Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Happy Hump Day!
So it seems yesterday’s Dear Brookey letter and subsequent advice struck a nerve with some people – not necessarily with the commenters on the blog, but with a few folks who contacted me offline. They were of the thought that men were supposed to pay for dates…at least early on anyway. And some felt that it is ALWAYS a man’s job to treat his lady…no matter how much money he or she may make - and that was from men AND women. They said those were “just the rules.”
The dating/courtship process, it seems, hasn’t gotten any easier, even though we’ve been doing it since forever. Before we even get to decide who pays for the date, we have to get to the actual date first. “I have her number, now what?” is a question a lot of men stress over. “He texted me instead of calling me, so is this a casual thing or is this a real date?” Women have no clue. Why do we make things more complicated than they need to be?
I guess it’s because we have preconceived ideas of how things are “supposed” to be. But with technology and women asserting their independence more and more, “traditional” views of dating and courtship can get a little murky. So instead of telling you all how I think dating and courtship should flow in my world, I’m going to pose the questions to all of you today to get a sense of your different perspectives when it comes to this topic.
Let’s see what you have to say :-)
1. Men – once a woman gives you her number and lets you know she’d be interested in a date, do you ask her on the spot or wait to contact her? And if you wait to ask her out, how much time do you let pass after getting her number before you contact her for the date?
Women – how long do you give a man to contact you after you give him your number before you write him off?
2. Men – when first contacting a woman, do you call or text her? And why?
Women - if a man texts you as his first contact with you after getting your number – is that a no-no in your book, or is that permissible?
3. If you suggest the date, do you plan it completely, or do you decide to do something spontaneous once you meet up?
4. If you suggest the date or do the asking, do you automatically assume that you’re paying for the date?
5. What is a typical first date for you? Drinks, dinner and/or a movie, or something off-beat, different and fun?
6. Do you plan something expensive for the first date in order to impress him/her, or keep it simple and on the "economy" side as not to pressure either of you?
7. Do you plan dates for the weekend, or is a weekday easier for you most times?
8. Men – do you plan dates around payday? Or do you suggest getting together even if you can’t plan/pay for a date that week? Women, do you expect to be wined and dined at every meeting and only prefer to be contacted when he can afford to take you out, or are you willing to spend time with someone even if it means you can’t go out to dinner or a movie? If he can’t pay, do you offer to treat him to a night out?
9. How many dates constitutes “dating” in your opinion? How long do you date before you expect to be considered in an exclusive relationship? Do you have a cutoff before you move on to dating someone else if you aren’t in an exclusive relationship? ie:…say, after 6 months?
10. When dating, do you tend to date one person at a time, or do you typically date several people at once until an exclusive relationship is established?