Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Happy (TMI) Tuesday!

I know we normally only do TMI Tuesday the first Tuesday of every month, but your boy Craig asked me if he could do something similar for today. I know Fridays are Craig's normal blog days, but who am I to deny him? With Craig, you just never know...but it's always interesting to say the least, so I'm turning it over to him today. So...let's see what he's talking about now... :-)

Behind Closed Doors...by Craig Verde

Hello Beautiful Peoples! So, I’m keeping this one short and sweet. Not coming at you today with anything too crazy. Just sharing a couple tidbits and asking you a simple question…

I like smelling my own farts...I’m serious...

When I was 11...I walked into a closet with a flashlight, a roll of Charmin and a crush on my 6th grade music teacher. Two hours later, I came out a MAN. It also took another two hours for my vision to go back to normal...

When I was eight, I saw my Aunt drop a piece of steak on the floor. Never blinking, she looked around, then STEPPED on it (repeatedly)...even had WARREN the dog lick it a few times. Auntie picked it up, threw it on a plate and served my uncle with a smile. She never saw me and I never said anything...My uncle was a dick...

Since he was a kid, my older brother loves digging his nose...and eating it. It’s nothing to him. It’s like biting nails...well, except it’s softer and saltier. I mean...I’m just assuming it is... ANYWAY...My brother thinks I don’t know he eats his boogers like trail mix.

I made out with a cousin at a family reunion...third cousin...I was 16...(I’m still praying over this one...)

My boy calls me up...desperate to smoke to calm his nerves after a day of work. I tell him I’m fresh out of weed...as I roll the fattest blunt...

Sometimes I pee in the shower...

I say these things to bring up this point...

When I was a child, there was a saying above the door in my classroom. It was ENGRAVED into my head...

“CHARACTER IS NOT BASED ON WHAT WE DO IN FRONT OF OTHERS, CHARACTER IS BASED ON WHAT WE DO WHEN NO ONE IS WATCHING”

What we do when no one is watching? Would our loved ones and friends see us the same if they knew EVERYTHING?

The time you were in the store and you saw the unwrapped toy at the store. Did you put it in your pocket and walk out holding mommy’s hand?

That piece of food falls on the floor? You ever pick it up and eat it?

Ever walk down the block and notice a wallet on the ground? Do you pick it up and keep it moving? Or do you call the owner but keep the cash?

Does your significant other know all the nasty little things you may do? Is there something that if they knew before hand, you guys may not even be together?

Just asking...

-Craig

49 comments:

Brooke said...

First Bitches!

(that was for B...I mean Pretty Ricky!) LOL!

As for Craig, not sure I needed to know all those things...but hey – that’s what TMI Tuesdays are for right? :-)

Now, to answer your question. I don’t think you need to tell your loved ones or friends EVERYTHING you do behind closed doors. I think when you’re getting to know each other and are in the initial stages of a budding romantic relationship, it's best not to reveal everything about yourself to your lover, even if you feel compelled to. If you insist on telling him/her everything, even if your life is an open book, it might take the spark out of the “newness” of the relationship because the person may feel that they already know more about you than they probably need to so soon. It is always good for a relationship to retain a hint of mystery and to keep him/her guessing a bit. It’s more fun to let someone discover things for himself/herself – and if you’re kicking it on the regular, eventually you’ll find out these little things (even if they’re GROSS things) gradually over time. When you spend enough time with someone, you’ll uncover their hidden depths, layer by layer, without even realizing it. By then you’ve probably already made a determination on if their gross habits or idiosyncrasies are something you want to be around anyway.

Juditesista said...

Hello Craig -

Always remember that there is no such thing as doing things behind closed doors in the eyes of God. The things you do are nasty. The Lord our God wants us to be perfect(Matt 5:48) so cut that stuff out and stop following behind these heathens please. Be the King that you were created to be in the first place.

Rameer said...

Oh dear.

I like Craig. But sometimes, he grosses me out. Y'know, when he starts the "poop" talk. However, he has the right to say what he likes and be honest about his experiences. Hell, most of the time, we're laughing at him - Craig really could write for a comedy series.

However, Juditesista...

You calling Craig nasty is, in my opinion, out of line. "Nasty" is all about perception. I'm sure there are things you have done that someone may call nasty based on a different set of experiences. And, realistically, NO ONE can be perfect. It's an impossible goal to achieve, because the crux of being human is to be with fault. If one is perfect, they simply are not human.

