Friday, May 15, 2009

Aural Sex

TGIF!!!

So, I caught a cold. I always catch one right before I go on vacation, never fails. I'm gonna fight it and beat it and be well just in time for my trip...mind over matter!

So last night I was browsing through the latest issue of Essence Magazine - the one with the beautiful Jennifer Hudson on the cover. In it, there's an article titled "The Body Shop" that details the lengths women go to to get a man, or please the one they have. It speaks of body image issues, video vixen models with phat booties, male fantasies and pole dancing. It's about the "growing pursuit of sexual perfection."

One section of the article is headlined: "If I were better in bed..." Here is an excerpt:

Carmen Brown showed up for the seminar about sex after a boyfriend told her, "Your head game is not at all up to par." If you think her man had unusually high expectations, think again. We polled twenty-and thirtysomething Black men to see what they were expecting in the bedroom and heard similar responses. Aaron, a 31-year-old computer programmer, wants a woman to brush up on her bedroom skills before hitting the sheets with him too. "She can study a couple of pornography films on her own and try to learn some skills via imitation," he suggests. Maxwell, a 33-year-old entertainment executive, expressed outrage at the idea of a woman performing oral sex poorly or not at all. "A woman should be committed to the act," he asserted. "That's the only way she's going from wifey to wife."

Wow...okay...

So that got me to thinking - if your man or woman wanted to send you to a Sex Performance School, would you go? If your boo wasn't all that great in bed, would you send them to a seminar to learn the ropes? Even if it meant they'd be "practicing" with someone else? hmmm...

We'd all like to think that our game is tight when it comes to sex, but if you had to really think about it, are there any areas you could use improvement?

For example, I'm not much of a "dirty talker." I make noise...I can definitely be LOUD...but I don't really "talk." And my phone sex skills might be a little rusty too. I've heard I have a nice voice, but I'm no Girl 6. I feel like the man has to really bring it out of me in order for me to go there. I usually feel silly if a sex call is initiated by someone else. If you catch me off guard, I start to giggle. I'm just not an erotic chatterbox. I always think of phone sex as limited to those who are in long distance relationships or who are celibate and that's how they release. But it shouldn't be limited to those extreme circumstances. Phone sex should be spontaneous and fun, not a daunting task or obligation. Now if I could only find someone to practice with :)

The last time I engaged in a little dirty talk, I was laying on my couch in kitty kat pajamas and fuzzy slippers with a scarf on my head. But in his mind, I was laying on the bed with satin sheets and nothing on but stilettos :) I think the fuzzy slippers were a little too comfy, and that's probably why I might not have been that into it or good at it that night :) So, I decided to take some initiative and think of ways I could improve my dirty talk skills if the occasion for me to use them ever...uh..."arises" ;) Here we go...

1. Set the mood - If he calls out the blue, then you might not have time to yank the curlers out of your hair and spray perfume on your body. But if you're planning a sex talk session, then set the mood by taking a nice, long hot bath. Oil yourself down and light some candles. Dim the lights and pick up the phone. It's probably easier to talk sexy when you feel sexy.

2. Make sure you're descriptive - I find that men like to know how turned on you are: hot, horny, hard nipples, body aching, heart beating between your legs, throbbing, etc. If you're not really feeling it, grab BOB out the nightstand drawer and GET TURNED ON. He might even like hearing the "bzzzzz" in the background (unless it's Annamaria's taser)...but you can always use it BEFORE you call if you feel self conscious about it :) If you have porn, even better! Put it on and watch it while you're talking to him and describe what you see.

3. Tell him exactly what he wants to hear - lie, lie and lie! He'll lap it up. If you don't feel like setting the mood, let him at least think you did...they'll never know ;-) Ask questions to see what state he's in and ask him what he wants. "Do you wanna squeeze my ________ Big Daddy?" - make him answer you...between grunts and moans that is :) LOL

4. If you find talking about licking difficult, imagine licking a chocolate ice cream and describe it. Use props if you have to...and your imagination. Close your eyes and let your mind go there.

