Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Hayden is back for another take on fatherhood - enjoy!


Not With MY Daughter You Won't!...by Hayden Greene

Marshall Dillon…
The Ghost Busters…
Superman…
Shane…
The Green Lantern…
Hayden M. Greene…

What do all these people have in common? They are all protectors.


Whether it's a town or the earth or the universe, they ensure that the people they are charged to safeguard don't ever have to worry about being harmed. So then why is my name on that list? There is this little girl named Clarke for whom I am the sworn protector to the end of my days. You should know that as I say that, I push out my chest and imagine a flowing cape billowing behind me like I am a super hero. Because I am. I am HER superhero. And I always will be even when my puffed out chest is overtaken by a puffed out gut and the cape is tattered - I will always be her champion.

Unfortunately the brunt of my superhero practice will be enacted on her suitors, male or female. I've already started practicing. It's always cute for some parents of children of comparable ages to "set up" future couplings between them. Some parents. Not me. I have found myself saying ridiculous things like the following to people:

· I'm sorry, Clarke has lost her ability to speak to all members of the opposite sex who are within 10 years of her age. Doctors say it should clear up around her 35 birthday. Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please check back at that time.


· I am not going to worry about Clarke getting phone numbers from boys: there won't be any phone installed in the ivory tower, and I have a BB gun for any carrier pigeons that are brave enough to attempt to deliver a message.


· There will be no need to use scare tactics on her dates since Clarke will not be dating anyone from the top of the ivory tower. When the time comes for her to descend, I will probably be too old to enact any fearsome tactics and my only recourse will be to throw my dentures at them with what little vigor I have left after and try to suffocate them with my uncontrollable farting. If they still want to date her after they see what their Thanksgivings and family BBQ's are going to be like, they are a better man than me and deserve her. Mazel Tov!


As you can see I am pretty ridiculous when it comes to my daughter. Most of it is in good fun, but there is a LOT of truth in there!

Here's my honest opinion: Clarke should know that her father is going to give anyone she brings home a hard time. In fact, she should want to use that as a way to discern who to date. I want my daughter to only date people who have self confidence and have strong wills. If they are too chicken to face her old man, then she shouldn’t want to be with them to begin with! In my eyes, I consider this a favor to my girl. Yeah...let's spin it that way. In the interim, I'm going to come up with more and more creative ways reek havoc on whomever she decides to date...

God. Help. Them.



- Hayden



Hayden M. Greene has been working to produce artistic beauty for many years. In his early years, he was known for painting jackets and jeans - but that was just was the beginning. He is also a successful spoken word poet, a writer, a faithful citizen of the People's Republic of Brooklyn, and, of course, a photographer. Many of his photographs picture places that he has travelled to, but his most beautiful ones are of the people that he has met or had the pleasure of photographing. He has a discerning eye and is able to capture the ‘beautiful’ from the seemingly ‘ordinary’. He created Greene Light Photography to share that vision with you.

62 comments:

Annamaria said...

Can we say FIRST BITCHES!

annamaria said...

Powerz has his heart set on doing the same thing with Sophia. Too bad Soso has other plans! Lmao good luck with that Hayden. U know triple trouble is going to give u frat boyz a run for ur money. Remember college? The girls will be there soon enough...

Stef said...

Where did Anna come from?!

I agree that fathers should help shape their daughter's thought process when it comes to dating and choosing men, so if you're a great father, then she'll choose wisely. Girls tend to date men like their father, good or bad - so make sure you are the type of man you want your daughter to be with and you'll have nothing to worry about.

Courtney said...

This was cute :)

Be careful not to suffocate her too much though, because my dad and uncles did that to me and all it did was make me want to rebel. I dated guys I KNEW they wouldn't like just to piss them off as an act of defiance. I was young then, so of course now I know better, but be careful not to lay it on TOO thick. You don't want her sneaking dates behind your back because she's afraid to bring her dates home. Just saying.

The Cable Guy said...

Remember that scene in Bad Boys where Will Smith and Martin Lawrence give Martin's daughter a tough time? Will comes to the door pretending to be drunk and pulls his gun on dude. Then Martin says "ain't gonna be no f*ckin' tonight!" That's what I was imagining as I read this post :)

And I'd be the same way with my daughter! LOL!

Annamaria said...

@Stef... I had to be first. This is my last blog comment til we get back! LMAO

And Hayden start packing & stop writing blogs... LOL

Serena W. said...

OMG I love this post!!! You're a trip Hayden! It's funny because my sweet heart has tendencies like my Papa. If he were alive they would seriously kick it.

Cable Guy I'm with you. I went right to that scene of Bad Boys II! Heeeeeeelarious!

