Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Happy Hump Day!


I saw a man taking a “bird bath” on the subway this morning. By bird bath, I mean he was wiping himself down with a wet wash cloth, but doing it under his clothes. He didn’t appear to be homeless – his hair was cut, his clothes seemed clean…he just looked crazy. There is no reason to tell you this other than to say that he creeped everyone out on the train today – including me – and I couldn’t wait til Random Thoughts Thursday to share. That is all.

Now, the blog today.

I usually read other people’s blogs at night after I get home from the gym. It’s my time to relax and unwind and muse about the word around me. I catch up with the Witches (they can be a time suck at work if I’m not careful), Latinegro, Sugar Plum Smiles, Very Smart Brothers.com and The Fresh Xpress. Someone on my FB feed posted a link to an article on the Fresh Xpress titled “Why Are All the Pretty Girls Married?”

The article itself is not what intrigued me. I don’t think all pretty girls are married, but I DO know that being considered pretty has its perks. It’s all relative, like anything else.

However, the comments to the article were a little more interesting to me. Most of the women who commented said that they and their friends are pretty, but not married – which seemed to suggest a flaw in the author’s reasoning. The author, who is male, and other men responded this way: You may THINK you and your friends are pretty, but you probably really are not.

Wow.

What struck me is that men said most women think they’re female friends are prettier than they really are. They suggested that we judge beauty on less superficial things, like character, personality, intelligence, and generally what kind of friend they are. We think our friends are beautiful simply because they’re our friends.

While they conceded that that is what we SHOULD be judging beauty on, men rate women differently – and can separate a good person from a pretty woman. One man suggested that a pretty woman is a pretty woman…and if she just happens to be smart, funny and has a great personality – that’s just icing on the cake.

Now, I’m a woman who thinks all of her friends are attractive. I can honestly say that most of the women I can call friends are pretty…if not stunning. But then again, men and women judge beauty differently – and while I think I know the difference between pretty, cute, sexy, beautiful, striking or stunning – what women find attractive in other women could be (and usually is) TOTALLY different than what men find attractive in women.

But I also disagree that ALL women think all of our friends are pretty. Not so.

If you’re an insecure woman, you might surround yourself with women you may not think other men find attractive in order to make yourself look better. It’s sad to think that a woman would choose her friends this way, but I’m sure that it happens. And some say if you think you don’t have any ugly friends or fat friends…then YOU are the ugly or fat friend. Pretty harsh right?

But even if some women feel that they have an unattractive friend, or a fat friend, chances are she’d never admit it anyway. Friendships shouldn’t be about tearing each other down, but rather lifting each other up – which is why women probably can’t see their true friends as anything other than beautiful.

But what do you think? Are women blind to “beauty” (which is truly in the eye of the beholder) or see true beauty for what it is…from the inside? Or do you think we’re more insecure than we admit and choose our friends based on how pretty (or not pretty) they are?

Go!

-b

24 comments:

Annamaria said...

First Fuckers!

Annamaria said...

Now we all know I'm brutally honest so here it goes. I know the difference and NO I don't think all of the women I know are pretty. I know I have one or two friends that are ugly...BUT they are awesome people. And my friends that ARE pretty are awesome people also.
I'm curious to know if this writer is married.. He's probably an old, fat, balding pasty looking man.. (Cuz that's how he looks in my head right now..LOL)
And "Pretty" is a relative term. And I do have one or two very pretty friends that aren't married.

Annamaria said...

Oh and Brooke you have the most interesting train ride EVER!!! LMAO

I'm mad I don't get to take the train to work every time I hear about your train ride...LOL

Stef said...

I din't get this email today - what happened!?

