Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Happy Thursday my beautiful peoples!

Is it me, or has the time change and it getting darker outside messed you up too? I can't seem to get it together! I want to stay snuggled up in my bed with my cozy cat all day! I just feel like hibernating! Terrible.

Anyway, as I said yesterday, today's blog will be a continuation of part of yesterday's discussion. Not about haters, but about online dating.

Now, like I said, I've tried this before. I've met some great people as a result of it and made some new friends - just no love connections. But just like I've met some great people, I've come across some crazy characters as well.

You'd be surprised the nonsense you see on some of these dating profiles from various sites. It's no wonder some of these people are single. As my friend Princess would say, "they're coo-coo-cachoo!"

So what I asked my friends to do, both male and female, is give me a list of online dating "DONT's" that we should follow when posting our personal profiles. Many of you had the same answers, so I'll try to consolidate - the lists were LOOONG. I listed them just as they were written to me. Some of these were hilarious!

From Men:

- Don’t put single if you have an ex that is in and out of your life.
- If you drink or smoke...admit it
- Don’t put "looking for a serious relationship" if you want a fuck buddy.
- Don’t say you're independent if you want to be taken care of and not work.
- Don't lie about your size. Example: this 1 chick told me she was a size 6. “Why-come” when I met her she was a size 24? Oh no you didn’t!!!!
- How about the proverbial “Don’t treat me like a hoe! I’m a lady.” chick. You know which chick I’m speaking of. She’s the one who has a stockpile of suggestive pics on her page and giving shout outs to all the men she’s screwed online.
- Don't say you are into stuff you don't like, ie: sports or bike rides or movie types.
- It turns me off when they list themselves as professional and college-educated, but when I read their essay portion, it is riddled with spelling and grammatical errors and doesn't make any sense or give me a good idea of their personality. Please proof-read, ladies! WTF!?!?!?!

From Women:

- No headshots unless you have other body shots as well
- No pics with you flipping the bird
- No shots of you holding guns (that cracked me up Liz! are you serious!?)
- No shots of you with other women holding on their ass, even IF you cover their face!
- No prison shots (meaning you and your boys doing the “we so fly in the pen” pose
- At least ONE shot of you smiling - I need to see your teeth!
- If you are 5'9", don't tell me you are 6'3" because I will notice.
- If you have a picture that you have to black out a woman's face, don't even bother posting it.
- If you have several other accounts with dating sites and repeatedly copy and paste the same “about me” and pictures...get a life !
- If you have no intention of getting into a serious relationship please do not put "ready to settle down" anywhere near your profile…
- If you are 5’6”…then no…5’10” is not kind of close…get a tape measurer
- Before you make ridiculous requests for your “perfect” girl, look in the mirror and be realistic.
- If by any means you are not “A REAL MAN, traditionally speaking” then please choose another username for your multiple free dating accounts - possibly try "Loser Guy", "Prey and Leave", "I’m a Dick"
- If you have repressed rage and really hate women, get off this site...
- Don't put "exploring career options" when you are unemployed and BROKE!
- Stop choosing usernames like "9inchlover," "daddylongstroke" and "makeuwannacum" - it's just tacky.
- Stop asking "can we have a blockbuster night" when we first make contact and you haven't even asked me my name yet.
- Don't say you have a roommate when you live with your MOMMA, Auntie, Cousin, Ex-Wife or EX-Girlfriend!
- Don't front on your page with an expensive car and you have a hoopty or no car at all!
- Stop taking pics with you and 5 of your boys and not identify which one you are.
- Don't claim you have 6 acres of land and have pictures posted of "your home" from a magazine
- If you have 5 kids with 6 baby mamas, get off this site!
- If your picture is of you when you were 21 and you're now 38, stop it.
- Don't lie about being an engineer if you're a stock boy!
- If you're morbidly obese, don't put "stocky"
- Pics of you with half naked women, do-rags and cornrows or taken in a junky apartment are not acceptable.
- If you have 40 pics posted and you're not smiling in ANY of them, that means you either have a jacked up grill or you're just mean
- If your screen name is Pookie, RayRay or Debo, keep it movin
- If you're on a dating site and you're married, you need to quit playin

We could go on and on with this - and it seems the women had a much longer list of "no-no's!" Maybe I just got more responses from them. I'm sure all of these apply to both sexes.

If this blog wasn't long enough already today, I decided to list some rules for online dating that some of you may find helpful. If this doesn't apply to you, then you can stop reading now and get on with your day :-)

Some Tips:

1. You’re writing for an audience. Don’t forget it. Ever hear of T.M.I.? Too Much Information? Just because you think of something doesn’t mean you should say it here. Want to date a hottie and nothing but a hottie? Don’t say it, just do it. Leading with your superficial side has never helped anyone.

