Friday, November 7, 2008

TGIF My Peoples!

So it's Friday and I'm looking forward to doing absolutely NOTHING this weekend. Okay, I MAY go to Ikea with Amanda on Sunday, but we'll see how I feel. Yes, this cold is STILL lingering, but it's definitely on it's way out. I think once I get some really good sleep tonight and tomorrow, I'll be back to normal. Thank you all for your well wishes and remedies for my cold. It has all helped tremendously!

(Besides, I have to be well for when the Eagles WHOOP the Giants on Sunday. Yeah I said it!)

Rene is gonna get on me for that statement, but I'm ready! Speaking of Rene the Harlemite, we were talking on the phone last night for a good while about everything and nothing in particular. Somehow we got on the subject of relationships, so our conversation from last night will be the topic of my blog today. I figured we could take a break from our Obama high for a moment to indulge in some other discussion :-)

So Rene was telling me about this obsessed, stalker chick he was dealing with. He said she was nice, a wonderful person, the sex was great and they're still friends to this day - but she wasn't the one. And I got that, perfectly understood. But she on the other hand, became obsessed. She called all the time to the point where the sex just wasn't worth the trouble. She had fallen hard. Him...not so much :-)

So that got us to talking about the differences between men and women, and sex vs. real love. What is that THING that makes us fall in love as opposed to the chemistry of physical attraction?

Think about the heart-pounding adrenaline rush we feel when we see that hot guy playing basketball at the gym or the cute girl who's the friend of a friend of a friend who always makes serious eye contact with you. It’s that person we keep track of when he or she is in the same room, whose comments and actions we follow like a laser. We want them. We vibe.

But is that the beginning stages of "falling" for that person, or is that lust? What are some ways you can tell the difference between real love and good sex? I'm curious to see everyone's answer to this.

We all know that Love Jones is one of my favorite movies, and I think these scenes in the movie beg my question perfectly - Please watch the first 8 minutes to get a sense of where I'm going with this:



They started off sexual. The first date. And it was goooooood! :-)

This ain't no love thang, we just kickin it.

But somewhere along the way, they managed to fall in love. Is that the exception to rule, or can real love be born from great sex?

My answer?

It can happen, but real love isn't sex. Sex is created for marriage – a long-lasting commitment between a couple. Outside of marriage, sex can have harsh consequences. Unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, guilt, insecurity, and shame - A STALKER CHICK - can follow. A relationship based on lust can only last as long as the two are physically close and find each other sexually attractive. I'm not preaching against or condemning anyone for engaging in pre-marital sex, I'm just telling it like it is. Sex isn't a bad thing, so long as you don't base a relationship around it.

Real love, on the other hand, is a choice. It's a commitment. Real love sees the other person for who they are, flaws and all, and STILL loves them anyway. Real love wants to serve the other person - it's selfless. Real love makes ALL of your other relationships and friendships grow stronger. Real love is trust and understanding, not jealousy or cruelty. Real love takes time to build and encompasses long-term commitment. Real love survives distance and time.

But most importantly, God is real love. God, as our designer and creator, made us with needs for love. Do you ever wonder why we constantly seek love from others but never feel completely satisfied? It’s because God designed us for an unconditional love, and we, as people, are flawed. People, whether friends, family, or your significant other, will invariably let you down at some point. Only people you really love can hurt you. God wants us to find our need for love and acceptance in Him first. One person cannot meet all our needs, even if he’s funny and smart or she’s pretty and thoughtful or the sex is great.

We were made for God’s love, and God’s love alone can fill that need. Only after experiencing and knowing the unconditional love that God has for us, the love that drove God to send his Son to die for us on earth, can we begin to love others with the same quality of unconditional love. Perhaps finding real love begins with God, and has no end.

-b


Go EAGLES!

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

I hate the Eagles and all Philly sports teams :)

Go Giants!

Brooke said...

HATER!

Rich, is that you? LOL!!

Gleana said...

Nice one Brookey... I couldn't have said it better...

Brooke said...

Thanks Glee! I miss you over here! We have to get together soon. Lord knows we've had these discussions before when you were here :-)

Rene The Harlemite said...

I will say that most people you get you get involved with will give you signs or will straight up tell you. You tend to ignore them because of your feelings/intentions with that person. She was upfront as well as I was, but I can only hold myself accountable in dealing with the situation.

Also in certain situations one may feel that you can change a person or situation i.e. people that deal with a person that is married ( I am sure that is another blog post in the future) lol.

I fully agree you must have a great relationship with God. God is the most loyal being.

Good luck with your Eagles this weekend...You'll need it!

Maybe when you guys get a ring you can sit at the adult table at Thanksgiving. :)

Congrats on the Phillies though.

Keep it real on Broad Street...Shout out to my favorite Philly Cheesestake spot Max's!

Dre Lew said...

Hi Brooke,

Very interesting subject!! It’s some what of a fine line that I can’t say I truly understand ~ meaning that you may start with a great chemistry and physical attraction, which gets you to a point of great sex and someone who you want to know more about. As you start learn more about a person ~ you may decide to keep everything as it is, leave it alone or pursue more. I think at anytime you can be at any of these stages. You can’t help who you fall in love with, they got it or they don’t. I do think that everyone plays a little poker with it. Everyone wants to feel that their expression of loving someone is mutual and have their different ways of trying to find out. A great poker play ~ you’ll never know what’s in the hand/mind, doesn’t let his/her true emotions out on premise “This ain't no love thang, we just kickin it” or fear of love not being returned. So they tell their best friends or mate… This ain't no love thang, we just kickin it. I say don’t bet the pot ~ what do you think??? Some will call it one thing but really feel differently ~ trying to fool themselves or others.

