Monday, March 1, 2010

Ex in the City

Happy Monday everyone!

So, I have another "Dear Brookey" to share, courtesy of Facebook. Let's get to it shall we?

Dear Brookey,

You won't believe what happened last night. I was out at a friend's birthday party and who happened to be there? My ex...along with his date. It was no surprise that he's already started dating other people. We were quite open about our intentions on moving on. When we broke up, it was hard. I wanted to end it, because in my heart, I knew he wasn't the one. However, I wasn't prepared for how his reaction would be when we finally saw each other. He was cold and actually quite rude when I came up to say hi. So rude, in fact, that he came over later to apologize - but nonetheless, he made himself look like an ass. His date did not have to have any idea of how we knew each other until he made things awkward. He's supposed to be an "actor." So what I want to know is where were his "acting abilities" last night? Did I mention that just last week he was calling me telling me how much he loved me and wanted to hang with me? I guess it's never easy seeing your ex after a break-up, but did he have to hang out in my backyard?!?! He knew that was my part of town and my spot that I usually frequent. Anyway, had to share.

As someone who shares the same city with an ex...or two...I can totally relate. As big as NYC is though, it took a couple of years before I actually ran into him. I always thought I'd dread that moment, but when it finally happened, I was fine with it. There was no real awkward moment, we both had moved on, and I was actually quite happy to see him after all that time.

But that may not be the case for most people who share a city with an ex. You could run into each other at a mutual friend's party, at a concert, Starbucks - at any time, anywhere. You could experience a full range of emotions - and depending on how the other person reacts, it could be pleasant...or you could want to stab him in the eye with with one of your high heels.

There are a gazillion possibilities as to how you'll feel, but there should be one overall way to react. If you have an ex in the city, a run-in may be inevitable - especially if you share mutual friends - so here are some Do's and Don'ts on how to behave when you run into your ex.

1. DON'T Run. If you saw him, that means he saw you. Or someone saw you see him. While taking flight may be your first reaction, it makes you look silly...or pathetic. Stay put and be confident. Be strong!

2. DO look GOOD! What better way to make him feel like the idiot he is than by reminding him what he’s missing out on? But that's only if you KNOW there's a chance you may see him. Now, you MAY run into him at the grocery store or Starbucks with your sweats on and a hat on your head. In that case, just be extra charming and act like nothing is bothering you - making him wonder why he let you go in the first place. If he's with his new girl, he'll wonder why his new boo isn't as cool and laid back as you are. No matter what you look like, be sweet and engaging. Confidence is sexy.

3. DO be nice to his date. If you're still angry, this is not the time or place to act a fool. I know you wanna punch her in the face or accidentally spill your drink on her, but don't do it. You'll just look like a bitter bitch. Don't cut her any dirty looks or be rude like ole boy was in the "Dear Brookey" scenario. Don't trip her when she walks by. Kill them with kindness and then walk away. Go talk to someone else and meet new people. Go away and move on. You can talk to your friends later about how ugly she was and how she's no where near as cute as you are :)

4. DON'T talk him (them) to death. Say hi, be classy, and keep it moving. Make that man think you have better places to be and better things to do with your time than spending it talking to him. This also keeps you from saying something stupid and making yourself look like an ass. And don't talk to everyone ELSE about him either. If you go around talking to your friends about how awkward it is that he's here, it'll get back to him - and it may make them feel weird too. And they'll think you're not over it. Don't say, "Oh, I'm SOOO over him" but then proceed to talk about him and his ugly date all night. No one cares. And if they DO ask you about him or how you feel, play it off. No one will make a big deal out of it if you don't.

5. DON'T flirt with him. No backsies. Like Martin Lawrence said, "If that shit is supposed to be over then let it be over!" Besides, it may make you look desperate and make him feel more awkward than he already does - especially if he's there with someone or trying to mack someone else. Besides, you don't want him back anyway remember? Beat it dude, you had your chance! Let him go.

The bottom line is, you're bound to run into an ex if you live in the same town/city, so deal with it. It's life. Whether it was a bitter break up or not, all you have to do is remember why you're not with the ex in the first place. Sure, seeing someone may make you want them back, especially if they're looking great and happy. But chances are, you broke up for a let it go. You can't hide forever, nor should you expect your ex to. Be an adult and know that these things happen. You can't always control where or when you run into your ex, but you can control how you act when you matter how you feel. Living a happy life is the best revenge, so if you focus on YOU after a breakup, seeing him or her again - no matter when or where - will be no big deal.



JUSTBNME said...


Stef said...

dammit JustBNMe!

Anyway, can I add one to that Brooke? I'd say:

DON'T get drunk! LOL! I was at a party once and my ex showed up. I was cool at first, but then I had a little too much to drink, and I wound up acting stupid. I'd cuss his ass out one minute, then try to dance with him the next. I totally played myself! LOL!

It didn't help that the new girl he was trying to get with was there and didn't drink, so I'm sure she was like "THIS is his ex? She's a clown!" It was bad.

Other than that, great list! Good advice...and if you can't do what Brooke said, then MOVE! HA!

