This is a declaration shared with me by a dear friend, and it spoke to my soul in a way that left me wanting to share it with all of you. The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return. That's what we all long for.
Wanting To Be Loved...by Su.
I recently listened to “Empty Prayers” from MJB’s album My Life II: The Journey Continues, for the first time. To say that the song touched me would be a huge understatement. That song moved the earth beneath my soul. For the first time in a long time, I heard music set to the simple, honest words that I myself have been too scared to feel or admit out loud.
The feeling of wanting someone to love you, to be chosen, to be cherished, is monumental when you really examine it - yet it is such an innate, raw, human emotion that most of us desire and need. The feeling of being loved can overwhelm and sustain you, suffocate you and cloud your judgment, lift you to the highest highs – and level you when that love never shows up – or worse, shows up and then leaves. The world sees my tough-as-nails defensive exterior, but if you really knew me - the me that is fearful of letting down my guard - you would know that internally my soul just wants to be held and loved for all the days of my life. Not the self-love type of love or the type of love that you get from a friend or family...for that I am thankfully blessed in abundance. I’m referring to the type of love that would have you on your knees “begging God”. The type of love between a soul and a mate – that rare kind of love that lasts a lifetime – even if the lover is lost or left, the feelings never die – kind of love. The type of love that you would give everything not to lose: true love.
I don’t know if I know what it feels like to be truly, unconditionally loved by a man. Perhaps my father loved me in that way...I honestly don’t know. He never saw me at my worst. He never witnessed the wrath of my tongue, the spite in my spirit, the revenge of my nature, or the stubbornness of my ilk. He only saw the “weekend” me who was just so happy to see him - my best behavior overflowed. I loved my Daddy, but I did not learn how to love or be loved by a man by being in his presence. I know he loved me dearly in the way a father loves his pride. I loved him and forgave him – and overlooked everything else. He loved me as he could and I treasure and miss each moment I spent in his presence. Perhaps not having that leading example has left me at a disadvantage in the "getting and keeping love" department.
As I age, I have come to accept that I am not an expert at love by any means or stretch of the imagination. If you believe, and I do, that we learn our love lessons from the very beginning, I have to accept that my soul-mate love examples never showed up for me - and I have been looking, yearning for it ever since.
I’ve loved and lost, made bad love decisions, loved more than I should have and at times, have not loved enough. In my yester-year, I have been fortunate enough to have been deeply loved by a mate, but that love-light - that all-spark - has managed not to land on me or stick to me in a long, long time.
I want it.
I want to be loved. I want to be chosen by the mate that I choose. I am ready. I welcome love into my life, into my heart, and I pray and beg God that when He blesses me again – nothing will separate us till death do us part. Hear my declaration universe and let me claim what is meant for me. Let the love shine on me and fill this lonely heart of mine.
There. I said it. I want you to love me, love me, love me!
Over the years, I've been blessed to have spent time with, befriend, love, learn from and share experiences with people who have helped me grow and inspire me everyday. They have shared words of wisdom, strengthened me with encouragement, gave me joy with a smile, comforted me with a hug, gave clarity to my visions and dreams and renewed my spirit with faith. It is through family and friends that I manage to be happy and hopeful.
These relationships work because we share our philosophies, our personal truths and an outlook that prompts us to seek something greater in all and in ourselves. Sharing a journey heartedly illuminates our lives and enriches our experiences. It keeps us moving....always evolving....ever changing.
I have been transformed by the wisdom, opinions, insights and revelations of those who have shared their journey with me. It's a blessing I long to share with you through my first ever blog. For me, writing is a reflection of my own direct experience and I look forward to all of you sharing your thoughts and experiences with me.
So...with that said....can I just say.....??? :-)