Anyway, I think women are VERY aware of how pretty or NOT pretty their friends are, but like you said, they choose to ignore it or won't admit it. However, I think most pretty people hang out with pretty people, cuz they wanna keep their enemies closer :)

However, I have had some friends who ASSUMED they were the pretty friend, only to be dumbfounded when their fridns get more polay than them. Like you said, what women find attractive is WAY different than what men find attractive, and they can't figure out for the life of them why their "ugly" friend or "fat" friend gets the guy and their skinny, pretty asses are home alone. Personality goes further than you think.

Sillouette said...

I definitely know the difference between Ugly, not so attractive and Pretty, Beautiful , cute, passable and so on. I am brutally honest when it comes to that type of thing.. I have seen them most ugly women who think that the world needs to bow down to their beauty and a standing ovation is needed when they walk in to a room… and I stand absolutely in shock.. And I have male friends who are like brothers that would tell me that a female is soooo fine blah , blah, blah , and then I see her , and I’m like okay.. “ That’s what you’re talking about”???? But at the end of the day as long as she’s good to my friend is what important to me… And I’m not hater by no means , I give props when props are do, but I don’t fall for anything.lol. I have never been able to make since of it myself… But the only thing I can come up with that is “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”…. At least that what they say… lol
Society has been formed to be so superficial.. It’s sad… And that is right all the pretty girls are not married. Look at Halle Berry. Shes Gorgeous and she’s not married, Look at Eva Longoria was married and not anymore and shes beautiful... and she’s not married.. And even if they are married are they happy??? That dudes blog is stupid… and Annamaria is right he probably is fat, old and PASTY!!!! LOL

@ Annamaria
LOL You said “Pasty”!!! LMAO

Tony said...

Men base their judgment of beauty in a woman on purely physical attributes and on their own tastes. Women judge each other on the whole package. All of ya'll got some agly ass friends! OR you are the ugly ass friend. I think my wife may be the type of woman that surrounds herself with ugly friends.....ALL of her friends are straight BUSTED! She claims she doesnt see them that way so she must have the best friends on the planet!

Tony said...

Now that I think of it my wife did have one pretty friend....beautiful actually, and as soon as I mentioned that she got voted da fuck off da island! DAMN!

The Cable Guy said...

LMAO@ Tony!

I agree with the men on the comments of that story - most of y'all think your friends are hotter than they are. I dont' know if y'all are blind or like Brokoe adn Toney said, you base attractiveness on the total package, nto just looks.

While I think it's great that you all can judge a person for who they are on the inside, let's not get it twisted. All your girls ain't pretty...and YALL KNOW IT! You just wont' say it.

Brooke, I've seen pics of some of your friends, and I must say, they are all pretty for the most part. I do think some pretty women subconsciously surround themselves with other pretty women because they like to appreciate them too. But I also know some very INSECURE STUNNINIG women who purposely keep busted women around them so that no one outshines them. Sadly, beautiful women are some of the most insecure people on earth.

Annamaria said...

@Sillouette Your comment is totally on point & hell yes I did call him that.. you know those pale looking dudes that look sick & like they are dying... and their mouth looks all chapped & dry & stuff...

:)

THAT DUDE...LOL

Sillouette said...

@ Tony...

LMAO!!!! Oh no!!LOL.. She kicked the pretty friend to the curb??? DAng!! Thats jacked up.. How did feel about that when she did that?? LOL..

Did you say it once? Or did you always say it when ever convos about her friends came up?

However Im not surprised that she did that though.LOL Ive seen it before...

Sillouette said...

@ Annamaria

Girl you made me spit up my drink laughing at you!! LOL.... I totally have the visual in my head now... Thanks girl!!! LOL..LOL

Courtney said...

@Brooke,

Where do you live that you see all these crazy people on th train!? LOL!

The term "pretty" is relative, but I DO think women judge their female friends incorrectly. Either we think they're beautiful when they really aren't, or we think they're ugly based on our OWN perspective and she ends up with all the guys. We might be loking at her face, or how much she weighs, and dudes are like "she has a slammin body!" or a sexy walk. When I look at some of the women my guy friends lust over, I can't understand it...but they see what we don't.

