Monday, August 23, 2010

Too Damn Grown

Happy Monday!

Rain, rain, go away, please come back another day! I got SOAKED this morning...and I had an umbrella! Just ridiculous.

I figured I'd check my emails and Facebook while I let the heater under my desk dry off my saturated pants legs. I scroll down to read a FB status that read "I have no words." I click on the video to find a little girl dancing to Ciara's "Ride." Take a look:

I'd beat her ass...but back to that in a sec.

I remember shopping in Old Navy for Baby Sophia for her birthday. There were kids running around crazy in the toddler section, and their parents were seemingly oblivious to their little terrors. One little girl ran right into me and I was forced to give her the stern "Girl, you lucky you not my kid cuz I'd whoop you into next week" look. But my stern look quickly turned into one of wide-eyed disbelief. This little girl had on a bikini top and a mini skirt with flip flops. What the...???

I realized that more and more when I shop in stores like Old Navy and Gap Kids, I see clothes that are more "suggestive" than in the past for little girls. Tube/halter tops, mini skirts, even hot pants - that's what these little girls are wearing now. I don't think I was allowed to wear a mini skirt or a halter top til I was over 16, and even THEN my mom had final say over my wardrobe. The first time I bought a skirt with my own money that was slightly above my knee, my mom and aunts told me my "legs were hanging out" and to go change my clothes - so back to jeans and sweats for me...or the longer skirts I wore for church.

I say all that to say that the hyper-sexualization (is that a word?) of our culture today has made it so that little girls want to be "hot," rather than cute or pretty - and finding a cute top and jeans for a toddler that doesn't have pink glitter all over it is getting a little more difficult. I feel that little girls nowadays are trained to be sexy before they even understand what "sexy" is. And my fear is that they won't have a chance to discover their sexuality in an organic way.

Sure, we've seen videos of little ones dancing to "Single Ladies," and I'm pretty sure the girl dancing to Ciara's "Ride" doesn't know what she's riding exactly (at least I hope not). No matter how disturbing it is to watch at any age, some would argue that it's harmless because they're only emulating what they see, they don't actually "know" what they're doing.

But isn't that the problem?

What happens when they turn 12 and their hormones start raging? Suddenly, the disconnect between a sexual dance move they learned in a music video and their real life desires starts "connecting" really fast. That early awareness of "sexiness" might make them a little more assertive sexually before they're ready to be (thus the term "fast ass little girls") and the consequences could be harmful, even deadly.

Back to the girl in the video: Performing a dance to a song that implies lust without actually "feeling" that lust suggests that the the goal is to be desired. But at that age, you have no idea what that means. At 5 years old, you can't explore what being desired actually feels like. There are some ADULTS who still don't understand their sexuality and haven't explored their desires in order to grow into them naturally. At 16 I didn't know what I wanted. At 22 I didn't know what I wanted. At 37, I feel comfortable enough now to be free with my desires without compromising myself, and no one can dictate that for me. I am in control of my sexual self, and can ask for and receive my own pleasure based on what I want, not what I see or what society tells me I should "be."

It's difficult enough trying to navigate a pre-teen or a teenager's ever changing mood swings, body changes and emerging sexuality without making them feel weird, embarrassed or uncomfortable. It's a confusing time. So introducing "sexy" to them at an early age blurs the lines between "too damn grown too young" and puberty. I don't know who or where this girl's parents are, but there's no way this "dance" should have been recorded and this video should NOT be up on the web to be seen as something "cute." It's NOT cute. This little girl should've never been able to see a Ciara video, let alone be allowed to mimic her moves. It's the parents' job to keep their child off the pole.

If I ever have a little girl, I’d want her to stay a little girl until she's ready to appropriately identify and express her own sexuality and desires. I know she'll have those feelings one day, it's unavoidable. But I'd want my kids - male or female - to grow into a strong, confident sexuality all their own. Grinding to Ciara's "Ride" is not the way to do that.



Jaz said...


Stef said...

First Bitches!

Stef said...


I just KNEW I had it!

As for the blog, Brooke, you're so right. These girls have no idea what they're doing or what kind of attention they're attracting. I don't understand how parents think this shit is cute. There are all kinds of sick people in the world watching little girls and boys do this stuff getting off on it. Pedophiles feed off this crap, and these parents proudly put their kids on display doing stuff they have no business doing.

