Hillary for President!
8 years ago
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Happy Hot-As-The-Devil Wednesday!
Loving it! I'm soaking up all the last bits of summer that I can. We still have three weeks of it left, no matter what the back-to-schoolers say :-)
So today, my blog is more of a question of the day: Do you care what a man/woman does for a living?
I'm more curious to hear what men have to say about this, only because this was a conversation that Brian (of RTT Throwback fame) and I were having the other day. We were discussing women who refuse dates from the Fedex man and only date men in suits and are CEO's of companies, while they themselves are receptionists or work at The Gap. We wondered aloud if the CEO of a company would consider dating her, or if he'd turn up his nose at her the same way she turns up her nose at the Fedex man.
Brian said that he finds women with ambition attractive, and that a woman with no plan or goals in life are not women he'd consider dating. But then there was the "French Fry Factor" guest blog I featured a little while ago that spoke to the contrary. So what say you?
Personally, what someone does for a living isn't so much as important to me as to how they do it, or if they love their job. People who hate their jobs usually lead miserable lives. They're usually complaining about a bitchy boss, or their cornball coworkers, or how much money they DON'T make or how they're undervalued and overworked.
While I could complain about some of those same things, I actually still love my job. Sure there are days (like today) when I'd rather be at the beach, but I don't drag myself into work every day ready to slit my wrists either. I think my positive outlook on my career reflects in other aspects of my life, and therefore makes me a pretty happy person overall...and people seem to like the "happy." :-)
If you're not pursuing your passion, or do your job well, then you're probably not projecting the "happy" that most people look for when choosing someone to take to the movies. If you're walking around with a screw face because you hate your job, then a guy (or girl) might not approach you because you seem miserable...and who wants to take "miserable" to the movies?
But if you work the fries with a smile on your face, or you fold clothes better than anyone else at The Gap, then someone might think you'd make a fun date too. Maybe it's not about what you do for a living, but rather if you do your job well with some "soul" behind it that matters most.
Or does it?
Would you be able to date the young lady who works at The Gap because she loves fashion? Or the pleasant waitress who's into chick flicks and is a people person? Or the guy who works at Barnes & Noble because he loves to read? Or are these "jobs" not ambitious enough for you?
I find that since I've moved to NYC, having a "cool" job is a plus when dating, simply because NYC is a "cool" place to live. But having an interesting or cool job doesn't always make you cool by default, and neither does making a lot of money. The hippie dude working at The Gap may be way more fun to hang out with than the stuffy, boring Wall Street dude making lots of dough. But hey, maybe that's just my observation.
Most men I know couldn't care less what a woman does, but I think women are a little more judgmental in that area. Is it because we care more, or what people think? Is what a person does for a living part of their overall attractiveness? Or does it not matter to you? Let's hear it!
Go!
-b
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29 comments:
1st bitches
What you're doing NOW isn't as important as what you want to be doing later. I'm more interested in hearing his goals and dreams (a man with a goal is a turn on). A man with a good job who could hire me full time is another turn on :-)
Hey, freelancing is tough.
But for real... people place too much emphasis on material things. As long as he can be a provider for himself and any future you're trying to build, it shouldn't make a difference.
I've been going back and forth with my friends about this. Like Yolanda said, I'm more interested in his goals. Until last week, I had a guy pursuing me that I had been friends with. He works at a law firm as a records clerk, making 25k/yr. He has no kids and lives in a studio, so this is ok for him now. However, when I asked him about the future, or where he would like his career to go, he told me that he likes what he does and where he does it--so much so that he turned down a job with the Federal Government doing something similar-because it paid him $5 less--ANNUALLY--than what he was making. That was such a turn off--and from that point, any chance of us ever having anything was done. No plans for the future, no chance of being with me. On a related note--anyone care to offer suggestions as to how to tell someone they aren't ambitious enough for you?
I don't care what he is doing... As long as he's doing it with integrity (NO BERNIE MADOFF'S..LOL) and it's not something like drug smuggling..
