Monday, March 8, 2010

Happy Monday!

So rather than write a long, drawn out blog - I have a question of the day. I asked this on Random Thoughts Thursday, and no one really answered, so I thought I'd ask again. Would you entertain being in an open relationship/marriage?

I ask this question based on Barbara Walters' interview with Mo'Nique on her Academy Awards Special Sunday night. Mo'Nique says,“Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That’s not a deal-breaker. That’s not something that would make us say, ‘pack your things and let’s end the marriage.’ ”



I've never been married, nor do I share children with anyone, so I can't speak to what would make me stay or leave if I was in that situation. The easy question would be "why get married in the first place?" But does marriage mean more than just monogamy? Is it about the connection? The family?

Would you be able to be in an open relationship? If so, what are the benefits besides just the sex? Why be in a relationship if it's an open one? Do you feel that monogamy is natural? Break it down!

Go!

-b

30 comments:

SarKism said...

1st bitches

Yolanda said...

I can't. Maybe I'm too traditional. Maybe I lack relationship experience. Maybe I'm an old fogey. But NO. There will be no poking going on outside the marriage (when and if I ever find myself in a marriage).

I don't think anyone can ever say what is an absolute deal breaker until they are IN that moment... but I know myself and my tendencies... I don't think I could handle sex outside the marriage.

I do hear Mo'Nique's point about an open marriage being one where there are no secrets and you talk openly... but outside the marriage sex? No ma'am!

AND I SHAVE MY LEGS!!!

Latinegro said...

I have one comment about this:

If you truly love the person, you will never want to share them.

I am done.

Seana W said...

Well its good for Monique that she knows what her limits are and she has made her husband aware of them (at least I hope she did). I would say that many a married woman has come to the same conclusion – after the fact. How many women do you know have men that step out on them and they turn a blind eye? They probably didn’t get into that relationship with such an “open” mind.

For me, fidelity is an important component in a marriage (or committed relationship) as it affects intimacy and trust. Besides that’s mine, bought and paid for, get your own!

Annamaria said...

HELL NO! No way no how am I sharing my man! I'd pack my stuff up & bounce with Sophia after sticking a taser in his colon!

Yolanda said...

*hollering out a church-sized AMEN to Ant*

Brooke said...

how do you get your comments in italics like that??? :)

Stef said...

Umm....HELL NO!

I'm sorry, but that's bullshit. That whole "open marriage" crap is pure nonsense. Why get married if your husband can screw other women? Why not just continue to date so that you both can be free to do what you want?

I don't get it. I can see if your man cheated once, and you worked through it and that's not a deal breaker. But AGREEING to allow your husband to sleep with other women willingly tells me that you really are NOT secure in your relationship - it just means you'd rather have a man than no man at all. Monique is wack for that!

Yolanda said...

Ha! I use the HTML tags.

< i >type what you want < /i >

Just remove the spaces around the i.

Brooke said...

That's all greek to me :-) Thanks!

Monica said...

I agree with everyone who has commented. If you are not going to be committed to each other then why get married? Maybe monique is practicing reverse psychology on him lol. Maybe telling him that he CAN do it actually makes him feel like he has a choice and prevents him from feeling restricted. Thus instead of feeling trapped and ready to cheat, he thinks he has an option and chooses not to cheat.

Jay said...

I couldn't do it. If I wanted to sleep with different women, then I wouldn't get married...mainly because I don't want to share my woman with anyone else. If I was doing it, that means she would be able to, and I'm not having that.

Whatever works for them is for them, but he's the only one benefitting. You can't feel good knowing your man just got back from smashing some chick. Not to mention what if the other woman gets pregnant, or you contract an STD? That's when "open" becomes dangerous. Why have "rules" for cheating? Either get married and be faithful, or stay single and have sex with whoever you want. It's that simple...for ME anyway.

Rameer The Circumstance said...

Ant put it best. No other commentary is really needed.

However, I'll ask THIS - what about those couples that are swingers?? This is a really big subculture in this country and worldwide; there are parties in every major city, clubs, groups, and things that cater to it. I've actually known a few in my lifetime, and have even been solicited (no, I didn't/wouldn't do it!).

