Friday, April 2, 2010
I know...I'm late. Sorry! I'm still sick, and swamped at work - but I wanted to share this "Dear Brookey" email I received today.
I've been in a loving relationship with my man for 2 years now. We get along great, have the same values and goals in life, and I truly believe I found "the one" for me. He was engaged once before, but it didn't work out obviously between them. He recently proposed to me and I happily said yes. He presented me with a gorgeous ring. I loved it. BUT...it's the same ring he proposed with to his ex! I jokingly asked him if it was the same ring he proposed with before and he said YES! I was horrified. I cried. I thought that was totally insensitive. He thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but I can't believe he gave me her ring...the ring she returned to him after they broke off their engagement. This is our first really big fight, and I love him dearly and want to marry him, but I gave him the ring back and asked him to give me another one. Am I wrong?
I know we're in a recession and all, but come on dude....really?
I mean, I get it. Maybe to a man, a ring is a ring. But when getting engaged, most women hope that the ring they're presented with is unique to them - bought with her in mind. An engagement ring should only be recycled if it's a family heirloom, passed down from mother to son for him to present to his future wife as an honor...not the "hand it back" ring.
Maybe it was too late for him to get his money back...understood. But if I were him, I would have at least changed the setting, opted for a store credit, or used the ring to upgrade or trade for another one. As gorgeous as the ring is, I'm sure all you see when you look at it is "her ring."
At least you can say he's not a liar...cuz that's what I would have done had I chosen to give a man a recycled ring from a previous relationship - so at least he's honest. A little clueless maybe, but honest nonetheless :-) Forgive him, tell him calmly the reasons why you're not comfortable with the ring he gave you, ask him nicely to change the ring, and get on with planning the wedding. I don't think this is a deal breaker by any means, but he should have been a little bit more thoughtful with the whole ring thing. If you feel like he's "the one" - then this doesn't have to be a fight. I'm sure if you explain to him in a heartfelt way why his decision may have been a bit insensitive, he'll understand.
Take him to the jewelry store and pick out a new setting together so he can finally put a ring on it...the right way :-)
Anyone else feel differently than I do? Feel free to give her some advice...I wanna see what you all have to say about this one!