Jay said...

LOL, good list Brooke!

Luckily my exes and I, for the most part, don't share too many mutual friends - otherwise I'm sure it would be awkward. I've never really found myself in any of these scenarios, but great advice. I'll have to keep them in mind if I ever do. My exes and I are cool though, so doubt there'd be any weirdness going on.

The Cable Guy said...


Girl, you're crazy.

great advice Brooke! I've run into a few exes before and it was weird a few times, but it blew over. One time I was there with someone new, another time she was. You DO compare yourself to the new guy sometimes, but none of them were ever as fly as me :)

Rameer The Circumstance said...

I agree with everyone good list. Although I'm more in Jigga's boat - most of my exes are extremely cool with me and our break-up. Even the one I asked about on the blog and was worried about...seems I had nothing to worry about in the end.

Good ish. to formally announce to the blog that SYRACUSE IS RANKED #1 IN THE COUNTRY!!!


Brooke said...

I knew Rameer was gonna post that :-)

The Fury said...

Very good list. I've been around exes that have broke many of those and damn if it doesn't work to make things even more uncomfortable for all attending.

funniest thing is I'm cool with generally all of my exes...hell some of them read and comment on stories about themselves. But there's always a dividing line we have to play in public. It's best to be as cordial to the new person as possible not just to look like you're over it, but to seriously be over it. He/she Is that person's problem now.

congrats to you Syracuse Orange folks. I checked the end of that blow out on Saturday. I have to say that game made the team look invincible.

Stef said...


I can see why your exes wouldn't be mad - shiiiiit! LOL!

So do you write stories about ALL your exes? :)

Jay said...

@Rameer and Fury,

I agree, Syracuse looks great. I watched and SU just took off. They deserve to be number 1, and they don't always get their props as the team they are. Good stuff. Congrats to Brooke, Rameer and all you other SU folks on here :) That was a great game.

Brooke, do your Philly peeps talk shit since you played a Philly team? :)

The Cable Guy said...

yeah, I was hoping Brooke would post a pic of herself in her SU jersey :)

Rameer The Circumstance said...

Thanks Jigga & Fury!! I've been rocking my SU gear all day, strutting around like a proud peacock. Can't nobody tell me ISH!!!

Being completely honest- I watch tons of college basketball. The only team in the nation in our class when we're on our game is Kansas. And we won't meet them until the Final Four when the tourney begins. As long as we stay healthy, we'll be unstoppable in the NCAA Tournament.

I'm still waiting for Brooke-Ra to rock the SU jersey myself...

The Fury said...

Lmao @ Stef and by the way, you getting drunk and wilding sounds funny as hell

There are some exes I haven't written about, but I would. Some stuff I save for a rainy day...

And I can't front, I've done the back slide on an ex or two after seeing them in public. The eyebrows cock, the heads are nodded the next thing you know...sexing! SMH

Stef said...

Hell! I'd backslide with your ass too, and I don't even know what you look like! I'd do it just off the stories alone!

I've backslid with an ex before after seeing him in public. We went right back to his place and did the damn thang. But afterwards it was like "ok, well, thanks, see ya around!" LOL!

Jaz said...

Great blog Brooke, and congrats to all you Syracuse people :)

I wish I had a cool college to love and cheer for :(

Anyway, I backslid with an ex I ran into while we were AT the party! Went right in the bathroom! But afterwards, we never really talked about getting back together, so that was strange. The "after" part was what made it weird. We went to opposite corners of the room and acted like nothing happened. THAT was weird.

Other than that, can't really say I run into exes often.

Isn't Fury supposed to blog tomorrow for TMI Tuesday?? I'm looking forward to taht!!

Brooke said...

Thanks Jaz :)

And yes, Fury IS supposed to blog tomorrow, so this should be interesting :)

The Fury said...

Jaz that reminds me of another Brooke can add to the list. If you backslide, don't make it weird. It can't be weird. You know what it's sex.

When you went to the other side of the room, you shouldn't have felt weird, you should've felt exuberant. Excited that you got it on in the bathroom and no one knew.

No feelings attached. It's hard (harder for women) but in case where you're going with the flow. Don't feel tormented about the race after it's run.

Yes I'm supposed to blog for tomorrow. Hoping Brookey approves. I'm being careful so as not to be as risque and filthy.

soon come Brookey...

Jaz said...


I think it was weird because I think we felt like everyone knew what we did. We didn't have the "best" breakup, so I think it made me look weak to my friends. I dunno, just was weird. If we were the only ones who knew, then it would've been fine.

I'm sure Brooke can let her blog be freaky for ONE day right? ;)

Anonymous said...

When is Temple going to get a RESPECTABLE Basketball program? This year we are doing ok though!!

What is that think you guys used to do up at Syracuse?

"When the 'Cuse is in the house??? OMG Danger!" Congrats on your number 1 ranking!


Anonymous said...

"THING" Had a broken hand getting acclimated with the keyboard again!

Brooke said...

Yep, you got it right Floyd!

"when the Cuse is in the house..."

Very proud of my Orange :-)

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