Yes a man with a goal is a turn on BUT what if he's doing exactly what he loves doing? For example if I'm with someone who is a teacher & he loves teaching & he loves the kids. I'm not going to shoot him down just cause he doesn't want to become a principal..
As long as he's being a man & can provide for his family & is working hard at our relationship & loving me I could care less if he punches holes in looseleaf paper... LOL
Shout out to my baby daddy & his 2 jobs...LMAO
@Thatgirl:
So you'd rather him be working somewhere where he is potentially not happy so that you can say he works for the fed gov't rather than him be happy as a clam where he is at???
Not necessarily--he didn't even consider the other job-so he has no idea how happy he would be or not. No one can tell if the "workplace culture" (because he likes the job duties) will make them happy off the break! I want him to make decisions based on the future, not just now. There is no reason why you are 27 and have no desire to have more in your life than a studio apt. (he has no car, he doesn't see why he needs one). If you have a chance to have a better job, why not take the chance? He turned down a job doing what he likes to do, with growth potential--just to make pennies more per paycheck! I think he's just afraid to do something else with his life. I think that he's glad he made it as far as he has--which I applaud--but at some point in time you have to really, seriously, consider your future. I just think the guy has some growing up to do, and that's not a problem--I'm just not interested.
OK..
I personally think this is a very touchy subject. I think that we should encourage our mate to do what makes them happy & what they enjoy doing. When you enter in a relationship you should accept the person for who they are not try to change them. The same way you would expect the same thing...
Unless YOU are president of the US none of us can tell anyone that what they do just isn't good enough for them OR they aren't ambitious enough.. If that's the way you feel then it's best that you walk away from that person...
My sister in law had a boyfriend that was a special agent. Made a great living. Beautiful apartment.. Guess what? He was an alcoholic who just passed away... She had to walk away from him not because he wasn't ambitious BUT because of his bad habits. And now he's gone. GUESS WHAT...I'll take that $25K earner over that anyday.
@THATgirl - I understand what you are saying, so if he is not for you then you should just move on… The only thing is some woman feel like you do and pass up on a dude then they start reaching that “age” and they are still single and they end up getting with a dude that far below the level of that first dude they pass up…
Oh, he's not my mate--I wouldn't let it get to that point! I'm not dating him--he's a friend who just recently started pursuing me in that way after a few months of friendship. We never kissed, never had sex--we've never even been on an actual date (as he said dating me would be too expensive-but you wanna be my man? wtf?).
As far as asking how to tell someone they aren't ambitious enough--I was just asking for future reference. I guess a simple "I'm not interested" will suffice!
My parents worked for the same companies for 30+ years. My Mother advanced at her company but she stayed there and my Father has driven for the same bus company since before I was born (maybe his title has changed but the buses haven't). He's happy and it didn't stop my Mother from marrying him.
This constant itch to "move up and advance and be all brand new" is a thing among our generation and below. Perhaps it has do to with "job security" being a thing of the past, forcing us all to always think about the "next" opportunity.
@Thatgirl,
How do you find out a man isn't ambitious enough for you without getting to know him first? Usually that's something you discover after a few dates maybe, in which case "I'm not interested" might be a bit too late :) LOL!
Some people are not ambitious by certain standards. I have no desire to run a television network, but I'm perfectly happy working for one. It just seems to stressful, and not my passion. I'd love to write for a living one day, which is why I write every day now. I want to get better at it so that I'll be prepared when my stars align.
But for some, that may not be ambitious enough for them, in which case I'd simply say we have different visions for our future.
I'm late, but better late than never!
I prefer to date women who are passionate about what they do, or happy with their careers/jobs. I've dated women who were heavy hitters professionally, but dull, mean, miserable people personally. Who you are as a person is way more important than what you do. I understand that a lot of times, what you do is a reflection of the type of person you are (ie: Brooke is a creative soul, which is probably why she writes and is in the industry she's in), but that's not always a good thing. I prefer my women to be thoughtful and caring, not ballbusting bitches like they have to be in a courtroom, etc. If you can work for Big Tobacco, or you sell drugs, or do something else that I might deem morally questionable for MY taste, then it won't work.
