Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Bad Mouthing an Ex

Happy Tuesday!

You all know how I do…I listen to Power 105 every morning as I get dressed. This morning’s topic? Kanye, Wiz Khalifah and Amber Rose.

Yawn….

Apparently, during the song “Stronger,” Kanye modified the lyrics in his song by saying, “I did anything for that blond dike, and she did anything when the times right” – allegedly making reference to Amber Rose. There are reports that Wiz Khalifah “confronted” Kanye when he left the stage for taking a dig at his girlfriend.

Whatever.

The deejays argued over if it was right for Kanye to diss Amber, or if Wiz was wrong to step to him, or if Amber was even worthy of all this chaos. One deejay kept referring to her as a whore who Kanye “made” and that Wiz knew what he was getting into when he booed her up. Another said Kanye was wrong and that he should move on.

It’s all quite silly actually, but it did make me wonder why people bad mouth their exes after the relationship is over.

Kanye calling Amber all kinds of names is immature…and a bit bitchass if you ask me. He was with her. He claimed her. Now that the relationship is over, he should move on. I’m all for free speech, and I think he’s talented – but there’s something about a man who trashes his ex that just screams wuss to me.

Frankly, I don’t like when anyone does it – man or woman. There’s a difference between venting and bad mouthing.

Break ups are painful - no matter why they occurred. When people have been hurt, it’s no surprise they may want to lash out. You want to purge yourself of the disgust, disgrace and anger you feel about even being involved with that person in the first place. You need to let the world know you’ve been wronged and you’ll tell anyone and everyone who will listen. Thus….”I did anything for that blond dike.”

Even if you haven’t been wronged per se, sometimes immaturity takes over and you just can’t let go. There may be one-sided bitterness, jealousy, a passion that still burns for that person that consumes you to the point that you change lyrics to rap songs.

That’s where your therapist needs to step in, because now you look crazy. There is constructive venting - and then there is character bashing. And even if your ex is without much character and everything you say about him or her is true, the question is: Do you want to sink to that level? And will getting down and dirty free you from the rage you feel? Probably not.

1. Bad-mouthing your ex is a waste of your time and energy. Power you could be using to do something more positive and productive in your own life.

2. Bad-mouthing is beneath you, and when taken too far can make you appear to be a bit "pathetic" or a "victim." Not sexy.

3. Bad-mouthing is toxic. You will be in a negative frame of mind, polluting your own body with thoughts of someone you should be putting behind you.

4. Bad-mouthing is rarely used as a real warning to other people. More often than not - it's usually a way to assassinate the ex's character to people who don’t know him/her . OR it can be that you’re trying to sway other’s opinion, but it doesn’t work…so now you just look nuts.

5. Bad-mouthing and venting are not synonymous. If you have the desire to talk about how you've been treated in your relationship - talk to one trusted person or professional who will not spread what you've said into your inner circle of friends, family, and associates…or a packed crowd at Coachella.

In a perfect world, exes can succeed at being friends and letting bygones be bygones. But we don’t live in a perfect world – we live in one where bitterness, jealousy, hating and human nature exceed reasoning and rational thought. Let it go. It’s better to leave things with pleasant memories rather than drag a dead relationship through the mud. Keeping a foot in the past makes it that much harder to enjoy your future. As Martin Lawrence said, “if that sh*t is supposed to be over, then let it be over”…so keep it moving…and keep your mouth shut.

-b

26 comments:

Latinegro said...

First Bitches!

Stef said...

DAMMIT!

Latinegro said...

Dont bad mouth me stef, I am not your ex... j/k :)

Latinegro said...

I had to think about this one. I am wondering if I have bad mouthed my exes. I think I may have but I am also thinking about context and time. Immaturity plays a role for sure.

However, I try to preface my stories with "this is my version of events, and I know I was not perfect". I think if you are really over things and have closure than bad mouthing will probably not occur.

However, if the said ex plays the victim when that is clearly not the case...then I think all bets are off until there is a resolution.

Sillouette said...

Hey All!!

