Friday, March 12, 2010

TGIF!!

Instead of my Friday Sexy Survey, I'd like to talk about the question of the day that was asked on the radio this morning. This question was addressed to women - Would you rather have great sex in a bad marriage, or terrible sex in a great marriage?

Now, I thought all the women would call in and say they would rather have the bad sex in a great marriage, but to my surprise, that wasn't the case at all. The majority of women who called in said they'd rather have the great sex...which totally baffled me.

Now don't get me wrong, I love sex as much as the next person...especially great sex. But who would want to have a bad marriage just cuz the d*ck is good? I mean, let's really think about that.

The women who called in were supposedly "keeping it all the way real." "I need that release!" "I can't be with no man that's wack in bed!" Blah blah blah.

But if these women were being really honest, they would have realized that most women tie sex and emotions together...so if you're unhappy in a marriage, chances are you don't wanna have sex with the person who's making you unhappy anyway. Kinda defeats the purpose, right?

I don't think these women who answered that they'd rather have great sex thought through all the scenarios that could make a marriage a bad one. I'm sure Ike and Tina had great sex too...until he started beating her ass. Chris Brown and Rihanna probably got it in too...til he bit her and put her in a headlock.

I'm not making light, I'm trying to show how BAD a marriage/relationship can be, and how no amount of good d*ck can make it better. If I associate a man's touch with pain because he physically abuses me, then how can I allow myself to be intimate with him? You give me a black eye one minute, then want to have sex the next? I think NOT.

And it doesn't have to be physical abuse - mental/emotional abuse can be just has hurtful. And if someone is constantly belittling you, breaking you down, and wearing at your self esteem, then chances are you're not going to want or enjoy sex with that person. How can you? I mean...is it just me?

I understand that some feel a marriage can't be great unless there's great sex in it. I get that. But if we're dealing in absolutes here, where the sex can never get better and you're stuck with it, that would presuppose that divorce isn't an option. So by that logic, who would want to be stuck in a bad marriage for the rest of their lives? If you live to be a 100, the sex will probably have stopped in the marriage a LONG time ago, and you'll be an old woman in a non-fulling marriage...who isn't even having great sex anymore. Now what?!

I'd rather buy a battery operated replacement and release on my own - and also have a great guy to share my life with. Great sex doesn't make for a great husband or father. Great sex doesn't have your back, take care of you when you're sick, tells you he loves you or provides a good home for your children and grandchildren to grow up in. And there's not enough good d*ck in the world that is worth my happiness and peace of mind.

But hey, that's just me...anyone else feel differently? Holla at me!

-b

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

First Bitches!

I knew you would blog about this today!!

Floyd

Anonymous said...

I will say this though if the sex isn't good, it can strain a marriage! Sex is a key component in all relationships. You have to desire and want your partner! If that fizzles, then it may possibly start a downward spiral! Truthfully though...in marriage there is no sex lol! With a baby I am learning there is even less! All good...I have work and school to keep me distracted LOL!

Floyd

Corporate Diva said...

Great marriage and bad sex all day!!

Unlike most, I believe that you can improve someone's performance in bed. Because ultimately sex is about pleasing your partner, when you have a good bond then your partner strives to make you feel pleasure.

Geeque4u said...

Well said Corporate Diva!!

Stephanie said...

Brooke once again i agree with you.
I'd rather have a great marriage and bad sex. A couple can always work on the sex part. Once you've been in a relationship for a while you don't have as much sex as you did in the beginning anyway. It always makes me laugh when new couples emerge and swear the sex will always be how it was in the beginning of their relationship.My man and I have this conversation all the time. He wants sex every day 2 times a day. He's like " we don't have sex everyday like we use to." Mind you when we met I was unemployed so it was doable. I have a job now and run a home and help him with his kids so 7 days a week is unrealistic.Four years later we have it at least 4 times a week and he still wants more.
We have a wonderful sex life and I am VERY satisfied.Even though he's not the best lover I've had I feel we have a better relationship than my last 3 combined,I think it's a great balance. Yeah, ive had the ones where the sex was off the charts all day everyday, but never felt as happy, loved or secure as I do now. So for those who think that sex is the more important than a great marriage I think they are fooling themselves. Once the afterglow is gone you have to look at the things that make you compatible in the long term. Do you share the same morals and values for your life as a whole. One of the privileges of being a women is that We always bring the pussy to the party. A women if she plays her cards right can always get banged, but a good man, let alone a great marriage is hard to find.

The Fury said...

I agree with Floyd on bad sex being a strain on a relationship. I've heard many a friend in a relationship, some married point to the sex as being the downfall of the relationship. This is men and women. You figure on top of the normal stresses of a relationship...AND you're not getting off?? SMH

ladies, ladies ladies...it was an either or question and you're trying to "make it better". That wasn't an option. So pick one and deal with that :-) honestly, some things just can't be taught or worked out. So while you can bring the pussy to the party, a wack DJ will ruin th whole thing.

