Friday, December 11, 2009
TGIF like a mugg!
Even though I was out Monday, this week was forever!!! Looking forward to doing nothing but putting up my tree and watching football this weekend.
Now, instead of doing my Friday Sexy Survey, I'll ask a question of the day.
Stef brought this up yesterday, so I decided to make it the topic for today's blog, even though I've written about this before. On the radio yesterday morning, the talent was discussing who is at fault if someone goes through their partner's cell phone and finds out they've been cheating on them. This of course was brought on by El Tigre's situation and the voicemails and text messages that are continuing to be released to the media.
Now, of course, El Tigre's situation is extreme - but all of know someone who has gone through someone else's phone. Some of you have done it yourselves. My question to you all is - Are you wrong for going through someone's personal things EVEN IF you find the incriminating evidence you were looking for? Or are you only wrong IF YOU DON'T find anything?
Most women have a 6th sense with these things - a gut feeling when something is wrong. I'd even venture to say that some men have it as well. Some behavior doesn't require either gender to have secret powers of intuition - if your boo is taking his or her phone with them everywhere they go (including the bathroom) and sleeps with it under the pillow...then chances are, something ain't right.
But does THAT behavior give you probable cause to find out for yourself what's really going on? Or should you simply deduce from their behavior that something is off and you don't NEED the evidence?
Let's say you ARE messing around on your girl or your man and they DO find damning evidence - is it STILL wrong for them to have gone through your stuff...even if you're guilty? I had a guy friend break up with his girlfriend on the spot when she confronted him about emails and text messages she found. He said SHE couldn't be trusted. Really? He said that if she had found the evidence "a different way" (even though I don't see how else she could have), THEN he would be wrong. But because it was an "illegal search," all incriminating evidence was "inadmissible" - even though he was doing dirt on HER. Unbelievable.
Clearly he had been watching too much Law & Order, and he successfully flipped the script and left her feeling like she was a terrible person for invading his privacy. To this day, he still insists he wasn't at fault.
Now, mind you, she had asked him prior to going through his things if he was cheating on her - which he promptly denied. Without any evidence besides the gut-wrenching feeling in the pit of her stomach, she had no choice but to believe him. Or so she thought anyway.
So what is a girl or guy to do if they suspect infidelity but can't get access to or doesn't want to go through someone's things?
Trust your instincts. Usually it won't steer you wrong, and the feelings you're having are usually brought on by something.
Now, if you're a naturally insecure person who has trust and self esteem issues, then maybe you could be paranoid. But if your mate all of a sudden keeps better tabs on his or her cell than the CIA, suddenly becomes secretive or argumentative, noticeably changed their behavior, the way they dress, how you have sex, or even if they are EXTRA nice out of nowhere and they seem like they're guilty about something - then chances are they ARE doing something wrong, and that's all you need to decide if you want to continue in the relationship or not. Not all guilt requires evidence or a confession. Sometimes your gut is enough.
But if you're someone who just needs to see or find out for yourself - then be prepared to do something with the evidence you find...because you WILL find it. And that means if you confront someone, be ready to for them to try and flip it on you and call you out for going through their things. If you plan on ending the relationship, then you probably don't care if they do all those things anyway. They will either try to make it your fault, or try to lie to get out of it - all of which means nothing if you're ready to bounce.
But if you're not sure you would end the relationship - no matter what you find - then keep what you find to yourself. Don't tell him or her, and don't tell your friends or family. If you find that someone was doing dirt but you want to stay and try to work on the relationship, then telling someone else what you found will mostly likely make you look foolish for staying. Nothing is wrong with fighting for your relationship if you feel it's worth it - but do so quietly.
Personally, I've never gone through a guy's phone. Every time I found out a man was cheating on me, the information literally just fell into my lap. I didn't have to do any snooping. It was as if God said, "Hey, let me show you something." Everything that's done in the dark will eventually come to the light. I truly believe that, so I feel no need to snoop through anyone's stuff. Some could view that as naive. But if I suspect something is off, and that feeling in the pit of my stomach keeps growing stronger and stronger, then that's all I need. I trust it, and I trust myself.
Tell me what you think - is some snooping justified? Or is it always wrong?