When I talk to my sweetie about his daughter and how she's approaching that age he shuts down the convo. The "S" on his chest is revealed and all I can say is, "Oh boy...he's in for a rude awakening!" (Uh yeah, she's 12 and going to 7th grade this fall...oy vey)!

Annamaria you are telling him to stop blogging...aren't you leaving too! All of you DR bound people have a blast! Take pics and drink for me.

Hayden, kudos for a great blog!

Annamaria said...

YEP... My 8am flight is calling me... Still going bananas..
Trust me you won't have to tell me to drink..Someone might have to tell me to STOP drinking though. LMAO

The Cable Guy said...

I was gonna say, he might have a blog everyday this week! Brooke, you should have broken them up!

Brooke said...

@Cable Guy,

The reason I put his posts back to back for Monday and Tuesday is because he's going to Anna's wedding, so if he was going to be around to respond, it had to be before he left for DR...so Hayden goes first.

Does that suit you? ;)

Stef said...

Ummm, Cable Guy, when you get your own blog, you can do what you want, but this is BROOKE'S blog! So don't tell her what she SHOULD be doing! LOL!

Serena W. said...

Annamaria, if people tell you to stop. Tell them you're drinking for the madness you endured during the planning, being sick during it all and for the pregnant woman that can't travel. If they have a problem with it they can call me! (neck rolling and fingers snapping).

I'm anxious to see who is blogging tomorrow. I don't think it will be Cable Guy! lol. You made Brooke roll her eyes through the computer at you. Hahaha!

Jay said...

Good post. Like I said, I'm not a father yet, but if I was the father of a little girl, I can imagine I'd be the same way. I'm very protective of my nieces, and I will be the crazy uncle like Will Smith was in Bad Boys. Trust.

But I do know that my child will date one day, so to avoid the defiance that Courtney speaks of, I'd try my best to lead by example adn raise her to trust herself to choose wisely. I know, easier said than done, especially coming from a man with no children. We can only protect them so much, so hopefully when they're not in our sight, we can trust that we've done a good job raising them to do the right thing.

Annamaria said...

@Brooke... thank you for the EXPLANATION.. now here is my taser so u can tase cable guy... :)

The Cable Guy said...

okay, damn! Sorry!

If she continues her father's day blogs into next week, I WILL be posting, so hmmmph!

Hayden said...

Thanks everyone.

@courtney. I know it's a thin line. I figure daughters are going to rebel to a certain degree anyway so I might as well present a formidable image anyway!

@Cable Guy. I saw that when I was younger as well and I said I am soooo doing that when my daughter brings someone home! LOL I have Fraternity Brothers who are cops too! I have since reconsidered but I haven't ruled out sharpening my cutlass in the living room when they come to visit...I'm just sayin'

@Serena. You hit the nail on the head though. I actually want to have GOOD relationship with Clarke's choice of companion but not a cowering, sniveling, weakling! They HAVE to have a backbone.The truth of the matter is that I will eventually have to pass the protection duties onto this person so i want them to be just a vehement about her welfare as I am. Nothing less will do. So if they have to get a little hazed to achieve that theeeeeeennnn...so be it! LOL

Geeque said...

DR here I come!!!! Drinks all week!!!!

Get Drunk at the wedding trip and fall on the cake!! etc, etc, etc!!

Geeque said...

Whose this Hayden guy!! LOL

Annamaria said...

@Geeque.. enough crap has gone wrong that I wouldn't even care if you fell on the cake.. LMAO

Plus I'll be drunk...

I don't know who this Hayden dude is but apparently he's coming to the wedding??? HOW??? :)

Jen said...

@Brooke - Whose the good looking brother in the Black Hat in that pic?

Brooke said...

why do I feel like "Jen" is Geeque? LOL!

Hayden said...

This just got awkward!! LOL

And hell yeah, I'mma be atcha weddin'. Try and stop me. I'll be the guy holding everyone's hair back as the throw up in the centerpieces and stopping you from trying to piss in the plants in the corner. Yeah...DAT GUY!

Annamaria said...

@Brooke if Jen isn't Geeque she better watch her back... Ms. Nay (HIS MAIN WIFE) is rolling her "natural" hair right now & getting ready to shank someone. And you know how upset she's gotta be if she's gotta mess up her natural hair...LMAO

@Hayden... that's what we love about you... Always the sober one

Brooke said...

we don't want Nay busting out the "natural hair!" Jen (aka Geeque) better fall back!

I wish I was going to the wedding, but I'm sure you'll all have a great time for me! We can celebrate again when you all get back!

As someone who couldn't buy a date until my overprotective cousin went away, I can say it definitely did weed out the brave from the cowards :)

Stef said...

Okay, so I'm guessing the guy in the black hat is Geeque? LOL!

It's cute pic, the girls are adorable! I can see why you'd want to keep the bad guys away :)

Aisha G said...

