Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Let Him Go...

Happy Tuesday afternoon everyone!

I know I'm late, but I've been slammed at work today. I've been really earning my paycheck lately, so this vacation to DR couldn't come soon enough!

As I was getting dressed this morning, they reported on the radio that Dwayne Wade's soon to be ex-wife, Siohvaughn Wade, failed to show up for a court date in the case of their seemingly nasty divorce. She was ordered to be taken into custody, and after she turned herself in, she released after posting bond.

Every time I hear this woman's name, she appears crazier and crazier to me. First she has her children named as plaintiff's in a lawsuit against Gabrielle Union, and now this. Now, I'm not saying that what she alleges isn't true as far as the so-called "sexual foreplay" that has supposedly caused her children emotional distress. If it IS true, then D Wade and G. Union should be ashamed of themselves...allegedly.

But what it seems like to me is a case of jealousy, a woman scorned perhaps, or just plain coo-coo for coco puffs.

Even if Mrs. Wade has EVERY reason to be upset with her husband for anything he may have done to her, she needs to get over it...and HIM. He don't want you no mo!

I know it's easier said than done to let go. Loving is hard, especially when you've loved someone since you were in high school - so I'm sure letting go can be even harder. No one is saying it's easy. But it has to be done - for her own peace of mind, and for her children's sake. She should focus on making sure her children will be okay throughout the divorce and that they are well taken care of. They shouldn't come in the middle, or be used as pawns to help you hurt the man who has hurt you. The only ones REALLY suffering are the kids.

If a man isn't happy with me, I wouldn't WANT to hold on to him. Why should I want to be with someone who doesn't want me back? Of course it hurts when your feelings aren't reciprocated. I'm sure it hurts when we see the person we love loving someone else. When you've shared a marriage and children, it's hard not to fight for what you believe is yours.

But if the person we love doesn't show us that love in return, has moved on and doesn't want us anymore - it's time to let go and begin the healing process. That's when you're forced to experience the pain and loneliness.

Yes, that may mean crying yourself to sleep at night. It may mean talking your girlfriends' ear off til even YOU can't take it anymore. Getting over someone you love feels like there's a mountain on your heart, your chest is heavy, you can't breathe because there's no air, and you feel like you're simply existing instead of living.

We miss his smile, her laugh, having arms to hold you tight, lips to kiss you hello or goodbye, someone to rub your feet when you feel tired, and someone to have your back when you need them. When that love we thought would last forever is gone, we feel like our lives are ruined and our dreams are shattered. And we don't even want to think about starting over and loving again because we don't even know where to begin.

That's when we start listening to that crazy voice in our head making us do silly things. That crazy voice that says "fight and hold on to him girl!" gives us new FALSE hope. We won't stop til we've tried every thing we can to make him come back. After all, he's MY man right? I gave him my all, my everything, my time, my life, and my precious tears. Darkness fills our soul, and we may try to hurt him when all else fails. It's our last ditch effort to do SOMETHING, and if we can't have him or her, we try to make their life hell. Yet, in the end, we find ourselves defeated, for all our efforts are thrown to waste. We end up more hopeless and helpless than ever because we knew there's nothing more that we could do - and in the end, he or she STILL doesn't want us. And on top of all that...now you look crazy.

You can't make someone love you - you can only make sure that you are someone who is capable of being loved. Sometimes men and women lose themselves in their relationships because they put themselves last. They put their everything into their partner and the relationship to the point where's there's nothing left for them. So when that relationship ends...they feel lost, they don't feel whole, and they don't know how to function alone.

Sure, when you get married or are in a committed relationship, you give up the "I's" for "we." But you have to stay true to yourself at all times. You have to learn how to love without losing yourself. You have to be sure to continue to love God and yourself FIRST so that you are better able to love others. And if you give love and it doesn't come back to you - then be happy that you were ABLE to love...and then let it go.

-b

18 comments:

Stef said...

FIRST BITCHES!

Anonymous said...

second snitches...it's your boooy!

Brooke said...

LOL! Zay, you crazy :-)

Stef said...

D Wade's wife is behaving like a nut. I know she's probably hurting and upset, but she needs to think of her children and leave his ass alone. If he wants to be with someone else, then let him go and focus on your kids and starting over. I know it's hard, especially when he's moved on to a big name celebrity...but so what. If he truly did her dirty, he'll do Gabrielle Union dirty too...and who wants that??

Besides, there are rumors about some of the stuff D Wade's wife did too...so she needs to keep a low profile and just collect her alimony and child support.

Jay said...

Desperation and sadness sometimes makes people do crazy things in the name of love, anger, hurt, etc. I hope they both find peace and move on for the sake of their kids.

Annamaria said...