5. Speak clearly, but seductively - say the world's filthiest words with the emphasis on the end; 'k' and 'c' noises are evocative.

6. Never forget it's the man's state of arousal you are with, not the man. In other words, when he's excited, make him believe only you have the power to satisfy him and his desires. Make him your bitch...in a good way :) LOL!!

7. Pay attention to him - if his breathing starts to stagger, and you hear these weird sounds going over there, keep going! Step it up, join in, climax with him! Get as excited as he is..and...wait for it...wait for it...."UGGGHHH!!!" Such a rewarding feeling :-) LOL!

I'm gonna stop here so you all can add to my list (and before I get all tingly at work) LOL. I need all the help I can get, so men, feel free to chime in. I'm willing to learn!

Have a great weekend everyone!

-b

51 comments:

Annamaria said...

FIRST BITCHES

Annamaria said...

lol....
okay if it meant the difference between my man being satisfied OR my man looking elsewhere I would definitely take a seminar, class or whatever he needed me to do. Remember if I'm not willing to do it someone else will. BUT it's a two way street. He's gotta do whatever it takes to please me & make me happy. Which is no easy task.. :)

Craig n 'em said...

Fuck a class. My boo needs therapy after sex with me! Yeah, it's going down like that!

Brooke said...

I think I'd take a seminar too, and maybe a pole dancing class. Wouldn't take a blow job class tho - what would I be practicing on? I think I'm good there anyway, you know..if I ever did that sort of thing ;) LOL!!

Brooke said...

CRAIG!!!! Hi!!!! We missed you!

And I totally believe you! LOL!

Rameer said...

I would be willing to take a class if I was wack. I've never BEEN wack as far as I know, but if that's your special person - I think you should do whatever you can to bring them joy.

It's funny you brought up the oral sex thing...I specifically remember a woman I know getting REALLY UPSET in college cuz of a discussion about it. Me and my boy had been walking to a get-together at an apartment, and came across this Black dude we knew getting brain from this cute little white girl. We laughed it off, and told everyone inside what we saw. This woman sneered and admonished the dude for messing with a white girl...and then another dude says "I can't blame him...white girls ARE better at head".

Silence.

Then she starts to go off on him, calling him all types of names, etc. and saying how he was as bad as the guy outside...then she made the mistake of turning to the rest of the brothers at the joint and asking us how stupid that was.

Once again...silence.

She was LIVID!!! She called us all types of names, cuz she was upset that not a single brother took her side and refuted that white girls gave better head. Some of us just snickered, but others were like "shooooot..." Lolz! There's always been that stereotype that that's the one thing white girls might have on sistas - the head game.

Maybe cuz they just damn-near automatically do it, and some sistas act like it has to be a very special occasion, or that some cats feel like we have to beg and barter to get them to even lick it. Speaking in a general sense, the average white girl will lick, suck, swallow AND use that jawbone to get you hard AGAIN...without so much as a guy even having to imply "will you?"

I wonder...what y'all think of this timeless debate? Lolz!

Anonymous said...

You started good and then convo got stuck on phone sex . . . get back to the head training! LMAO

Craig n 'em said...

Um...rameer ain't lyin....speak brotha!

The Fury said...

I don't know if head lessons would work for women that don't genuinely want to be there doing it.

As for phone sex, the same hold true. To much phony "say what he wants to hear" and I'd imagine it'll sound like a two bit phone sex operator (remember those old 976 numbers where it was a recording? LOL)

Be nasty, be you...in everything you do

Brooke said...

Hmmm...I'll leave the debate about who gives better head - black or white women - to the men. Funny how all the women are quiet on this one :)

"the jawbone"?

Craig..be quiet :)

Fury, I agree with that - you have to want to do it - for him AND for you. I would imagine you'd have to really make it personal, just like anyhing else, in order for it to come off as genuine.

The Cable Guy said...

Sorry, gotta disagree on that bruh, sista's got it down when it comes to head. Jus cuz a white girl might be eager to do it doesn't mean she does it well. Gotta disagree on that one.

