Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Happy Tuesday peoples!
So last night, I was having dinner with a friend, and she tells me that she's never approached a man or asked one out on a date. While I didn't think that was too odd, she went on to say that she doesn't even really know how to flirt with a man, and that she gets really shy around men that she's interested in.
When I told her that she needs to practice, she she said "Oh no, I can't do that. I just can't, because I don't wanna deal with the rejection." Well...duh...no one does, but how else can you let that certain someone know you're interested so that he'll know to approach you?
"A man should just know," she said.
And while I understand that men are supposed to be the chasers, not all men "get it" when we're sending out our smoke signals. Sometimes they need a little help reading us, and sometimes they're just as shy as we are. Men are afraid of rejection too, they just have no choice since most of them feel that society dictates that they always make the first move. I think men are just more used to dealing with possible rejection than we are simply because they do most of the pursuing.
And I get it. A woman likes to feel wanted and pursued. But don't men want those same things? While I understand that we're the "ladies" and the man should be a "man," what's wrong with a little harmless flirting, or simple eye contact, to let a man know you're interested? I asked her how all of her relationships began if she's not doing ANYTHING to let a guy know she's interested.
"Well, the man approaches me. If I like him, we go out. If not, then I keep it moving. At least that way, if a guy approaches ME, I already know he likes me and I don't have to worry about rejection."
My question to her was simply this:
"So, are you going to go through life allowing someone to choose you and just take what's GIVEN to you, or are you going to go out and get what YOU want?"
She sat looking at me. "You're right," she says.
Now, don't get me wrong, I know putting yourself out there may not be the easiest thing in the world to do. Facing possible disappointment, embarrassment and ego bruising is never fun. Women usually have the luxury and satisfaction of choosing who she will or will not give her attention to.
A man approaches:
"Look at his shoes."
"His teeth are jacked up."
"Oh no he didn't just come up to me. Child please."
We sit back and choose. Men chase, and we decide who catches us.
But that's the easy way out.
You never know what'll happen if you don't try - at least once - to go after a man that YOU want to date. My friend is beautiful, smart and funny - so I can't imagine her possibly getting rejected by any man she sets her sights on. But if he's not interested, then so what? You live to flirt another day, and it builds a thick skin...and character. You have to be confident in who you are, and if he doesn't return your interest, just chalk it up to "he's just not the into me." And there's nothing wrong with that.
But chances are, even if you're not his cup of tea, he'll still think that you're a brave, confident woman who goes after what she wants. He might even think it's sexy. If you're afraid to go all out and ask a man on a date, subtle hints work too. Let your gaze linger a little longer on his glance - eye contact goes a long way. Smile at him. Say "good morning." If he's interested, chances are he'll take it from there. If you sense that he's interested, but shy, then you might need to take it a little further and hand him your business card and hopefully he'll email you since a cat has got his tongue. The trick is to let the man know it's okay to approach you.
And if he doesn't, there's no love lost. No embarrassment. No rejection. You simply said hello to a cute guy on the train. Just be sure to wink at him as you get off at your stop - that way , you'll have him smiling all day...and he'll remember you ;)