You guys are FUNNNNYYYYYY! Brooke this blog was on point. When you are committed you do give up the me for we BUT that means staying true to who YOU are. AND if the person really loves you they want whatever makes you happy. Yes it is hard getting over someone BUT the energy this chick is spending being crazy & wreckless she should be putting into her KIDS & getting this divorce over & done with. Also by acting crazy does she think D.Wade is saying damn I miss her I should go back.. HELL NO! He is sitting home with Gabby(triflin ass) and saying you see this is why I left that chick.
It's hard to say what one would do in this situation and although I hope to NEVER experience this I would hope that I would act in a way that would make my daughter's life & transition that much easier. The better I handle it the easier it is for her & the easier it is for her to have a good relationship with her father. Besides you catch more flies with honey & if this really is all about getting his money doesn't she think he'd offer more money if she handled herself better...

Brooke seems like we've been talking about crazy b*tches all day! LMAO ;)

ABuuuuzzzzzzzzzzzzzz said...

And regardless of what him cheating on his wife OR his relationship with triflin Gabby..LMAO OR whether or not he will do the same to Gabby the fact of the matter remains is that this grown ass man is choosing not to be with you. Why would you want him??? If he loved you & wanted to be with you he'd make that choice. If it was just something that happened but he loved you & wanted to be with you THEN he'd do whatever it took to work it out. BUT NO he wants a divorce. Give it to him & don't waste your time.
She should start boning her personal trainer & buy him a condo like Shawnie did! LMAO

The Ring Man said...

The Bitch is crazy!!! On the other hand why is Gabrielle Unions name always coming up?

Is she a chicken head? LOL

Brooke said...

@Annamaria,

I know right! I'm gonna wait patiently for the "Crazy Sh*t I Like" blog from your boy :-)

Anyway, good behavior is rewarded. Acting like a buffoon doesn't help your case any...and like you said, it makes you look crazy even if you're justified in being hurt and angry. She has young children who need her to be happy and healthy and SANE. Trying to hurt him is doing nothing but making her hurt herself more and put her kids through unnecessary pain.

I hope no one ever has to go through a bitter divorce like this one seems to be, but if you do - handle yourself with dignity for all involved. Nothing good can come of acting a fool...and in the end, the relationship is still over anyway.

Jaz said...

This was a great blog, very much on point! You captured the feelings of hurt and desperation beautifully...cuz I've been there. I've been the crazy chick after a long hard break up, and it's not fun...OR cute. I will never lose myself in a relationship like that again to the point where I act crazy. Been there, done that, and never again. I hope D. Wade's wife figures this out for her sake and for the sake of her kids. If he doesn't want you anymore, someone else will. Focus your time and energy on those who love you back, and move on.

Stephanie said...

This chick is crazy, she needs to move on.Her mistake was not having her own life. When people get married or are in a committed relationship they sometimes forget who they are. YOU HAVE TO HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE OF YOUR MATE AND YOUR CHILDREN. Something , anything, it could be volunteer work, or your church choir,spa days with the girls, whatever.I'm sure she feels she has invested her time, energy and her youth into a failed marriage and is hurt and disappointed but it's over. She has to get a grip. Like Stef said,"she needs to keep a low profile and just collect her alimony and child support".There is somebody for everybody, she's an attractive woman she can find a new man. lets pray for a sister, she needs some positive energy flowing her way.

Rameer The Circumstance said...

Nothing is crazier - or more potentially lethal - than a woman scorned.

A fellow alum wrote this on my FB wall after I posted the story earlier:


Siohvaughn (who had been with Dwyane since high school) is a classic example of when a person identifies with their relationship so deeply that when that relationship fails, they lose all sense of who they really are... it's so sad but it happens quite frequently.

this is why i warn women/men about trying to keep a man/woman because this is what happens... the woman who do so end up like her and the men who do so do end up killing the whole family. if a person doesn't want to be with you, let them go. people need to stop investing their whole identity into their relationships and fairytale lifestyles... it never works out.


I think she kind of nailed it.

Yolanda said...

Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes yesterday.

The Wade situation is more proof that you DO NOT get married young AND DO NOT make your spouse your LIFE!

...and I'm out...

The Cable Guy said...

Nobody should get married before they're 30...just my opinion.

This woman is nuts. No matter what may or may not have done, she needs to get over it. If he doesn't want you anymore, then be out! Get your money and live a happy life - that's the best revenge.

Stef said...

Look who's talking cable dude - Brooke don't want you man, so move on and live a happy life! LMAO!!

The Cable Guy said...

Shut up Stef...hater.

Answer me this...who wants YOU??? :-) LOL!

Stef said...

Yo mama does! LOL!

The Cable Guy said...

Brooke, you better get your girl!

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