Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Happy Hump Day!
Speaking of HUMPING, a friend and I were having a discussion about sex last night. Topic of discussion: what makes sex good and what can make sex bad? Of course this is different for everyone, so I figured I'd put it out there for you all to weigh in.
What began the conversation last night was her saying that the best sex she ever had was with a guy who had the smallest penis she's ever had. Most women would be like, "Huh?" But she said this man was so passionate, so into her, would caress and lift her up and would do any and EVERY thing he could think of to please her. Where he lacked physically, he more than made up for it emotionally and mentally.
And....she was in love with him.
And he loved her back.
For women, sex is mostly mental and emotional. When we are in love with you (or even just really FEELING YOU), the sex is great! It's our way to connect. We turn on the emotional floodgates to allow you entrance into our world. It's very hard to allow someone to swim in your ocean you when you can barely stand the sight of them. More often than not, we NEED that connection...that passion, the feeling that is all enveloping.
Men...not so much.
Not saying women can't ever be strictly physical beings. But men can pound you, screw you, f*ck you - anything you wanna call it - without ever knowing your name. They don't have to "make love" for the sex to be good.
Women don't either, but it's funny how our perception of "good sex" changes AFTER the break-up. When we're all in love, sex is amazing. But after we break up, we're like "that little d*ck muthf*cka was WACK!" I find myself saying to my girlfriends, "wait...are we still talking about the same dude?" :-)
So, what makes good sex good? What makes the "Mo' Betta Mo' Betta?"
There's no right or wrong answer to this. Sex can be slow and meaningful or hot and sweaty. It can be athletic or kinky and perverted; but whatever flavor it is, good sex contains a jolt of electricity that makes the average bumping of the uglies a bit sexier and more satisfying.
Speaking of electric - remember this scene from Love Jones?
Every person is different. For me, good sex can be about a myriad of things - built up sexual tension being the main thing that does it for me. Ever talk MAD sh*t to someone - whether in person, on the phone, text, email, IM, whatever - saying what you're gonna do to them when you see them (especially if it'll be the first time you two ever have sex but the chemistry between you is pornographic)? That tension building usually results in an explosion when the deed finally gets done. That has always led to great sex for me.
What also makes good sex good is good old fashioned communication. Someone telling me what he likes, me telling him what I like...actually LISTENING to the answer and then executing. A good dose of curiosity never hurt either.
There are women that can cum just by merely touching them. There are some that can cum just by kissing. There are others that need oral stimulation to climax. Others need penetration. There are some women (like myself) that can cum with no manual stimulation at all. Let's just say I have very VIVID dreams.
(ADDENDUM: Craig asked me to post this video to prove that...uh...well...men don't need much either)
Ahem...my point is, if you ask a girl the right questions, and observe her, you will know a lot more about her sexuality. What really turns her on, what makes her explode, what she really likes doing, what she’s not good at, what she’s never done, etc. - knowing all of this will help you to have a fantastic sex life. The same holds true for most men. I'm sure we all think we're good lovers...but are we?
It's about paying attention to each other. It's about not being selfish. A good lover won't pressure you, or make you feel guilty. A good lover will make the entire experience about the BOTH of you. A good lover will mix it up. They'll try different locations or positions, seeking to make your sex lives exciting, or spice it up with some variety. All in all, it's about simply asking the question - what can I do to please you? A good lover will usually have no problem telling you.
What makes the Mo' Betta Mo Betta for you? :-)