I feel bad for Hayden and not Clarke....

Stef said...

Me too! He's just gonna be the old creepy guy farting in the corner while his daughter goes out with whoever she wants LMAO!

Tony said...

@Brooke.......who is your overprotective cousin? As a father of two beautiful girls I have figured out the perfect solution for the daughter dating problem........SONS! i have two daughters but three sons....big boys....that can fight......well!

Brooke said...

Gee...I wonder who that cousin is ;)

so I guess all Hayden has to do is have more kids...and they must be boys :)

Annamaria said...

@Tony...I have 8 brothers..... They were absolute nutcases... You are on the right track.

The Cable Guy said...

See, that's why I like Tony. I think we think alike! And I'm glad I had a son first!

Is that why Brooke is such a good girl? She couldn't buy a date? I might have had to risk the crazy cousin to go out with her! LOL!

Not that I think Tony is crazy or anything :)

Tony said...

@Brooke......I had an undeserved reputation back then....I never threatened any of your potential boyfriends did I?

@ Cable Guy........thanks! we do think alike though....I'm lobbying for you Bruh!

@ Annamaria........I know its working out well

Brooke said...

@Tony,

Antwine Moore (not sure if you remember him) stopped talking to me out of the blue. I had no idea why, so finally I asked him why he didn't talk to me anymore. He said "your cousin Tony told me that if I didn't leave you alone, he was going to blow up my house."

And we won't even discuss the whole Timmy Duckett incident! LOL!

The Cable Guy said...

Daayyyyummm! Tony was blowing up houses and shit?! WTF!

Hell, I might have still risked it though...Brooke must've been the finest chick in the neighborhood! That smile!

Stef said...

Who is Timmy Duckett? LOL!

Annamaria said...

BYE BOYS & GIRLS.... I will talk to you all when we get back!

To all the BLOG DADDIES..Have a wonderful & Blessed Father's day & may you get lots of smooches from the kiddies.

To Hayden, Aisha, Geeque & MsNay.. See ya Thursday!

XOXOXOXOXO

Hayden said...

Blowing. Up. Houses....You win...

Stef said...

Congrats Annamaria! Have a safe trip and a not so drunk wedding! LOL!


(now I only have to worry about beating Ant! Yeah!) LOL!

The Cable Guy said...

Congrats Anna and Austin and baby Soso! Have a safe trip to DR!

Tony said...

LMBAO Brooke! I never threatened to blow anyone's house up! I dont even remember him and what happened with Tim? You sure this was me?

Brooke said...

@Stef,

Timmy Duckett was a guy I had a huge crush on when I was like 14. He asked me to his senior prom, and I was in 8th grade. He and Tony were seniors at the time, and they were friends....but Timmy didn't know Tony was my cousin. Needless to say when Tony found out he asked me, he shut that down REAL quick. I wasn't there, but rumor has it Tony yoked him up and told him that I was 14 and that if he came anywhere near me, he'd break his legs.

DMoe said...

I'm with Cable guy on this one...

The Bad Boys II scene is a classic for me, and i'm down with any dad who needs me to 'Will Smith' some lil dude tryin to take their daughter out.

I also expect the favor to be returned.

"...and aint gon' be no f**kin tonight either..."

D to the M to the O to the E.

The Cable Guy said...

Damn! Blowing up houses, and breaking legs. Tony, how tall/big are you? I'm trying to figure out if I'd be bold enough to step to Brooke :)

The Cable Guy said...

@DMoe,

I got you bruh, I GOT YOU!

Jaz said...

Damn, I'm afraid of Tony my damn self! No wonder his sons can fight! They're picking up where he left off. I feel so sorry for his daughters!

Great post again Hayden, but I think Tony has got you beat!

Anonymous said...

This blog entry today made me crack up! Just last Thursday I went to daycare with my Brookey monster to tell them that I plan on enrolling my other daughter Sydney into daycare this fall! I was there looking to get a two for one discount but that is a subject for another day! Brookey monster hasn't been in daycare for the past month and a half so when I showed up to daycare with her, all of her little minions were delighted to see her! The kids literally swarmed over to hug her! I didn't know my baby had such a cult following! Anyways, there is this one little boy rapidly approaching my kid with his arms open and lips puckered! I was like what the hell...is this little punk bout to kiss my baby? The closer he got, the more terrified I became! What do I do? Little baby Jesus help me! As soon as he reached her, and was about to kiss her on the lips, I put my hand out and mushed the little brat away! I didn't think I mushed the kid hard but he was coming with so much momentum that my hand mush caused him to fall back and crash to the floor (HARD). The people in the daycare were just staring at me! Now I'm in PR mode apologizing and making all types of excuses! I tried to explain that Brookey is just getting over a cold and that I didn't want her to get the kids sick etc. etc! The teachers all looked at me and started to laugh! One said to me: "you cannot be there all of the time and you better get used to it! The boys will come running and you won't be able to block all of their kisses!"

