Monday, March 2, 2009

Letting Go of Yesterday

Good morning!

I hope you all either made it to work safely, or are warm and cozy at home. I braved the elements and came in and have had meeting after meeting, so I apologize for the late post. Today I have a guest, and you know her...my sister-friend Serena! Go!



Hello my good peoples and Happy Monday! Brooke, thanks again for letting me share thoughts on your blog! You're the bomb!

I wrote this piece a couple of weeks back, and when I posted it on my blog I got some comments both on and offline. I was happy to know that it touched people in such a way and also to know that people like myself had to learn to let go of yesterday. I was in church a couple of weeks back and was blown away by the sermon that my pastor delivered titled, "The Spirit of Excellence." The title alone had me going, but what he said about letting go of our yesterdays was something that hit home for me.

He said that a lot of us live in yesterday. Whether it's good or bad - but we stay stuck on what happened and lose focus on today and the future. A lot of us can't seem to move on from the bad things that once happened. He said that living in yesterday will ruin today and destroy your tomorrow! Wow!

As I vigorously took notes, I thought of all the hurt feelings I had about my yesterdays. Whether it was a relationship gone bad, losing someone close, a friend tripping on me (yeah we've all been through this), the job bugging, etc - thinking to myself...my God I could be ruining today and destroying my tomorrow.

In that one sermon, I made a vow to myself to let go! It's so hard and the process isn't easy, but I have a bright and colorful future ahead of me and the last thing I want to do is destroy what God has in store for me by staying stuck in the past.

I prayed for a friend of mine (well once friend) that recently stopped talking to me. Not only was I cut off, but so were other friends and even some family. Apparently she goes through spells of disconnecting herself with loved ones when she is either dating or in love - returning home when something goes wrong.

Yes, I was initially mad that we are in our 30's and people still act like they are whipped, but after today I had to tell her through my spirit "good bye." I can't be upset that she got caught up and stopped talking to a bunch of us. I have so many things to do, and if I stay stuck on being mad, then weeks can go by and nothing will be resolved, work won't be done and I'm not about to hinder my gift of writing and my dreams for anyone.

I also thought about old loves, as we all do from time to time...one in particular. I breathed with ease during the sermon that the ill feelings I once had towards him are really gone. Is that a good thing?...no...it's great! Who wants to remain in limbo wondering about the would've, could've, should've? I had to let go of the fact that not only our did our relationship end, but that an 11 year friendship ended and may never be again - which is fine. All of the words that stung in our final blows, insults, him calling me out my name (oh yes and I didn't pull the earrings out either) have fallen to the wayside. I truly believe that God put him in my life for a reason and a season, and I thank him for that. No one wants to see a friend go and it end ugly - but learn from it, see what their purpose was and keep moving forward.

So I say all of this because someone out there will read this and they are stuck. They wonder why their life isn't transforming after prayers, meditation, talking with loved ones, etc. Life is going by without them. I repeat...life is going by without them! It's because you need to get up, dust yourselves off and move on. Life has so much to offer, and I don't want to ever be in a position again where I'm living in yesterday. So let's reminisce, learn, laugh about the past when there were good moments - and even bad - but look forward to bright futures, more funny times, accomplishing our dreams and being supportive of each other.

Think about what you're stuck on, what's preventing you from moving forward...is it yourself? What are your dreams, goals and aspirations and why aren't you making moves? Or is it that a special someone in your life - whether it's a significant other, parent, or even fam - that is holding onto yesterday and hindering you?

Sometimes we can be our own barriers. We are a sharing group on Brooke's blog and you never know...your shared thoughts could enlighten and inspire someone else who needs to let go.

I hope today someone will read this and say...I'm letting go of yesterday. Peace and Luv.

Brooke thanks for giving me this opportunity to share with the peeps!

Sincerely,

Serena T. Wills

24 comments:

Brooke said...

I SOOOOO needed to read this today. You have no idea. And the thing is, I read this on your blog a couple of weeks ago when you first posted it...but I needed to read it again today especially.

