Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I saw this as my friend Patrick's FB status today and it made me laugh a bit:
"Aiyo! You in that fuchsia dress!! Gawwd Daamn! You've got a badonka-donk!! I just wanna smack dat and ride in the waves!!!" --Tracy Morgan
That was bad, but I can picture Tracy Morgan's face as he says it and I just start laughing. Even if he isn't always funny, he's funny looking at least :-)
I've heard some doozies in my day when it comes to pick up lines. The best "worst" ones usually come from short dudes who want to show me that they're not intimidated by my 5'10" frame.
"Yo Ma, I'd love to climb that tree!"
Not very original, but they get cool points for mustering up the nerve to say anything...no matter how cornball it is. I mean...I know I'm tall...but c'mon son.
I know sometimes men have a hard time approaching women, so they feel that strolling up to us armed with a great pick-up line will get them "in there." Why men still believe in pick-up lines is beyond me, but hey - if you believe in them and you need them in your life in order to get our phone number, then at least be creative...and confident...with them.
Even the funniest pick-up line can fall flat if you don't display any confidence...or at least smile. Sometimes, no matter what you say - if we don't "believe"you, it won't work. Once a guy said to me, "Can you spare a few minutes so I can hit on you?" He asked me like he was asking if I wanted cheese on my burger or something. No "ummph." It could have been cute if he flashed his brilliant smile with a sparkle in his eyes - but no such luck - he didn't deliver the line correctly. You don't have to be Chris Rock or Tracy Morgan to get a laugh - but if "funny" isn't your strong suit, then simply say "hello."
Even if you aren't the cutest guy in the crowd, funny will win us over usually...or at the very least, keep the conversation going. One guy who wasn't necessarily my type, but who had a gentle, pleasant face said to me once, "Excuse me, but my friend wants to know if you think I'm cute." He said it with such confidence with this huge grin on his face that just screamed "I'm cute, lick my face!" His delivery was adorable, and I couldn't help but laugh. He was a delight to talk to and I wound up giving him my number.
However, it's one thing to deliver a cute, funny line...and another to do a stand-up routine right there on the spot. You got a laugh - don't push it. Nothing is more of a turn-off than a dude who is trying to be TOO funny, or who is more concerned with perfecting his routine than actually getting to know you. Pick-up lines are to break the ice, and the subsequent conversation is FAR more important than the opening line. If you start stringing together a bunch of pick-up lines together as your entire conversation, then you'll end up sounding like you're getting dating advice from your 12 year old brother.
Oh, and stay away from dirty jokes/opening lines too. You might get slapped...and you come off as a bit creepy. Jus sayin.
Rule of thumb for pick-up lines - keep it short, clean and simple - and funny and creative. We've heard them all before - trust me - so make sure your line reflects your personality and not something you heard in a movie. There's only one Denzel...and this ain't the movies.
Most times, a man can get a feel from a woman on if she wants him to come over and talk to her. She'll give him an inviting smile with a twinkle in her eyes that goes along with her lingering glance - in which case an opening line may not be necessary. If a woman isn't attracted to you, then it won't matter what you say unless your opening line is "I just hit the Mega Millions." So don't take offense if your best line falls on deaf ears. She's just not that into you.
Same goes for you ladies.
But if she's giving you the "come over here Big Daddy" look, then slapping your on your best smile and a little bit of confidence is all you need to simply come up to her and say...hello.