Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Happy Hump Day!

I open my Outlook inbox today at work to find an email from Annamaria. In it contains a single YouTube link to Austin's proposal. I don't think I hit reply fast enough to ask her if I could post it. "Sure, go head."



Watching the proposal brought tears to my eyes. I didn't have to hear anything, just the visual of true love was enough to make me all verklempt. A beautiful sight to see.

With the recent onslaught of reports on the doomed, single black woman, something dawned on me as I watched Austin get down on one knee. Love...Black love...is alive and well. Yes, we outnumber Black men. Yes, even if every black man married a black woman today, 1 in 12 women would be left out to dry. Blah, blah, blah. We get it.

I'm not saying the reports are false, that black women are imperfect, that it's easy for us to find the right person, or that all of us are looking in the right places with the right attitude. But I do think this debate deserves some perspective: Not only do smart, educated, organized, hard-working Black and Latina women in healthy, loving relationships exist - but they exist in my life, and they're everywhere. The macro picture may not be painted with pretty colors - but in my day-to-day life, surrounding me at every turn, it's a virtual rainbow of love!

My sister is married to a Moroccan born man. They've been together for 13 years and have two beautiful children. And they're still in love. My one best friend was married to her soulmate until the Lord called him home - they were together 15 years and share three amazing children. My other BFF is married to an Italian man and have three awesome sons. My friend Dana is married for the second time to her best friend (also Italian) who is a great father to my Godson and loving partner to her. I attended two weddings last year for amazing, talented, smart and beautiful Black women and their kings. And now, I can add Annamaria and Austin to my growing list of happily-ever-after friends who can tell that report on the single, lonely, high achieving yet desperate, cat-loving Black (Latina) woman to kiss their ass.

And as for my single friends...well, they're happily dating. Some juggling multiple suitors at a time. None of them are home wallowing in their sorrows eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's. They're living life, achieving goals, and being happy...knowing that one day their time will come.

Love is love, no matter where you find it...no matter which race you find it with. In all fairness, all of the women I know - White, Black, Latina, Asian, Indian, French, British - have had trouble at one point or another navigating the dating pool. Finding love is one of life's universal journeys. The chips aren't stacked in anyone's favor, but I'm a firm believer that making yourself the best person you can is an essential part of being ready when the right mate does come along.

An innate drive to be better, to do better, to sharpen your skills, to reach for the stars and never settle, is one of the things that make "high-achieving" women attractive. As long as somewhere along the road we keep our eyes open to love and make time to embrace it and follow our own rules -- wherever and whenever we find it -- we'll all have our own happily ever after.

-b

19 comments:

Annamaria said...

FIRST BITCHES! IT's only right!!!!

Stef said...

LOL!! You can be first, I'm not even mad!

OMG Annamaria and Austin, that was BEAUTIFUL!!! You all know your both friends in my head, so I'm sitting here crying my eyes out and I don't even know ya'll! LOL!

Brooke, I'm so glad you wrote this from your perspective...a POSITIVE perspective on Black (and PR) love. I was so sick of hearing how doomed black women are and was beginning to feel down about it. But when I look around, I realize too that I have great examples of black love around me that no one hears about. Thank you for showing the black love is alive and well!

Rameer The Circumstance said...

That video is DOPE. Again, congratulations! Austin is THE MAN.

And the video reinforces my assertion eons ago...Annamaria is FINE AS ALL HELL! Lmao!

Oh, and last thing I'll say - you might not be willing to say those reports are false, Brooke-Ra - but I AM. They are FLAT OUT FALSE...and I don't have the patience to regurgitate the data to prove it as I've done over the past two months. But trust - anyone who believes all these "Black women are doomed" reports are probably susceptible to buying oceanside property in Iowa, too.

Congrats to Austin and Annamaria again...may you guys continue to be in love and to be happy together!!

Brooke said...

