Okay, so Brooke-Ra gave me a shot at guest blogging again. And while I’m glad for the opportunity (no, Brooke-Ra and Serena, I’m STILL not doing the bitchass blog!), the subject matter is…kind of peculiar.
See, it deals with a previous blog and subject matter we’ve talked about in the past. I believe it was Serena’s blog, “Turning In My Player’s Hat,” that really got the convo going about men “deciding” when they wanted to settle down - leaving good women in their wake unfairly. And I read what many of the ladies wrote, and agreed with or at least saw their point on many things. I’m still unsure why (in my opinion) most women do the comparison thing – comparing the new girl to you, or measuring up to see who was better, looked better, better job, etc. – but I completely get it.
Now...I might be one of those dudes.
I’m always honest on here, but I’m going to try to be as forthcoming as possible in this blog. I really don’t THINK I’m superficial at all. I don’t THINK that. But I’ve wondered off of the opinions of people at times. Never off of the opinions of any of my closest people; we’re all brutally honest, and since none of them ever made that claim about me, I tend to think I’m right in my assertion that I’m not that way. However, people who know me, but maybe not that well, have made the claim that I only date/mess with/deal with VERY attractive women. And I must say, I DO know a TON of them. And most of the ones I’ve dealt with romantically typically have gotten the “DAYUM!!” from brothas – as well as sistas, too.
A while back, I went out with this really sweet, beautiful woman. Extremely smart, Knowledge Of Self, self-sufficient, no-nonsense – she’s pretty much everything a good guy would want. For years, she dated this dude that I jokingly called “the Reverend MLK Jr.,”...cuz homie looked like MLK. He was a good dude though, and I couldn’t cut his throat, (me and my boy’s term for stealing a girl from another dude) cuz he’s actually an SU grad – and I’m extremely loyal and have an affinity for my SU peoples.
Anyway, he moved, they broke up, and that was that. At some point last year, we took our flirtation to a little MORE than flirtation. Now, I flirt with any female who is attractive. But this always had a hint of truth to it; secretly, we’ve been attracted to each other from Day One of meeting each other – all the way back in ’97. She was a co-worker until a few years back, and we were just very good, close friends.
Well, we crossed the line. Everything was great – we were together, both knew what we wanted (supposedly), and were happy. But then, something started not being right. For ME. I couldn’t put my foot on it, but I couldn’t be with her. Then, a mitigating circumstance reared its head – there was a chance (albeit a small one) that a good friend’s impending baby could be mine (we had dated in the past and had hooked up for ol’ times sake months before she and I got together. She felt it was fair to tell me there was a chance it could be mine if not her ex’s).
I think I used that as a good reason to break it off. Truth is, if the baby was mine, (it wasn’t it turned out, as me and the female friend both initially thought) I would’ve tried to make it work with the friend, cuz we’re tight, and she’s marriage material. I’m not into “baby mommas,”and I’d want my child to have both parents together and present in the home. But it was like the perfect excuse to let go of something that, though it was perfect, just wasn’t right for me.
When we broke it off, she understood, but told me that she would be there, and hoped that one day we could get back together. I told her don’t do that - to move on with her life and we’ll always be good friends.
Fast forward to today. I’m seeing someone.
The woman I’m seeing is EXTREMELY different than most women I’ve ever been seriously involved with. First off, she’s not a “model chick” like some of the envious types at my job accuse me of always being with. She’s not ugly by any means, but she would classify as an average woman. There are a number of other things that are a bit opposite of what people would think of a woman on my arm, based on my past women and who I am. But here’s the thing – at the end of the day, I’m HAPPY. I mean, like ecstatic happy. Head over heels, ebullient when we’re together. And it’s really a good thing.
Princess LOVES her. She says she’s perfect for me, that I needed to stop with the model chicks as well. And she says she’s a challenge and that I’ve been able to get women too easy – and this one wasn’t easy. I can tell you this – we both have each other stepping out each other’s lanes to do new things. She took me to my first hockey game as an adult this past week (she LOVES all sports, and was determined to prove to me that I could like a live hockey game as much as other sports – she was RIGHT). I got her to eat Asian-fusion when she thought most Asian food was disgusting (she was wrong). We both hate PDA's, yet we find each other holding hands at times and kissing in public, regardless of who is around (I SERIOUSLY don’t do that stuff – but I’ve done it with her – on my own!).
But now I’m thinking about Woman #1.
See, she definitely is a “model chick.” And, while I’m not going crazy and saying she’s “The One,” about the woman I'm seeing now, I’m happy and want nothing else. And I’m wondering how Woman #1 is going to react once she knows about my new woman. I’m positive the comparisons are going to go through her mind, and that she’s gonna feel and echo the same sentiments that I read on here from the ladies regarding how we men unfairly get them to the point of investing the time - just to move on to the next woman’s benefit. She knows I’m a pretty good guy, which will make it worse. And I happen to know she hasn’t dated or messed with any guy seriously since me – and that means she’s been single for almost ALL of 2009.
Meanwhile, I’ve dated casually…but she’s held on, even though I’ve never led her on, and made it clear I was in another space and wanted to maintain nothing but friendship between us. But I don’t think we can ever go back to being pure platonic friends, truly.
I’m at a loss as to what to do. I’m not giving up this wonderful woman in the least, but I have no idea how to deal with the situation with Woman #1 - cuz now...I’m THAT guy. The guy I read all of you ladies ranting about wasting your time and then moving on and treating the next woman like an Empress. Even though I treated Woman #1 well, it’s of no solace to her. Not to sound arrogant, but I KNOW she still wants me. I KNOW she thinks we should be together…and probably envisioned us being each other’s last relationship.
It’s a tough position to be in, cuz I DO care about her as a friend. But I can’t help but think she’s going to look at me with resentment and hurt. That I wasted her time. Why did I put her through this, only to move on to her? That I went from being the good guy she loved…to THAT guy.
It’s true. It’s unfair, but when we’re ready to settle down, we do in many cases…and sometimes at the expense of past relationships and connections.
I’ve always prided myself in being a genuinely good guy, and most people have agreed with that assessment.
But now, I’m thinking…maybe I am just THAT GUY.
Love to hear any and all feedback from you guys…especially the women.
Over the years, I've been blessed to have spent time with, befriend, love, learn from and share experiences with people who have helped me grow and inspire me everyday. They have shared words of wisdom, strengthened me with encouragement, gave me joy with a smile, comforted me with a hug, gave clarity to my visions and dreams and renewed my spirit with faith. It is through family and friends that I manage to be happy and hopeful.
These relationships work because we share our philosophies, our personal truths and an outlook that prompts us to seek something greater in all and in ourselves. Sharing a journey heartedly illuminates our lives and enriches our experiences. It keeps us moving....always evolving....ever changing.
I have been transformed by the wisdom, opinions, insights and revelations of those who have shared their journey with me. It's a blessing I long to share with you through my first ever blog. For me, writing is a reflection of my own direct experience and I look forward to all of you sharing your thoughts and experiences with me.
So...with that said....can I just say.....??? :-)