Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Happy Wednesday everyone!
Well, it would be a happy one if I wasn't sick :-( I've been sick all weekend, and had no chance to rest as I was busy running around with family celebrating my nephew Kyce's birthday weekend. The kids had fun, and I had a ball with them...but I'm exhausted :-( I got home at 1am last night because Kyce started crying as I was about to leave.
"I don't want you to go," he sobbed. So there I was...laying with them (Ibrahim was sound asleep) in the bed until he fell asleep. I didn't want to go either.
This happens to me every time I go home to visit. We have a great time, and then leaving them seems so painful. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but it's never easy to leave...especially when they beg me not to.
There is nothing like the feeling of unconditional love, especially from a child. They love me just because I'm Auntie. Nothing more, nothing less. Not because I buy them toys, or give them ice cream. They love me simply because I'm there...and because I love them first.
I've always said that I couldn't love them more than if I had birthed them myself. I'm sure for some that may seem like an exaggeration considering I don't know what it's like to have any children of my own. But I honestly believe that they are a part of me. I love them as if it's MY blood coursing through their veins. I see some of myself in them, even though I'm not the one raising them. I feel them in my spirit daily and I know they feel the same way about me. It's pure joy.
I thanked my sister recently for allowing me to feel so included in her family, especially with the boys. She looked at me like I was crazy. For her, me being such an integral part of their lives is as natural as breathing. Since we are so close, it's only fitting that I'd be close to her children.
But it's more than that. She says that I "co-parent" with her. She allows me to discipline them. I talk to them. I listen to them. I encourage them. I let them know when I'm disappointed with something they've done wrong, and I celebrate their accomplishments. I hug them. I squeeze them. I tickle them. I play with them. I do homework with them. I teach them. They teach me. I wipe their tears. I kiss their face and I hold them tight. Simply put...I love them. And I feel so blessed that my sister shares them with me.
I used to get a bit annoyed when my friends would say, "Well, you can have mine" when I would discuss my fears of not ever having children of my own. Of course they don't mean that literally, and I thought they were being insensitive or dismissive to the fact that this is a real concern of mine. My sister never really said such things to me, because she understands how I feel, but she would tell me that I was already a mother - I just didn't birth any children from my own body...yet. And now I get it.
If for any reason I don't have any children of my own, I'm beginning to feel like that'll be ok. If it's God's will, then He will make that happen. But if not, I can't say that my life will be empty or incomplete. I know what unconditional love feels like from a child...from two children...not from my body - but pure love nonetheless. That's more than some people will ever know, and it's a true blessing...and today, that really is enough for me.