Then, when they become teenagers and do these dances, they wonder why boys think they're ho's, or try to sleep with them too fast, and all that other crap that goes along with being a slut. All because their parents didn't teach them better. Then they're the first ones to want to go off when their child comes home pregnant one day. It's disgusting.

I'm glad you did a blog on this, because I hate seeing little girls in halter tops and string bikinis on the beach. Let your little kids stay little kids. They'll be grown soon enough.

Rameer The Circumstance said...

I saw people posting this on Facebook. I didn't watch it until just now...and I stopped watching after about 10 seconds.


The people in charge of her upbringing need to be FLOGGED. And you're right - people let their kids dress and act way too adult, and think that ish is cute or funny. It's NOT.

I know everyone will call me extreme, but hey - it's sister is 24. A grown-ass woman. When I come to see her, if she is wearing anything remotely sexualized, even as an adult - if she sees me look at her with a raised eyebrow, she instinctively will go change he clothes. No, I don't MAKE her...but it comes from when she was younger, and me not allowing her to leave out the house like her friends when she was a teen. She'd get home before our parents, and change to go hang out - and I would be like "Naw, homie. You gon' put some CLOTHES on, or you ain't goin' NOWHERE." I told her she should look like A LADY, not like she was "available". And granted - my sister NEVER had scandalous clothes or skanky clothes. But reveal too much - and I put the kibosh on that crap.

Now, even as a woman, she dresses nicely...but still subliminally takes into account my reactions. Cuz she LEARNED when she was young that little girls should dress age-appropriate, and not try to BE too grown in thought and action. My sis was a KID, not little girl acting out adulthood like so many of our children our nowadays.

I blame the parents. They enable and encourage this crap. Plain and simple - if the parents and elders around don't allow, teach and instill this crap in our kids, they won't act this way and grow up to soon - with babies on the way by age 13.

I saw a little white girl with some booty shorts on last weekend. She couldn't have been older than 8. SMH.

SarKism said...

as the mother of a young lady all I can do is shake my damn head and turn off the videos....and radio. My daughter has never heard this song in my presence. When she hears that and sees that stuff, I tell her baby you are so smart and pretty you dont have to do that for attention. I know its wrong but its really about getting her through. I say what I have to let her know that what's in her head is way more important that any of that other stuff.

still shaking my head and halfway shedding a tear.

Stephanie said...

Once again you hit it on the nose. This shit is not cute in any way shape or form.Whoever shot this needs SLAPPED.

The first thing that I thought was do these people have any idea how many sick SOB's are watching this getting their jollies off right now.

THE INDUSTRY HAS ramped up it's game. Almost everything is subliminally sexed up to target our kids.You can see in all forms of media and entertainment. Sometimes people want to blame the artist and say oh you have young fans and you should be more responsible.Sex sells, yeah I get it but I agree,it's up to the PARENTS to be responsible for their kids and who they turn out to be.

Annamaria said...

ok I like Rameer couldn't watch past 10 secs...It disturbed me.
Now call me crazy but I am very extreme when it comes to censoring what my kids watch (sophia's 1 but my stepdaughter is 9 & my stepson is 7) I watch everything they watch cuz you never freaking know..These kids shows aren't what they used to be..I have to even be more aware of what Sophia's lil a** gets exposed to cuz she was dancing to this song the other day (please don't judge...LOL)

Honestly as you guys yelled at me for a few months ago I don't let them watch movies or listen to songs or shows with sex, cursing OR suggestive "jokes" or dialogue.
They are children & should stay in their place. I don't even allow them to be involved in adult conversation when we have company over. You go hang out with all the kids & play with the mountain of toys in your room cuz you don't need to be in my conversation. NOW I don't hit my stepkids BUT if Sophia EVER EVER EVER danced like this at that age I would WHIP HER ASS to the point that someone would have to call the cops. And then I would sit down & explain how inappropriate that song & dance are. This video is NOT cute. Those parents should have spent the time talking to this child instead of video taping. Kids these days don't stay kids & they have a freedom that just baffles me. And this is why in my opinion they get into soo much trouble & things happen....

Kids should be home more, Have curfews, parents should know where their kids are & who they are with & what they doing. And what is with all these kids walking around with cell phones. I'm the only one your a** needs to call so you gonna have that cell phone that can dial 3 #'s me, daddy & wanna call anyone else get a job & buy your own phone. WTF
And beat your kids more... LOL

Ms Nay said...

