Wednesday, August 26, 2009

It's Not You...It's Me.

Happy Hump Day!

So, today's blog post come at the suggestion of...who else? Our very own Rameer Green. We were talking about this the other night, so I thought we'd discuss today.

I don't watch Making His Band on MTV, so Rameer had to explain to me the foolishness that occurred on Monday night's episode. Basically, this guy J. Free wanted to let this woman know in no uncertain terms that he was NOT interested in her. Here is a behind the scenes look:



Now, I know this may not be a nice thing to say, but I'm gonna say it anyway - he's not cute enough to be acting that ugly. No one is.

We've all been in a position to have to reject someone. Someone is crushing on us, but we're not giving them any rhythm. They're still coming at us, and we're running the other way. They think we're vibing. You know you're not. What to do?

No one likes to be rejected. And being the "rejector" is sometimes just as hard, if not harder, than being the "rejectee." It's an unpleasant experience for all involved, but there are some things you can do to make it go as smooth as possible.

1. Mind your manners. Just because you're not interested doesn't mean you need to be rude. Rameer said that J. Free screamed on ole girl in front of everyone, tv cameras included, and basically embarrassed her. There's a difference between being honest and being an asshole. Proceed with kindness, even if you don't feel like it. You'll be glad you did later and hopefully your mama didn't raise you to be a jerk. Treat others the way you'd like to be treated. Cliche...but true.

2. Speaking of cliches, don't use any. Even though this phrase is typically used for breakups, don't say, "It's not you, it's me." Even if it's true, it sounds ridiculous, and no one believes that crap. The person being rejected may not want to hear the real truth, but they still deserve to. Choose your words carefully. Just because you’re being honest, doesn’t mean you can’t be tactful or considerate. Something as simple as, "Thank you for your interest, it's flattering...but I'm not interested in that way" should be enough. There's really nothing to say after that. But in the event that they DO have something to say...

3. Just smile and take their questions, disappointment...or sometimes anger...in stride. Always maintain eye contact and stick to your guns. Don't let them sucker you into thinking you made a mistake by rejecting them. If they ask you why you aren't attracted to them, don't make up something like "I have a boy/girlfriend" just to get them off your back. And don't say "let's just be friends" if you don't mean it. Just reiterate that you're flattered but you don't see a possible relationship. If they don't get it, then say thanks and keep it movin' - and maybe get a restraining order :)

4. If possible, do it in private. Don't reject someone in front of an audience like J. Free did - that's just mean. You'll embarrass the other person - as if being rejected isn't bad enough - and you may make yourself look like an ass too. The only way I'd advise rejecting someone in public is if you feel they may get violent and you need witnesses. In that case, do the rejecting in Times Square...at lunch time :)

5. Get straight to the point. Be nice, be honest and be quick. The sooner you get it over with, the better for both of you. No need to explain yourself until a new world's been built, and rambling on and on will make you seem unsure of yourself, will only embarrass the both of you more...or make them angry. Short and sweet is much kinder.

I told Rameer Monday night that ole boy might want to be careful, because karma is a bitch. Even if you don't subscribe to the "what goes around, comes around" theory, just remember that one day, YOU may be the one being rejected - and hopefully someone will treat you with the kindness and respect that you deserve.

-b

22 comments:

DMoe said...

FIRST BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL
DMOE

Georgia Peach said...

ok my biggest question - is that a dude or woman laying out in the light green terrycloth tube top??? Sorry...that's all I could focus on was her deep voice.

Brooke said...

I KNOW RIGHT!!! I was like "why does this dude have a dress on?" Then I realized it was a woman!

I was gonna comment on that, but didn't want to get off topic ;)

Serena W. said...

I'm telling you DMoe knows what's up...do you sit on the blog or what homeslice! LOL!

As for comments on being rejected and this crazy cat. He was cold point blank and it wasn't cool. It never is...I will never forget a public break up that happened at 16. Oh yeah I remember because it was on my block. Dude wanted to publically humiliate me just cause I wasn't moving fast enough with him (hey I was a late bloomer and he wasn't going to be my first)!

Well back then I wore door knockers, gucci links and cahmpion sweat shirts lol and knew cats from around the corner and up the block and beeped some fam (you know how we do)!

Chased that man off the block. So yes karma is a b**** sometimes it comes immediately in this case or later but it will come!

Fast forward to 18 years later. I no longer get dudes chased off of a block (unless you press your luck) lol. But being rejected is so sensitive. The worst is after the person rejects you then later is in contact with you as if they didn't humiliate you with the okie doke, "Can we be friends."

I know as a Christian woman I forgive...but buddy I'll never forget. You need to get to stepping.

But some people aren't that strong and see it as another way in when all the person is doing is leading you on and will humiliate you again.

Keefe said...

Was that really a woman in the green dress? I think he/she needs a gender test!

Rameer said...

The Thing in the Green is a tranny. Diddy likes to slip one in ALL of his TV shows involving himself as of late. That includes "I Want To Work For Diddy", "Making THE Band" and "Making HIS Band". I haven't seen "Starmaker" to see if they've slipped one in - but I'm SURE they have.