2. Adjectives mean nothing. Anyone can write a similar list: "nice, smart, kind, warm, funny, honest, successful, ambitious, family-oriented." If I can write that, and you can write that, and your mom can write that, how are we any different? Turn those adjectives into anecdotes and your profile may actually sound different than every other well-intentioned adjective-writer out there.

3. Activities mean nothing either. You might think you’re writing something specific when you list your interests: “hiking, biking, movies, music, travel” - but really, don’t most people dig this stuff too? If you’re going to mention something, make it as specific as possible. Where do you hike? What’s your favorite movie? What’s the city you’re just dying to visit one day?

4. Ask yourself: “Can anybody else say the same exact thing?” You want a person who is honest? You like to laugh? You’re done playing games? Join the crowd. Better yet, come up with a more creative way to express these same sentiments.

5. Leave the clich├ęs to everyone else. Listen, I think it’s cool that you “work hard and play hard,” are “equally comfortable in a little black dress and a pair of jeans,” and “are looking for your best friend and partner in crime,” but so is the next person on my search list. And the next person. And the next…

6. Watch the bragging. You can talk about yourself at great length without sounding like you’re showing off, but it’s a fine line. Avoid subjective evaluations such as “I’m very attractive/intelligent/funny” and focus on illustrating the same points. Your picture will let me know if I think you’re attractive. Your grammar and diction will indicate that you’re intelligent. Your humor will come across in your essays. Show us, don’t tell us.

7. Nobody responds to negativity. If you’re depressed, fed-up, lonely, frustrated, or just out of a relationship, you may want to wait until you’re in a better place before you date online. If you can stay upbeat and have fun writing your profile, people are likely to have fun reading it.

8. Don’t define yourself by what you don’t want. So you’ve dated enough people to determine that you don’t want someone who’s a liar, who is grossly overweight, or who is chronically unemployed. Congratulations. Turn those negatives into positives or just leave ‘em out. People shouldn’t feel personally indicted by your essays.

9. One word: spell-check. Write your profile in a Word document, spell-check it, then cut and paste it onto the site. Note: a lot is two words, definitely doesn’t have an “a”, and you’re is a contraction meaning “you are” LOL! (for you Jose!)

10. For the love of God, tell the truth. If you don’t, you’re destroying any future trust you may have tried to build up, and you’re giving all the honest online daters a bad name.

And finally, BE SAFE!

-b

15 comments:

elizabeth017 said...

Ha-ha!!

My favorite one was stop taking pics with you and 5 of your boys and not identify which one you are sooo true!! then you get disapointed when you realize that the person you are talking to is NOT the "cute" one!

The only one i didnt get was If you have 5 kids with 6 baby mamas, get off this site! <--ummm, how are you going to have 6 baby's momas and 5 kids????

Brooke said...

It was a joke Liz :-) meaning you probably have one on the way :) I've heard that before and always thought it was so funny :)

And yes, I always see the group shot of guys and the cute one is never the one who's on the dating site! Why do they DO THAT???!!!

Gleana said...

Love this one Brookey - thanks for posting these... I'm re-inspired again to try online dating. I love the one about not smiling in the 40 pics...hahaha perhaps he's a serial killer?

Brooke said...

LOL!! Ya know!? What's with giving everyone the screw face in all the pics? Looking mean isn't sexy. And if you're hiding your yuk mouf, eventually I'm gonna see it anyway, so stop it.

Anonymous said...

I was entertained by the blog but "you need to see my teeth"? Can't I be a good guy and have issues with my teeth? Maybe I'm getting them fixed :-)

If I'm "morbidly obese" don't put "stocky?" Maybe I DO think I'm stocky. That's all relative.

What's wrong with the nicknames Pookie, Ray-Ray, and Debo? Let's not get brand new. We all know folks with similar nicknames or worse.

I would submit to you that guys wouldn't use the screennames, "long stroke, 9inches, makeuwannacum" and have pics of fancy cars and talk about having 6 acres if there weren't a good number of women interested in that.

J

Brooke said...

J,

Here you go :-)

If you're getting your teeth fixed, then fine. All good. But if you have expensive cars and clothes and jacked up TEEF, then take some of that money and go to the dentist. That's all I'm sayin.

You know the difference between "obese" and "stocky." Stop playin.

Nicknames are one thing, but we don't know each other yet - so if I'm not cool enough with you yet to know your nickname, leave it out. If your name is Stanley, then just put that.

