Monday, October 26, 2009

Happy Monday everyone!

I had the BEST weekend! Spending time with my family always does my heart good. My nephew Ibrahim turned 3 years old, so Chuck E. Cheese was the hot spot yesterday :-) I wonder how many of you would come celebrate with me if I had a party there? Hmmmm....

I'd also like to take this time to congratulate the NY Yankees on making it to the World Series. I like the Yankees. I really do - BUT they will be playing against my hometown Phillies. I'll just leave it at that...don't start none, won't be none.

Now, today's topic comes via my friend Patrick's Facebook status. It reads: A woman inspires you to great things, and prevents you from achieving them.

Now, you can imagine the firestorm brewing in his comments section. Gross generalities usually generate that type of reaction. The women on the blog - myself included - QUICKLY jumped on this one.

Now, to be fair, I don't think Patrick TRULY believes his own status update. Personal circumstances make all of these types of statements relative. Patrick relayed a personal experience where a woman did something to him to keep him from achieving a certain goal. But VINDICTIVE women are one thing, a GREAT woman is another. His status SHOULD HAVE READ:

A woman can inspire you to do great things, but a GREAT woman will help you achieve them.

This can be said of both sexes.

Patrick said that a man has never done anything to hold him back, but he's sure that we women can think of plenty of other women who have done something to hold us back - be it a friend, a co-worker or a boss. As I stated in his comments section, that's rarely happened to me. Quite the opposite really.

I've had male supervisors who were great. But I've also had male supervisors who, while they thought I did a great job, never mentored, taught or groomed to me to get to the next level. They'd sing my praises all year long, but when it came time for my review, I was simply doing a "good job." I was doing what was expected - even though they knew that I performed above and beyond daily. It wasn't until a woman was charged with being my supervisor that I got a promotion.

From the beginning, she asked me what my goals were, where I thought I was in my career and how she could help me get to where I wanted to be. She acknowledges my hard work, always challenges me with new projects and encourages me to come up with my own ideas. Does she get on my nerves sometimes? Yes. Does she stay on top of me? Absolutely. And I appreciate that. It keeps me on my toes and makes me want to do better - if for no other reason than I know she expects great things from me. And she also realizes that if I do well, it makes her look good. Win-Win.

I say all of that to say, not all women want to keep each other down. Yes, there are catty, petty, back-stabbing women out there who don't want to see ANYONE succeed. I've never been in a personal relationship with one...and personal relationships and work relationships are totally different things. But in both, it's all about surrounding yourself with people who uplift you, who see your worth and potential, who believe in you, who genuinely want great things for you and will help you get them in life. Just like at work, personal relationships are a partnership. When one of us does well, we both win.

This isn't a man or woman thing - it's a PEOPLE thing. And if we're going to go there - women STILL get paid less for equal work in 2009 - so SOCIETALLY SPEAKING, men hold women back every day. These are rights we still have to fight for - and both men and women are vocal about it. But regardless of societal ills, these are not things we should be fighting for or against in our personal relationships. Your partner should be your biggest cheerleader.

Now, as the conversation progressed...Patrick being Patrick...said that he "heard" that women get paid less for equal work because (and I'm quoting here), "women are out of commission 'mentally' 3-7 days out the month. Period. Just what I've heard...I'm only the messenger."

Now...of course he realizes the absurdity in that statement - I think he just said it for sh*ts and giggles. But let's really examine what was said.

First of all, only a man would equate a menstrual cycle with a "mental affliction" - but let's say for the sake of his argument that it IS. Wouldn't the fact that we are still expected to come to work and perform up to par with them, even with this "mental affliction," suggest that we should get paid MORE?

I dunno...maybe it's just me. I never got a pass for not doing my work because I was on the rag.

As Patrick said...talk amongst yourselves on this one.

Go!

-b

26 comments:

Rameer said...

FIRST BITCHES!!!!

phillygrl said...

