Monday, November 17, 2008

Love and Regrets

Happy Monday!

I hope everyone had a great weekend! I was in Philly over the weekend for my mother's birthday and had a great time with my family. The weekend goes by SO FAST, and I'm exhausted today. Let's just hope this day breezes by :-)

First, I'd like to post Liz's video blog. It has been a full week since she began her journey towards getting healthy. For those of you who may not have read my earlier post about Liz, she is a friend who is chronicling her weight loss journey in a video blog on YouTube. Let's see how she did and cheer her on!



(love the background music and "Yee Haw" t-shirt!) LOL!

Congrats Liz!!!

This morning I was listening to the radio and the question of the day was "Do you regret getting back with an ex?"

I tried to think back to my past relationships and I realized that out of all of them, there was only one ex that I got back with...and I have no regrets about it at all. As a matter of fact, I feel he's the one that got away.

Everyone says, "they're an ex for a reason" - and for the most part, I believe that. I understand that our hearts may tell us one thing while our head tells us something else. We go back because we want to give that person the benefit of the doubt, or we don't want to be alone and that person is familiar to us. If you're considering going back, just make sure you've done some serious thinking, soul searching and evaluating before just jumping back in. The consequences can be devastating if we don't.

Some of the horror stories relayed this morning were from men and women who got back with an ex KNOWING that the person hadn't changed. A man told a story of an ex he got back together with, only to learn she was cheating on him and ran of with another man. One woman said she got back with an ex who was a crackhead and stole her wedding ring so he could sell it for drugs. Another woman spoke about an ex who had gotten several other women pregnant while she was also carrying his child. The stories were crazy! I felt blessed that I couldn't say anything NEARLY as bad about any of my ex's.

It's easy to pass judgment on others' situations, and I TRY not to when possible. But come on...your ex is a crackhead just out of jail and you think it's a good idea to get back together with him? Did I miss something? And the people who called in seemed to talk about these people who wronged them as if they themselves played no part in their own heartache. In blaming others for our pain, a lot of times we shift our own shortcomings to them and give ourselves opportunities to forgive the faults we can't bear to look at in ourselves.

Life shows us how to live and love by example. But it also teaches us by sending us relationships that challenge us to love as well. Our most difficult relationships offer us our greatest opportunities to grow in wisdom and openheartedness. We all have regrets - some secret guilt or private embarrassment we carry around inside, sometimes for years. Someone may have wronged us, or WE may have been the one to wrong someone else. It may have been yesterday and the hurt is fresh, or it may have come from someone who we've long lost touch with.

But whether we get back with an ex or not, we have to remember that this person today may remember us as the person we were, unaware of how much we have grown and the kind of person we've become. They too, may have changed. A past hurt can shape us into what we are today. Maybe if we hurt someone else, we sought forgiveness for all the times we talked instead of listened, or got angry when we should have been patient, acted when we should have waited, scolded when we should have encouraged, criticized when we should have complimented, said no when we should have said yes, or said yes when we should have said no. Those we are still angry with because of their past transgressions against us may not be who they once were either. Whether we get back or not, try to look at the person for who they are, not who we want them to be.

The wisest thing we can do, no matter if we decide to go back or not, is to stay in the light and ask the Spirit what we are to learn about ourselves and about life from the experience.

Like I said before, there was only one ex that I went back to - and it was worth it. I have nothing but fond memories of that relationship, and that relationship set the tone for what I will and will not settle for in my future relationships. Getting back with an ex is not always a bad thing. Getting back with my ex showed me what real love is. What unconditional love is. What forgiveness is. The love I experienced in that relationship set the standard for the love I know I am worthy of. That love heals everything in its path. That ex has framed a part of my life and he may not even realize it. Sometimes we hold on to our past hurts like a set of credentials. But bitterness, like love, creates after its kind. So I choose to hold on to the love from that relationship, and create after it a knowing that greater love must be possible. Thank you Honeybunny :-)

-b

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Damn, that ex-sounds like da bomb..

Brooke said...

He was...he still is :-)

phillygrl said...

ummmm, is that ex from NY perhaps!:-) If so, I feel he was great for you too:-)!!!!!

Brooke said...

Not sure he'd want me to name names, but you know who I'm talking about Karen :-)

I'm about to check out your blog in a second!

elizabeth017 said...

Why does YouTube always freeze the video at the WORST spot!! lol

That being said lets move on…

I went back to 2 exes; the first was to someone that I had broken up based on a lie. I thought that by getting back with him we could move forward. The problem is that we would have eventually broken up anyway because there were a lot of other problems that plagued our relationship and I fell right back in with my eyes open. To be quite honest, I wasn’t thinking with my brain the second time! I don’t regret this because now my question was answered. There was no more “what if the lie had never happened – would we be together”.

The second person was someone I had dated for over a year. He broke up with me and even though I didn’t realize it at the time, it was the best thing that he could have ever done for me. I guess I didn’t understand until we got back together and I realized how much I had grown without him.

Malek said...

Ok you have really put yourself out there!!!! It sounds to me that you kind of miss this ex???? WE have had this conversation before and I recall encouraging you to see if there was still some love there. We will talk later as to what made you put yourself out there. (I applaud you for that) I wonder if this first anonymous is him???? I hope that "HoneyBunny" reads your blog because I like him and wouldn't mind him as a brother in law!!!!!
Nicole

Brooke said...

LMAO!! Leave it to my sister... ;-)

I didn't really look at it as me putting myself out there. I looked at it more from the angle of learning to appreciate an ex for the lessons and love they've given. The comments on the radio all sounded so bitter and hurtful, and I wanted to show that getting back with an ex can be a good learning experience, even if it doesn't last forever. Just like Liz said, she learned a lot about herself AFTER she got back with an ex, even if what she learned was that she didn't need him. Sometimes it takes getting back to get the lesson.