What about those married couples that want to bring an extra person or person into their bed? What y'all think about that? They MUTUALLY agree on who to bring in, when, and the parameters. Not just doing their thing when they want like the Monique situation...they do it TOGETHER.

Thoughts?

Stef said...

That's some ole freak sh*t Rameer :) But I think that would be better than simply saying "you can have sex with whoever you want to." At least if we do it together, and it's a form of fantasy/sex play, then that MIGHT be better. But I still can't do it. I can't watch my man have sex with anyone else. And I wouldn't want him to see ME having sex with anyone else. Again, what would be the point of being in a relationship? I guess you can call me a prude, cuz thats some pervert mess right there.

Annamaria said...

Stef considering all your previous comments on this blog I don't think any of us would call you a prude! LMAO

You just have your limits & you know what they are. Nothing wrong with that..

Annamaria said...

I never had to share my toys as a child & I don't wanna share as an adult either. My man is off limits!

Latinegro said...

@Annamaria - you don't even share your taser...

Stef said...

@Annamaria,

You're right - getting my head stuck in a headboard might not name me a prude in some people's eyse :) But yes, I know my limits, and sharing a man is my limit. Can't do it.

Latinegro said...

Stef got her head stuck in a headboard? Where the hell have I been? -_-

The Cable Guy said...

Latinegro, you missed that one???

That had to be the funniest story ever on this blog! LOL!

Jay said...

Oh, Latinegro, you missed it.

Stef got her head stuck in a headboard while dude was hittin it from the back. She yelled to him that she was stuck and dude kept going! It was hilarious!

Well, not for Stef...but for US it was!

Latinegro said...

CG - damn it! how long ago was this?

Rameer The Circumstance said...

Just for the record - my question was a Devil's Advocate question. Anyone who knows me knows I ain't sharing ISH. But I won't front - one of my ex-news directors was into that ish, and for whatever reason chose to talk to ME about it one day, cuz I "seemed cool"/

Yuck. But hey - resorts like Hedonism WELCOME those type of couples regularly.

Latinegro said...

hahaha! omg! Brooke you need to give out awards for stories like that!

Brooke said...

I wish I could, that story was priceless!

Stef said...

Haha, very funny. :)

It's funny now that I look back on it, but at the time I was mad as hell! Fucker didn't stop!!

Now, whenever I have doggie style sex, I try to inch down as close to the middle of the bed away from the headboard as possible! LOL!

Jaz said...

I remember Stef's story, that was hilarious! I was crying laughing!

As for the topic, I don't see a point in getting married if you're gonna share. I know that marriage is a partnership, and not just about sex, but to me, why bother making it official when you can just date and have a partnership that way and screw whoever you want? I don't see the point.

Jay said...

Not into swinging either. If I can't IMAGINE my woman having sex with another man, then I definitely don't wanna really SEE it. Again, why call her my woman if I'm cool with seeing some other dude sex her up? If you need to see your mate have sex with someone else just to keep the spark, that means you're not very creative between the two of you. Trust me, I'll keep my woman entertained for a LONG time before she even thinks of wanting sex from someone else.

Dr. PLJ said...

Brooke, It's funny that you should bring this topic up, because I've actually counseled a few couples who were swingers. One of them is now getting a divorce, and the other appears headed in that direction. On the surface, each will tell you that they didn't see any harm in expanding their sexual practices with each other because they had open lines of communication and healthy sense of self (sexually). Each couple thought there was no harm in swapping partners and/or inviting third or fourth parties into their sexual relationships, however as time progressed, the lines of communication deteriorated, and one of the individuals decided that she or he was no longer interested in continuing. What ensued was a breakdown in trust and increased emotional distance for each couple. I don't buy that Monique is giving her husband a pass and trying to pass this off as a healthy relationship.

Brooke said...

I agree with that, and I don't think I can do it for the reasons you stated. Trust is major with me, and I don't think I have it in me to be in a relationship like that - no matter how much we "communicate." If monogamy isn't natural to you, then don't get married.

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