Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Happy TMI Tuesday!
First things first - our favorite taser and shank wielding AnaJolia has been in the hospital since last night, so baby Sophia Michelle should be here today! Looks like Annamaria is getting her wish to have her baby on Barack Obama's birthday! Please send your prayers for lil mama's safe arrival - Annamaria tells me she doesn't wanna come out! Can't wait to meet her!
The first Tuesday of the month is officially TMI Tuesday, even though the past few Tuesday's could have been deemed as such. I'll try to limit my revelations to the designated day, but for now...let's get to it :-)
Yes, you read right. I'm a screamer. There, I said it. Okay...maybe I'm not a screamer, but I'm pretty loud. I don't mean to be...it just happens. This is me:
Well, I guess I should say that that's me if I'm enjoying myself. If not, then you'll know...cuz you'll be able to hear a pin drop.
When it comes to having sex, everyone has their own way of expressing their level of enjoyment. Some prefer gentle moans and sexy gasps as a quiet way to enjoy a little romp. Others prefer the loud dirty talk and bed squeaking screams that come with a back breaking good time. There's no right or wrong way to be loud (or not loud) in bed, but there is a correct way to adjust the noise level if your partner is too loud or not loud enough.
Having sex with a person who just lays there and doesn't utter a peep can put a damper on sexual intimacy and arousal. Kinda like watching paint dry. After all, how do you know you're satisfying your partner unless they say something? Anything. Can I get a murmur? A grunt?
Men think this is a problem that most women have, but some women don't like it when men don't say anything either. I don't necessarily want to be with a man who's louder than I am, but say SOMETHING to me. Whisper in my ear, say my name a few times, ask me how I like it. I'm not a big fan of "vulgar," but a little dirty talk never hurt anybody. Being with a man who says absolutely nothing is kinda weird. It sort of feels like what Miss Celie said in The Color Purple - "just climb on top'a me, and do his bidness." Newsflash men: We like to know we're pleasing you too! Whether it's through raspy moans or dirty talk, being vocal in bed lets the other person know the sex is good, which in turn boosts their confidence and arousal, and they'll just want to please you more. It's a form of primal communication that allows you to be in and enjoy the moment. Amazing sex, to me, is about expressing yourself and using all of your senses - including sound.
If you're with someone who's as quiet as a church mouse, then talk to your partner to get them to open up. Ask questions, say their name, make them feel desirable and comfortable enough to open up. But make sure the reason why he or she is quiet is because they're shy, and not because the sex is wack. Don't make them fake it like Meg Ryan did :-)
Now, I've never really gotten any complaints about my being "noisy." But I realize that for every person who thinks their partner is too quiet while having sex, there's another person who thinks their partner is too loud. Deafening, orgasmic screams and uncouth dirty talk may turn some people on, but for others it can be a turn OFF, distracting or even embarrassing. And I totally get it, cuz I'm a bit embarrassed after the fact too since I live like most other New Yorkers - neighbors on top of each other and thin walls. I usually wind up avoiding all eye contact in the elevator the next day :-)
But if your partner is too loud, don't try to muffle her/him with a pillow. That's not cool. Someone tried to do that to me once, and let's just say that didn't go over very well. Just "shush" me. Don't...uh...try to...KILL ME! I can hear you, just say something. Putting a hand over my mouth is not much better. You might get bitten :-)
If ear-splitting yelling makes you or your partner uncomfortable, then you should talk about it. Stifling your sounds may hinder your experience, but if being loud upsets your partner's experience, then one or both of you will need to compromise. Loud lovers can learn to tone down their sound effects by whispering something erotic rather than shouting it in your ear - or by using milder phrases like, "right there...sloooweer, just like that" rather than a piercing shriek. Or, if you want to make noise despite your partner's desire for you not to, then consider adding some background music to your sex sessions or turning on the tv so your utterances aren't as noticeable.
Whether too loud - or not loud enough - talk about it. Just don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable; and don't force your partner to do something he or she doesn't want to do. Try to do what comes naturally, while keeping your partner in mind. I'm sure there's a happy medium somewhere in your noise level. But just a note: If you're gonna be with me, love out loud! I wanna hear it!
...just don't suffocate me!