@ Latinegro

How in the world do you make it so possible that you be FIRST almost everyday!!?? lol.. Incredible.. Ive tried to be first, and its just not working out..LOL

I think in Kanye's defense he's just madd that he got tried by Amber Rose. Like he feels she took him for granted and maybe she betrayed his trust. And he's still sizzling mad about that. I do think he should give her the satisfaction of putting her name in a Song dissing her or not. Thats too much air play for a person that has worng you. And it wont embarass her, It seems it will only fuel her ego anyways. And plus Kanye hasnt sit back and thought about how shes basically a "temp rapper" chick. She will be passed around to almost every rapper out there like a snot ragg, all used up. No body truly wants her. Shes a nobody, with no talents. He should move on and get another chick. it isnt like he can't...

Rameer The ILLAbstract said...

I've never been one to bad mouth my exes. In fact - I'm typically so private, most cats aren't even SURE who exactly is one of my "exes". And, I've said this before - we tend to end our relationships in a pretty civil fashion. I'm just not into that drama and pain. So I deal with people who I don't feel are about that either, and when things appear to no be in the interest of us being together, we come to an adult decision to move on and still try to remain a good friendship.

I know - easier said than done for most.

As far as Kanye goes, as musically gifted and smart as he is - let's be honest. He IS immature, and a bit stunted in my opinion in his personal dealings. Like a lot of artists for some odd reason, he seems to at times have his mentality stuck in high school. Him talking about Amber on-stage like that is kind of bitchass, but I expect that of him. This is the same man who paid her $1 million to never publicly talk about specifics of their relationship - and then makes a song on his last album talking about the relationship ("Blame Game").

I hate when people are just bashing their exes to anyone who will listen. Share that ish for those closest to you, unless it was something "extra" (abuse, crime committed, etc.), don't even bring up y'all past business unless the subject is specifically being dealt with at the time.

I understand people may be hurt - but trying to smear that person and turn the world against your ex rarely works at usually makes YOU look like the wack one.

Serena W. said...

Agree with Sillouette. Why give an ex the satisfaction of always talking about them. Now you changed lyrics around and if those are on his cd then he'll never be able to go back and erase what he said.

Just move on man...it's all good. Let her be. Bad mouthing is so uncool. What's the worse is when you are over your ex, what they did and it's water under the bridge for you but your friends are still the ones talking trash about it. Get a life...for real. If a person is over the ex then you should too.

If anything bringing it up over and over again about how wrong they did you, etc prolongs the real healing from happening. Just my two cents.

Sillouette said...

@ Rameer

I agree with you 100%.. Its best to be private. And to only vent to those closet to you that will understand and will listen to you. If you tell everybody, they arent going to know who yuor talking about anyways... LOL ... and people thrive off of negativiety and thats how rumors get started. Its best to end things on a civil manner just like you said.. :)

Serena W. said...

He paid her 1 million dollars to keep quiet? Wow! What was he thinking!

Oh wait...I'm sorry...he wasn't thinking (immature as Rameer stated).

Rameer The IllAbstract said...

@ Silhouette - yeah, you just make yourself look and sound bitter after a while. Why concentrate on the negative energy?

@ Serena - oh, you didn't know that one? Yup - it was reported even in regular news. A $1 million confidentiality agreement - that's why she's never given any specifics. When the news came out, it added fuel to the "Kanye's bi" rumors, cuz everyone on the gossip/entertainment blogosphere wondered why you would pay someone so much to keep quiet.

And yeah - I think we can all agree Kanye is pretty immature...I think that's why people get confused at when he's pulling stunts and actually being real...

Mr. Ford said...

Kanye was wrong for bad mouthing Amber. It makes him look like a Pussy!!!

On another note, I don’t understand how these artists go out and boo up a chick that are in the lime light and was involved with another artist.

Same goes for the ball players. They date and marry chicks that were involved with other ball players…. Seems like they pick up chicks that roll in the same circle, which never made any sense to me..

Mr.Thomas said...

Let's be frank here, Kanye is a great artist; however he is a BITCH!!!

It's not suprising he would do something like that!!

As for Wiz, he is a straight fool making Amber his girl!!!!

Sillouette said...

@ Serena W.