I don't agree with much of what Craig says at times, but I understand his comical nature and appreciate it. But don't say he's following behind heathens without knowing the man personally! Whether his points are jokes or dead reality, he is a man free to contribute to the blog at any time, and shouldn't be subject to attack because of it.

We all have a lot to work on to better ourselves as humans. I'm pretty sure the bible speaks about "he who is without sin" and all that jazz. If we're going to quote the bible, let's remember ALL of it.

Craig n 'em said...

Do you sin, Judi? We will never be perfect...We will always fall short of that goal. But we do strive. You've NEVER done anything NASTY? Something you weren't supposed to do? Is your spirit that CLEAN? You sure about that? Really? We all have to look in the mirror. What if I'm saying all these things to FINALLY let go? To be better from here on out? Maybe you should purge your thoughts...get them out..You will feel better...

Careful Judi, I can see your home from here...And its made of glass....

Oh, and Kings pee in the shower. Have you ever seen COMING TO AMERICA?

Craig n 'em said...

Thank you Rameer...

Brooke said...

AGREED!

and not for nothing...we all know Craig is being funny most of the time, but his question is a valid one. How he got to the question may turn some off, but if we all haven't figured out Craig's style and comedic nature by now, I don't know what to say. Not everyone has the same delicate sensibilities.

EVERYONE does something behind closed doors that we may not want anyone to know. We know God sees all, but Craig isn't talking about God. He's talking about all those things we do that none of our FRIENDS or FAMILY know about. Doesn't have to be gross or nasty. It could simply be that we sleep nude, or eat a pint of ice cream before bed, or watch a certain tv show. It could be anything. His question is simply how do we feel we'd be perceived, or would we be perceived differently, if they knew these things. Simple as that.

The bible also says we should leave judgment up to God, so let's not quote the bible at our convenience the way we see fit. Like Rameer says, quote and live by ALL of it. None of us our without sin...and never will be as long as we walk this earth. People are flawed...that's what makes us human. God knows exactly who we are, and loves us all anyway.

momo925 said...

LMAO! Thats right Rameer! Speak! No one is perfect and for some reason it's usually the most religious people that want to turn around and cast judgement. I don't get it lol.

Anywho, I think that there are so many moments in our lives and so many details, that it is impossible for any one person to know EVERY single thing about us. If you feel like sharing or if these things come to light on their own, that's fine. I do not believe that it is mandatory to share things in your life that you deem as personal or private.

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

Wow... Brooke thank you for saying Bitches after you said First.!!!

Craig as always... you are a wild boy.

Juditesista...I'm gonna say this...who invited your judgemental a$$ in here anyway. Maybe I'm outta line... but it's not your place to judge people, especially when they really didn't ask your opinion. Leave that up to God. If you don't like the blog.. be out. It's called TMI Tuesdays. And hopefully, sistah you don't took too much offense to my tone but people need to ease up and be respectful.

In any regards, back to the topic. I agree with Brooke...some of the stuff I do is just not anyone else's business. If I want to take a doo doo then look back and admire the length and girth of a good one...then that's my business. Nobody needs to know that besides me and the tidy bowl man.

But that kind of brings me to a question? If a person has racist attitudes and opinions, but treats people respectfully to their faces... is he/she a bad person?

Latinegro said...

Juditesista, you have got some nerve to judge people on this blog. Only God judges people.

I called you out on my blog two days ago because you faking the funk. Don't act like you dont fart...and dont act like you like a dick in your mouth.

I take offense to you calling us heathens because that is what Europeans called my poeple when they decided to kill them off in the name of god.

Brooke said...

good question B! I think if they treat you respectfully in your face, they KNOW that their racists thoughts and opinions are wrong. Half the battle is recognizing it. If they treat me with respect, even if they think I'm a jiggaboo, then let God deal with them and heal their heart. Prove them wrong by your own actions, control what you can control and live your life. It's not popular nowadays to be racist, even if we know racism will never fully go away. I won't speak to if they're a good or bad person, but simply one that needs work...like we all do.

Brooke said...

Ant, you're killin me! LOL! She may NEVER come back now!

Craig, hold it down!

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

LOL.. let me find out juditesista is Brooke's Aunt... and Latinnegro done threatened to put a dick her mouth. LMAO. Hilarious!

