Tuesday, April 27, 2010
And Happy Birthday to our very own FLOYD BERRY!
Sorry I didn't post yesterday - I was kidnapped by aliens! Okay, so maybe not aliens, but that's neither here nor there :-) I'm back now though, so let's get to it.
This article was sent to me by a friend as a possible blog topic - so I decided to go with it...and his title too :-) On Friday's Sexy Survey, my first question asked something along the lines of if you'd want to, or consider living with someone before you got married. Another question on the survey touched on how you'd rather spend an extra hour of leisure - with your partner or alone. I think the article brings these two questions together, and ties in...just a bit.
Now, if you don't feel like reading the entire article, here is the first scenario:
The art of living apart
Boy meets girl. Boy has two kids. Girl would rather keep her own place, thank you.
Couple: Marisol and Rob Simon
Their challenge: Marisol, 45, a chef and author, and Rob, 55, a new-media entrepreneur, may have fallen in love -- but that didn't mean they wanted to join households, which in Rob's case included two kids. Their solution? In the seven years they've been married, they've happily maintained separate spaces. Sleepovers allowed.
In their case, they didn't have a desire to live together - before OR after marriage. Now, this may seem odd to some people, but I don't necessarily think it is. My mother started dating a man when I was 16 years old. They were both divorced and saw no need to get married again, so they happily dated and lived apart for years until he passed. He was like more of a father to me than my biological one, and I never felt like they were less of a couple simply because they didn't get married or live together.
As a matter of fact, I'm sure they stayed together as long as they did BECAUSE they didn't live together. Maybe, like the couple suggests in the article, they had a chance to actually miss each other. And even though they only lived 15 minutes away from each other and saw each other several times a week, they still needed to maintain their own space.
Now, here is the second scenario in the article:
Together forever, all the time
For some, it would be too close for comfort. For them, it's all in a day's work.
Couple: Andrea and Scott Zieher
The challenge: A cohabiting couple for almost a decade (they married last summer), Andrea, 34, and Scott, 44, also opened a business together seven years ago. Their New York City art gallery has two employees: them. Just the two of them. In one room. All day.
I think this would drive me crazy. But there are several couples who met at the job, so they not only live together, they work together too. My best friend and her husband met at work - two lawyers on opposing sides. They fell in love, moved in and married...and saw each other all the time until she had their first son and became a stay-at-home mother.
Some people LOVE spending every waking moment with their partner - which is why I asked the question if you had an extra hour of leisure, would you spend it alone or with the person you love. Now, if there are 24 hours in a day, then ONE alone won't kill you right? You'd think you'd NEED that hour to yourself. But there are some folks that are SO in love and SO enveloped in their relationship, they would spend ALL 24 hours with their boo if they could. Nothing wrong with that either. I guess... ;-)
So tell me, which of these two scenarios is you? Or could be you?
Personally, I'd like a balance between the two. If we didn't live together, I'd see no need to get married. One of the benefits of marriage is splitting a mortgage and household expenses so that you have more money to save. If we maintained two different residences, we might as well keep everything else separate too - and not be married.
And since the woman in the first scenario didn't have - or want to be around - kids, I'd think it would be difficult to be married while raising kids and live apart.
But I'd also not want to be on top of each other all day either. While I love spending time with someone I love, it can be a bit much if I see them all day AND all night too. I want to be able to miss him, and hear how his day went instead of just knowing. I think it's great when couples want to be with each other all the time - but for me, I wouldn't want either of us to feel taken for granted or stifled. I think that can happen when people don't have room to breathe.
So what do you think? Which scenario do you think your relationship would thrive in most?