped away a few tears, but I still pushed myself to finish my workout. I could be upset (or mad, sad, insert any feeling here), but I had to be upset while doing what I needed to nurture me. I was tired, cranky, and wanted to give up, but I refused, which is symbolic of how I live my life. I may get discouraged and a little derailed, but I always get back on track. There's something invigorating about challenging your body, thinking that you can't push any further yet harnessing a little more strength from deep within - taking yourself to the limit to find out what you're really made of.
I also looked to other competitors in the field for support and inspiration, such as Earnestine Shepherd, a woman who discovered bodybuilding in her 50's and Teresa Anthony, a professional figure competitor, who works as a contractor for NASA. These women personify strength and muscularity with style and grace. I was also fortunate to work with two individuals who guided me at different points along my competition journey: my nutritionist, Dr. Philip Goglia, and my posing coach, Nancy Georges. Their experience, insight and encouragement were invaluable.
Most importantly, I looked to one person whose support was priceless - my partner, Michael. Through the early morning training sessions (yes, he trained right along with me), the adventures of changing meal plans from week to week, and the ups and downs of life, he offered words of encouragement and reminded me of the commitment I made to myself.
Through this process, I connected with the strength that I had lost sight of and I stayed connected to the commitment I made to myself, which I had often sabotaged in the past. Stepping on stage was the culmination of my following through on that commitment. It was rewarding to finally stop talking about it and just be about it.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!
- Rest in peace to Apple co-founder Steve Jobs, who passed away yesterday at the age of 56. His innovative spirit, vision and genius has changed the world, and we all can learn from his greatness and leadership. What an amazing legacy to leave behind, and I am grateful to have witnessed it in my lifetime. Be inspired...for "those who are crazy enough to believe they can change the world are the ones who actually do."
- Rest in peace to Rev. Fred Shuttlesworth, a major civil rights leader and icon. He was described by Martin Luther King, Jr. as "the most courageous civil rights fighter in the South."He died yesterday in Birmingham, Alabama at the age of 89. We salute you, and thank you.
- It's been really "autumn-like" out there past few days, and the crisp air is so refreshing! I think it's gonna warm up one last time this weekend and early next week and then Fall will be in full effect!
- I want boots. Real bad. I think I'm gonna have to give in before the weekend comes.
- Good news: I lost 3 lbs so far this week. Bad news: I brought lasagna to work today for lunch. Sigh.
- I'll work it off in Tru Dog's class tonight.
- Still waiting for Kim to tell me how the Michael Jackson Circ du Soleil show was in Canada - we're going in April!
- Yes, I'm an MJ fanatic :-)
- Can't wait to see my sister this weekend - we're celebrating her birthday! woo-hoo!
- Trying to hold off til next Wednesday for a mani/pedi.
- I want my braids back for the winter.
- I saw a woman in labor on the train today. She was doing her panting/breathing thing, clutched onto her man's arm with her pillow gripped tight in her other arm. Everyone on the train looked nervous, but no one looked more terrified than her husband/baby daddy/whoever he was. She just kept asking, "Are we there yet?" I wonder if they made it and if she had the baby by now. I pray she delivered a healthy baby.
- I have meetings all day today, so let me get right to the throwback!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
It's TMI Tuesday...a day late, but worth the wait ;-)
"Umm..Sure. Not a problem." I replied.
I wasn't scared for my job, she wasn't a direct report of mine. I was very curious as to why the extremely business savvy, mistress of the business universe and eye-wateringly gorgeous woman was staring at me across her desk with her steely blue eyes.
"This is the first time you've been in here, isn't it?" She said with a giggle as she saw me staring around at her degrees, awards and pictures of her family.
THAT body pushed out two kids? Wow.
"Yes. Thanks for the privilege" I joked. She laughed.
"Well I actually need to ask you for a privilege…"
Immediately my mind raced to thoughts of her begging for knee quivering sex.
I could make use of her solid oak desk. It would take just a nod from her for me to slide her pencil skirt over her slim hips and plant my tongue on her pleasure center. But she was an authority figure right? There must be all manner of repressed needs in her head. She would like to be dominated, right?
She wanted me to force her to her knees. She wanted a mouthful..no she wanted to gag on my mandingo stem.
"How can I help you?" I smiled.
"Well, I was hoping to offer Mark on your team a position on mine and I wanted to clear it with you first. I know he's a hard worker and also wanted your opinion and your blessing."
My mind went too far again. It does that.
Sometimes brief interactions can create some of the deepest, darkest, dirtiest thoughts in my mind. It's rare that my face will crack. I don't wear my emotions on my shoulder. But the thoughts are vulgar. So very nasty.
I know I'm not alone in dirty thoughts. It's the depth to which they go.
They hit the bottom (smirk). They run the gamut. The thoughts become entire scenarios. Filthy things I want to do to her or have her do to me. Or to them...
On the occasion that I actually find myself alone and naked with an object of these thoughts, I have to train myself not to reenact the thoughts…well at least not immediately;-)
I'm not crazy. I'm not a perv. I just have a very active imagination.