The Fury said...

and if I had to choose...i'd pick a great marriage. But after years of that wack sex...i dunno man.

Stephanie said...

@ Fury, A wack DJ can ruin the party if you expect him to do all the work.It takes two to tango.We need to help each other out.

Corporate Diva said...

@Fury...we don't stay stagnant as people so I think as relationships grow the sex can get better. If the relationship is getting better. If you are in a bad relationship, I'm with Brooke, get the hell away from me. Marriage has many dimensions and being good in one thing and bad at most of the other is not a good thing.

Craig n 'em said...

Can I stradle the line and say I want GOOD SEX and a GOOD ENGAGEMENT? I guess that won't last either, huh? The other choices you have there don't seem appealing me at all.

Unless you have a GREAT MARRIAGE by having GREAT SEX with someone else...

Nikki said...

Amen and Amen to the blog. Were we born learning how to write, feed ourselves and drive stick? (yeah that pun was intended)

I take the radio question in the spirit it was given (and get Fury's point), where you have no choice but to accept one or the other for the rest of your life; but consider that sex takes up less of a lifetime than the day to day of a marriage. I would take the great marriage - the bad sex would suck, but hey. We'd have to find other extra curricular activities of an orgasmic nature lol.

Annamaria said...

If I aint having good sex then my marriage is screwed!!!!!! My marriage will be all good as long as I'm getting "taken care of."

Brooke said...

Hey everyone!

Like Fury said, the question was worded so that you had to pick either/or...the sex won't ever get better and divorce isn't an option. That might make the answer a bit trickier for some of you.

But my answer remains the same. In the grand scheme of things, Nikki said it best - sex doesn't make up the majority of your time with a person. You work, raise kids, have friends, outside interests, etc. Sex really makes up so little of the day to day...but a bad person, feeling unhappy? That can seem like forever with the wrong person.

Think of all the things that make a marriage bad OTHER than sex, and see how long you'd want to be around that person, let alone let them touch you. You'd be miserable AND sexless. Not cool.

My Rabbit will do just fine thank you :)

Stef said...

At first I said I'd rather take the great sex, but after reading your blog and the examples of a bad marriage, I changed my mind. I dind't think it that far through, you're right. No dick is worth getting beat on or disrespected.

But damn if I'd be a horny bitch! LOL!

Jay said...

As much as I love sex, I'd hav to take the great marriage. It's really a no brainer to me. You don't have sex with your partner all day everyday. Real life happens, and when real life happens, you need someone there who has your back, encourages you, who makes you smile, you lifts you up, who's a good partner, a good mother and a friend. If you don't have any of that, and all you have is sex, then there's no need to get married. That's not what a marriage is, so what's the point?

Anonymous said...

Monkeys, gorillas, dogs and elephants can be taught to paint, read the alphabet and bark when there's a fire, so anybody can be taught how to improve their freakiness. I'll take the great marriage, for the win, Alex!

-yolanda.

Annamaria said...

1. Not everyone can be taught how to have great sex.

2. I did not get a teaching degree for a reason. If I wanted to be a teacher I'd be in a classroom

3. In MY opinion I feel that sex has a lot to do with your attraction to your significant other. IF the person I was with was wack then I'd be inclined to avoid intamacy with him & would generally not be as attracted to him...

I am completely attracted to my significant other & to be perfectly honest YES I do want to have sex with him all day everyday yes real life happens, I get mad at him, He gets mad at me, we're tired, the baby's crying etc etc etc BUT we can always give each other that look & when it does go down IT GOES DOWN..... I'm sorry I ain't gonna wanna deal with real life & drama with someone who I'm not attracted to OR someone who I feel is going to make me more frustrated after the act than I was before...

(just me & my opinion but this is how I feel)

Jaz said...

@Annamaria,

It sounds to me like you have a good relationship though. The way you talk about you and Powerz, you don't fit the bill for this question. You and him have a great working relationship, it's not just about good sex. You're not in a bad relationship at all.

If Powerz hit you or verbally abused you, would the sex still make you stay? Of course not! If he cheated on you, would the good sex make you stay? NO!

That's the question here, not whether or not you need good sex, but more about if good sex would make you stay in a BAD relationship.

Annamaria said...

VERY GOOD POINT JAZ....You're right IF he ever did any of those things I wouldn't stay...... Especially now because I have a daughter to guide & she is WAY more important than dick!

Annamaria said...

Actually I just thought about it...I wouldn't leave him if he hit me or cheated on me...I'd hit it one last time & then tase him & bury him in the backyard!!!!! :)

Brooke said...

there's a solution - good dick, or you die...plain and simple :) LOL!

Annamaria said...

Actually more like Well behaved Good dick or die!!! LMAO

Brooke said...

true...true :)

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