Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Hola mi gente!

That's me practicing my Spanish for no reason other than hating on my Soul Siesta friends who are going to Mexico without me this weekend. Can someone take me on a trip please? I'll be your bestest friend! Purrty please!

No? Well at least it's warm today...dang it!

I have so many ideas for a blog topic today that I can't narrow it down to one. My brain hurts, so I'm just going to ask a question of the day. This came to me out of a conversation I had this morning with the same co-worker who gave me my blog topic yesterday. I may need to stop by his desk every day to get some inspiration...and free tabloid magazines :-)

He said he was involved in a FB war with a friend of his who said that a couple can't be compatible if they don't share the same religious beliefs. He didn't agree, and thought that might be an interesting blog topic. And I agree.

I tend to stay away from potentially polarizing subjects - religion and politics being two - but it did make me wonder what in a person's life would keep me from dating or marrying him.

Personally, I feel your religious beliefs are your own and I have no problem dating anyone who isn't a Christian. Most people, I think, believe in something greater than themselves...and that's fine with me. We all stand before God alone on Judgement Day - and we're all responsible for our own salvation.

However, I think I'd have a harder time dating an atheist rather than someone who practiced a different faith...but that's just me. I'm not saying I can't do it - I think I actually have. But if anything, I think that would be the most challenging for me....assuming we wanted the same things out of life. If religion was the only thing that we didn't have in common, I think I could live with it. It might get tricky if children became involved, but open communication could probably help navigate that.

That being said, let me get to the question: What in someone's life - for instance, religion, occupation, ethnic background, age, health, or marital history - would keep you from marrying a person you had somehow already fallen in love with?

If there is something that that I didn't list, feel free to add it and give us your reasons why.

Go!

-b

35 comments:

Latinegro said...

First Bitches!

Stef said...

I'm gonna shank Ant!

Latinegro said...

Bring it! :)

Stef said...

It's already been "BROUGHT!" LMAO!

Yolanda said...

I think I could date someone who had a different religious perspective than me, but I really don't know that it would go anywhere. I kinda need him to believe in something greater than himself. In addition to being my lover and friend...I'd like him to pray with me and be on the same wavelength in that regard. It's easy to date or even be in a relationship with someone of a different religion, but when you start bringing children into the picture, things can really change drastically. You have to have some serious talks way before deciding to make that move: how will you run your household (most religions have some standards or "say" on who's the head of the house, etc...), how will the children be raised, who's religion will they be raised to follow, will they just be raised with "good, generic morals" until they're old enough to decide on a religion for themselves? Will you or your spouse ever convert? Can you/will you "give up" your Jesus/Buddha/Allah/insert god here... for your man/woman? It's really a doozy.

I watched that "Pregnant In Heels" show on Bravo a couple of times and on one episode, the woman was about to give birth and she and her hubby were still fighting over whether they'd be raised Christian (her religion) or Jewish (his religion). He was willing to not be involved in any Christening/Baptism process if it meant that the child wouldn't be raised Jewish. Waiting until you've got one foot on the birthing table is far too long to wait to have that discussion.

Brooke said...

@Stef,

I always respond that way when people say "bring it!" to me too LOL!

Brooke said...

@Yolanda,

I agree...and I think religion for some people is AY more serious than it is for others. My sister and her husband were of different faiths while they dated and when they got married and he was fine with that. He only asked that they raise their children as Muslims - and since she wasn't attending church regularly, she agreed that since he was the more devout parent, they could raise them as Muslims.

They were married for about 7 years or so before she converted on her own...no pressure from him. She said he had a peace about him that she longed for, and found in Islam. And now they pray together as a family.

I think bringing children into the picture is what really makes that a hard one to answer, assuming both parents feel equally convicted in their beliefs. It's definitely something that needs to be discussed LONG before kids come - before MARRIAGE comes. Could be a deal breaker.

Stef said...

I could date someone of a different religion - but not someone who had been married more than 4-5 times. That's a red flag for me. I'd just continue to date him if I've already fallen in love with him, but no marriage.

I also can't marry a man who has several children with several women. No can do.

Annamaria said...

I think Stef & Ant should just bone & get it over with already! :)

Anywho I think it depends on the religion & how seriously involved you are in that religion. But I do believe it is possible. I was born, raised, baptised, communioned etc in the Catholic Church. Powerz was raised Christian. The last time I ever set foot in a Catholic Church was about 6 years ago. Although I do adhere to some of their beliefs I feel that a lot of their standards are a bit hypocritical...
When Sophia came out we took her to a Christian church for her christening & the pastors that are marrying us are from a Christian church.
I never "converted" I just chose to worship wherever I feel comfortable at the time. If next year we meet a nice rabbi we might have to visit the synogogue a few times.. :)
Religion is something that intrigues me. For example one of the things on my to do list is to visit a Buddhist temple.. :)I can respect every religion.. (except those crazy people predicting the end of the world & Jehovah witnesses cuz they bother me at 7am every Sat) and I think each religion has something to offer.
At the end of the day I made the decision to christen my daughter under her father's religion. We go to a Christian church but once she's gets older if she wants to change & become a budhist monk I'd respect that...

Annamaria said...