How about you? Have you found yourself thinking the dirtiest of things about people you interact with? Having dreams about people you'd never imagine?
How do you handle those thoughts?
They call me The Fury and two pennies for my thoughts may make you blush.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Happy TMI Tuesday!
I totally dropped the ball and forgot to remind Fury that TMI Tuesday was coming up. You'd think he'd have these marked on his calendar by now...ahem...but I'll take the blame since it's my blog and no one is responsible for it but me.
Anyhoo, since we don't have Fury's freaky blog to read today, I thought I'd re-post a blog I ran across that some of you might find interesting.
Remember I mentioned in Random Thoughts Thursday last week that I had a disturbing - somewhat sexual - dream about one of my (female) friends - and Fury was helping me to interpret it? Well this article might have come in handy right after I woke up to give me some insight.
We'll have TMI "Wednesday" tomorrow with Fury, but for now....
11 Sex Dreams That Don't Mean What You Think They Do
Published Friday, June 5, 2009
This isn't apropos of anything. I just found myself on a dream interpretation website and thought I'd bring it to 11points. I like dream interpretation -- nothing is what it seems, everything means something else. No matter what Freud said, a cigar is never a cigar. For today, I'm analyzing 11 different sex dream subjects to let you know what they REALLY mean.
1. Dream of a dominatrix, find God.If you dream about... a dominatrix it means that... you're looking to find God. Apparently, dreaming that you're a dominatrix means you're looking to step up your spirituality. Not sure how digging your spiked high heel into someone until they say the safety word (most likely "razzmatazz") is a sign that you're looking to be born again, but hey, who am I to argue with a book?
2. If you dream about... watching someone get naked it means that... you're compassionate. Watching someone get undressed shows you want to understand that person better so you can empathize and become more comfortable with them. I suppose this even applies if you're watching them get undressed through binoculars outside their window.
3. If you dream about... castration it means that... you feel uncreative. Makes sense, getting your genitals lopped off is akin to not being able to express yourself by painting seascapes or making a bunch of pots.
4. If you dream about... orgies it means that... you need to have fewer hobbies. Take a note: If, in your dream, you're getting spread too thin by simultaneous sex with a half dozen people... maybe it means you're getting spread too thin in real life. So give up stamp collecting or you're going to keep dreaming of getting gangbanged.
5. If you dream about... an erection it means that... you should finally start writing that novel you're always talkin' about. Erections don't mean erections in dreams. They mean you have power and energy you need to use, and, most commonly, use in a creative way.
6. Wear a chastity belt, go relax.If you dream about... wearing a chastity belt it means that... you're too protective. Clearly. If you want to put your lady genitalia under lock-and-key, it's a sign that you need to relax.
7. If you dream about... condoms it means that... well, it depends on the condom. If the condom is wrapped, it means you need to start letting other people voice their opinions. If you're a woman and you dream about a man wearing a condom, it means you feel emotional protected. And finally, if the condom is unwrapped, it means you're sexually frustrated (naturally, because every dream interpretation has to be the opposite of logical).
8. If you dream about... incest it means that... you forgive a family member for an argument. Seriously. Your subconscious mind rewards them sexually. And yes, that's gross, but it doesn't mean (1) you're sexually attracted to your sister or (2) that you should take the dream as a sign and act on it in real life. She gives you a nice birthday present, just thank her with a heartfelt hug.
9. If you dream about... performing oral sex on yourself it means that... you're a selfish bastard. But hey, I respect you for dreaming of something so ambitious.
10. If you dream about... being gay it means that... you're not gay. It just means that you accept yourself and you're compassionate.
11. But if you dream about... being bisexual it means that... you're gay. And those two interpretations back-to-back really sum up the seemingly random and illogical art of dream interpretation.
.....so....anyone have any interesting dreams lately?
Friday, September 30, 2011
We haven't done one of these in a while, so I figured....why not?! Hopefully I didn't ask too many tricky questions for your "Friday-end-of-week" brains :-)
1. Does/Can a kiss give you an indication of how good…or bad…the sex will be?
2. Once a cheater always a cheater?
3. If you are dating more than one person at a time, and one of those persons gives you a gift or leaves something (a toothbrush, an article of clothing, etc) at your place – do you hide it before the other person you’re dating comes over, or do you leave it out with the understanding that you’re not exclusive?
4. Would you want to live with a prospective mate before getting married? If so, for about how long?
5. If you could watch a video of yourself having sex, would you want to?
6. If for some reason you could never again be sexually intimate with anyone of the opposite sex, would you seek such intimacy with someone of your own sex? If so, what would someone of your own sex have to be like in order for you to find them sexually attractive?
7. If you could either double or halve your desire for sex, which would you do? Why?
8. Have you ever been in love with someone you knew you couldn’t trust?
9. Has sex ever made you feel guilty?
10. Would you prefer a wild, passionate, turbulent relationship, or a calm, warm, consistent one? Why?