The Fury said...

I don't know what kind of monster head white girls y'all came across. I got head from a white girl that was pretty exceptional, but damn if the sistas didn't bring it better. I could just be lucky, but for real a sista that LOVES to do it...

you know she put the soul in that muthasucka! OH!

Then maybe I should investigate the Vanilla more or something..LOL

Rameer said...

My personal opinion - it depends on the person and how much they like doing it, willingness to do it, and vigor while doing it. With that being said, I'm just going off general perceptions and willingness...

Some would argue if you took 10 random sistas and asked them to give you head regularly while messing with you, they wouldn't or it would be a negotiation and/or difficult convo as to why they should get on their knees and juggle. I know one dude who reasons you'll get 2 out of 10 to do it willingly and with no complaint or issues.

The same guy also reasons you'd probably get 8 out of 10 white girls who would do it before you even ask.

Personally, the best head I ever had was from a....

Nope. Not giving up THAT answer! Lolz! I'll leave it to speculation...

I'm just sayin'. That the stereotype - the ONLY thing white girls have on women of color is s'posed to be the head game. Everything else...FAIL.

Oh...and maybe daddy's trust fund...lolz!

Brooke said...

Well, call me crazy, but I don't go around sucking dicks willy nilly, and most women I know don't either. I mean, let's look at that. Are white girls more willing to give head to ANYbody...or their man. Is it bad if black women are a little more selective? To me, wrapping your lips around someone is a very personal thing. I would hope that men don't go around going down on women haphazardly either. You can't DO EVERYBODY!

I find that most women will do whatever makes HER MAN happy. Not some guy who wants a blow job outside of a South Campus apartment. So if you want a girl to give you head just to give it to you no questions asked - then maybe the white girls are for you. But I think Cable Guy and Fury make a point about sistas bringing soul into it. If a woman wants to do it, she will...but she can't be knocked for being selective about who she gives it to. So I guess my question is do you feel white women are just more apt to suck ANYBODY and do so willingly and that black women don't do it AT ALL, or are you saying that they're better than even the WILLING black women?

Annamaria said...

I agree with Brooke & the guys... A woman can't just go around giving head like it's nothing the same way we can't go around giving away the coochie like it ain't nothing...BUT a woman should definitely take pride in her work & do things with 150% effort. If you going to do it half assed then don't do it....The same way we wouldn't want a negro to eat Ms. Kitty half assed. Don't waste my time. Either dive right in or leave me the hell alone.
LMAO
Sorry I abandoned you today Brooke I was running around..LOL You know I got your back

Annamaria said...

BTW: Welcome back Craig!

Brooke said...

You didn't abandon me, I know you're a busy woman! But thanks for having my back! LOL!!

It's all a matter of personal experience...it's all relative. Rameer is always talking about the slim pickins up there, so maybe the white girls are bringing it to him :) Meanwhile Fury and Cable Guy gets it in with the sistas! Everyone's experience is different.

The Cable Guy said...

F*ck that, white girls ain't got a damn thing on a black woman. In ANY area. Sorry, can't cosign that.

Rameer said...

Look...this isn't my PERSONAL view. But as a man, I know A LOT of Brothas who complain it's like pulling teeth to get their woman to give head. They say it's either on special occasions, or a negotiation. And they say it's not even discussed with white women.

I've heard this my WHOLE LIFE, from men of all races. Don't believe me...youtube some of Eddie Murphy and Chris Rock's old comedy bits. They've joked about it. Maybe YOU don't have an issue doing it. But a love of Black women seem to. I even remember reading articles in Essence about the very subject.

The issue isn't about giving head to anyone. I never said that. It's willingness to do so with whomever you're messing with. This has never really been an issue for me; I don't need head 5 times a day or whatever...lolz! But I'm not gonna sit here and like like I haven't hear an overwhelming amount of Black men say this before. And, when I was at SU, the percentage of those men were like 80% New York City heads!

