Brookey's Cafe Blog

Happy Rainy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- This weather blows.

- I wanted to stay curled up in my blanket this morning - why didn't I call out sick?

- I think it's now been a month since I got a mani/pedi...I need a treat. Doing my nails myself just doesn't look or feel the same.

- What do you all consider sexy?

- I've been wearing my new boots non-stop - so comfy! Breaking them in nicely.

- So hungry!

- I made chili for lunch but I don't want it. Could go for some Amish pizza - Monica knows what I'm talking about. Perfect day for it.

- Spin class tonight! I'm skerred.

- Where did October go?

- Anyone going to any fun Halloween parties this weekend? They're having a costume contest for PETS in my apartment complex this Sunday...should be so cyute!

- I just want candy. Reeses, Twix, Milky Ways, Snickers, alladat!

- Trick.....or treat? ;-)

- Don't you just love it when you're (arguing) debating with someone and you see in their eyes the exact moment they realize they're wrong? :-)

- My fantasy team is sucking ass big time. I lost by HALF A FREAKIN POINT last week. I was robbed! Muddafuggin Flacco!

- Anyone on the blog still in love with an ex?

- My homemade iced tea is bangin'!

- I need a hot stone massage....asap!

- I stole this week's throwback from Rameer's Facebook page. He was on a 90's hip hop rampage last night! This was my joint!



Go!

-b

Happy Tuesday everyone!

So this past weekend, friends and family gathered for my nephew's 5th birthday party. It was mostly a group of my sister's friends who have become my "friends" by default. They were all sharing stories of their marriages, husbands, how sleeping in flannel pajamas is not sexy and passion parties. However, what struck most of the women was one woman's claim to have never farted in front her husband of over a decade.

They all wondered how that was even possible. Never???

She says she will get out of a warm, cozy bed and walk into another room to pass gas, rather than let a little one go in her husband's presence....whether he was awake or not.

I guess she feels some things should remain a mystery - and since she's not really a "gassy" person, it's easy for her. Other women, however, said they felt comfortable enough to fart in front of their husbands, even before they got married. One woman said she regularly let loose around her man, even when they were simply dating and out at the movies.

That got me to thinking about dating, and when is a good time to let someone see "the real" you, or "all" of you. So the question of the day is: When should we be comfortable enough to fart in front of our mates - or should we always keep SOME things a mystery? Obviously this question isn't limited to passing gas, but feel free to tell us what you will do in front of your mate, or what you will NEVER do or let him/her see...ever in life so long as you can help it.

Go!

-b

TGIF!!

I have another guest blogger today! Let's see if we can help her with her dilemma - hopefully the men will chime in to give us some perspective. Let's go!

All I Really Want is to Be Happy...by Emotionally Done



The title of this post was inspired by a friend on Facebook that had it as her status. I immediately snagged it from her not knowing that we were in the same boat. Too many of my friends in 2011 are sharing a similar journey. Some even have kids with these guys. The boat we are in is love with no commitment.

All of us are in love with guys that won't commit. I tried to "control" my feelings last year. I was in denial because I just knew that I had my guard up! But by the holidays of 2010 I knew I was in love with him.

I confessed my love and he said he wasn't there yet - which is fine. The one thing I know is that people don't always feel the same way at the same time.

But what happens when almost a year has gone by and still nothing? The guys we love stated that they are attracted to us, deeply care for and even love us...but are not "in love." However, they all said that they want a woman that loves them and cares for them...but yet when God gave us to them, they don't know what to do!

Emotions are even more on a high when there are kids involved. We have a young daughter together and he said a child doesn't make a relationship. Well that's true, but I had these feelings before I even knew I was pregnant. So now what? Sometimes I wish that my feelings would just fade to the back!

I asked Brooke if I could write to the blog. I read her blogs but never really comment, but love the blog fam. I'm baffled and hurt. There have even been times when people called me his girlfriend and he doesn't correct them. Even some of his family thinks we're together...and yet he won't correct them either! WTH???

