Tuesday, April 19, 2011
You all know how I do…I listen to Power 105 every morning as I get dressed. This morning’s topic? Kanye, Wiz Khalifah and Amber Rose.
Apparently, during the song “Stronger,” Kanye modified the lyrics in his song by saying, “I did anything for that blond dike, and she did anything when the times right” – allegedly making reference to Amber Rose. There are reports that Wiz Khalifah “confronted” Kanye when he left the stage for taking a dig at his girlfriend.
The deejays argued over if it was right for Kanye to diss Amber, or if Wiz was wrong to step to him, or if Amber was even worthy of all this chaos. One deejay kept referring to her as a whore who Kanye “made” and that Wiz knew what he was getting into when he booed her up. Another said Kanye was wrong and that he should move on.
It’s all quite silly actually, but it did make me wonder why people bad mouth their exes after the relationship is over.
Kanye calling Amber all kinds of names is immature…and a bit bitchass if you ask me. He was with her. He claimed her. Now that the relationship is over, he should move on. I’m all for free speech, and I think he’s talented – but there’s something about a man who trashes his ex that just screams wuss to me.
Frankly, I don’t like when anyone does it – man or woman. There’s a difference between venting and bad mouthing.
Break ups are painful - no matter why they occurred. When people have been hurt, it’s no surprise they may want to lash out. You want to purge yourself of the disgust, disgrace and anger you feel about even being involved with that person in the first place. You need to let the world know you’ve been wronged and you’ll tell anyone and everyone who will listen. Thus….”I did anything for that blond dike.”
Even if you haven’t been wronged per se, sometimes immaturity takes over and you just can’t let go. There may be one-sided bitterness, jealousy, a passion that still burns for that person that consumes you to the point that you change lyrics to rap songs.
That’s where your therapist needs to step in, because now you look crazy. There is constructive venting - and then there is character bashing. And even if your ex is without much character and everything you say about him or her is true, the question is: Do you want to sink to that level? And will getting down and dirty free you from the rage you feel? Probably not.
1. Bad-mouthing your ex is a waste of your time and energy. Power you could be using to do something more positive and productive in your own life.
2. Bad-mouthing is beneath you, and when taken too far can make you appear to be a bit "pathetic" or a "victim." Not sexy.
3. Bad-mouthing is toxic. You will be in a negative frame of mind, polluting your own body with thoughts of someone you should be putting behind you.
4. Bad-mouthing is rarely used as a real warning to other people. More often than not - it's usually a way to assassinate the ex's character to people who don’t know him/her . OR it can be that you’re trying to sway other’s opinion, but it doesn’t work…so now you just look nuts.
5. Bad-mouthing and venting are not synonymous. If you have the desire to talk about how you've been treated in your relationship - talk to one trusted person or professional who will not spread what you've said into your inner circle of friends, family, and associates…or a packed crowd at Coachella.
In a perfect world, exes can succeed at being friends and letting bygones be bygones. But we don’t live in a perfect world – we live in one where bitterness, jealousy, hating and human nature exceed reasoning and rational thought. Let it go. It’s better to leave things with pleasant memories rather than drag a dead relationship through the mud. Keeping a foot in the past makes it that much harder to enjoy your future. As Martin Lawrence said, “if that sh*t is supposed to be over, then let it be over”…so keep it moving…and keep your mouth shut.