Just bringing something that's talked about to light. Sorry if that ruffles feathers - but it's a very real perception and stereotype. And it's one of the first things Black men who mess mostly or exclusively with white women will say - "I don't have to fight or arm wrestle to get head".

Rameer said...

Y'all can unite like the Superfriends if you want. I don't deny the perception/stereotype that most black men listen to Hip Hop - cuz it's a PERCEPTION, a STEREOTYPE. But it's out there, and has truth in it. Even though I personally know man Blacks who don't even like Hip Hop.

It is what it is.

Annamaria said...

I get to not be offended since I'm Puerto Rican. I know which category I fit into soooooo there...lol

Brooke said...

So what did the Essence article say was the reason why black women don't do it? Or do it as eagerly or willingly?

Here's a question - do black men EXPECT it to be done by women in general, or women who they're seeing exclusively?

And here's another question - and maybe the women can answer this - but do black men go down on you, diving headfirst, as easily as you'd like to receive head?

jus sayin...

The Cable Guy said...

I love eating p*ssy, all day everyday. BUT I don't go down on everybody. So, how can I expect every chick I get with to do it to me if I don't do it to every chick I meet? Gotto both ways like Annamaria said.

Annamaria said...

IF we going to stereotype I MUST SAY... SPANISH MEN ALWAYS DIVE IN HEAD FIRST & PUT ALL THEIR EFFORT INTO IT...
Black men not all of them. I have a friend who told me he could NOT bring himself to do it to anyone not even his wife cause it was just nasty looking?? WTF???
Never been with a white dude sooo I can't speak on what I don't know

momo925 said...

LMAO at "supefriends"! Rameer you are crazy! LOL I would take lessons if necessary. Shoot I think Brooke could teach a seminar! LMAO

Personally I think everyone is different. What might work for some might not work for the next so its really about focusing and communicating with your partner.

Rameer said...

The article was a while ago. Maybe my mother still has it. But I think it said that many blacks in general are conservative and don't talk about sexual issues amongst ourselves. So when there is one, it's not resolved between the two until one of the people goes outside of the boundaries...and then it's too late.

Do Black men EXPECT it? Um...I think ANY man expects to get head in a relationship where sex is involved! And if you bring it up and your lady balks cuz "it's nasty" or "I don't just DO that", it's problematic. And, as it is in many instances, if he ain't gettin' it at home...

I've never personally had the head issue. Closest thing was a girl I was messing with who told me she never liked doing it, but didn't mind doing me cuz I never stressed her over it. Admittedly, she didn't do it regularly...if I have to be mechanical and break it down statistically, I would say she would average once a week - 4 times a month. Now, to a guy who likes that and really needs it, that could've been a problem. To a guy like me who doesn't stress over getting head all the time, it wasn't.

As far as Black men going down, that's another thing I've heard - Black women expect men to go down when they ask, but don't reciprocate the man. And I DISTINCTLY remember hearing that jokes dozens of times on Comicview, Def Comedy Jam, and even from one of Martin Lawrence's stand-ups. Chris Rock too, I think.

Again - that issue doesn't personally apply to me, either. I'm a bit "old school" - I don't dip-dip-dive on women like that.

Brooke said...

See...you don't dip dip dive, but you want it given to you. And I can't say what Latino or White men do cuz I've never been with one... yet ;)

But black men aren't the most eager to do that either. They want YOU to do it, but they don't reciprocate...which is wack to me. So if a woman knows that, maybe she won't do it for THAT reason, not cuz it's nasty.

Brooke said...

And I know you said you don't stress over it Rameer...I was saying "you" in general.

But you get the idea.

The Cable Guy said...

Well Brooke, I'll reciprocate, you don't have to worry about that. Hell, I'll even do YOU first lol! You ain't even gotta do me back! hahah!

You haven't been with a white or spanish guy? I thought you loved Latinos? ;)

ejackson said...

unfortunately, Rameer is correct...white women DO give better head than we do!

Black women only started sucking dick in what...'94??

They have DECADES on us!!!

holla if ya hear me!

Rameer said...

