Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Happy Hump Day!
I open my Outlook inbox today at work to find an email from Annamaria. In it contains a single YouTube link to Austin's proposal. I don't think I hit reply fast enough to ask her if I could post it. "Sure, go head."
Watching the proposal brought tears to my eyes. I didn't have to hear anything, just the visual of true love was enough to make me all verklempt. A beautiful sight to see.
With the recent onslaught of reports on the doomed, single black woman, something dawned on me as I watched Austin get down on one knee. Love...Black love...is alive and well. Yes, we outnumber Black men. Yes, even if every black man married a black woman today, 1 in 12 women would be left out to dry. Blah, blah, blah. We get it.
I'm not saying the reports are false, that black women are imperfect, that it's easy for us to find the right person, or that all of us are looking in the right places with the right attitude. But I do think this debate deserves some perspective: Not only do smart, educated, organized, hard-working Black and Latina women in healthy, loving relationships exist - but they exist in my life, and they're everywhere. The macro picture may not be painted with pretty colors - but in my day-to-day life, surrounding me at every turn, it's a virtual rainbow of love!
My sister is married to a Moroccan born man. They've been together for 13 years and have two beautiful children. And they're still in love. My one best friend was married to her soulmate until the Lord called him home - they were together 15 years and share three amazing children. My other BFF is married to an Italian man and have three awesome sons. My friend Dana is married for the second time to her best friend (also Italian) who is a great father to my Godson and loving partner to her. I attended two weddings last year for amazing, talented, smart and beautiful Black women and their kings. And now, I can add Annamaria and Austin to my growing list of happily-ever-after friends who can tell that report on the single, lonely, high achieving yet desperate, cat-loving Black (Latina) woman to kiss their ass.
And as for my single friends...well, they're happily dating. Some juggling multiple suitors at a time. None of them are home wallowing in their sorrows eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's. They're living life, achieving goals, and being happy...knowing that one day their time will come.
Love is love, no matter where you find it...no matter which race you find it with. In all fairness, all of the women I know - White, Black, Latina, Asian, Indian, French, British - have had trouble at one point or another navigating the dating pool. Finding love is one of life's universal journeys. The chips aren't stacked in anyone's favor, but I'm a firm believer that making yourself the best person you can is an essential part of being ready when the right mate does come along.
An innate drive to be better, to do better, to sharpen your skills, to reach for the stars and never settle, is one of the things that make "high-achieving" women attractive. As long as somewhere along the road we keep our eyes open to love and make time to embrace it and follow our own rules -- wherever and whenever we find it -- we'll all have our own happily ever after.