Tuesday, April 12, 2011
So on my train ride to work this morning, I overheard two women talking about love, sex and all that other sh*t. The one woman seemed to be feeling herself because she landed a boo that told her she was “wifey material.” The other woman sat listening to her friend give her list of credentials. She can cook. She can clean. She keeps her hair did. Has her own place and a job.
As I sat listening, all I could think was….”what a load of bullsh*t.”
Personally, I’m getting tired of the whole “he told me I was wifey material” conversations.
Because 1) Why do we rely on men (or other women) to tell us what “wifey material” actually is? And 2) It’s all relative.
ANYONE can be wifey material by simply becoming a wife. If Evelyn Lozada of Basketball Wives (who isn’t actually a wife…yet) can be proposed to, and a buster like Ochocinco is willing to wife her – then ANYone can be wifey material.
Women like to wear that title like a crown. And there’s nothing wrong with viewing yourself as the type of woman a man would be proud to marry. But all the woman on the train kept saying was, “He said this…and he said that…so it must be true.”
She can cook.
Last I checked, there weren’t any starving men out here looking for a woman who can cook so he can marry her. Most people find a way to eat, so being able to cook nowadays doesn’t really mean that much. And two women I know personally NEVER cook for their men, their men cook for THEM…and they’re happily married. So that ain’t it.
She can clean.
Hiring a maid does the trick too. But unless you’re Oscar the Grouch, most people aren’t living in trashcans either. You should want to clean for yourself, and to keep the roaches away, not to get a husband.
She keeps her hair did.
She has her own place and a job.
You’re supposed to you airhead! I know we're in tough economic times, but shouldn't having a job be something most of us aspire to so we can...you know....LIVE? If she didn’t have a job, she wouldn’t be able to buy that food she can cook, or get her hair done…so that should be for her own benefit...not to land a husband.
In my opinion, being "wifey material" is more about being yourself, and then finding someone who appreciates who you are. It’s not about trying to conform to some “formula” you think all men use to figure out if you’d make a good wife or not.
You can’t predict who a man will or will not marry. Just ask Khloe and Lamar. Therefore, you can’t always position yourself to meet some mystery criteria. What you CAN do is be the best self for YOURSELF. If you don’t want to cook, or learn how to, then there is a man out there who will be just fine with that - and who will gladly cook for you. If you like wearing baseball hats instead of going to the salon every week, there is a man out there who will appreciate your personality and not your new bob. If you don’t like to clean, you’re just nasty :-)
All joking aside, I hear way too many women asking a man if they consider them wifey material…and it irks my nerves. There is no right or wrong answer to that. The answer lies within yourself – your own value system and your own idea of what makes a person a good mate, period. Knowing how to cook means nothing if you don’t know how to compromise. Keeping a clean house doesn’t go far if you argue all the time. Your hair may be done, but your personality may need some work. Having your own place means squat if your man never wants to come home to you.
If a man shares your same beliefs and values, he will find you. You will be specially made for him, so what the majority of men out there want in a wife won’t really matter. It’ll only matter to that one who will take you exactly as you are. A king finds his queen…whether she can cook or not.