I have so much to say, but I feel that I need to process my feelings and thoughts since they are so fresh and I want to give a thoughtful response. I'll be back later to comment, but thank you again Serena for always sending me what I need to read. That is why you are the head of my spiritual team, you're always on time. Thanks!

Annamaria said...

Great post Serena... We do get stuck on things & its great that you came to that realization & let it go. You do have a bright future ahead of you because you were strong enough to take a proactive step in the right direction! :)

Serena W. said...

Wow Brooke, what a compliment! I think everyone at some point needs to sit back and review all that's going on in their life and what they are holding onto. Some people don't even realize that they are still holding onto what is called baggage. We all have it or had it at some point in our lives.

Anyway you know I got you girl! Process and I can't wait to see your comment later.

Georgia Peach said...

Serena -

Thanks for the blog today. I definitely learned this lesson the hard way a few years ago when things didn't seem to be moving my way and I was holding onto all of these resentments. Things didn't change until I finally just let go. Thanks for keeping us on point this week and I'm going to remember to let go of the things that are holding me back!

Serena W. said...

Annamaria and Georgia Peach you're welcome and I'm glad you let go of resentments! What I learned (personally) is that often times people still have the baggage from the last relationship, or falling out with a friend or bad feelings from that job that burned you. But when my pastor said you are holding onto yesterday and destroying your tomorrows it was a reality check for me as well as a lot of people that day. I knew this lesson no matter beliefs could be taught across the board.

Serena W. said...

Oh and Annamaria thanks for the bright future comment! Very encouraging as I'm sitting here now figuring out my future moves.

oxtail said...

Serena you are kicking da ballistics on this one. One of the things that my father used to say son (in his Patwa style voice). "Don liv in a di pas" aka Don't live in the past.

What happens in the past is already done. He beat this message into me and my brother so it's etched into our mind forever. I've seen so many benefits. I leave people to their own devices and however the situation plays out, it plays out.

Serena W. said...

I can so hear the Patwa accent lol! Yeah Ox someone had to kick it, glad you enjoyed the read and it made you think back to the lessons that your father instilled in you.

April H said...

Honestly.....very honestly....I needed to hear this TODAY of all days. As I read it, it brought tears to my eyes due to what I've already known and something I experienced these last few days....I have to let go someone who I thought was special in my life. My world is torn apart right now and having a hard time breathing. However, he is moving/has moved on and I'm here....stuck. Thanks for sharing and I may have to revisit this as I need strength right now....

Brooke said...

Okay, so I've had a chance to sit with my feelings a bit today, although not enough. But here goes.

There are two things I pride myself on. Being a good friend, and being a forgiving person. Neither comes as easy as it seems, but I try to never hurt the people who I love or care for. And when I am hurt by those I consider my true friends, I try to have a forgiving heart. I think children are better at this...whereas adults can be less flexible emotionally. I'm working on that. Adults can hold on to hurt like a set of credentials. But like I've said before...like love, hurts or bitterness creates after its own, so it's something I struggle not to do. Besides, the pain you feel never hurts the person who offended you, but rather it destroys the host. So like your pastor said, the best thing to do is pray for the person who hurt you and keep it moving so that they don't hinder you in any way. I'm actually struggling with that today because I JUST found out someone I thought could always talk to me and would never hurt me has done just that.

Instead of letting it consume, what I need to do is put it in its proper perspective. The friendship I thought I had is just different than I thought it was. Not bad, not good, just different. I'm not even sure it's worth discussing, because the friend I thought I had internalized everything as someone being jealous of her rather than a friend who it truly wondering where things went wrong. When people internalize your hurt feelings as jealousy, they can't really "hear" you...they only see what they want to see...which is unfortunate.

I am sitting still on this one, and praying about it. There is a beautiful symmetry in the workings of Divine justice. Whatever I do, or don't do, whether I judge or don't judge, whether we forgive or not, what we fail to do to each other, we fail to do unto God. So I'm trying to deal with it. When we feel hurt or anger towards someone, rather than allowing it to settle in us, we should ask the Spirit what we are supposed to learn about ourselves and life from the experience. Guess I'll find out eventually.

