Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Happy Hump Day!
So, I'm on the train this morning minding my own business, when I overhear these girls talking about their menz.
"He still ain't give you your money back?"
"Nah girl, and he had the nerve to ask me if he could hold $100 til next week."
"...you gonna give it to him?"
"I gave it to him, but he make me sick...with his fine ass."
"I hear you girl. He ever gonna move out?"
"please...with what money? His mom has the top floor though, so it's not that bad."
That's when I turned on my iPod, because I couldn't bring myself to listen to any more of that foolishness.
This was playing in my head the entire time I was listening to them speak:
I don't want no scrubs, a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me..."
That conversation was straight buffoonery to me. And what shocked me even more was how nonchalant they were about it, as if this was the only type of dude they knew. I felt like screaming, "Girl, he's a LOSER! Run!"
It's not that hard to spot a scrub. As women, we get approached by them daily. They may have tricked us into believing they weren't scrubs AT FIRST, but their true colors eventually bleed through. We all go through a period of time when we attract losers - not a big deal. But for some reason or another, this woman on the train wanted to STAY with him. Women who love scrubs is a blog for ANOTHER day, but today, I want to help women out there who may not be savvy enough to spot a loser.
1. He ain't got no job man! If he ain't had a job since a job had him, then RUN! Of course there are stipulations to this. If he doesn't have a job because he's unable to find one in the current economic climate, but has a source of income from SOMEWHERE, then that's acceptable. I'm not talking about the guy who's sending out 100 resumes a day trying to find something in his field. I'm talking about Pookie who says he can't get a job because "the man wants to hold him down." And no, playing video games and selling weed is NOT a job.
2. And because he has no job, he wants to "hold" a few dollars til next week. Next week comes, and he wants to "hold" another couple dollars to hold him over. Next thing you know, he's on your bankroll. If you find yourself buying things for or giving money to one of these people, stop it! A person like this is a master at making others feel sorry for him. Just because he can put it down in the bedroom doesn't mean you have to PAY for it. Again, dick is free...or it should be...and any money given to him is money thrown away. They don't appreciate it, they expect it. Don't do it.
3. He lives OFF OF, not WITH his mama and daddy. Trust me, he's asking them for money too. And if he DOES have a job while living at home, he's not saving money to buy a house. His main priority is to save money so he can buy rims for that car that sits out front that he can't afford.
4. He has a drug habit that he says is recreational, but somehow all of your money goes toward his recreation. Meanwhile, your ass can't afford to eat from the dollar menu at Mickey D's. Hide your purse and tell Smokey to kick rocks.
5. He doesn't have a license because it was suspended "over some bullshit." NO you can't borrow my ride and NO I'm not driving your ass around. Get a Metro card and beat it!
6. He doesn't have a "real" place to live. He has no known address and no phone number. He "stays" in the Bronx with his "peoples," but also "crashes" in Brooklyn from time to time. And he just shows up when he feels like it. This type of loser will try to stay at your house for several nights..."cuz he misses you." Whatever.
7. Along those lines, he tells you that he loves you and makes you feel like you're the most important person in the world...yet will disappear on your ass for days on end without a phone call - and will have no excuse when he finally DOES get back in contact with you. You can't call him because he ain't got no damn phone! That's because he's "staying" at his other girl's house.
8. Now, if you've managed to give the scrub some before actually finding out he's a scrub, here's where it gets tricky. Scrubs can usually PUT IT DOWN in the bedroom. Why? Well, since they have no job, they have at least 8 hours a day to perfect their stroke. There's some chickenhead out there that's not working either, so they get it in with each other everyday, and practice makes perfect. Usually sex is the only thing a scrub can bring to the table. Women who are getting their backs blown out realize that's all he's got going on, so they try to find something salvageable about his personality in order to justify being with him. But that's like trying to find a treasure in a trashcan - you're wasting your time.
9. There's a warrant out for his arrest. If you meet a guy who tells you that he "caught a case" - be OUT! RUN as fast as you can. Do not pass go!
10. He has no intention of ever bettering himself. There's always an excuse as to why he isn't or hasn't accomplished ANYTHING. "The man" is holding him down. He would have gone to the pros, but he "messed up his knee." He was "bout to" go for that job. Excuses, excuses, excuses. Yes, racism and circumstances can knock a man down. But what separates a king from a caveman is how he overcomes those obstacles and rises to the challenge. Alpha males have a competitive nature, which is why they tend to gravitate towards sports, politics, war, the stock market, you name it. These type of men see obstacles as challenges to overcome, not excuses for mediocrity. Stepping up to a challenge builds strength and character, and losers know nothing about that.
I'm sure that list could have been longer, but you get my drift. And I don't think these traits needed to be spelled out for the men and women who read this blog. But sometimes we women need to sit down and ask ourselves what we really want in a man. My man. What is he doing with his life? Is he disciplined? Is he educating himself? Is he proactive? What is he passionate about? It's not about money or power, but integrity and a desire to be a better person everyday.
But then again, maybe we attract what we are...and if a scrub can get some love from us, then maybe he's not the ONLY one who's a scrub....jus sayin'.