Thank you for this blog Brooke. As the mother of a little girl this speaks to what I go through and think about daily. When shopping for my almost 2 year old toddler I am amazed by what I have been seeing. I was raised by a mother who did not allow me to be under dressed and over exposed so those are the values that I am trying to pass onto my daughter. As cute as the close may be I find them completely inappropriate for MY child. I don't even want to put my daughter in bikini. How other women chose to dress their children is their prerogative. I am already afraid of the crazies walking around so I do not want to give them any more of a reason to target my child. As for the posting of the video, that also is completely inappropriate. I do not know what any parent who would do that is thinking. I am very selective of the photos that I post of my daughter on Facebook so videos are completely out of the question. I find is so amazing that our society is so conservative when it comes to sex but not when it comes to sex appeal. It is okay to portray women in all their sexiness but frowned upon to openly talk about sex and sexuality, how hypocritical.

Annamaria said...

You know why there are bikini's for 2 year olds & halter tops & all that stuff for lil girls..because there are a whole crapload of people buying it. No it ain't me, Ms Nay or half the people on the blog but we all know we've seen lil girls dressed like that. And as long as you have IGNORANT mother's out there buying these things for their daughters clothes makers aren't going to stop making them.

Yolanda said...

Kids really should not be allowed to watch videos anymore. The images are just too much for them to comprehend.

And whoever uploaded this mess, someone should "ride" their arse down to the woodshed for a whuppin.

So glad I don't have kids. I don't know how you parents do it... hats off to y'all.

The Cable Guy said...

This is why I'm glad I don't have a daughter, cuz I'd beat her til the white meat shows.

But it's not just girls you hvae to worry about. My son was trying to recite some rap lyrics he heard that were sexually suggestive and I had to let his ass have it. Since I don't have him all the time, I don't know where he gets this stuff since he lives with his mother, but she and I had to have a talk about what he listens to and what he watches on tv. That goes for everything, including video games. You really have to be on they ass because you don't realize what they see and hear and they soak it up like a sponge. I can only imagine the stuff I DON'T know that he's exposed to simply because he doesn't say it all.

I hope I never have a daughter, cuz I'd be in jail.

SarKism said...

@ Yolanda...I dont even allow myself to watch videos. Its depressing.

Annamaria said...

@Cable Guy: hats off for putting your foot down also. Sometimes dads take a back seat in the parenting & don't speak up OR they excuse this behavior because "he's a boy"
Dad's stand up & put your foot down & make sure your son's & daughters know right from wrong.

Jay said...

There's not much more for me to add other than I blame the parents for this fuckery (as Brooke would say). It's absolutely unacceptable for a little girl to be gyrating in front of a video camera (with an even younger one looking on) and the parents thinking this ish is okay. If the parents co-sign, then a little girl is going to think it's okay to do, and will have no problem acting out in public because it's okay to do at home.

I understand outside influences and that you can't be with your child everywhere, which is why you have to start the dialogue EARLY. It seems that as soon as a child becomes aware of their body, that's when you should have a talk about sexuality, because it's too late by the time they're 12. Children now are having sex younger and younger, so as parents, you have to adapt and know your child, pay attention to them and always be talking to them keeping the lines of communication open. That way, if they DO happen to hear a song or see a video that is inappropriate, they can come to you and talk about it, or simply know better and not pay attention to it because they'll know it's inappropriate.

It pains me when when I see grown women who use their looks and their bodies to get ahead - because they feel that's all they have to offer. When you start them this young, this is where it stems from, and just gets worse.

I guess I did have more to add. This was a good blog Brooke, and I can think of a few parents who need to read it.

The Cable Guy said...


It's just as bad for boys. Well, maybe not JUST as bad, cuz I think it's harder to raise girls, but the last thing I need my son going around saying is "wait'll you see my dick." Not that he was saying that, but you get my drift.

I don't want my son going around thinking it's okay to disrespect women because he sees men out here pouring champagne on a woman's ass. I want my son to treat women like how he'd want someone to treat his mother. I try to be a good example, but I know that's not enough. The things they see and and hear out here is crazy!

Jaz said...

I got on just to be first and then I had to run into meetings. But I'm back and I echo everyone's sentiments. I'd whoop my daughter's ass if she was doing all this stuff - because as her parent I would hope that I would have taught her better. I know you can't keep your eyes and ears everywhere the kid is, but hopefully they'd hear my voice in their head every time they're about to do something wrong or inappropriate. Parenting is a hard job, but if you choose to have kids, you have to raise them and do the hard work. Too many parents let the tv and radio raise their kids, or they have a warped sense of what "cute" is. Most times I feel like parents who think this shit is cute were raised by kids themselves, and are just passing down what they know. It's sad.