@Stef.. the fact that you'd continue to date a man that you wouldn't consider marrying is a red flag!!! LOL

So you would date him for the rest of your life but never marry him just because he's been married 4-5 times????
You shouldn't even give that dude your phone number.. LOL

Tony said...

The short answer for me is that there is nothing that would prevent me from marrying someone that I love, BUT.....as someone who has married some one of a different faith (sort of.......shes Catholic to my Baptist) diferent ethnicity (shes Puerto Rican to my African American) and different age (shes 31 to my 42) I can tell you that it takes a hell of a lot more than love to keep us together. At different stages in a persons life their values, interests and beliefs change.......so while her being 11 years younger didnt matter when we were first married we've found that sometimes her Beyonce clashes with my Coltrane and having our kids Christened mattered a lot more to her than it did to me and beans and rice are not the preferred meal at dinner every night! All im saying is the larger the gap the more work that is required to bridge it.

Stef said...

@Annamaria,

I agree...but Brooke's question said "someone you had somehow already fallen in love with" - so I'm just answering the way she asked.

If it were up to me, I wouldn't date a guy who had several ex wives or children at the beginning. But that's not what she said :)

Latinegro said...

Look, it is just hard to date in general. I try not to think about all this stuff until it comes up. If she claims Satan to be her God, then we have an issue.

I may date some who has threatened to shank me, but I am not entirely sure. haha

The Cable Guy said...

Tony bagged a young, hot chick! LOL!

I know I'm gonna catch wreck for this, but I can't date/marry someone with a terminal illness. The thought of burying a spouse is agonizing to me. Sorry, can't do it.

Same goes for women with multiple baby daddies. Religion is not a deal breaker for me.

Latinegro said...

Tony, how long have you been married?

Tont said...

@ Cable Guy....... you know how i bagged her right?

Tony said...

@ Latin Negro.......we've been married 8 years and together for 10

The Cable Guy said...

@Tony,

how?

**getting out notepad and pen***

Tony said...

I donkey Punced her ass!

tony said...

punched

The Cable Guy said...

LMAO!!!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

And when she came to, she was in love?

woooo, I'm dead over here :)

Jay said...

Tony is a straight fool :)

As for the topic, I have to agree, I don't think I could be with someone who doesn't believe in ANYTHING. Different religions are fine, so long as you don't belong to a cult or something.

I also don't think I could date someone who's been married 10 times or who has several children by several different men.

Tony said...

@ nah she came to and said, "dont worry, someday i'm gonna Donky Punch you........" I been watching my back ever since!

Anonymous said...

Catholics ARE Christians.

That is all.

Anonymous said...

yes they are........thank you, but their belief system is significantly different than Protestants....thats what is being discussed here.

Annamaria said...

@Anonymous #1...Please see anonymous #2 comment...
:)

NOW THAT IS ALL... :)

Courtney said...

There are different kinds of Christians, not just Protestants - and I don't think it was discussed WHICH kind of Christian her fiance is. Catholics are Christians...and so are Baptists, Methodists, etc. I think that's all Anonymous was saying.

Thomas said...

I can take a lot from a woman dating. But the absolute deal breaker for me is someone I can't be myself with. I mean I have to know that I can just be my quirky self and at times be serious and wreckless, compassionate and mean, intellectual and dumb, athletic and lazy. I guess what I'm gettin' at is she would have to know what it is she's getting and be cool wit' it. If that's cool wit' her...we down fo' life!

Courtney said...

@Thomas,

Do you think most people are themselves at first when dating though? Most people show us just a bit of themselves, or the best part of themselves when dating - and then marriage comes and the REAL person comes out.

Anonymous said...

In Christianity, there are Catholics and Protestants. There are various more denominations of Protestants but any Christian that is not Catholic is Protestant! Here ended the lesson!

Anonymous said...

You didn't say that you were a Catholic and he was a Protestant - you said you were a Catholic and he was a Christian.

Thanks for the "lesson" but that's not what you wrote.

Courtney said...

@Anonymous,

Just let it go. let Anonymous #2 have the last word - that's all he/she seems to care about. Catholics and Christians are the same, and that's what she wrote. No need to dwell on it. Take the "lesson" and move on.

The Cable Guy said...

I was kinda thinking the same thing when I read Anna's comment - like "isn't a Catholic a Christian?" LOL!

I was wondering if Powerz was a Baptist, a Methodist, Pentecostal? LOL!

Anonymous said...

@Cable Guy,

Seems Anonymous #2 is taking it personally, and thers' no need to. To me, it just read like she was saying "I'm an apple and my husband's a fruit."

I can see if she said "I'm an apple and he's an orange." No need to be all defensive about it. Was just pointing out what was written.

Ms. Penn said...

I'm surprised no one said age. I don't think could marry anyone who was over 20 years older or younger than me. I think the maturity level, at a different stage in our lives thing would be a factor. There's so mauch that goes into that. Just my two cents.

Same goes for multiple marriages or children from different women. I think those things are red flags. I'm not saying I would never date a man with a child or has been married before - but the further you get into extremes, the more troublesome it would be - and not worth it.

Of all the things listed in Brooke's blog, I think occupation (assuming he has a LEGAL one) is about the only thing that wouldn't be a deal breaker for me.

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