April, I'm sorry for your hurt. Just remember to stay in the Light. Even in the face of anger or pain, staying in the light is the key to self mastery. We just have to let it go.

Serena W. said...

April I'm glad you read this blog. I'm sorry about your situation, I was in the same place as you when I moved to Dallas and it wasn't an overnight process nor pretty at all, I truly wanted to hurt him. But trust me when I say the peace will come. The day where you can look at this as a life lesson and keep it moving has to come. Hugs your way sweetie!

Serena W. said...

Brooke we had to be writing at the same time when I responded to April. I love the part where you said, "Adults can hold on to hurt like a set of credentials." This is a very deep statement and also very true. I'm sorry that you had a friend you thought was true. I had to let go of a friend that I grew up with last year.

After many years of turbulence and the ultimate of her disrespecting the fact that my sister passed away and why I couldn't be there for her wedding planning was the icing on the cake. I prayed on it and let it go.

Like my last relationship with ole boy I felt like I wanted to hurt him, but that isn't Godly and out of character for me so I moved out with no money and kept it moving as hard as it was. As with ole girl, she was stone cold tripping, jealousy is ugly and that she was. Never knew why, but years of madness had to come to an end.

So Brooke you're doing good for sitting quiet with yourself, praying on it and removing yourself cause I don't see any good coming of it. But sometimes people like this have a way of trying to sneak back in your life (it's like a test). It's happening to me and I had to sit quiet and just say, "We can't be friends..."

ejackson said...

SERENA!!

You hit the nail on the head.

I was just talking to Brooke and Georgia Peach the other day about a particular incident with a former friend of mine. She was in the wrong yet, she wanted to end our friendship. Now, I was far from innocent; we both contributed to the demise of the relationship. I was a different person back then and it took a lot of growing and reflecting to realize that by her getting out of my sunshine, I was able to grow. Yes, it hurt but I learned so much from her – what I can and can not tolerate and how strong I really am. I use to think at night “Why did this have to happen to me?? What did I do??”. When I finally listened to what God said instead of looking for what I wanted to hear, he answered…and it was like my eyes were finally opened and my arms weren’t tired anymore from constantly reaching out.

Serena W. said...

Hey E! My friend used to say, "Step from under the trees into the sunshine!" He said this to me while we were at Syracuse and I always carried that with me so you really brought it home for me with your comment about the sunshine. We can't grow in the shade (or even at all) the way we can in the sun. (Oooh making me wanna put on some Roy Ayers right about now).

It takes a big person to admit that they weren't innocent and also assisted with the collapse of the frienship. But you learned from it. Although it hurt (like we've all been hurt and even now) you've grown so ;-)

I have friends reading this blog Brooke sending me comments on Facebook. I'm glad folks are getting something out of it and that I was able to share my thoughts with everyone. Keep the comments coming y'all...

Georgia Peach said...

Wow - it's interesting seeing all the comments today and realizing that I made a conscious decision to let go of the hurts of the past. It simply takes me way too much psychic energy to hold onto that stuff and for me it's like a cancer that eats away at me. It's actually much easier for me to forgive and move on now than it was even a year or two ago.

Brooke you're right it's much easier for kids to get over things and I actually mentioned this blog to one of my friends who said she has a hard time letting go of friends/hurts/whatevers that are hurtful to her.

Where is everybody today? Stuck at home in the snow huh?

Serena W. said...

Georgia Peach I was thinking the same thing...this just tells me how many of us checking our emails, blog, Facebook at work lmao! Well I hope if folks make their way into the office tomorrow...or heck even Wednesday that they revisit the blog. But I'm glad those who are on are really evaluating themselves, situations, etc and are moving forward to live for the present and build on tomorrow :)

Brooke said...

Well, I know a few who WON'T comment, but that's another story.