I think that real love as you said so well Brooke, does have a higher meaning and spiritual base. It’s when you get beyond the game and into to your comfort zone and it’s no longer the poker game of does he/she love me ~ the real you/he/she is what it’s all about.

My 50 cent for the day!!!

Dre

The Eagles are only Cool until Nov 23rd ~ Ravens Rules!!! Giants still remember what the Ravens can do!!! LoL

Brooke said...

Okay, I need to address Rene individually.

First - The Giants will need the help this weekend, not us. You got mad jokes with that "ring" comment, but whatever, we'll see!

Second - Your favorite cheesesteak place needs to be Lazaros (my brother-in-law's spot), not Max's. Get it right!

As for your comment regarding the blog, yes, I agree that we may go into the situation thinking one thing and then the tables turn along the way. As long as both people are honest about their intentions and adult enough to handle the consequences of their actions, then who knows what can come out of it.

Brooke said...

Now, onto Dre :-)

Ravens are cool. I like the Redskins too....when they're not playing the Eagles. I also like the Giants when they're not playing the Eagles, so it's all love...until Sunday! LOL!!

As far as relationships go, I think we're all afraid to be vulnerable in them. We're afraid to show all our cards just in case the other person isn't feeling us the same. I guess when 2 people have sex, we get it in our mind that if he or she is having sex with us, they MUST like us on some level...so that may free us up to see what else can come of it. But you have to be careful with that, because sex and love can get confusing, especially for women. I'm not saying women don't have the ability to discern between love and sex, but we usually mix the two, have sex as a way to SHOW how we feel about the person, as opposed to making sure they feel the same way for us first. It's tricky...especially when people vibe on so many other levels that sex is a natural progression. You just have to be careful not to mistake that vibe for something else and then the disappointment settles in later. People are very good at showing their poker faces, so make sure you're careful when you call their bluff.

And there's nothing wrong with just straight up asking someone what their intentions are. As Rene said, they were both honest upfront, so you can only be responsible for your part in the relationship. If you're not sure, ask...and then assess whether it's something you can handle or not. Be honest with yourself first.

Dre Lew said...

Agreed...all love until Your Eagles Beat down!! LoL Just kidding.

Yeah...only if everyone was truly honest on their intentions. But then there is the real world * take everything with a gain of salt.

Brooke said...

Beat down?

DRE!!!

I thought we were cool?!

I may need to rethink attending your inauguration party if you keep this up!

Dre Lew said...

that's Grain of Salt ~ opps!

Dre Lew said...

Brooke ~ You gotta be at the party! Much Love always ~ it's not me, it's the team doing the beat down!! Wink Wink!

Y

Brooke said...

I don't know about you man!

Malek said...

Ok, from the old married lady.....my response to this subject is this....first of all with all that you wrote Brooke the only thing anonymous can say is I hate all Philly teams?????!!!! no wonder your anonymous....deep.... real deep. Anyway the rules of love are simple: do you but be honest and up front....you can get physical if you want and put your heart on the line but if the other person has been honest with you about where they stand and they are not interested in a relationship don't act surprised if you see them out with another person. Honesty helps you decide what is best for you. Hopefully you are honest with yourself as well as to what you yourself want to offer. But to all those single guys out there don't treat women like they are on a job interview to be your wife. Messing around with chickens til YOU feel ready to get married keeping the wifey in your back pocket. Because before you know it wifey will get tired of waiting or one of those chickens would have busted your ass with a baby!!!!! Just because the ratio from women to men may be in your favor, once you cut out the chicken heads its pretty much equal. And to the women don't give it away to fast the rules don't change much just the playas. My friend says that they should listen to Steve Harvey who said that women should wait at least 90 days that way you get a chance to see if they are worth the v jay jay. And to those that are worried about when they will get married if you agree with Brooke when she says love is God, then relax and let GOD do GOD!!!! From a Muslim perspective the concept of marriage love and family is favored in Islam as in other religions but since we don't know why HE does the things HE does then we must be patient and ready our own self because you don't want someone who completes you you want someone who compliments you. So pray on and love will come.

Malek said...

oh and one more thing......the best pizza, cheesestake, and the such are at Lazaros at 1743 South Street, Philly, PA
(Brooke you can appreciate this)
From the best tear jerker movie "Baby Boy" as the mom said a
PLEASE Believe IT!!!!! LOL

Brooke said...

Nicole, you are too funny and I love you! Great points you made though, very good points :-)

Rene The Harlemite said...

Brooke- Sorry about the loss last Night.

Dre-Last night you witnessed what is going to occur to you next week!

Dre Lew said...

Rene...all I have to say "They won't know what hit them" Wacko for Flacco!! Ray Lewis and one the best D on the planet will keep Manning under 13 or so!!! Remember where you heard it first!!! LoL

Sorry Brooke ~ Raven will get them back for you!! Wink

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