So let me get this straight so I make sure I'm understanding correctly. There is a rumor that Kanye is "BI"?????? Omg I got to get out more...I didnt hear that ever. This is the first to my ears.. And yes that is ALOT of money for a confidential agreement. Wow!!!

Mr. Ford said...

@Sillouette - Would that be surprising if he was BI?

Anonymous said...

I heard them on the radio this morning and I got tired of hearing the word "ho" over and over again. One listener called up and said that it seems like it's okay, especially among black and latino men in hip hop, or in general, where it's okay to call a woman a ho, a trick, or whatever on the regular. I rarely hear white men calling their women bitches and hos regularly. Maybe I need to get out more, but the amount of mysogyny in rap really gets to me.

If Amber is a loose woman, what does that make Kanye for being with her? Now that it's over, he calls her every name under the sun. But when he was with her, she was cool? Fuck outta here.

The Cable Guy said...

I agree 100% with what Rameer said. Kanye, talented as he is, always comes across like a spoiled brat and a bitch. He's always crying over something, and now it's a chick. Grow up and get over it. Amber Rose? Really?

And like Ram also said, it's best to keep it civil and private. If you feel the need to trash an ex, that says alot about who you choose to be with and it speaks volumes about you and your choices.

Sillouette said...

@ Mr. Ford

Well... No it wouldnt surprise me once the news settled in.. LOL..I just didnt see that coming with him for some reason.. lol

BatMan said...

Just like cable guy just said, he seems like a Brat since he is always crying over something. Since he is a grown man he can’t be considered a Brat, more so a BICTH ASS!! Sometimes one would think he does it for media attention or what not, but it seems that he is just a straight up BITCH!!

Serena W. said...

I have no idea about him being BI...I think that was in Rameer's statement. Rameer is seriously educating me on the Kanye comments.

So sad because the man has intelligence and could really go far in the game. But stunts like this and his comments that have no thought process in them whatsoever will always hold him back from greatness.

Mr. Ford said...

As Wendy Williams would say - Kanye, how you doing....

Sillouette said...

@Mr.Ford

LMAO...

Rameer The ILLAbstract said...

Wow - really? I thought everyone had heard bisexual/gay rumors about Kanye for eons. Especially with how he dresses, the pictures with his "posse" a while back that seemed to be A LOT of "questionable" men (South Park even mocked THAT), the words of gossipers like Wendy Williams (and even various rappers have alluded to it, like Cam'Ron and Beanie Sigel), etc. I honestly thought this was common knowledge - the rumors and innuendos.

I have no idea if it's true or not, and don't care too much. But I've heard these things for years - they're so out there, I thought everyone had as well. Guess not!

Brooke said...

Yeah, those rumors have been out there for a while. I mean, the man wears blouses for crying out loud. Hard to do that and not have anyone question your sexuality.

Jay said...

Kanye is a bitch. Any man who can't let it go and trashes an ex publicly is bitch ass. Plain and simple. None of this should surprise us when it comes to Ye.

If you trash an ex, all it does is make you look weak...and sprung. Clearly he's not over Amber, or else her name would never come out his mouth.

Latinegro said...

Clearly I am out of the loop. I have no idea how they broke up and quite frankly, I really don't care.

People bitch about their exes all the time and no one cares. Kanye is on a big stage and now he is bitch because he does what most people do in these types of situations?

I am not sure I agree with all that. People love to know who did what to whom and it is all fodder for record sales and concert tickets.

He is a bitch but we would love to see him in concert.

Brooke said...

Kanye is one of those artists I can't support as far as buying cd's etc. He's musically gifted, but I can't get with someone who feels entitled and that people should spend their hard earned money on him. I just can't do it. The only time I have ever seen him in concert was when he was Jigga's guest at Yankee Stadium. He's just a Herb to me.

As for bad mouthing exes, I try to never do that. When I'm over someone, I'm over them...and until I am, I fake it til I am. If I'm dogging an ex, then that says alot about me. Most of my breakups have been mutual and I get along with most of my exes. The ones I don't talk to anymore are no where in my universe, I never even think to speak their name.

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