DAMN It RAMEER!!..taking away my Glory!--It;s my bef-day!!...Trying to be first...anyhooo.....
Brooke, you hit eh nail on the head..Philly-NY in World Series...it will be BRUTAL!!!:-)Great match up..As for the TOpic..I relaly can't beleive that this still happens...( of course I know it does ) & that anyone can deny it or even subscribe to it is beyond me......enjoy the day, im getting strawbery shortcake!!:-)

phillygrl said...

I meant my BERF DAY..im typing too fast!!

Latinegro said...

I don't agree with Patrick. The only people who have held me back have been white men.

I think many men are intimidated by successful women thus insecurities may spew out. I tend to trust women more than I do men (thus my personal issues)and that is based on personal experience.

Rameer said...

Lmbao!!!

If you ask me, it sounds like he posted this status just to stir up the pot. He can't *possibly* believe any of that crap. It's so absurd, I can't even really make a real point on it.

I will say this much, however...the "women make less than men" thing, while true, needs to be taken into perspective in today's climate. Flat out as a statement, it is indeed true. However, reality is women are going to school and graduating in far larger numbers than men, are gaining more graduate degrees, and rising up the company ladder at a higher rate due to a lack of numbers of men to compete.

I made this argument from personal examination about two years ago with a woman, who of course argued it. A year later, a Time magazine article (or it could have been Newsweek, I read both from time to time) basically said the same thing and produced the stats to back up my claim.

This is due to women succeeding in education, having more ambition and motivation, avoiding jail, and going after higher level jobs and economic opportunities. You can REALLY see it in areas like the DC/MD/VA area. So, while the flat out stat is reality, women outnumber us nowadays in terms of professional advancement and success. While a male manager may make $1.00 more than female manager, if there are ten managers, and EIGHT are women...who really has the opportunity?

I know - this had nothing to do with what the original topic was. But since the men make more" thing was referenced, it was all I could add since I was first and have to, by rule, comment on the actual blog topic in some capacity.

SUpreme from '93 'til...

Together said...

I should be boycotting Brookey's Blog but anyway!!!

From initially reading the statement, I thought he was speaking purely romantically. I didn't think he was talking about male - female relationships in general! This is some ol personal mess which was spewed from some sort of emotional break-up or some baby momma drama!

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

I should be boycotting Brookey's Blog but anyway!!!

From initially reading the statement, I thought he was speaking purely romantically. I didn't think he was talking about male - female relationships in general! This is some ol personal mess which was spewed from some sort of emotional break-up or some baby momma drama!

Rameer said...

1. Sorry Phillygrl - HAPPY BIRTHDAY! My gift to you is me being first...lolz!

2. I agree with Latinegro...COMPLETELY.

Annamaria said...

Sending in my pinch hitter Sophia to shank Rameer for being first....LOL

Brooke I would NOT celebrate with you at Chuck E. Cheese. I always want to fight a kid every time I go there... Matter of fact the last time I went I wanted to fight a kid & his momma. LOL BUT Happy Birthday Ibrahim.
As for NY VS PHILLY... I can't wait to get my cheesecake as per our bet!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOW on to the blog topic... Personally I don't have many female friends because of the cattiness & back stabbing, etc, etc
BUT I've never allowed any of my friends male or female to control my life in a way that would hold me back. And I would NEVER do that to any of my friends. As their friend I would only encourage & congratulate...(Like Brooke will be congratulating me when the Yankees win the series..lol)
As far as my man is concerned. Austin knows I'm his BIGGEST cheerleader. I think the world of him & I think he has sooo much potential. He's my Barack. And no matter what, I will always stand by him & HELP him get to where he has to go. I'm the one that pushes him when I see him slacking off. Cause I know better than anything that his family is his first priority so everything he does he does to take care of us..
I believe any woman that will prevent you from achieving your goals & dreams especially if it's going to benefit her & your family doesn't truly love you. Could you imagine what would happen if Michelle wouldn't have had Barack's back???
It's selfish. Besides wouldn't you want that man to stand beside you & help you???