As for "Honeybunny," I think he knows everything that I put in my blog today. I've told him several times how I feel about him. Just because I tell him these things doesn't mean I'm trying to stalk him to get back together with him :-) I tell him these things because I think it's important to let those you care about know how they've impacted your life - especially if it's in a good way. I am SO thankful to have been in that relationship because some people never get a chance to be in really good one. Once you've been treated well, it's hard to go backwards - and I don't feel that any of us should. He has had relationships after me, so maybe he would veiw going back to me as "backwards." Who knows. My only concern is that he finds the love he deserves, even if it's not with me. I have nothing bad to say about him. Any woman who gets him will be blessed.

Keefe said...

Liz,

Congrats on the weight loss. Stay focused and keep your eyes on the prize! BTW, you damaged my hearing with that squeal. But, I'm still happy for you.

Brooke,

I speak to most of my ex's. However, there is one who wouldn't speak to me if her life depended on it. She was my "Boomsheka", my rock, my soul, my everything. She truly loved me when I didn't have a pot to piss in. Unfortunately, I phucked it up! I wanted to be a playa-playa from the Himalayas. Eventually, she "fired" me and refuses to have any form of communication with me.

Brooke said...

Damn Keefe! I'm sorry to hear that! "Boomsheka?" LOL!!!

Well, since you're married now, I take it you've learned the lessons from that relationship and applied it somehow. I don't want to make assumptions about people's relationships, but I think sometimes it takes "phucking it up" to realize what to do and what NOT to do if we're blessed enough to get the chance at real love again.

Anonymous said...

Go Liz!!

I was listening to it on my way in to work too... and HELL YEAH I regret going back with my ex. I wouldn't advise anyone to do that! Once it's over, it's over! He was just too crazy! He made me not wanting to be in a relationship ever again (sike), but that's how bad it got!

Malek said...

well if any woman would be blessed to have him then my only comment would be don't you deserve to be blessed... hmm think about it. Of course your not stalking him you have always been known for your honesty but part of me just wants to know could there be something there or not, otherwise I have a another guy in mind. Although he was never a boyfriend so he wouldn't be an ex but he did like you in high school so maybe he still does??!!

Keefe said...

yeah .... "Boomsheka" was a poem I wrote for her.

Brooke said...

Nicole, you're killing me!

Yes, I deserve to be blessed. I'm already blessed :-)

We'll have to talk offline about this high school guy you're talking about ;-)

Keefe, I'd love to read that poem! The one I wrote is simple and to the point.

guess thats the
funny thing about
the human spirit
that's so spellbinding,
just when u thought
u were the furthest thing
from my mind
u were the closest thing
to my heart........

The Fury said...

The ex question is always a tough one. I'm very friendly and even can kick it with my exes. I've even been intimate with exes after the fact, but there's always that tinge of "you can look into the rear view mirror, but turn around and drive back" for me.

Brooke, you definitely sound wistful about "honeybunny". OOOOOhhh someone is jonesin'..and we knwo cuz when it comes down, it's a muthaf#ck@!

Brooke said...

Y'all are killin me!

I'm not jonesin! People please!! All I'm saying is that going back with an ex isn't always a bad thing and using my personal experience as an example, so stop it! LOL!!

Keefe said...

I don't remember the entire poem. But I think I remember the first few lines ......


Dayyuuunnnn hoe I like how you do,
walk down the skreets and ninjas checkin' for you.
You my Boomsheka!

I lub dem gold teefs in your mouf
Are you from da souf?
You my Boomsheka!


ok ok ok .....This obviously isn't the real poem. I'll dust off my journal and send you sumthin' one day.

Brooke said...

okay, cool!

I know it's hot, I still remember the "Black Platinum" one ;-)

Keefe said...

You remember "Black Platinum"? Wow, now I'm getting teary eyed. I forgot I shared that with you.

Rene the Harlemite said...

Congrats Liz on the progress! Keep taking babysteps so you don't feel overwhelmed. It's about the marathon no the sprint. Water is great. Your body reacts to you thoughts and you are in the midframe to lose weight it will start shedding it off.
Last year I lost 25 pounds in 5 weeks. It was because of right mentality, diet, and exercise. If you drink alcohol you may want to cut down or cut out your consumption of it. Keep it up! :)

I am not one really to go back to an ex...When it's done it's usually done for a legit reason.

I have gone back once...It was a learning experience...I am not an avid fan of living in the past.


But, the past weekend The Giants did get in the Ravens A$$! Dre Lew-Any comments? :)

Brooke said...

uh oh Rene, why you tryna start trouble? The Eagles have the Ravens this weekend, so wish us luck!

And yeah, if it's in the past, it's in the past. As Martin said, "if that sh*t is supposed to be over then let it be over!" LOL!!

Dre Lew said...

Well... the ex has for the most part has been a learned process for me. But I keep it moving. No regrets...but just a new application of what to do or not to do on the next. Life's lessons!!

Like "The Fury"...I have remained pretty good friends with all my ex girlfriends ~ well all but 2.

Peace

Dre

Okay...no excuses ~ Ravens' got their Asses handed to them on a plate, hat's off to the Giants.
Eagles will have to pay dearly for that lost!!! LoL I'm still checking on those tickets Brooke * Wink Wink

Brooke said...

:-) But I think the game is in Baltimore, not Philly...so I guess I'll have to try to catch the game on tv if they show it in NY.

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