DMoe said...

17th bitches!

First of all, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Aside from the fact that this lil girl is dancing for the camera, i think there's one other point.


That's the sad part. They say you can learn alot from a dummy, but dumb parents/guardians/adult figures can do life-long damage. As the father of a 9 year old girl, I'm on this kind of stuff with my full weight.

Meanwhile, B's point about "when she's 12" is spot on.

Throw in the fact that "fast" girls are almost doomed to make poor decisions later in life cuz all they know are poor decisions.

My girl should be a girl until its time to become a young lady. She shouldn't be getting any of her "woman" on until she actually is one.

One more thing: I DJ'd a party recently, and ran into an old acquaintance who's daughter I had seen since she was an infant.

Me: "How's (blank-name left out)doing? She must be what 11, 12 now?"

Friend: "Oh, hey she's great! she's 12 now...She's right over there!"

Cue DMOE watching the 12 year old pole-dance in the middle of the floor with 4-inch heels.

Me: "Oh ok. She sure has grown..."

Friend: "Yeah D, they grow so fast."

Me: "Yep"

Dmoe changes the song thinking "I'd kick my kid's azz"

Courtney said...

All I could think about while reading this blog and DMoe's comment about future choices is Laurence Fishburn's daughter. SMH.

Let them do this ish now when they're 5 and they'll be on youtube telling people that "porn is fun" while people jack off to their videos later. This is how it starts.

Brooke said...


I JUST said the same thing to DMoe in a separate conversation about Montana Fishburn. Not sure what kind of parents Fish and his wife are, but if my kid is doing this at 5, I wouldn't be surprised she'd be doing porn later in life.

Annamaria said...

12 year old pole dancing....

I would rip the pole out the ceiling & beat Sophia DOWN.. and WTF is she doing wearing 4 inch heals at 12? Get the fuck OUTTA here..

Honestly parenting is a very very hard job & I'm just starting out so I can just imagine what I'm in for BUT there are a LOT of parents that have a very laid back approach. I know that it burns me to the core when I ask a parent where their child aged (11-15) is at? And their response is I don't know??? HOW THE HELL DO YOU NOT KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILD IS AT???? You know where I was at that age? IN MY EFFIN HOUSE OR SITTING IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE?
And my 2nd pet peeve (my younger brother does it all the time) not picking up your cell phone when your parent calls you. IF I pay your cell phone bill YOUR a** better pick up on the FIRST ring... I may even give you til the begining of the second BUT don't let that third ring catch you out there or your shit will be CUT OFF! I don't care what your excuse is. Even if you god forbid got hit by a bus you better find a way for your crippled finger to press that talk button.

I'm 31 & I still run to answer every time my mother calls me.All 5 times a day.. LOL

Domina*tricks. said...

We all know that sex sells, and I'm not gonna lie, I enjoy a sexy Beyonce video my damn self from time to time. I think she's hot. But do these singers have an obligation to their young fans who they know emulate them? Curious your thoughts on this.

By the way, I'd kill my daughter if she was trying to "ride" ANYTHING.

Brooke said...

I think that Beyonce's songs and videos are for adults, and she is leaving the parenting up to the parents. Her videos and songs shouldn't be marketed to kids. Just because a kid might see it doesn't make it her responsibility. Just like tv shows. If adult themed shows come on at 10p, then your kids shouldn't see it cuz they shoudl be asleep. And if they're awake, that's what parental controls are for. We're talking Beyonce, not Miley Cyrus or Justin Bieber. Either way, it's ultimately the parents' responsibility to make sure they know what's going with their kids, what they're doing, where they are, what they're watching, who they're with and what they're listening to.

Jay said...


Agreed. It's not Beyonce's job to parent the kids, it's the PARENTS' JOB.

Anonymous said...

How hard it is to raise daughters. These anecdotes would teach parents tyranny, the results of license are so offensive. Nor should white parents shrug off these examples, claiming some multicultural exemption from sense. The pathology that started in the inner city black subgroup is now metastasized in the culture of the whole. Because we chose to ignore what was happening with some Americans, we no have a problem among all Americans. the only alternative that I have seen work is to shot your television set, and everything like it that spews this culturesmog, Here's hoping more parents are up to it.

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