Annamaria said...

P.S.- Happy BERFDAY Phillygrl!!

Brooke said...

Happy Birthday Karen!

I think he was speaking of personal relationships - but then the conversation turned into different things since he said a man never held him back. But we can look at it from both points of view - both personally AND professionally.

Brooke said...

And yes Annamaria, I WOULD congratulate IF the Yankees won, but they won't, so I won't :)

Annamaria and I have a bet - if Yanks win, I make her a cheesecake. WHEN PHILS WIN, she makes me arroz con gandules.

Can't wait to taste my rice! Yum!

The Cable Guy said...

Well, speaking from personal experience, I've had many women TRY to hold me back. Well, not necessarily hold me back, but do things to sabotage my job or standing in court. If we're talking about that, then yes - it's all about having the right people in your life and choosing better partners. If you have a good woman in your life, I believe the sky is the limit. And just as I'd want her to support me, I'd support her. You hear about these men who hate it when their woman is smarter, more successful or makes more money. Shiiiit, bring it on! Nothing is sexier than having a great woman on your arm. She can't do anything but make you better if she loves you and has your back.

Anonymous said...

Sorry Brooke !! Yankees in 5! If we get games 1 and 2...Yanks in 4!!

There will be a Yankee Parade on Broadstreet!

Floyd

Brooke said...

Floyd, I said don't start none, won't be none. Don't catch a beatdown man! LOL!

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure if this was addressed but a man will not be so willing to eff up another man's record because he doesn't have to resort to those tactics. If a man has beef, he can fight him--drama done. A woman is not always (being kind...) so ready to fight a man physically, so to get her just desserts will hurt him in other ways.

AND-- usually, a woman does something to a man BECAUSE he has done SOMEthing to her.

I've been enjoying your blogs, Brooke!! Keep up the good work!

annamaria said...

I'm going to write a blog about my cheesecake WHEN the Yanks win!

Yolanda said...

The only person who's ever held me back has been myself!

I don't give other people that much power.

Rameer said...

What?? What'chu say, Yolanda??

U back talkin' me, Anna Mae? U sassin' me?!?

**gets crazed look in eye, cues Chris Brown's "Wall To Wall"**

Brooke said...

I agree Yolanda, no one can keep you from doing anything unless you allow them to.

DMoe said...

Nice topic.

I have had one experience imparticular that has really turned my opinion on this one. A woman in fact held me back for years. While that was in the workplace, in relationships, I understand why a guy would say that - but as Brooke said, that can go for both sexes.

It actually is a people thing, but women can be (as acknowledged here) catty and backstabbing. If this catty, backstabbing woman happens to supervise you, or you report directly to her, then the shenanigans are hers for the having.

To Yolanda's point, "nobody can hold me back except me" --- well, that sounds good, but its not everyone's reality. If you dont own your own business, (and that can sometimes be an exception) you'll have to answer to someone who can hold you back.

For example, in my case - I was aware of the backstabbing I was subjected to from this woman, and made efforts to LEAVE the department finding employment elsewhere.

The result? The catty person catches wind of my pending exodus and sabotages THAT. Not only did she throw salt, she also played that against me in having to stay.

As for the person who said "well, you must have done something to that woman", i say this: You know what I did? I was me. She being who she was - insecure and intimidated, felt threatened by me (fact) and deliberately played me.

I've had different experiences with male superiors, however. Men can be jerks to work for, but I haven't seen any of that in my experience.

Your friend and mine,
DMoe

Stef said...

I agree Brooke, both men AND women can be catty, backstabbing and bitchasses. It goes both ways. Sounds to me like your friend was either trying to start a riot like Rameer said, or he's mad at some woman for what SHE did to him. It's funny how we can make general statements about the man or woman who hurt YOU, instead of just acknowledging that it was THAT man or woman who did it, and not a gender as a whole.

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