Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Happy Hump Day!
So, today's blog post come at the suggestion of...who else? Our very own Rameer Green. We were talking about this the other night, so I thought we'd discuss today.
I don't watch Making His Band on MTV, so Rameer had to explain to me the foolishness that occurred on Monday night's episode. Basically, this guy J. Free wanted to let this woman know in no uncertain terms that he was NOT interested in her. Here is a behind the scenes look:
Now, I know this may not be a nice thing to say, but I'm gonna say it anyway - he's not cute enough to be acting that ugly. No one is.
We've all been in a position to have to reject someone. Someone is crushing on us, but we're not giving them any rhythm. They're still coming at us, and we're running the other way. They think we're vibing. You know you're not. What to do?
No one likes to be rejected. And being the "rejector" is sometimes just as hard, if not harder, than being the "rejectee." It's an unpleasant experience for all involved, but there are some things you can do to make it go as smooth as possible.
1. Mind your manners. Just because you're not interested doesn't mean you need to be rude. Rameer said that J. Free screamed on ole girl in front of everyone, tv cameras included, and basically embarrassed her. There's a difference between being honest and being an asshole. Proceed with kindness, even if you don't feel like it. You'll be glad you did later and hopefully your mama didn't raise you to be a jerk. Treat others the way you'd like to be treated. Cliche...but true.
2. Speaking of cliches, don't use any. Even though this phrase is typically used for breakups, don't say, "It's not you, it's me." Even if it's true, it sounds ridiculous, and no one believes that crap. The person being rejected may not want to hear the real truth, but they still deserve to. Choose your words carefully. Just because you’re being honest, doesn’t mean you can’t be tactful or considerate. Something as simple as, "Thank you for your interest, it's flattering...but I'm not interested in that way" should be enough. There's really nothing to say after that. But in the event that they DO have something to say...
3. Just smile and take their questions, disappointment...or sometimes anger...in stride. Always maintain eye contact and stick to your guns. Don't let them sucker you into thinking you made a mistake by rejecting them. If they ask you why you aren't attracted to them, don't make up something like "I have a boy/girlfriend" just to get them off your back. And don't say "let's just be friends" if you don't mean it. Just reiterate that you're flattered but you don't see a possible relationship. If they don't get it, then say thanks and keep it movin' - and maybe get a restraining order :)
4. If possible, do it in private. Don't reject someone in front of an audience like J. Free did - that's just mean. You'll embarrass the other person - as if being rejected isn't bad enough - and you may make yourself look like an ass too. The only way I'd advise rejecting someone in public is if you feel they may get violent and you need witnesses. In that case, do the rejecting in Times Square...at lunch time :)
5. Get straight to the point. Be nice, be honest and be quick. The sooner you get it over with, the better for both of you. No need to explain yourself until a new world's been built, and rambling on and on will make you seem unsure of yourself, will only embarrass the both of you more...or make them angry. Short and sweet is much kinder.
I told Rameer Monday night that ole boy might want to be careful, because karma is a bitch. Even if you don't subscribe to the "what goes around, comes around" theory, just remember that one day, YOU may be the one being rejected - and hopefully someone will treat you with the kindness and respect that you deserve.