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say that i have achieved perfection because i do no piss in the shower...nor do i pic my boogies and eat them. Now are there any single ladies on this blog that would like fornicate with Mr Perfect. I'm lying...i do urn8 in da showa. But maybe Judi was just playing...or joking..with the 'nasty' statement.Maybe we went in a lil too hard....maybe...we got a lil defensive..maybe...she's RIGHT! lol...*eyes bulging like the pee wee herman trucker lady* Judi...what was your angle when you said this...

Rameer said...

WOW. I'll never feel bad again for when I've gotten crass on this blog. My man Ant just dropped the bozack in ya jaw lug! LMAO!!!

Thanks, Momo! And you're right - the so-called most "religious" are always the ones who can't be wrong and want to be overly-judgmental (notice I said OVERLY...nothing wrong with being judgmental itself in my opinion). I often get into it with the "super-religious" about their perception of things...cuz more often than not, I know more about their faith than they do. I just don't walk around shouting my credentials.

Damn...y'all really went in on her, too...Lol! I tried to told y'all...the blog is a family...

Yes, I know it's bad grammar...been sayin' that since I heard Jigga say it on one of my favorite guest spots by him...)

As far as the racists go - I work with a handful of 'em. We get along fine. My mind is put at ease that they are such cowards in their beliefs that they feel they have to shelter them. I don't shelter my beliefs - ask me, and I will tell if you really want to know.

Hell, I called a woman a devil just today...LMAO!

Naw, these people are cowards and deep down know their beliefs are ridiculous. They just want to cling to them. Often, if they get along with you, they'll put you in the "safe Negro" category in their mind's eye...which is why I constantly say the phrase "I ain't no safe Negro!" at my job when they get out of pocket.

Or maybe it just makes me laugh to terrorize 'em. Who knows.

Latinegro said...

Fuck That...I hate it when poeple pretend they they are better than anyone of us....

...and if you do, know your shit. God knows we are not perfect. Jesus wasnt perfect...and I bet he farted too.

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

Latin Negro seems to be obsessed with farting... Hmmmm

Latinegro said...

LMAO!!!! I wasnt the one who wrote a blog about it...

Rameer said...

Actually, Ant - the "better than you" thing gets on my nerves too...so we're in accordance on that one...

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

Word to the wise...please do not judge Latinegro's farts are you may get a DTTM (Dick to the mouth). LMAO!!!

Latinegro said...

hahahaha...I think that is new thing! DTTM Tuesdays!

Brooke said...

what da hell?

I go to lunch and y'all done changed the name of my Tuesday? It's bad enough I thought TMI Tuesday was too much! I don't know about "DTTM" Tuesdays...what would I ever write about? ;-)

...hey, and ain't nothing wrong with a DTTM...as long as you know what to do with it ;)

wait...who said tha...huh? ;-)

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

Brooke.... fa real... you got sex on the brain! You know these guys are gonna have a field day with that comment from you. As a matter of fact... I think you know that... you tease/flirt!!! LMAO. First up...Rameer and Sassy sauce!

Brooke said...

Hey, all you need is some Sassy Sauce as far as I'm concerned :)

I'm sorry Pretty Ricky, I know I need to stop...BUT Y'ALL STARTED IT THIS TIME!

I think I do have sex on the brain tho. I hope that subsides before we go to DR...otherwise I'll go crazy. Warm breezes and sand and blue water do something to me. If you see me acting up, grab me and lock me in my room! LOL!

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

Hell naw i won't grab you!!! That's what the DR is for. Go and be somebody completely different if you want. What goes on at the Soul Siesta...stays at the Soul Siesta. One of the Comedians last year said it best...Might as Well!!!

Serena W. said...

WOAH! What did I miss on the blog today! Wow!!!! DTTM Tuesday, folks judging folks, Craig making me laugh at the blog (thanks Craig)...

Brooke I always love your blogs!

And what is up with sex on the brain with you...hmmmmmmmmmmm ;-)

Hee hee! Carry on (no pun intended).

Brooke said...

Serena, you have to forgive me, it's been a minute. My toy is broke, I don't know what else to tell you. I told myself I wasn't going to blog about sex this week, and I'm trying. Ant started it, not me! Blame him!

And B says that now, but he has a camera and be snappin pics of folks when they ain't looking - so he can say all that "what happens in Soul Siesta" crap if he wants to, but I sense blackmail :)

Latinegro said...

I take full blame for telling the Jesus-Chick to eat a dick. But, it is not may fault that Brook has yet to get a new toy.

We talked about her getting vibrators big and small....double sided dildos...shit even a mold...

Cant blame me for that....lol

Rameer said...