I'm pretty good at forgiveness and not holding grudges, so I know the hurt I feel now will pass. But trust me, today was eye opening for me. Nothing hurts more than when you think you're a good friend to someone, only for them to be dismissive towards you like YOU did something wrong. It's about open and honest communication, not being defensive or dismissive. I got an email today, not a phone call, that was supposed to address the issue. An email...from someone I thought was a friend. I thought I was worth more than that. Guess not.

And turns out I found out I had two friends who weren't what I thought they were. I thought a private conversation was just that. Guess that wasn't true either. Remember back when I said I heard a conversation between 2 people talking about me unbeknownst to them...well there you go. The truth always comes to light. I really wish people could understand that. I would have never done anything to hurt this person. And I still won't. Now I just know...and when you know better, you do better...or act accordingly. Such is life.

Serena W. said...

As my best sista friend Venetta's Grandma always told us, "Honey if it don't come out in the wash it sure as hell will come out in the rinse cycle."

I always laughed when she said that until I got older and realized as I was going through the motions (the wash cycle) that I couldn't see what was really going down until that rinse cycle hit and all the stains were coming out of the clothes (in this instance, everything was coming to light) and it was down right ugly.

Brooke it's amazing that your ole peeps were steadily chatting and had not a clue that all along you were there listening. Glad you found out then instead of later in the game.

Brooke said...

Rameer was right, bitchassness is a disease running rampant in our community :) LOL!!

I'm not a person who can't be spoken to or reasoned with. What hurts the most is that this person didn't think enough of me to know better or be honest with me. Today I think I was just as insulted as I was hurt. Amazing.

Serena W. said...

We should do a study and maybe Rameer can lead it so we can have stats. Like, "1 in 4 people have the rare disease that will cause you to flake out, trip, gossip, be petty, cheat, lie, steal possibly, be fake called bitchassness." LOL! We would all be paid if we could prove it in a study!

Malek said...

While all of your stories are heart breaking, its a part of growing and letting go....These friends, lovers, family members are in our lives for a reason...Maybe you they teach you a lesson or maybe you teach them!!!!! Unfortunately, Brooke being your sister, I know the details of this whole situation and I can feel what you are going through cause I thought this person was a great person....I was so glad for you to broaden your friendship base especially since your long time friends are married with children (its harder to hang out with them) I mean I remember thinking this friend was gay as nice as they seemed.....But if you believe that this is your year that 36 is going to be great sometimes you have to clean house!!!!! You got your teams, people to help build you up not hold you down.....

I tried reaching out to a LONG time friend of mine to no avail. All I can do is focus on my new relationships and continue my own journey....Like you said I am not mad and I will reach out agian but if nothing comes of it than I just have to say Humdulilah!!!!! Allah (GOD) for whatever gave us time apart or disolved the friendship.....HE knows best....


And if you don't want to pray on it just tell Annamaria to tase their ass!!!!!! LOL

Serena W. said...

Malek have I told you that you're freaking cool! LOL! Yes get Annamaria after em (she wouldn't mind). A few years back I went to church and a pastor stated, "Some people are in your book called life, some for a chapter, some for a few and some for the whole ride."

Then he had us cracking up when he said, "A lot of you have supporting roles in the book along side of you and some characters fall off after a few pages." Their part was meant for a reason in the book and as you read on you'll see why.

So yes I'm all over the reason and a season Malek. Thanks for being such a great sister to Brooke and always shedding some knowledge on the blog!

By the way...off the topic. Did it stop snowing out east yet?

Serena W. said...

Thanks everyone for reading the blog and being inspired to let go of your yesterdays. Brooke thank you again for the opportunity to guest blog. Despite the snow we had great convo and quite a few people read it and emailed me about it which I thought was great!!!! Everyone have a fantastic Tuesday and stay warm on the east!

Bernadette - a.k.a. The Pink Blogger said...

I've been reading a few of your blog posts and have appreciated your varying views. I wanted to share my own blog postings about dating as I have embarked on a type of social experiment for 2009 entitled...12 DATES IN 12 MONTHS and I would be honored if you'd read it, post your comments and share the link if you appreciate what you read. Check it out at www.thepinkblogger.wordpress.com Blessings my fellow single blogger! Bernadette

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