I'm not saying the reports are true either. If anything, I was trying to show that if we truly take a look around, we'll see that it's no where NEAR what they're saying is true for us, or that we'll all be damned to be unhappily single. I just wanted to show the opposite of what the media has been pushing down our throats over the years. Annamaria and Austin are but one example of how what they're saying IS false.

Annamaria said...

LMAO... Don't worry Stef we are BFF's in my head too! lol
I'm sick of hearing about how doomed black/latina women are & how there are no examples of love around. I have more examples of love around me than I do of miserable people. Love comes in all colors shapes & sizes. I'm glad that I took the chance on it & found my Powerz. Even though it took some persistence on his part we are here & happier than ever.

***MORE PROPS ON THAT PROPOSAL BABY***

Jaz said...

Wow, Austin is INDEED the man! That was great!!! I could truly feel the emotion coming from Annamaria, true surprise and joy - what a wonderful thing to see! And Austin looked totally confident in what he was doing...not nervous, nothing! Congrats again to you both, I only hope to find the love you both have one day!

Jay said...

That was great, thank you for allowing Brooke to share your moment with us. Austin, mad props bruh!

And great perspective Brooke. I think women hear these reports and it becomes a self fulling prophecy sometimes. It's like "I'm doomed, so why even try?" You never know how love will come to you, in what package, when it'll come. People think there's some formula, some image it has to portray, and clearly Annamaria and Austin are proof that when true love is meant to be, it's only a matter of time before all the pieces just fall into place.

I hope more women think like you and realize that black love IS everywhere, and it's ours for the asking and taking if we want it to be. Congrats again you two!

Malik said...

What a beautiful video. So real. Congrats Austin and Annamaria.

@Brooke, I know we spoke about this a while back but I just started the "Science of Relationships" post and should be done in a couple weeks.

It was a huge effort with roughly 10 different books contributing to my research with about 100 different quotes. Unfortunately most will have to dig into some of these books because it's just too much information to fit into one blog.

In short: Love is color blind, but there is a hell of a lot of science behind how and why we feel the way we do about each other. What I also found interesting is they had a lot of information on why (on a biological level) people wire themselves to fail in long-term relationships even if they meet the perfect mate. Food for thought.

Brooke said...

I can't wait for that guest blog Malik! I'm sure we'll all be enlightened by it!

Rameer The Circumstance said...

Oh, I wasn't trying to infer that YOU believed it, Brooke-Ra. I took you as saying you won't say it as you being your normal, look-at-all-sides-of-the-issue self. I was just saying I'm DEFINITELY stating it's absolutely false. But anyone can tell by reading your posts you don't believe that okey-doke either.

And Hov is 100% correct - it IS a self-fulfilling prophecy. Many times, the media will circulate something and it becomes truth cuz people believe it without ever questioning what is said. Perfect example? The entire painting of Iraq as those the U.S. needed to invade/go to war with as a response to 9/11. To this day, the average American doesn't question the fact that the terrorists were Saudi Arabian and that they and their interests originated IN Saudi Arabia. Or that the U.S. has done absolutely nothing about any number of harmful elements in that country - including Al Qaeda.

As I said in my barbershop the other day - people believe ANYTHING in print, on the Internet or on the screen without checking the validity of it themselves. And I know a gazillion Black women who have bought into this crap hook, line and sinker. I pretty much have accepted that 85% of all Americans are easily controlled, easily influenced, herded SHEEP.

All we can do is tell the truth to those willing to listen to it...and not listen to these sources that either have agendas or are simply regurgitating and expanding upon the "hot story of the moment".

Women of color are essentially in no worse position white women. The stats are easily manipulated, and it is VERY easy to say one side of the story without reporting the others.

How many of those stories pointed out that white women have children out of wedlock moreso than Black and Latina women, whose numbers and percentages have actually DROPPED over the past decade?

Exactly. NONE.

Monica said...

Congrats Anna Maria!! That was truly beautiful and inspiring.