I'm not saying I won't do it. I don't do it LIKE THAT. Meaning - that has to be my girl, and she has to be a cleanly woman. I AM a germophobe, after all.

Mad cats will stick their snouts in anything - like a dog. Any pretty woman, they're all lickety-split...let me know how that STD works out for ya, bruh! Lolz!

And Brooke - I SERIOUSLY don't think the issue is cuz women feel like men aren't going to do it. Most men I know are lickety-split if you let them...I actually find it rare to run into a guy who WON'T just dive in, safety be damned...

Brooke said...

Well, like I said, everyone's experience is different. Most of my girls say they STOPPED doing it cuz the men never did it back. All of my girlfriends not only give head, but do some enthusiastically from what they tell me. It's about how you feel about that person, not just anyone.

And we catch STD's easier than men do since you enter us...so we have to be MORE careful. Can't be swallowing STD's...just that thought made my skin crawl.

Rameer said...

The reason y'all catch STD's easier is cuz of the fact that the pooswa is just y'all open and exposed. Men who do oral a lot with random partners have a higher rate of STDs than those who don't and have protected sex.

Women can get an STD whether a guy wears a condom or not (herpes, genital warts). Men have a lower chance, cuz we have a small opening for STDs to pass through - and if it's wrapped in latex, the chances are pretty small.

Sorry to sound so clinical - but we have experts come in and break down the stats yearly to our young adults. Basically, anything that leaves your inside exposed while you're having sex (mouth, ass, pooswa, d*ckslit, cuts, etc.) increases your chance of getting something.

True story.

Brooke said...

I know, and we catch STD's easier, that is my point..so we have to be careful with everything.. intercourse, oral, all that.

ejackson said...

spit girl!!! SPIT!!

nah, but for real, i think i could do better with the dirty talk. i feel silly!

Rameer said...

I know, Ms. Brookes. I'm just saying that the lickety-splitters leave themselves open - pun intended - to be "swallowing STDs" as you put it.

I'm not apt to "dive in" just cuz a girl is cute and we may want to get sexual. Even if we've gotten to the point of having sex, I still would have to feel comfortable with your sexual history, cleanliness, etc.

Latinegro said...

I think many of you are missing the point. Sure any woman can have skill, but it is about her wanting to do it. If your woman generally wants to give you head, chances are she will be really good...and even if she is not, she will get better becuase she wants to satisfy her man.

It is all about perception and ego. A man's ego is very fragile. If a woman strokes his ego the right way them toes are curling.

Rameer said...

***applauds Ant for breaking it down so it no longer needs to be broken, saying what never occurred to me to say***

Brooke said...

yeah Liz, I feel silly talking dirty. I tend to run out of adjectives while talking...even though I can write it better than I can say it :)

And I think Ant is right, if you have a willingness, then that goes a long way..an A for effort :) You'll get better if you want to do it - Fury said that too.

But many of you didn't answer the question - how would you feel if your boo asked you to go to a sex class? Would you be offended?

I remember reading that Essence article like "damn!" Dude straight up was like "your head game is wack." Now, depends on how or when he said it...like if he said that to me like RIGHT after I did it...or worse, DURING, I'd be devastated to the point where I might not ever do it again! LOL!

The Cable Guy said...

That's cold. There's a way to gently tell her, I wouldn't be like "your shyt is wack"

I'd go to a class if she asked, no biggie. I'm confident enough to want to please my woman. I've never had a complaint, but I'm sure there's more I could learn - right Brooke? Older women tend to like to teach...and I'm willing to learn :)

Brooke said...

I've never had to teach anyone how to do anything as far as technically. It was more about telling him what I liked and him having to execute :) Younger men DO seem more willing and open tho, I will give you that Cable Guy :)

And I do love Latinos :)

Rameer said...

I thought I answered...I said I'd take the class. Better make her happy then just be wack.

And I just re-read and saw a comment I missed:

"Rameer is always talking about the slim pickins up there, so maybe the white girls are bringing it to him :)"

Wow. Now I'm huntin' snow bunnies. Well, so be it. We're all entitled to our beliefs. Such is life...

