As a male, I have always wondered if women cheat. In college, I unfortunately found this out on my own when a girl I was seriously dating and madly in love with broke the news to me. She was my first love and I was completely devastated. It shattered my belief that all women were as virtuous as Lula Bell (last name omitted to protect the identity of this writer) :-)
As much as I had previously contemplated this question, as I’ve grown the question morphed into “Do married women cheat?” To give you some perspective and before allowing you to weigh in, I am a 38 year old single male that works in a professional setting where the ratio of women to men are about 7 to 1. As a relatively attractive (relative to me and my momma!), I have experienced quite a dynamic in this environment.
When I was first hired, I heard the hushed tones that emanated throughout the office about the “new guy.” I would get a random walk by of my office or, when they were feeling particularly bold, come right in and launch into conversation in spite the fact that it was known I was in a serious relationship and there were children involved. I purposefully left the impression that I was involved despite not being in an actual relationship. It can best be described as letting an alcoholic run loose in a liquor store. I figured if I set boundaries, then no lines would be crossed.
The exception being the one relationship I elected to pursue, or should I say the one the pursued me?
This relationship was questionable from the start, not only because we work together, but because she was actually…….Married. What was more shocking to me were her efforts at flirting and how this relationship developed. It was an agonizing decision as she was/is absolutely gorgeous and commands the room whenever she is present. I would see other men come into our office and hit on her relentlessly…and to think she was interested in me.
The relationship developed over 2 years in spite of this encumbrance. We spoke frequently (nightly) via phone both in and out of the office for hours a day. I could not wait to “take her ass down!” For the next 18 months I engaged her. For 18 months we flirted. Then we flirted some more. And that is all we did.
She would ultimately decide not to give in to her inhibitions, in spite of professing her love for me at one point. I had grown quite attached, and frankly was crushed by the situation (Guys I know… I set the game back ten years with this one!) You see, for 18 months she convinced me of how unhappy her marriage was and she was trying to leave (Do all cheaters use this line??) etc. We had kissed just once, and had even sexted - yet she could not bring herself to “do it.”
In my mind, “you sent me naked pictures of yourself.” I’m confused. She shared a part of herself that only someone with whom she was intimately involved with should see, yet she felt she had not cheated. She considered her actions innocent and worthy of the way her husband treated her at the time - but not cheating (WTF???)
There have been other attempts, but I have not dared to cross that line again. However, I am curious: How many of you married women have actually had extramarital affairs? Please indicate what your definition of cheating is. Would you ever reveal it to your spouse? I have a sneaky suspicion this happens more than most women care to admit.
Guys: How many of you have had an affair with a married woman and has it changed your perspective on marriage?
Over the years, I've been blessed to have spent time with, befriend, love, learn from and share experiences with people who have helped me grow and inspire me everyday. They have shared words of wisdom, strengthened me with encouragement, gave me joy with a smile, comforted me with a hug, gave clarity to my visions and dreams and renewed my spirit with faith. It is through family and friends that I manage to be happy and hopeful.
These relationships work because we share our philosophies, our personal truths and an outlook that prompts us to seek something greater in all and in ourselves. Sharing a journey heartedly illuminates our lives and enriches our experiences. It keeps us moving....always evolving....ever changing.
I have been transformed by the wisdom, opinions, insights and revelations of those who have shared their journey with me. It's a blessing I long to share with you through my first ever blog. For me, writing is a reflection of my own direct experience and I look forward to all of you sharing your thoughts and experiences with me.
So...with that said....can I just say.....??? :-)