Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Happy Tuesday! Let's go!
Let me know your take on this. I recently started seeing a guy who seems to be nice so far. He paid for the first date, and received comp tickets to a concert for our second date. I figured I would offer to pay for our third date to show him that I’m capable of showing him a good time too. He didn’t allow me to pay for the entire dinner, but said we could go "dutch." Since then, we’ve been going dutch on everything we do – down to the penny. I like to be wined and dined when in the courtship stage, and even though I know we’re in a recession, I think that’s important. He’s a great guy, we have a good time, but I get the sense that he’s a bit cheap. Am I being petty or should a man go out of his way to let you know he’s serious early on by pampering a lady a little bit?
Dating on the Dime
Dear "Dating on the Dime",
I think the word you're looking for is "superficial" not "petty." And I say that with L.O.V.E :-)
Every woman likes to be wined and dined during the courtship stage of a relationship. But being wined and dined is NOT the only indication that a man is serious about you. There are some men who have money to burn, and there are some men who are smart and/or frugal with their money. You used the word "cheap"…but is that really an accurate assessment of him?
If he took you to McDonald’s and told you you could only get two apple pies for a dollar while he got a Big Mac and a shake for himself – then maybe he’s a bit cheap. But going dutch may simply mean that he has a budget that he needs to stick to and he’s not going to blow the rent money on trying to impress you with fancy dinners and concert tickets. And if you can offer to pay for a date to show him a good time as well, then what is the big deal?
It seems to me you offered to pay for dinner to show him that you're self sufficient, but deep down inside, you want to be taken care of. You can't be mad at him for taking you up on your offer to pay - and he only allowed you to pay for yourself, not him. Some men would let you treat them EVERY SINGLE TIME, so be glad you're not dating THAT dude :-)
I may not be the right person to go to for advice on this subject, because I find frugality and financially responsible men to be sexy. While “cheap” may not get you moist, not being able to buy a house, having bad credit, and drowning in debt are sure fire ways to dry me up like the Sahara. I think men who are savers are smart, and a good quality to look for in a potential long term mate. Men who feel the need to floss by buying “toys” (flat screens, every gadget under the sun, clothes, jewelry, cars, etc.) are usually lacking in character and are insecure. I prefer creative men who can show me a good time while being down-to-earth and not overly concerned with superficial things. The size of his flat screen won’t make up for any other place he’s...uh...lacking. Usually, the bigger the car, the smaller his…..feet ;-)
At the end of the day, I prefer a man who is generous with his time, energy, love and affection – not just his wallet. While a man spending money on you is nice, it’s not what matters most in the grand scheme of things. It makes no sense for him to break the bank winning you over, only to be broke when you get married and have to climb out of the debt he’s created in order to get you. Even if he’s not treating you on a date, is he treating you WELL on the date? Treating someone doesn’t have to be expensive, and treating someone well is free.