So we've been asking Rameer for months now to write a "Bitchassness Blog." He has said that a blog like that would be too broad, and potentially too long, to write - which is understandable. So, what I've decided to do, should any man decide to take on the challenge, is submit blogs about cases or examples of "bitchassness" that are running rampant in our community. First to accept this challenge is your boy Jay. Let's go!
The Definition of Bitchassness...by Jay
I totally feel Rameer when he says the subject of bitchassness is a broad one. I think before any blog can be written about it, we need to define it - because it has so many meanings and can encompass so many things. The Urban Dictionary defines "Bitchassness" multiple ways:
1.Term coined by Diddy on Making the Band. Overall stank actions towards others through words, facial expressions, and/or song. Symptoms include: thinking your better than those around you, not speaking your true feelings, throwing large amounts of shade.
2. Newly discovered disease running rampant, especially in the black community. Symptoms include: 1.punkish tendencies (see pussy) 2. cattiness, such as talking behind someone's back 3. thinking highly of yourself, but only expressing it under your breath 4.claiming "hurt feelings" when you are called out on your bullshit
3. 1.Whining or throwing little pussy fits 2. Having your feelings hurt too easy 3. A HATER 4. acting "salty."
4. A type of negative emotion; hateration; to be/act like a bitch or a coward about a situation. Throwing shade because you can't do something about your situation. Crying like a bitch about simple shit. The act of being a bitch, unable to pull your skirt up and handle your shit.
I'll stop there. And the bolded areas are what I want to discuss today when it comes to men and expressing ourselves relationships.
We all know that men aren't as good as women are sometimes when it comes to expressing our feelings. We tend to hold them in - and when we let them out, we're not always smooth about it. But when you're in a relationship, you don't always have the luxury of being selfish and not putting your feelings on the table - especially when the other person is owed an explanation for something you did, are NOT doing, or could be doing better.
Now, a REAL man will speak his mind, and be respectful and tactful about it. He won't blame others for his shortcomings. He'll listen to his woman - not blame her for her feelings or be dismissive of them. And when he's addressed, he won't be an asshole in his response, and he won't make the other person feel like it's her fault that we acted like a jerk.
Women and men are different. Figuring out a woman can be the hardest thing in the world. Their feelings are complex, sometimes they over-analyze, or think too much. But if you love someone, it's your job to try to figure them out as best you can. Not easy, but necessary. And if you truly pay attention to the woman you're seeing, it's not always that hard if she expresses herself to you. Yes, there are some women who want you to "get them." They want you to read their minds. But it's mostly because men are dumb and women expect us to think, and feel and rationalize as they do. I get it. That's just a woman "thing."
But when MEN do that, it's straight bitchassness.
Nothing is worse than a man who throws shade at a woman because he wants her to ask him, "What's wrong?" or "What did I do?" Nothing is worse than a man who can't speak his mind and tell you what's bothering him. Nothing is worse than a man who displays "woman" tendencies. And I mean that in the most respectful way possible :-)
It's time for men to man up in relationships...and if you can't, then don't be in one. You're not in junior high school anymore, and the games should have stopped being played back when your voice was beginning to change. Men AND women who play games are wack...but even more so when a man does it simply because it's a punk way of existing.
Everyone wants to feel wanted and appreciated. But to try to trick your way into getting that response from someone just to feel secure or validated is stupid...and weak. Women are not daycare workers or therapists, so they shouldn't be babying you or holding your hand asking you what the problem is. Grow up, MAN UP, and tell her what's on your mind instead of trying to make someone figure out why your punk ass is acting like a bitch.
Real men know what I'm talking about, and if you think I'm talking about you, then I am.
Over the years, I've been blessed to have spent time with, befriend, love, learn from and share experiences with people who have helped me grow and inspire me everyday. They have shared words of wisdom, strengthened me with encouragement, gave me joy with a smile, comforted me with a hug, gave clarity to my visions and dreams and renewed my spirit with faith. It is through family and friends that I manage to be happy and hopeful.
These relationships work because we share our philosophies, our personal truths and an outlook that prompts us to seek something greater in all and in ourselves. Sharing a journey heartedly illuminates our lives and enriches our experiences. It keeps us moving....always evolving....ever changing.
I have been transformed by the wisdom, opinions, insights and revelations of those who have shared their journey with me. It's a blessing I long to share with you through my first ever blog. For me, writing is a reflection of my own direct experience and I look forward to all of you sharing your thoughts and experiences with me.
So...with that said....can I just say.....??? :-)