Remember that scene from Love Jones when Nia Long slept with a pillow in between her legs because he was in the next room...yeah that was me recently. Not cool!

What have I decided to do with my situation? Suppress my feelings. Why keep showing love when it's not being returned? I'm physically starved for affection but I'm tired of being a "play girlfriend."

I would love to hear what the blog has to say...especially the men. Is he scared? Does he just want his cake and eat it too? Maybe feelings from the past are haunting him? Let me hear your thoughts and if you have ever felt this way.

Signed,
Emotionally Done

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- So glad it's Thursday - can't wait for this work week to be over!

- My nephew Ibrahim's birthday is Sunday - he'll be 5 years old! Woo-hoo!

- People tryna test me this week...and I caught a cold. Not cool.

- What to eat for lunch?

- I'm in desperate need of a mani/pedi, but I keep putting it off. I need to treat myself.

- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know NOT to answer when they call.

- I realized today on the train that I'm not a big fan of high school aged kids.

- Do any of you still collect dvd's?

- I need to make a trade in Fantasy Football. I'll be reaching out to Meercat for help soon...if I have time to do my research!

- How is it Oct. 20th already??

- So thankful for all of my blessings...truly!

- If you don't "like" MadameNoire.com on FB, "like" it today :-)

- I have three scarves at work. Three. Cold much?

- Sometimes free advice is worth exactly what you pay for it.

- The DMoe throwback for this week!



Go!

-b

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Here is a question of the day: How many of you care what other people think - be it friends or family, or society in general - about the person you date/love? This has been a topic of conversation between my friends and me for a little while now, so I thought I'd ask the blog how much influence others have on who you date, love, marry, etc.

It doesn't even have to be as deep as who you choose for a life partner. How many of you have been out on a date, ran into someone you knew and immediately tried to 1) HIDE! 2) size up your date to make sure he/she looked good enough to be introduced to your friend, or 3) wanted to flaunt your date cuz you knew he/she was hot like FIYA!? Whether consciously or subconsciously, I think we all have cared to an extent what others thought of our love choices.

I think women do it more so than men. When we tell our girls about a new guy we're dating or interested in, the usual questions typically follow. They want to know his stats - what does he do, what does he drive, where does he live, does he have kids, how many, how many baby mamas, etc. Rarely do my friends ask upfront if he makes me happy, rubs my feet, takes me to church, listens to me or if he's a good guy. While I know they want to make sure I'm taken care of, we don't normally get to THAT part of the conversation right away. They want to see a picture first to make sure he's FINE, and THEN (100 questions later) they ask me if he's good to his mother.

Men, I don't think they care what their friends think...as much. I'm sure they do to some degree - in the realm of what she looks like, if she's smart, has a job, no baby daddies and can fry up a mean steak. But for the most part, if their boy is happy, they're cool. Unless she's throwing bricks through his window or slashing tires...you know, the usual ;-)

Ultimately, I'm sure we can say that we care what our friends and family think in some way, shape or form. Some more than others - and there's nothing wrong with that. I value my close friends' opinions, because I know they have my best interest at heart. I trust anything my sister says, because she's always honest...to the point where it makes me uncomfortable to have to look at myself in the mirror and see that I just might be wrong, delusional, irrational, too sensitive, blind to what's in front of me or just plain trippin'. We all need that from time to time.

But then there are times where we care TOO MUCH what others think, to the point where we block our own happiness. You have to know the difference between someone giving you sincere advice, and someone simply hating on your happiness. There's a difference between genuine concern and someone being judgemental. It's up to us to be able to discern so that we don't live our lives for someone else.

At the end of the day, we're adults who can and will do whatever we want...so live your life for yourself. And if you put true love on hold because of how it looks to others, you’re sacrificing your own happiness for no real reason.

