Monday, November 2, 2009
I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend!
So I'm trying to think of something to write about this morning, and our blog family member Monica says, "You know what I was thinking about this morning? Usher and his new single. I really listened to it for the first time this morning, and maybe it's just me, but I think the fact that he is putting his whole relationship on blast like that is F'd up."
I actually had a brief discussion about "Papers" last week with another friend who said that Tameka Foster, Usher's wife...or ex-wife...or whatever..."must've done something really wrong if Usher is writing a song like that about her."
In case you haven't heard it or don't know all the lyrics, here it is:
Now, I've never been married, let alone divorced - so I can't speak on the intricacies of marriage and all that goes down within the confines of holy matrimony. I remember when Usher and Tameka were out and about as a couple, people were shocked. He was a Porshe, and she was an old, beat up pick-up truck - or so THEY said. What was he doing with her? He could have anyone he wanted, and he chose her?
Then she turned up pregnant, there was some talk that his mother didn't approve of her, didn't attend the big wedding they were supposed to have - that then got called off - and then back on again...only to get married in his attorney's office. Two years and two sons later, he's ready to sign them papers.
None of us knows what either of them did right or wrong. None of us were privy to the inner workings of their relationship. None of us knows why the marriage fell apart. And isn't that the way it should be?
I know, I know...we all know what singers and song writers do - they write a song about it. Wanna hear it? Here it go! Now we're all looking at her like some sort of monster who made him damn near lose his mama. Damn you Tameka Foster!!!
But is that fair? Great love and great success require taking great risks. We all do it everyday. There are no guarantees to love, and no one can MAKE anyone fall in love with us. We fall in love willingly. Yes, there is a such thing as fraud in a relationship. People can pretend to be one thing (heterosexual) and be something else (ie: Terry McMillan's gay husband...even though I don't see how she missed that one...I digress...)
But most times, maybe we just fall in love with the wrong person. Or maybe we grow apart. Maybe circumstances beyond our control makes one of us change, while the other person remains the same. Maybe we rush into marriage, only to end up divorced a year or two later. Maybe we get married for the wrong reasons. Maybe we allow people to pressure us into it, or maybe we do it to spite someone else - even though we may know better. The "maybe's" are endless.
No one ever wants to be "wrong" when it comes to who we choose to love. Sometimes admitting that we made a mistake is so hard that we stay in relationships way longer than we need to...just so we don't look like failures. No one wants to think that we chose to love the wrong person - or that we loved too hard and too soon.
But it's a risk you take - you win some and you lose some. And sometimes it's no one's fault - it just wasn't meant to be. So to throw someone under the bus, especially when that someone is the mother of your two sons, is a bit much. Yes, she may have hurt him. Maybe she wasn't the person he thought she was. But that's a learning moment - a private one. Your sons will hear that song one day, and they may not appreciate that you chose to put their mother out there like that. Not everything has to be shared, and without hearing both sides of the story, it's kind of cruel. We ALL don't need to know that you fight at 6 in the morning.
While some would thrive on the "I told you so's" about Usher and Tameka Foster, it's really no one's business. And for him to say that he almost lost his mama over her...well, that's just stupid. Usher chose to love Tameka Foster. Usher chose to ignore the warnings his mother may have given him. Usher chose to fire his mother as his manager for whatever reason. Usher chose to marry this woman and have children with her. These were all HIS decisions...and no one was holding a gun to his head. If he almost lost his mother, it was his OWN doing, not hers. He should take responsibility for that - not blame it on her completely.
I'm sure as an artist, when you're going through something, your natural creative instinct is to write or sing about it. I get that. But you have to be careful when you have children to think about. Sing about moving on, sing about healing your heart, sing about continuing to be a great father - and leave the fighting and "girl you done almost made me lose my mama" stuff to yourself. Put it in a diary.