Monday, March 1, 2010
Happy Monday everyone!
So, I have another "Dear Brookey" to share, courtesy of Facebook. Let's get to it shall we?
You won't believe what happened last night. I was out at a friend's birthday party and who happened to be there? My ex...along with his date. It was no surprise that he's already started dating other people. We were quite open about our intentions on moving on. When we broke up, it was hard. I wanted to end it, because in my heart, I knew he wasn't the one. However, I wasn't prepared for how his reaction would be when we finally saw each other. He was cold and actually quite rude when I came up to say hi. So rude, in fact, that he came over later to apologize - but nonetheless, he made himself look like an ass. His date did not have to have any idea of how we knew each other until he made things awkward. He's supposed to be an "actor." So what I want to know is where were his "acting abilities" last night? Did I mention that just last week he was calling me telling me how much he loved me and wanted to hang with me? I guess it's never easy seeing your ex after a break-up, but did he have to hang out in my backyard?!?! He knew that was my part of town and my spot that I usually frequent. Anyway, had to share.
As someone who shares the same city with an ex...or two...I can totally relate. As big as NYC is though, it took a couple of years before I actually ran into him. I always thought I'd dread that moment, but when it finally happened, I was fine with it. There was no real awkward moment, we both had moved on, and I was actually quite happy to see him after all that time.
But that may not be the case for most people who share a city with an ex. You could run into each other at a mutual friend's party, at a concert, Starbucks - at any time, anywhere. You could experience a full range of emotions - and depending on how the other person reacts, it could be pleasant...or you could want to stab him in the eye with with one of your high heels.
There are a gazillion possibilities as to how you'll feel, but there should be one overall way to react. If you have an ex in the city, a run-in may be inevitable - especially if you share mutual friends - so here are some Do's and Don'ts on how to behave when you run into your ex.
1. DON'T Run. If you saw him, that means he saw you. Or someone saw you see him. While taking flight may be your first reaction, it makes you look silly...or pathetic. Stay put and be confident. Be strong!
2. DO look GOOD! What better way to make him feel like the idiot he is than by reminding him what he’s missing out on? But that's only if you KNOW there's a chance you may see him. Now, you MAY run into him at the grocery store or Starbucks with your sweats on and a hat on your head. In that case, just be extra charming and act like nothing is bothering you - making him wonder why he let you go in the first place. If he's with his new girl, he'll wonder why his new boo isn't as cool and laid back as you are. No matter what you look like, be sweet and engaging. Confidence is sexy.
3. DO be nice to his date. If you're still angry, this is not the time or place to act a fool. I know you wanna punch her in the face or accidentally spill your drink on her, but don't do it. You'll just look like a bitter bitch. Don't cut her any dirty looks or be rude like ole boy was in the "Dear Brookey" scenario. Don't trip her when she walks by. Kill them with kindness and then walk away. Go talk to someone else and meet new people. Go away and move on. You can talk to your friends later about how ugly she was and how she's no where near as cute as you are :)
4. DON'T talk him (them) to death. Say hi, be classy, and keep it moving. Make that man think you have better places to be and better things to do with your time than spending it talking to him. This also keeps you from saying something stupid and making yourself look like an ass. And don't talk to everyone ELSE about him either. If you go around talking to your friends about how awkward it is that he's here, it'll get back to him - and it may make them feel weird too. And they'll think you're not over it. Don't say, "Oh, I'm SOOO over him" but then proceed to talk about him and his ugly date all night. No one cares. And if they DO ask you about him or how you feel, play it off. No one will make a big deal out of it if you don't.
5. DON'T flirt with him. No backsies. Like Martin Lawrence said, "If that shit is supposed to be over then let it be over!" Besides, it may make you look desperate and make him feel more awkward than he already does - especially if he's there with someone or trying to mack someone else. Besides, you don't want him back anyway remember? Beat it dude, you had your chance! Let him go.
The bottom line is, you're bound to run into an ex if you live in the same town/city, so deal with it. It's life. Whether it was a bitter break up or not, all you have to do is remember why you're not with the ex in the first place. Sure, seeing someone may make you want them back, especially if they're looking great and happy. But chances are, you broke up for a reason...so let it go. You can't hide forever, nor should you expect your ex to. Be an adult and know that these things happen. You can't always control where or when you run into your ex, but you can control how you act when you do...no matter how you feel. Living a happy life is the best revenge, so if you focus on YOU after a breakup, seeing him or her again - no matter when or where - will be no big deal.