Yes, there are women who are impresed by cars, houses, etc. But that doesn't mean lie about it if don't have those things. Just because others may be superficial doesn't mean you have to give in to that. And as far as sexually suggestive screennames, I find it ironic that the majority of men who have screennames like that ALWAYS say they are looking for a "classy lady" or a "queen." Gimme a break. If a woman is attracted to men with screennames like that, then chances are she's not really that "classy." Just my opinion :-)

Anonymous said...

Define "classy"

Brooke said...

I think most of us have an idea of what we define "classy" to be. That may be relative. But I think most of us can agree that the ANTONYM to "classy" is "tacky," and screennames like the ones I've described can be looked at as "tacky." And I'm not saying women can't be "classy" and drawn to men with names like that. But the man will usually say the want a woman who is "ladylike" and "tasteful," but then they'll post pics of themselves showing their genitals, or in a towel posing in front of the mirror in their bathroom with their tongue sticking out and then wonder where all the "classy" ladies are.

Like someone said, take a look in the mirror and see if what you project is in line with what you're looking for. That's all I'm saying :-)

Reggie said...

LMAO thats all I can say

Anonymous said...

Yeah, these were funny...and so true! I agree with all the responses Brooke got in her blog, from both men and women...hysterical!

Rene The Harlemite said...

Clearly, you received more feedback from women than men on the profile comments.

I have never done on-line dating but have friends that have and showed me profiles that were "interesting" to say the least.

Honestly, I used to look at on-line it being a bit corny but then I thought about it and realized that it does it is a great idea because it cuts to the chase for the most part.

I have heard great and not so great stories.

I think is a great post Brooke.

If I were to ever do it I would put a Jheri Curl Wig and hold a 40 0z. and my user name would be Dough Boy.

Hahahaha!

Brooke said...

"Either they don't know, don't show, or don't care about what's goin on in da hood"

LMAO!!!

Yeah, you'd get alot of hits off that one!

oxtail said...

If there is anyone who has benefited from dating online it's me. I actually met my wife online. I know quite a few other people too who got married from a online dating site. We just started out as friends in 2003. We met on the site Black Single Connection, so if anyone is interested, here is the site http://www.blacksinglesconnection.com/.

It took me some time, I was on several other sites. I was on Yahoo Singles and Black Planet. Brooke, as was saying on your last post, this ties in with my relationship blog. I can't wait to post that joint.

So if you look at what a lot of people suggested (Dos/Don'ts), in general people are concerned with people being dishonest. Your number 10 tip sums up a lot of what people suggested.

The biggest mistake I made when I first started dating online is, as Scott Mcclellan said about Karl Rove politics, is I "shaded the truth". I gave a perspective that I thought women would like to hear rather than who I was exactly. But there was a reason.

I aspire to righteousness and fairness in every facet of my life. It's just who I am. For the sake of my online profile I toned it down because I kept being put in the "too conscious brother" category. Now it's not like I was anal about these things but I just can't stand for unjust things.

In any case, toning down my profile, I ended getting people who were incompatible with who I was. Lots of quantity but not a lot of quality. So I redid my profile and although I got less responses, I was getting people who were closer to what I was looking for.

So the bottom-line is, be brutally honest. Don't sway on who you are, but use a bit of reason and balance. You don't have to put a dissertation in your dating profile. Short and to the point.

I will say this, there are a lot of shallow and close minded people out there. I've noticed that too many people have an unwillingness to step away from escapism and self-deception, which goes back to tip number 10. Honesty.

I think I might be over the character limit shortly, but I'm going to post a bit from my relationship blog post I'm doing in a couple days in the next comment.

oxtail said...

So the title of the relationship post is this:
Why are our relationships so disastrous? (The human cost of ignorance)

Right now the post is 17 pages, so I think I'll have to chop it up in sections. In the end I have about 8 closing points. Here is snippet from number 2 of the 8 closing points. This is related to having realistic expectations:

2.Set realistic expectations and when you set expectations use some level of logic and reason to come to the conclusion that this is the right expectation.
Sometimes you don’t have to lower your expectation, but a more appropriate term is you have to "change" your expectation.

We often get into this circular argument of "lower and raising" the expectation. Did you ever think that maybe you had the wrong expectation from the start? Why do we have this superiority complex of whether the expectation is at the right height? And where did you get this expectation from in the first place? In my view, if you don’t have any information to support your expectation, then maybe you should rethink having that expectation at all? No one is perfect, and as human beings we should know whether our expectation’s can be realistically met or not.

Brooke said...

Hey Malik,

Thank you for sharing! I can't wait to read your posts. I know alot of us can benefit from your experiences. I think you're the only one I know who met their spouse online, so that's encouraging. But like you said, whether dating online or any other way, honesty is what matters most. Let me know when your post goes up so I can share it on my blog! Thanks!

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