Seeking out "success" and money for no other reason other than material gain isn't attractive to me either. Sure, it's nice to have nice "things," but then what? Are you a good person, do you have a soft heart? I would much rather date a nurse or a teacher who helps people because it's her passion than a woman who's ruthless and only out to make money so that she can sit in her expensive condo...alone.
Nicely said Jay!!
@Brooke- Get going on that book. We are all waiting!!
OK I'm going to ask the question that is on EVERYONE's MIND... (i know cuz i'm having a seperate conversation about it...lol
THAT GIRL: What do you do for a living???
Jay said it all.
For a lot of men, what a woman does for a living has nothing to do with our attraction to her or how much we like her. If she has a cool job, then that's just icing on the cake. Would I love to tell my boys that my woman's name appears in the credits of all the shows on A&E (wink wink)? Yeah, that would be cool. But if Brooke worked at Starbucks, I'd still think she was a beautiful, intelligent wonderful woman.
@Cable Guy,
Playing devil's advocate: what if I worked in Starbucks and I told you I had a blog. I write everyday and you think I have what it takes to write for a magazine or even write a book. You tell me that you have some magazine connects, publishers, etc. and suggest I reach out and pursue my writing. I tell you I'm perfectly happy at Starbucks and my writing is simply for my own enjoyment.
Would you see that as me having no ambition? Would you feel that it's your job to push me, or do you feel that I should be self motivated?
I ask this question because it's one thing to be satisfied with your job and station in life, but it's another to not pursue your true passion because you're afraid of failing, or that you're not good enough. Which is worse? And is that attractive? Would that change your view of me?
@Brooke,
That's a good ass question!
And I'm sorry, but the dude running the Fortune 500 company is not going to wife the Starbucks chick. Maybe his secretary, but not the fry girl at Mickey D's.
People want to be with someone who they're equally yoked with. That could mean intellectually, financially, emotionally, etc. I would think that if you're cool working at Starbucks, you'll probably end up with someone who's cool working at The Gap. If you're a corporate woman, then you'd probably seek a corporate man. I think it's all relative, but for the most part, men will DATE a woman working fries, but not wife her. Men want someone to show off on their arm just as much as women do. And people tend to date other people who have similar goals and ideas for their future.
I'm an HR Specialist with the Federal Government.
I do ok for myself, but by no means am I balling. I've dated a guy that was a Customer Service Rep. for a bank. I've dated a guy that was a plummer. I've dated a maintenance man. I even dated a guy that was unemployed for three out of the four months we were together. This isn't about the money--this is about the guy not wanting more. This dude I'm speaking of gets off of work, goes home, smokes a couple joints, has a drink, and plays PS3 for the rest of the night. He gets up and goes to work the next day and does it all over again. This is complacency at its finest. He's fine in his studio apt., he's fine with no car (he's in MD, not in the heart of the city), and he has no desire to do anything with himself besides what he does. I just can't do complacent!
@ ThatGirl.. I'd be LESS concerned with his life ambitions & MORE concerned with his bad habits. BUT that's just me.
FYI: I don't think he didn't want the job because of lack of ambition. I think he didn't want the job because of DRUG TESTING! But again JUST ME...
THATGirl can you hook a brother up with a job!!
@ That Girl: honestly after rereading your last post it sounds like you would have had to work at trying to change a LOT about this dude in order to make him who you wanted him to be. WHICH is totally impossible..LOL
I don't think it was soo much about his job OR the fact that he didn't want a "better job" it was more about his lifestyle. In this case from an outsider looking in it seems walking away from him was the best choice...again not because of his job or lack of wanting a new one BUT because of his whole make up...
@Brooke,
That's a good question. I think if you didn't want to pursue your writing, or thought you'd fail at it, then that would mean you were insecure maybe. If that's the case, then I tihnk that would show in other areas as well and insecurity is not attractive.
But it could be that you don't want to write for anyone else because you don't want to be on deadline for anyone else and only write when YOU want to. I guess I'd have to get to know you to see if you were really an insecure, scared woman, or if you were truly just happy writing on your own terms and not for money.
