Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Good morning everyone :-)
So I'm feeling well enough to get up and go to work. Thank you all for all your well wishes! :-)
Being home all weekend on the couch left me with plenty of time to watch tv while trying blow my nose and breathe at the same time. As you can imagine, everything on the news focused on...you guessed it...Tiger Woods. While I think this story just keeps evolving (supposedly his wife has moved out...she'll be back), the same question is being asked everyday: "If you're going to cheat, why get married?"
Now, to be fair, not every person who cheats SETS OUT to cheat. I'm sure a good number of folks who get married are completely in love and believe in forever with that one person. But then things happen - boredom, complacency, children, finances, or whatever - all can and sometimes DO take a toll on a relationship. Some people cheat because they're lacking something in their relationship. Some do it because they want to feel desired, challenged or simply because they want sexual variety. None of these are justifiable excuses...but simply a reason for infidelity.
But there are some who KNOW they can't be faithful, yet get married or find themselves in "committed" relationships anyway. And if you're a celebrity, most know that with money and power come greater temptation. If they've mastered their field - whether it's entertainment in the form of movies, music or sports - your level of arrogance and the desire to have it all presupposes that getting caught or suffering consequences isn't high on your radar. Celebs are used to winning.
And then someone gets hurt.
And then you have to shell out millions of dollars to make her stay, and pay out more to keep the rest quiet...allegedly.
So is it worth it? Why get married? That's the question.
The REAL question could be, "Is monogamy normal?"
There is nothing that tells us that we NEED to get married. There's no crime in being single - even though some would treat it that way. Are we EXPECTED to get married? Is that what society tells us we should do?
I mean, if your religion tells you you should get married, then maybe that's one thing. And if so, then adultery probably goes against that...unless your religion tells you that you can have multiple spouses. But for most religions, adultery is a sin...and you're supposed to be stronger than nature and fight the temptations of the flesh.
But for those who may not be religious, and who believe that monogamy isn't natural, why do THOSE people get married? Why form permanent relationships - or label them that way? I know some guys who ALWAYS have a "girlfriend." They can't wait to introduce you to their "girlfriend." Yet, they always cheat on their girlfriends... they always have a girl on the side. My question to them was always, "Why have a girlfriend? Why not just date MULTIPLE women?"
Most of them said they loved their "girl" but just had the other women for sex. And most of them would throw themselves in front of bus if their girl or wife ever found out about their cheating ways. Yet they did it anyway. I never understood that.
If you believe that monogamy isn't natural, then don't be selfish. There is nothing wrong with not having to answer to anyone. There's nothing wrong with going out, spotting someone you wanna hook up with for the night, have non-committal sex and keep it moving. When you're single, you can keep your options open, change your mind, find a new flavor of the week and avoid the emotional turmoil of breaking someone's heart - and the financial devastation of having to pay to keep her...or lose her. Simply put, some people don't believe in monogamy...and there's nothing wrong with that.
But some people do.
Just like there's nothing wrong with NOT believing in monogamy, there are a bunch of people who like the security of monogamy...especially when there are incurable diseases out there that can kill you.
Some say married people are happier, healthier and wealthier. Some like the emotional and physical intimacy that comes with monogamous relationships. They like the warm fuzzy feeling they get from knowing someone who loves them is at home waiting for them to come through the door. They like having someone to call when they need someone to talk to, to cuddle with, to just...be there. It's a high level of commitment that forms a family of two - or more should you decide to have children.
And if you find that you're with a person who believes in those things, then the expectation is that you believe in those things too if you're together. So if you DON'T believe in being faithful - or you do and know in your heart that you can't live up to that expectation - then be honest. It's one thing if you falter and make a mistake. But if you get into a relationship knowing you can't be faithful, even when your partner expects you to, then set that person free to be with someone who CAN be faithful. It's the most loving, selfless thing you can do.
Society tells us we should be "coupled up" - live our lives in "pairs." That's not always true. Some like team sports, some thrive in individual sports. We shouldn't force or feel forced into monogamous relationships, or feel lonely if we aren't in one. Love can still exist in our lives...even individually...not married. Just be honest with yourself if you're a person who does NOT believe in monogamy so that you don't hurt the people who do...cuz there are a lot of "DO's" out there.