Serena W. said...

ANNAMARIA!!!!!!! We spoke on Monday afternoon when I had a minor breakdown and you listened to me and were so caring about the whole matter of, "How do you know he is the one." Thank you for that...

AUSTIN, AUSTIN, AUSTIN...YOU ROCK LIKE ONE OF THOSE KENYANS THAT ALWAYS WIN FIRST PLACE AT MY MARATHONS LOL!

I'm so inspired by the two of you. Between the marriage of Adolphus and Monica two weekends ago and now your engagement I have a huge smile on my face. Despite the trying times, false reports about love, and drama in life people still love each other and find true love no matter what world we live in.

Again congrats to both of you and to everyone that has found their one true love. Honor and cherish that person.

Peace...

Yolanda said...

That was so beautiful. I'ma tase your camera man though for his lack of focus :-)

But I don't need a perfect picture to see the love on that stage. So wonderful!

And, I don't buy the reports about Black women either. But, I will say that it can tough to stay positive about love when you don't see it reflected in your family or circle of friends.

I'm an optimistic person through and through. So, I continue to believe and hold out hope that there is a Mr out there to make me a Mrs :-)

Congrats again Mr & Mrs Taser :-) And Baby Taser! Haaa!

ejackson said...

i think i got a little choked up...hurray for annamaria and austin!! i'm over here doing the happy dance for you - and i want new pics of the baby!!!

yes indeed, planatos and collard green love is alive and well. i have been with the same caribbean man for over 2 years. dont believe the hype. i agree with jay - if we as black women continue to indulge in the negative reports, we will in essence fulfill the prophecy ourselves.

Annamaria said...

Thank you all for your well wishes & congrats & YES AUSTIN IS SOOO THE MAN!!! LMAO...

Love is alive period.. Everyone always tries to put it in a box to define it & it doesn't work like that. I was a single girl with NO kids when Powerz & I started dating. He was divorced with 2 kids. SHOOT the whole interracial thing was the least of my worries. LMAO. But from DAY 1 he made everything soo easy. Yes we fight & I have to tase him now & then BUT we get back on track. And I have to admit he has taught me a lot, helped me grow as a person and has had to beat my stubborn ass over the head a few times.. LOL
BUT I'm glad I did... Relationships are a full time job BUT he helps to make it a VERY fulfilling & happy job!
And the one thing I can say is that I know for a fact in my heart that NO MAN will ever look at me OR love me the way he does! And that is one of the reasons why I said yes!

Latinegro said...

First I want to say Congrats to Annamaria and Austin.

I never thought black, brown or any other type of love was dead or dying. I do think that love has a color. Love is one of those perfect things that some of us are lucky enough to experience.

I am always happy to see someone else be successful with it because it gives me hope that perhaps one day I will find it again.

I wish u all the love and peace in the world Annamaria.

Latinegro said...

correction..love does not have a color

The Fury said...

Beautiful video....the cameraman def needs to keep his hand on the focus knob. It took almost the entire vid to see how fine Annamaria is.

Please reserve my spot at the bachelorette party. LOL'


Kidding...sort of. Love is beautiful!

Love is everywhere and in a supposed post-racial world, it seems color matters less in places of any diversity...

notice I said of any diversity.

I'm with those who aren't too certain of this data. I really think it's a way of having people think they won't ever find a mate. Then again, maybe if our brothers stop getting incarcerated on nonsense, we'd know what the real ratio is for men and women in our community.

No shots at us....only shots for the The Man.

Ms. Penn said...

I'm just now seeing this and it's truly touching. Congrats again Annamaria and Austin (and Sophia). Love is beautiful!

I agree, love is all around us if we just open our eyes to see it. What you believe will manifest itself, so if you feel you'll never find love based on all these reports, you won't. Don't let "them" shape your destiny, YOU do it. If you want love, pray for it, and believe it will happen, it will.

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