It was at that moment I realized the same thing as Hayden! There are sooo many things that I will want to protect my daughters from, but the reality is that I cannot be there for all of the kisses! I cannot be there and protect them from all of the peer pressure and all other aspects of life where crucial decisions made can shape what your life will be! As a father the best protection that I can give my girls is arming them and instilling in them the value of having self respect, the value of knowing their self-worth! I can teach them the importance of having integrity! I think I realized that yes daddy can do everything in his power to protect his young'n from physical dangers and all that other stuff, but daddy must also teach his girls to be their own heroes!

Floyd

Tony said...

oh yeah ~ I remember that......He was too old to be messing with you!.....I dont remember who asked but im 6'1 235.

Brooke said...

Poor lil boy got mushed to the floor! LOL! Brookey monster is gonna have problems when she gets to be a teenager! wow!

I knew you'd remember the Timmy situation Tony...I was so devastated when my mom told me I couldn't go to the prom after Tony told on me. Crushed!

But yes, he was too old to be messing with me...meanwhile I took a 19 year old to my 8th grade dance. Go figure. LOL!

The Cable Guy said...

6'1, 235? Hmmm....if that's how big you were back then, I might have had to fall back :)

and yes, I'd have beat his ass too! He was 18 and you were 14? Hell no.

The Cable Guy said...

@Floyd,

You gotta be REAL gangsta to be mushing little boys! LOL!

The Cable Guy said...

Brooke, you took a 19 year old to your 8th grade dance??!! WTF?! I'd have killed him. THAT shit wouldn't have happened. No way.

Courtney said...

Brooke was big pimpin' in 8th grade! LMAO!

Brooke said...

Hey! My mom said it was okay cuz he was a family friend. I think he was more like a chaperone than a date now that I think of it, but he was FINE! All the other 8th grade girls were HATING! :)

Yolanda said...

This was too funny. Every daddy wants to lock their girls in the closet for 25 years and beat boys off with sticks.

I just wish we'd raise our sons in a fashion that teaches them how to be the upstanding kinds of men we'd want our daughters to date, then we wouldn't have to make such tight rules for our girls or hide them from the boys. I know the good daddies who comment here are already doing that hard work... just wish there were more.

Brooke said...

Yolanda makes a good point. My sister and brother-in-law make sure to teach my nephews how to be gentlemen and to treat little girls with respect. Unfortunately, there are going to be parents who don't get that message across to their boys, or the little boys decide to rebel despite their parents' best laid plans. Maybe one day "good boys" will be attractive, not "bad boys."

Tony said...

Who was this 19 year old? I must have gone to boot camp or something........back then i was more like 220....

Brooke said...

He was Aunt Cheryl's friend's son - he lived in Philly, not Bensalem -which is why you didn't know him and why he wasn't afraid of you :) Brian knew him, which is how I met him. I remember asking my mom if she thought it would be okay to invite him even though I barely knew him and because I was so young. I dindt' think he would want to go to an 8th grader's dance, and neitehr did my mom - but she told me to ask him anyway. I think she just was trying not to hurt my feelings.

My palms were all sweaty when I called Aunt Cheryl to ask for his number. She gave it to me and basically made it seem like I was wasting my time. But when I called and asked him, he said "I'd be honored to take you." I was jumping up and down after I hung up and my mom was floored that he said yes, so I think she felt obligated to let me go with him after all of that.

When he came to pick me up, they took him in another room and basically laid out all the rules - translation: she's 14 and you better not touch her. And I my mom made me wear this frilly little girl lace pink dress that Nanny made that made me look like I was 5 years old so that I would look as "unwomanly" as possible in case he got any funny ideas. I felt so silly in that dress, but I didn't care - I was taking Sulomon to my dance and he was fine. That's all I knew :)

He barely touched me all night. LOL!

The Cable Guy said...

LMAO! Damn, they played you B!

But they better than me, cuz your ass wouldn't have been going!

Brooke had to import dates to dodge Tony, LOL!

Anonymous said...

I am no good! At least it allowed me to appreciate my purpose for my kids! Mushing the little boy enlightened me! Lol!

Floyd

Domina*Tricks said...

I'm late, but all of your comments are hilariouis!

I love how Hayden is going to scare his daughter's suitors - male OR female. She just might run into someone like me who doesn't discriminate ;) Good one!

Tony said...

yeah I HAD to be in Bootcamp!

The Cable Guy said...

LOL!@Tony,

He went from "I never threatened to blow up anyone's house!" ...to... "yeah, I HAD to be in bootcamp!" LOL!

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