Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Happy Hump Day!
So I'm looking for something to wear on this balmy Wednesday listening to the radio like I do every morning, and I hear the song "Trading Places" by Usher. He's my guilty pleasure, but I never really listened to the lyrics before - so I honed in and paid attention to what he was actually singing about.
Now we gonna do this thing a lil different tonight
U gonna come over and pick me up in your ride
U gon knock and then u gon wait
Ooo u gon take me on a date
U gonna open my door and ima reach over and open yours
Gon pay for dinner take me to see a movie
And whisper in my ear I bet you really wanna do me
Awwww sookie sookie now! I'd take his sexy ass on a date ANY day :-)
But the song made me think about the traditional roles we play in dating and our relationships. The song implies that the man traditionally is the one doing the courting and the woman is a passive participant in the process. And most of the women I know prefer it that way. Is that being a feminist? Traditional?
Most women I know would never take a man on a first date. They believe the man should pay for dinner. He should pick her up. They NEVER call first and he'd better open the door for her and pull out her chair or else!
These same women are successful and want a fabulous career that pays them the big bucks. They believe unequal pay for equal work is straight bullsh*t! They want to rise to the top and rule the world like Hillary Clinton one day.
But her man?...he better be getting paid more. They want their man to "be a man." He can't be feminine or play a "woman's role." And Lord knows she better not EVER see him cry.
These same women would balk at the idea of staying home barefoot and pregnant. They want careers. They want to vacation with their girlfriends. They want to see the world. But if a man asked them to treat them to a night out or take them on an amazing vacation, they'd think he was a punk. Cheap. Is he crazy? Oh hell no!
So...is that being a feminist? Traditional?
Can we have it both ways? If a man said "you play the girl," would we look at him like he's a misogynist, even though we say we want the man to "be the man?" Is it a double standard? How do we find balance?
I know men who would LOVE it if a woman took over every once in a while. They'd love it if a woman said "babe, I got this" or said "get dressed, I'm coming over to get your sexy ass and take you out." They'd eat that UP!
Women - would you ever do as Usher suggests and "trade places" - pick a man up, take him on a date and then try to seduce him at the end of the night?
I'm always on the top tonight I'm on the bottom
Cause we trading places
When I cant take no more, tell me you ain't stopping
Cause we trading places
Now put it on me baby till I say Oooo weee
And tell me to shut up before the neighbors hear me
This is how it feels when you do it like me
Men - would you like it if a woman took over "your" role as far as being courted in a relationship or do you feel like she'd be taking away "the chase?" Is this something you'd only enjoy AFTER you've established a relationship?
I'll be waking u up to a cup of Folgers
Pancakes and eggs I owe ya breakfast in bed, oh baby
And your orange juice sitting on the coaster
Toast on the side baby strawberry and grape jelly
I personally love it when a man makes me breakfast in bed - especially if it's because he's showing his gratitude for being taken care of....well. ;-)
Know what I think? I think there are no rules anymore.
1. Anyone can ask for a date! (women, we can do the asking too)
2. It’s not a date until it’s obviously a date. Just because a man invites a woman to a movie (or vice versa) doesn’t mean he's trying to romance you. If it’s not clear from the start, watch each others’ body language. Is he sitting closer than he needs to? Does she touch my arm when she’s making a point?
3. No one knows who’s supposed to pay. Many men still feel that a gentleman always picks up the check, but some men resent having to pay. Additionally, some women are insulted at the implication they can’t take care of themselves. In the end, most people go with what makes them comfortable, and try not to be angry or insulted if the other person gets it “wrong.”
4. Short first dates are fine. With so many people meeting over the Internet, a short coffee date can be a good idea. It gives both people a chance to decide if they want to go out on a “real” date another time.
5. A date can be anything! These days, there’s no reason you have to go out to dinner and a movie if neither of you likes restaurants and there’s nothing playing that you want to see. Go ahead and plan something you’ll both enjoy.
Stay tuned for part 2
You been me I been u
But we gon switch this thing back
Ima put it on your ass