Monday, November 17, 2008
I hope everyone had a great weekend! I was in Philly over the weekend for my mother's birthday and had a great time with my family. The weekend goes by SO FAST, and I'm exhausted today. Let's just hope this day breezes by :-)
First, I'd like to post Liz's video blog. It has been a full week since she began her journey towards getting healthy. For those of you who may not have read my earlier post about Liz, she is a friend who is chronicling her weight loss journey in a video blog on YouTube. Let's see how she did and cheer her on!
(love the background music and "Yee Haw" t-shirt!) LOL!
This morning I was listening to the radio and the question of the day was "Do you regret getting back with an ex?"
I tried to think back to my past relationships and I realized that out of all of them, there was only one ex that I got back with...and I have no regrets about it at all. As a matter of fact, I feel he's the one that got away.
Everyone says, "they're an ex for a reason" - and for the most part, I believe that. I understand that our hearts may tell us one thing while our head tells us something else. We go back because we want to give that person the benefit of the doubt, or we don't want to be alone and that person is familiar to us. If you're considering going back, just make sure you've done some serious thinking, soul searching and evaluating before just jumping back in. The consequences can be devastating if we don't.
Some of the horror stories relayed this morning were from men and women who got back with an ex KNOWING that the person hadn't changed. A man told a story of an ex he got back together with, only to learn she was cheating on him and ran of with another man. One woman said she got back with an ex who was a crackhead and stole her wedding ring so he could sell it for drugs. Another woman spoke about an ex who had gotten several other women pregnant while she was also carrying his child. The stories were crazy! I felt blessed that I couldn't say anything NEARLY as bad about any of my ex's.
It's easy to pass judgment on others' situations, and I TRY not to when possible. But come on...your ex is a crackhead just out of jail and you think it's a good idea to get back together with him? Did I miss something? And the people who called in seemed to talk about these people who wronged them as if they themselves played no part in their own heartache. In blaming others for our pain, a lot of times we shift our own shortcomings to them and give ourselves opportunities to forgive the faults we can't bear to look at in ourselves.
Life shows us how to live and love by example. But it also teaches us by sending us relationships that challenge us to love as well. Our most difficult relationships offer us our greatest opportunities to grow in wisdom and openheartedness. We all have regrets - some secret guilt or private embarrassment we carry around inside, sometimes for years. Someone may have wronged us, or WE may have been the one to wrong someone else. It may have been yesterday and the hurt is fresh, or it may have come from someone who we've long lost touch with.
But whether we get back with an ex or not, we have to remember that this person today may remember us as the person we were, unaware of how much we have grown and the kind of person we've become. They too, may have changed. A past hurt can shape us into what we are today. Maybe if we hurt someone else, we sought forgiveness for all the times we talked instead of listened, or got angry when we should have been patient, acted when we should have waited, scolded when we should have encouraged, criticized when we should have complimented, said no when we should have said yes, or said yes when we should have said no. Those we are still angry with because of their past transgressions against us may not be who they once were either. Whether we get back or not, try to look at the person for who they are, not who we want them to be.
The wisest thing we can do, no matter if we decide to go back or not, is to stay in the light and ask the Spirit what we are to learn about ourselves and about life from the experience.
Like I said before, there was only one ex that I went back to - and it was worth it. I have nothing but fond memories of that relationship, and that relationship set the tone for what I will and will not settle for in my future relationships. Getting back with an ex is not always a bad thing. Getting back with my ex showed me what real love is. What unconditional love is. What forgiveness is. The love I experienced in that relationship set the standard for the love I know I am worthy of. That love heals everything in its path. That ex has framed a part of my life and he may not even realize it. Sometimes we hold on to our past hurts like a set of credentials. But bitterness, like love, creates after its kind. So I choose to hold on to the love from that relationship, and create after it a knowing that greater love must be possible. Thank you Honeybunny :-)