Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Feliz Cinco de Mayo!
Remember a while back, I got a “Dear Brookey” email from a woman who received a recycled engagement ring from her boo? We all agreed that he should have exchanged the ring, changed the setting, or done SOMETHING to make it unique and special for his new bride to be. Right? Right.
But here’s a question for you all. Do we place too much importance on the ring instead of what the ring means?
Recently I was talking to a coworker who said one of her friends was newly engaged. She got engaged while on vacation in Jamaica and sent everyone a message saying that he popped the question…finally! She had been in a relationship with this man for at least 10 years, and all she wants is to be married. They could go to City Hall for all she cares, she just wants HIM.
But her friends, while celebrating the fact that she was finally getting her happily- ever-after, seemed to really care about what the RING looked like. One friend asked her to send a cell pic of it so they could see how much the ring set him back…or not. Another friend said it was in bad taste to ask to see the ring because, “What if it’s small?”
Well…what if it is? So what? If the woman getting engaged is happy and in love, why does it matter how big the ring is? Some people get engaged with no ring at all. However, some women would never go for that…and if the ring is small, they might be disappointed, or even angry!
Personally, I’ve never been a “jewelry” person. I have my pieces that I wear often, but I don’t drench myself in diamonds and pearls just because. Some days, like today, I run out of the house without earrings on, and most times I use my cell phone to tell me what time it is instead of wearing one of the many watches I have. It’s just not on my mind.
But admittedly, an engagement/wedding ring is something that a woman will be (hopefully) wearing forever, so it makes sense that she’d want to wear something that she likes. But is the ring an accessory, or a reflection of his commitment and love to you?
One of her friends said that she feels the ring is an indication of how much he loves her, so if he REALLY loves her, he’ll get her a big ring. Another one said she’d rather have a nice, big ring than a nice, big house. You can’t LIVE in a ring, but a house you can :-)
I’m sure Kobe’s and Tiger’s wives have big rings on their fingers. Was that big rock an indication of their love and fidelity to their wives? Clearly not. Big rings don’t equal commitment. It means the man had the money…or stretched his means…in order to make her happy, or show that he can get her a big ring for others to see. The ring doesn’t make the commitment, the person does.
If the ring means that much to a woman, I’d suggest going with the guy to pick it out – but that’s only if marriage is something you’ve discussed and he doesn’t plan on surprising you with the ring. A lot of men take pride in going to pick out the ring on their own, and they want it to be a special surprise for her. But if he’s nervous you won’t like it because you’ve already “hinted” that you don’t want a “bullsh*t” ring – then I think that takes away from the sincerity of the moment. He may even resent you for making him feel like the ring is more important than him and the marriage. Buying and presenting a woman with a ring is probably nerve racking enough as it is, so worrying about if she’ll think the ring is good enough is an added pressure…and that’s no fun.
I understand that most women want a ring they’ll love and want to wear day in and day out. I get that. But if you truly love your man and want to be married to him because you share a bond, then should the ring matter THAT much? Some women would wear a ring out of a Cracker Jack box if it meant landing the man of their dreams. Others…not so much…in which case I wonder what they care more about – the man, the marriage, or the ring? Marriage is about love and commitment, and compromise. If you’d rather be blinged out than have a man who loves you enough to propose in the first place, or live in an apartment rather than a house just so you can show off a big ring, then the marriage is doomed from the beginning. Putting a ring on it should be about love and commitment, not what your friends, or anyone else, thinks.
Feel differently? Get at me!