I'll be your huckleberry, Ms. Brookes... ;-)

Sassy sauce and ALL...

Brooke said...

Don't tempt me Rameer...please :)

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

Brooke... you have never seen anything crazy in our pictures... occasionally we may catch someone a little tipsy... or might catch a shot of some tastefully big tatas... but that's it. You don't know how bad I wanted to snap the picture of the girl who took advantage of the topless sun bathing rule in the DR...and decided to have a conversation with me.

Maybe some of y'all can help me. Here's the situation... I'm walking down the beach minding my own business... a young lady calls me from the ocean... as she comes out of the water... I notice she has no top on. She walks straight to me and starts having a normal conversation. What should I have done.

a) Do not break eye contact. Stare into her eyes only.
b) try to look a way and pretend thats she's not stanidng in front of me with her 34 C cups out
c) drool
d) compliment her and say " you have some marvelous titties. thank you for sharing
e) pretend I'm drunk and stumble into them face first

Any other suggestions... I'm open!

Now after that story...fellas..whose coming with me to the DR!!! FYI... I'm getting Brooke drunk as soon as she steps off the plane!

Serena W. said...

Brooke...when do you get paid? Does he need a battery...just buy one! I told you about the stores out in Dallas. Mind you we are supposed to be in the bible belt right...and there are billboards for Condom Sense stores all over the metroplex! Wow! But in this recession...their parking lot is still jam packed lol!

Latinegro said...

I would go with option A. I can use the peripheral REAL well. Besides I cannot say option D in spanish...lol

Latinegro said...

Acutally..i could...

Tu tienes tetas bonita!

LMAO

Survival Spanish!!!!

Brooke said...

B, if your girl is coming with you, you betta not be having any conversations with any girl coming out the ocean with tig ole biddies!

I will not be drunk as soon as I step off the plane, no matter what you say. B's plottin on me!

And I will not be topless this time around. I did topless in DR two years ago...laying face down :)

Ant, you're a troublemaker today :)

Serena, I got paid this past Friday, just being lazy. I should just order one from online. Liz is frontin on me, she was supposed to take me shopping.

Rameer said...

I might've been like Jim Carrey in Me, Myself & Irene if that girl came up to ME, Pretty Ricky...lol!

Actually, first time I went to Miami Beach, saw some MAGNIFICENT specimens doing the no top thing. Had a GREAT time...walked right about and started talking...and admiring...and complimenting...and flirting...and CUPPING...

Lol! True story, though.

Wish I had the doughcakes to go to DR...but after unexpected bills totaling $5,000 in the past 3 months, the kid is tapped out.

I'd go just to walk the beach with Ms. Brookes... =)

Brooke said...

Would you rub oil on my back Rameer? :)

Rameer said...

Does a bear sh*t in the woods and wipe his a$$ with a fuzzy white rabbit??

HELL YES...amongst other places...

Brooke said...

LMAO!!!! hahahahahahahahaha!

Good thing you're not coming then, cuz you might get GOT! LOL!

Rameer said...

No...YOU might get GOT...

Brooke said...

Sure you can't find some change somewhere to get to DR? :)

....let me stop...I need help y'all!

Serena W. said...

On that note...Brooke you need to stop being lazy...

Rameer...I'm feeling you on the crazy bills! Cause if my bills weren't crazy over the past 3 months and I wasn't moving I may have to be on the beach with the peoples.

Serena W. said...

BUT...there is always next year!

Brooke said...

Well, if this Soul Siesta is anything like B says it is, then I'll be there next year too!

Yes, I need to stop being lazy and get on that...cuz I'm out of order lately :)

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

I gotta a good Random thought for Thursday!!!! Dam I'm mad I gotta wait until then!

Brooke said...

Go ahead and post it! Does it look like we're following any rules today? We're not even talking abou Craig's blog anymore...maybe that's why he hasn't been on. How he gonna just blog and walk away? Shady Grady!

As far as I'm concerned, TMI Tuesday and Random Thoughts Thursday are very close cousins :)

Rameer said...

KISSING cousins...

Brooke said...

I was going to write that, but didn't want people to think that's all I had on the brain :)

Serena W. said...

Well I'm glad the blog took a comical turn cause all that judgemental stuff earlier was uncalled for.

Brooke said...

We always keep it fun here...

...well, for the most part ;)

Even Craig was a bit tame in the blog today....he just up and disappeared on us tho!

Strange one...that Craig :)

Related Posts with Thumbnails