I know it's easier said than done when assessing the opinions of people you care about compared to your own desires, but someone who loves you will love your partner, too. Why? Because you love him/her and because he/she makes you happy. Anyone who can’t fall in line to support your choice in mate is putting their needs/desires/prejudices before what’s really important: your happiness.

So back to the question of the day: Have you ever ended a relationship because of what your friends and family thought? Not because they’re protecting you from a player/asshole/addict/violent/abusive person, but because they selfishly wanted you to marry someone just like you? Just like THEM? If so, how did you reconcile this?

Let's hear it!

Go!

-b

Happy Monday everyone!

Our very own Serena Wills asked if she could guest blog today, so of course I said yes! This video makes me want to go back to the 90's, even if only for a day. They don't make music and videos like this anymore :) Anyway, to the blog...let's go!

What About Your Friends?...by Serena Wills.



I'm at a real crossroads these days and decided to ask other artists and entrepreneurs how they felt about being supported. I always assumed that when I finally became published and took stage that I would have a sea of friends in the crowd buying my books. Everyone talked about supporting me as an artist, but once my dreams started taking place and happening, I saw different.

At first I was heart broken (still am sometimes) that I have friends that don't have any of the books I'm published in, or say they will come to an event where I'm the feature or an open mic and bow out on me at the last minute.

When I asked artists and entrepreneurs if they were going through the same thing, most of them answered yes. One artist out of Dallas said she's had her art exhibited in multiple shows and galleries, and maybe a couple of friends attended. A musician I interviewed said something so honest that I had to take what he said and write it on a wall. He said, "At first I was upset. People are happy for me, but when it comes time to buy my music or come to shows, they don't. However I'm not pursuing my dreams because of them! I have to keep moving forward, there's a whole world out there that wants to hear me."

He's so right...there is a whole world out there. We can't keep relying on our comfort zone. We just automatically assume that the zone will support - but sometimes it won't.

In 2012, I'm going to take a lot of what others have said and re-brand myself. Reach out to more people and places. Since I've been back east, I've had a lot going on and now I have to refocus. In Dallas, I either did shows or was vending every month! I met so many people from all walks of life that ended up supporting me because they liked or loved my writing and framed poetry collection.

In closing, pursue your dreams despite who really supports you or not. Also remember you have to move forward with your dreams because they are yours! God gave them to you. Lastly, reach out to the world with your gift and step out the zone. I have to do so because right now I'm stuck in it and frustrated.

Questions for the group - if you're an entrepreneur/artist/etc. what's your gift, how do you market your product, do you or did you feel stuck, and what's your plan to build on your dreams? Do you want to retire the 9-5 world and just work for you?

Go!

- Serena Wills

TGIF mi gente!

So last night at dinner, my colleagues Crystal and Beverly and I were discussing relationships and if there is a benefit to being single rather than being coupled up. Being mature, single women who live alone, we thought maybe we (read ME) were a little too set in our ways to share our space and make compromises for the sake of a relationship.

It was a light-hearted conversation, and we laughed at each other's lists of "things that annoy the hell out of us."

Beverly said it bugs her when people wear their shoes in the bathroom, or take the last bite of food in the house. I said I can’t stand when people (read MEN) sit on the sofa in a wet towel, sit on my pillow or let the toilet seat slam down. Crystal didn’t really list her pet peeves, but I’m sure she has some. We all do.

While some pet peeves may be silly or downright irrational, it doesn’t change the fact that we all know what we like or don’t like when it comes to dealing with our partners in relationships. Our little quirks can make us adorable at first, but can quickly go left after the honeymoon stage is long over. Next thing you know, we can’t stand the way our partner breathes…”you blink too loudly!”

Every relationship has its little annoyances, and if not addressed can cause resentment…which will inevitably lead to the beginning of the end. So with that, here is the question of the day: What are some of your relationship pet peeves? They can be silly, or they can be serious character traits that are eventual deal breakers.

Mine?

1. Thoughtlessness
2. Combativeness
3. Lying
4. Broken Promises
5. Neediness

Go!

-b