This was really raw and disrespectful. I mean...I'm a pretty mean, blunt dude - and I wouldn't do THAT to a woman who hasn't done anything to deserve that type of talk. He was VENOMOUS.

Here's the exact link to the whole episode...sorry, couldn't find just the individual clip. It happens after they were at a club hanging out.

http://www.mtv.com/videos/making-his-band-ep-5-the-keys-of-love/1619049/playlist.jhtml

Brooke said...

LMAO @ Serena gettin folks chased off the block! LOL!!!

Keefe, I know...how is your voice that low as a woman???

I wouldn't be surprised tho, Diddy STAYS having a tranny on his show.

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

DMOE... is disqualified today ... because 3 other people got in comments before even proving he actually read the blog. I happen to declare George Peach... First... Bitches!!!

OK... yeah the public humiliation is uncalled for.. there is no reason to be rude at all. No one is all that. There is no reason we can not be gracious to the rejectee no matter how they look.

And yes...that girls voice is deeper than mine. I kept expecting her to break out in a Lou rawls song... "You'll never find..... As long as you live... someone who loves you... the way I do!!!

Brooke said...

Rameer and I were commenting at the same time, but I did watch the episode. I coudln't find just the clip of the incident either, but he was SO MEAN to her!

She was practically cowering under the covers. No one deserves that.

Pretty Ricky, you crazy :) I cracked up @ Lou Rawls tho! LMAO!!

DMoe said...

Man...

I read.

I do some work, and wait for you suckas to get on board!

Anyway, hatership aside. I agree with the "what goes around, comes around" principle here. Sometimes, as it goes, discretion is the better part of valor. I think sometimes a simple "no thank you" keeps things appropriate. Should that require further explanation, then feel free to elaborate truthful, yet tactful reasons for the aforementioned "no thank you."

I've dumped and been dumped, and neither is an easy deal. I think there are just some things that should NEVER be said to another human being under any circumstance.

Its interesting, cuz we live in a world where people equate scars to the physical realm. I'm here to tell you, the scars that strike your spirit are far worse, and many of those are uttered from the mouth of one person to another.

DMoe aka Firston Howell III

Brooke said...

I agree, what you say can really hurt someone to their soul. And once said, it can't be taken back.

This dude tried to humiliate her, but what you put out into the universe comes back to you tenfold, so mark my words...he'll get it later.

Serena W. said...

I'm sorry but beau in the green has to be a dude or once was...lol.

Okay that was a quick observation, now back to the convo :)

annamaria said...

Just tase a nigga throw his ass in the basement & call it a day.... That's how u breakup with someone! Lmao

Brooke said...

LMAO!!! Only Annamaria would say that :)

And I've been in Annamaria's basement, a fool could be down there for months before anyone would know...in the dark...LOL!!

Rameer said...

Are you guys NOT reading my comment??

I *distinctly* wrote - the THING in the green is a TRANNY. Meaning - man trying to/wanting to be a woman...

Yuck.

Powerz said...

Hey Brooke, I never said you guys couldn't turn on the lights! lol

annamaria said...

5 months later he wants to tell you guys to turn on the lights!!! Lol good thing my baby shower was in the yard! Well you know if Austin ever goes missing check the basement! Although he won't be there. I have a special spot picked out for him! BBBBUUUZZZZZZZZZZ

Latinegro said...

I know rejections happen. They are apart of life, but when someone rejects you it becomes a scar on your heart.

I truely believe when you break someone's heart you run the risk of losing your own. No is perfect and should never be judge by another. Rejection feels alot like judgment.

Brooke said...

@ Austin - NOW YOU TELL US! LOL!!

Austin and Annamaria and friends are "yuckin it up" upstairs while a group of folks are downstairs waiting on him to bring her down so we can surprise her...all in the dark! Then when he DOES bring her down, we can't find the damn lights! That was hilarious!

@ Ant - you can reject someone without judging them. Sometimes the person just may not be that into you, thru no fault of your own. You can let someone down easy without being disrespectful. In the case of the guy from the show, it was more a matter of respect than judgment...in my opinion.

annamaria said...

Blame Austin! I had no idea you guys were down there!!!!!!!!! Lmao

JUSTBNME said...

Hey All,

I know that I may get a lot heat for saying this but the comments that were made about the person in the green dress were horrible and mean. While they may not have been mean-spirited, as a person whose been lurking on this blog for a few months, I was completely taken aback. I know how funny and witty and thought provoking most of the poster's comments usually are, but not today. I am a bit disappointed. Is it right to call a person a "thing" even in jest? (tranny or not) Think about the female track star that has to take tests to prove that she is indeed female, just because she is not the classic or society's idea of beautiful. Now step into her Nikes and imagine how that would make YOU feel....

Off the soap box...

Brooke said...

JustBNMe, you won't catch heat for your thoughts today. And you're right, maybe we were being insensitive.

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