The Cable Guy said...

But you said you've never been with a Latino before, why is that if you love them so much? :)

Have you ever been with a West Indian? ;)

Brooke said...

Rameer, I didn't say you were hunting snow bunnies, I said they were bringing it to you, very different. And bringing it correctly from what you're telling me your experience has been. That wasn't a dig...I was just saying maybe there's truth to what you're saying. And I know you answered the question - I said many people didn't...but I saw your response.

Cable Guy, just because I've never been with a Latino man before doesn't mean I never will or can't or don't love them. And after what Annamaria just said, I might try to find out sooner than later!

after all, I AM going to DR :) LOL!

The Cable Guy said...

NO!!!! Don't do it! You're killing me!! I need to cue some music ;)

You never answered me about if you've been with a West Indian man before.

Rameer said...

I don't understand what you mean by "bringing it correctly from what you're telling me your experience has been." I thought I was talking about what different Black men have said, not me personally. If you ask me, I've overwhelmingly - in fact, by landslide, monopoly-sized proportions - dealt with women of color romantically. I like hanging with white women who work in my career, but I don't cross the line.

If I did, I'd be OJ Simpson...that brother KEPT him a bad white chick as his girl...

It's cool. I don't take offense, whether anything is a "dig" or not. Like I said, such is life. Hell, I'll be hanging with my girl Princess tomorrow - she's definitely white...

Brooke said...

@ Cable Guy - yes, I have. But do you mean straight from the island or one that was born here - do they count?

@ Rameer - I must have to apolgize to you then because I must have read your responses wrong. When you were saying "my own experienc" or "my personal opinion", I took that to mean that you've had both head from both black and white women and though head from a white woman was better - which is what I meant by bringing it correctly, meaning coming correct. When you said that there was silence when that girl asked you all to dispel, that myth, I took that to mean you that you agreed with the whole "white girls give better head" theory as it pertained to you and your friends' experience. Which is fine. you said "Speaking in a general sense, the average white girl will lick, suck, swallow AND use that jawbone to get you hard AGAIN...without so much as a guy even having to imply "will you?" - so I thought you were speaking from personal experience. For all I know, what you say could be true. I'm not a man and I definitely haven't gotten head fom a white girl, so I have no idea...that's why I left that debate up to the men :)

...well, and Liz...cuz she agreed with you.

And it's not about who you hang with. This blog today wasn't about who gives better anything. It was about what you'd be willing to do to please your partner or what you feel you could improve in.

Most of the blog was about phone sex, since that seems to be an area that I'm not fully comfortable with. I've done it, and I've even done it well by some accounts, but it doesn't come naturally to me.

I was just curious to see what everyone else felt about their own sexual prowess. I think I'm pretty good with the skillset I have, but I don't assume my skillset works on everyone, so I'm willing to learn a trick or two :)

Rameer said...

Well, maybe I just got confused myself, and in turn confused you. I don't honestly know if I agree - I mean, I've never played professional football, but I might tend to agree that Peyton Manning and Tom Brady are the NFL's best QBs. You watch them and hear from the experts, and come to your own conclusions. I suppose I DO agree with the assessment that white girls may give head better in a GENERAL sense than Black women. Doesn't mean the best head I ever got was from a white woman or Black woman for that matter. I've dated all types.

So sorry for me causing confusion. No apology from you needed. I threw it out there cuz you referenced oral sex, and I wanted to see what people said. But apparently, only a few women wanted to chime in. Such is life.

I've gotta go mentor my girls...hope everyone has a great remainder of the day!

Brooke said...

Tell your girls to stay off their knees!! LOL!!

Have a good weekend Rameer!

Latinegro said...

I would let her take a class...and I would go with her so that it is me she practices on.

Brooke said...

Now THAT sounds like fun - a joint class! Hmmmm!!! Good idea! Talk about encouragment and support! LOL!

I really like that idea. Some people would let their egos get in the way of taking a class.

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