Brooke, since you have pretty friends, would you say that they think you're pretty, or would you say they might consider you the "ugly" friend? Clearly you're not ugly, but even if we don't have "ugly" friends, we have friends that we think we're attractive than. You said you think all your friends are pretty, so where do you fall in with them?

Just curious...

Annamaria said...

@Sillouette: no problem.... LMAO... I just wanted you to "see" what I see...LOL

Tony said...

I said it ONCE......in the same context of this discussion. I said "all the rest of your friends are busted, where did you find her?" A week later she was shipped to Siberia somewhere!

Annamaria said...

LMAO...@Tony... Can I have the number to your wife's travel agent!!!!!!!!

LMAO... I'm DYING...LOL

Sillouette said...

@ Tony

Omg!!! You got me dying laughing over here.. LMAO...

Sillouette said...

@Annamaria

Tell me about it!!!! Talk about fast Shipping!!! LMAO...

Stef said...

Courtney, sounds like you trying to start something with Brooke! LOL!

Brooke said...

@Courtney,

I live in Queens. I'm good for about 3 stops on the R or M - then the crazies get on. I can't even begin to tell you all the things I see. I wish people would let me take their picture sometimes. There's a guy I want you all to see that wears bedazzled jeans everyday and has pink hair. Hilarious!

But to answer your question: I honestly don’t know where I fall in when it comes to how I might be perceived. I don’t compare myself to my friends because I’m not in competition with them. I see beauty in all of my friends…and for different reasons. I can say that I think one friend has a gorgeous smile, the other has great hair, one has amazing skin or eyes. There isn’t one standard to judge them by. I don’t compare their hair to mine, their skin to mine, their eyes to mine. I think we all have our own beauty, and no one outshines the other.

Now, that being said, I don’t know if they feel the same about me. I hope they do, but you can’t really know. I’ve had friends give me a few backhanded comments, like “why do they like YOU?” or “How did you get HIM?” I’m not the thinnest of my friends, so maybe to them I’m the fat friend  I don’t have long hair or maybe a certain look, so maybe they think I’m the “cute” friend, but maybe not the “beautiful” one. Who knows… I can’t speak for them. But if they’re judging me as a total package, rather than on just looks, I’ll take that too. I think my package is prettier than anything I can show on the outside…and so I’d prefer that.

Annamaria said...

Brooke anyone giving you that backhanded ass comment will get tased... Let me know who they are cuz they are NOT your friends!

As Brooke's friend she is a BEAUTIFUL woman both inside & out. And I really do think she could get most men without even trying... Her problem is that she's too good for most men...

Anyone that thinks different can kick rocks and get the taser!

Brooke said...

Thank you Anna!

I usually let the backhanded comments slide, but there have been a few times where I had to ask "What did you mean by that?" They quickly backpedal and let me know they didn't mean it "that way." It happens a little less now, but that dosen't mean the thoughts don't still linger. But I don't worry about that and I believe that all of my friends love me. That's all I ask for.

Courtney said...

@Brooke,

I feel the same way about some of my friends. I wonder what that's about. Do you think jealously between close friends shows that your friendships are flawed, or is that natural?

Brooke said...

I think there's no room for jealousy in REAL friendships. You should be too busy wishing your friends well and wanting nothing but the best for them to be jealous of them. If you're jealous of your friends, that means you feel there's something in your life that's lacking. A pang of envy every now and then might be natural, but jealousy? No.

Serena W. said...

"The author, who is male, and other men responded this way: You may THINK you and your friends are pretty, but you probably really are not."

That is a wow!!!!

I think women do look more at the internal and external together. I agree with Annamaria...the term "pretty" is empty. I like beautiful or beauty better.

I've met some beautiful women from the outside but their energy and once they opened their mouth ruined it. I would love to see a pic of dude! Boo him!

Tony is hilarious for voting ole girl off the island!

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