Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Happy Hump Day!
Okay, so today's blog is coming straight from Rameer's Facebook status. He sent me a message saying this subject might spark some conversation - so let's see where it takes us. This was his status:
Memo 2 women: this is 2009. No man is going 2 CHASE u 4ever. If a man expresses interest and u like him but don't pull the trigger, don't act surprised when he quickly moves on 2 the next woman. Remember what Kanye told y'all: "it's a thousand yous; it's only ONE OF ME..."
Leave it to Rameer and Mr. West :-)
Now...we've had this discussion before - so this blog won't be written all fancy-like with lofty language. Let's go at it "real talk" style shall we?
We (women) outnumber you. That's just a fact. Even if all women and men were single, available, ready and willing, there wouldn't be enough of you to go around. It's just the way it is.
Now, I totally get what Rameer is saying. If the numbers are against us, then maybe women need to be a little more aggressive, creative and open when it comes to approaching men and relationships. It's almost like it's survival of the fittest out there. Not almost...it is.
But hold up.
Does that mean we become the man? We do the chasing now? Is that what's its come to?
I don't know about other cities, but in the NYC, men want you to chase THEM. Oh, and don't let them have all their teeth, a good job, never been married and have no kids. Then you better put your fly pink Nike's on and start chasing these fools...cuz they ain't coming after you.
They KNOW they got it going on and have no problem telling you that you better get your weight up if you want to be with them. They will quickly remind you that they have at least 10 other women lined up and waiting for you to drop the ball, so front if you want to.
And it doesn't matter if you're a woman who's got her sh*t together. There are WAY more women out there who are "good catches" than are men - and they know it. I'm no slouch, by any means, but dating has proven difficult for me and countless other single women I know - and we're growing weary.
Weary...not because we're not willing to put out the work. Weary...not because we don't put ourselves out there.
But weary because we see what we want, we go after it, and we STILL end up holding the short end of the stick because the men we want usually want us and every other woman out there. They have a big ole fat cake and they're eating it too. They don't see us as their match. They see us as one of many, and they're always looking for something better.
I get not wanting to settle. I get that. No one should. But if you find someone who has at least 80% of what you're looking for, that's still damn good - but not good enough. There are no perfect people, yet I find most men (and women) want it ALL. And they will stop at nothing to get it...or at least try.
It's not until he's 40 and the old man in the club that he'll decide that maybe what he has is good enough. It's not until he's dated around and realizes that ain't shit else out there and he let a good one go. It's not until she's through being dogged over by the "bad guy" that she decides that "nice guy" is who she should have settled down with. She plays games with the guy who returns her phone calls on time and takes her out on actual dates, while pining after that scrub with the killer smile.
It's a vicious cycle...dating in the jungle.
So what do we do? Stop playing games? Decide what we want, go after it, and hope he wants us back? Give up? Do you? Do me? Or is this a deeper issue when it comes to 'us' and relationships in our community - and we have yet to scratch the surface?
Somebody please break it down for me so it can forever and consistently be broke...in REAL TALK.