I'm late - but here...
Some of y'all are bullsh*ttin'. Know why? Y'all act like rich dudes don't mess with women who ain't of a certain social background or economic one! Um, HELLO - Tiger Woods married A NANNY. Kobe Bryant married an aspiring video chick. Paul McCartney's wife wasn't much of anything, either. George Clooney famously dated a cocktail waitress - and put her on easy street (of his own accord, not cuz of her forcing him) after they broke up.
Um...ANNA NICOLE SMITH, anyone??
Let me put it bluntly - this society puts the onus on women to look moreso at these things than men. Bill Gates could have married the fry cook at Mickey D's, and no one in the upper echelon of millionaires would say a thing to him or judge him harshly. Rich men ignore what a woman does all the time if he's attracted to her and like her personality. So while this theoretical "what if Brooke-Ra worked at Starbucks?" line of talk is cute, realistically no heterosexual man on this blog would NOT mess with her in the scenario presented. If you say you wouldn't, I don't believe you - you *need more people*.
I've messed with all types of women. As long as we vibe and I like them for them, I don't give a fudge if they make more or less than me, or if they don't want to move from fries to burgers to manager.
True spit.
@Rameer,
Okay, fine - I see your point. But is it because those guys make so much money that no matter WHAT the woman did, they'd still not be big ballin like them? Or is it because they're looking for "trophies" rather than wives. I think it's a bit different for the middle class, and not such a disparity as filthy rich vs. the nanny or wanting a pretty face on your arm.
But that's just my opinion, and maybe it's living in NY like Brooke said, because I find that men here tend to care a little bit more about what a woman does because she's a reflection of him. And if he has a great job and some sort of prestige, then he'll date you or have sex with you all he wants, but they won't take it that much further.
@ Stef - I think it's the same in the DMV area, too. But I was just speaking in the general sense - I truly don't think the vast majority of men, of most classes, have that much of an issue with what a woman does. As long as she ain't a bum and an obvious gold digger trying to move up, I think most men are concerned moreso with how she looks and how cool she is - i.e, her personality.
NY is one city. I'm talking overall and nationwide.
@Stef,
I'm probably one of the dudes you're talking about living in NYC, because I'm sorry, my girl isn't going to be the one working fries. Or at Starbucks. Or even The Gap. Call me a snob but whatever, I'm being real. I have certain things I want in life and I want my woman to have similar aspirations. If you're content working fries for the rest of your life, then we can't hang. You can be fine and cool all you want, but at the end of the day, no wife of mine is going to be working at Mickey D's.
Call me narrow minded, a snob, wack all you want, but I'm being honest.
@anonymous,
You are like the type of men I meet daily, so it's no surprise. And if that's the standard you have, then so be it. I'm not saying I agree or disagree with it, it's just what I've encountered. Like I said before, I think people find someone they're equally yoked with, which may have nothing to do with their job or it may have everything to do with their job. It's about what being equally yoked means to them.
Im chirping in rather late, however, I just turned on computer,,,Funny this topic came up b/c my godmother & my best freind recently told me they don't want anymore high power corp. jobs, they just wann go in work & go home( my godmother is well...my mother's age & has "been there done that" & is sick og it. She was a VP of a biomedical/pharma co who left to do consulting...is not going back to corporate to retirew/ benefits,etc..
My best friend is an extreeemely smart financial whiz, is CFO of a small co about to go public...both of them ambitious, but now are like you know what, to hell w/ this, we don't want direct reports or people to manage. Knda of like 'be careful what you wish for'...type of demeanor,
whereas a guy freind of mine who is my age, is just opposite & loves climbling he corp. ladder..wonder in a few years when he's attained the position he wants, if he'll give it all up?...Said all that to say...i beleive it's not what you do, but your spirit & intentions, as well as how you live your life that makes you happy...so in agreeance with brooke...to hell w/ someone judging you for your job/career..you have to live with you:-)
As long as a woman earns a legal living, is happy with her job and can take care of her own bills when I meet her, I could care less what she does. I'm more concerned about the person's character and if we'll get along when you are not at work.
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