Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Happy Tuesday afternoon everyone!
I know I'm late, but I've been slammed at work today. I've been really earning my paycheck lately, so this vacation to DR couldn't come soon enough!
As I was getting dressed this morning, they reported on the radio that Dwayne Wade's soon to be ex-wife, Siohvaughn Wade, failed to show up for a court date in the case of their seemingly nasty divorce. She was ordered to be taken into custody, and after she turned herself in, she released after posting bond.
Every time I hear this woman's name, she appears crazier and crazier to me. First she has her children named as plaintiff's in a lawsuit against Gabrielle Union, and now this. Now, I'm not saying that what she alleges isn't true as far as the so-called "sexual foreplay" that has supposedly caused her children emotional distress. If it IS true, then D Wade and G. Union should be ashamed of themselves...allegedly.
But what it seems like to me is a case of jealousy, a woman scorned perhaps, or just plain coo-coo for coco puffs.
Even if Mrs. Wade has EVERY reason to be upset with her husband for anything he may have done to her, she needs to get over it...and HIM. He don't want you no mo!
I know it's easier said than done to let go. Loving is hard, especially when you've loved someone since you were in high school - so I'm sure letting go can be even harder. No one is saying it's easy. But it has to be done - for her own peace of mind, and for her children's sake. She should focus on making sure her children will be okay throughout the divorce and that they are well taken care of. They shouldn't come in the middle, or be used as pawns to help you hurt the man who has hurt you. The only ones REALLY suffering are the kids.
If a man isn't happy with me, I wouldn't WANT to hold on to him. Why should I want to be with someone who doesn't want me back? Of course it hurts when your feelings aren't reciprocated. I'm sure it hurts when we see the person we love loving someone else. When you've shared a marriage and children, it's hard not to fight for what you believe is yours.
But if the person we love doesn't show us that love in return, has moved on and doesn't want us anymore - it's time to let go and begin the healing process. That's when you're forced to experience the pain and loneliness.
Yes, that may mean crying yourself to sleep at night. It may mean talking your girlfriends' ear off til even YOU can't take it anymore. Getting over someone you love feels like there's a mountain on your heart, your chest is heavy, you can't breathe because there's no air, and you feel like you're simply existing instead of living.
We miss his smile, her laugh, having arms to hold you tight, lips to kiss you hello or goodbye, someone to rub your feet when you feel tired, and someone to have your back when you need them. When that love we thought would last forever is gone, we feel like our lives are ruined and our dreams are shattered. And we don't even want to think about starting over and loving again because we don't even know where to begin.
That's when we start listening to that crazy voice in our head making us do silly things. That crazy voice that says "fight and hold on to him girl!" gives us new FALSE hope. We won't stop til we've tried every thing we can to make him come back. After all, he's MY man right? I gave him my all, my everything, my time, my life, and my precious tears. Darkness fills our soul, and we may try to hurt him when all else fails. It's our last ditch effort to do SOMETHING, and if we can't have him or her, we try to make their life hell. Yet, in the end, we find ourselves defeated, for all our efforts are thrown to waste. We end up more hopeless and helpless than ever because we knew there's nothing more that we could do - and in the end, he or she STILL doesn't want us. And on top of all that...now you look crazy.
You can't make someone love you - you can only make sure that you are someone who is capable of being loved. Sometimes men and women lose themselves in their relationships because they put themselves last. They put their everything into their partner and the relationship to the point where's there's nothing left for them. So when that relationship ends...they feel lost, they don't feel whole, and they don't know how to function alone.
Sure, when you get married or are in a committed relationship, you give up the "I's" for "we." But you have to stay true to yourself at all times. You have to learn how to love without losing yourself. You have to be sure to continue to love God and yourself FIRST so that you are better able to love others. And if you give love and it doesn't come back to you - then be happy that you were ABLE to love...and then let it go.