Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Happy Hump Day!

This blog was inspired by my sister-friend, Ms. Princess! She's always saying, "What I'ma need you to do..." and "See...what I don’t have time for is..." She always makes me smile, so in honor of her today, this post is about Things I Don't Have Time For - which could also be listed as "Things We're All Too Old For :-)

Things I Don't Have Time For:

1. Selfish people.

2. Grown ass people obsessed with Justin Bieber….even more so if you’ve gone to one of his concerts.

3. People who write cryptic messages to other people via Facebook or Twitter as their status. Keep your issues to yourself.

4. Facebook stalkers.

5. People who make their hairstyle so much a part of their identity that they insist that I go natural too.

6. People who brag about getting high or drunk. It’s not sexy or cute to say you got wasted last night (especially if it’s a workday and you have a job). You should be old enough to know when enough is enough, and sloppy drunkenness is just messy and sad. You’re not in college anymore…and it wasn’t cute then either.

7. Fifty year old frat brothers still strolling at the club. Yeah, I said it!

8. Sitting on people’s lap on the subway when there are seats open. Even when seats are not open, unless it’s a child in your lap, stand your grown ass up.

9. People who act like they are ashamed or don’t masturbate…or who think it’s weird or nasty if other people do it. Grow up…and release yourself!

10. People who act like sex isn’t a big deal. It is. It’s not everything, but it’s important.

11. Not knowing how to cook…anything!

12. People who constantly type/write in text speak. Ur grwn, wat da fck iz da matta wit u? OMG, LOL.

13. People who wear glasses but don’t NEED them. You look stupid.

14. Have full text message conversations. Unless you’re in a meeting, pick up the damn phone and call me. I don’t have time to be typing to your ass all day.

15. Texting someone to ask them on a date or as first contact after getting their number. We’re not 12.

16. Having a subscription to Us Weekly or any other tabloid magazine. Unless you work in the entertainment industry, get all your gossip online like everyone else.

17. People who text or look at their phone every 5 minutes in the movies. You’re an even bigger asshole if you answer a call while in the movies….and are on a date.

18. Grown as women who wear tiaras…and it’s not their bachelorette party.

19. People who still have teddy bears and stuffed animals in their car’s rear window.

20. Women who think sex toys are “nasty” and men who are intimidated by them.

21. People who dress their little girls in nothing but bubble gum pink. Put some blues, greens and purples on that child.

22. People who don’t have a checking or savings account past the age of 25. Who are these people that go to check cashing places anyway?

23. Still talking about your high school boyfriend or girlfriend. It was high school – you didn’t know what love was, so chances are they really ARE NOT the one who got away.

24. People who can never admit when they are wrong or say they’re sorry.

25. People who overuse the word “hater.” Just because I don’t like something/someone, doesn’t mean I’m a “hater.” I just don’t like it.

I’m sure I’ll think of more later, but feel free to list the things you either don’t have time for, or are too old for. However, here are some things you're never too old for and that I always have time for:

1. My mother. My sister. My nephews. My family.

2. A nap.

3. Love.

4. Sex.

5. Listening to Charlie Sheen - pure comedy.

6. A good movie.

7. Sex. Did I say that already? ;)

8. Writing.

9. A phone call with a great friend.

10. Putting on sunscreen.

Go!

-b

29 comments:

SarKism said...

first bitches!!!

Yolanda said...

First Beeeeechesssss!

I love this post, BTW.

Yolanda said...

DAMMIT. Those extra words did me in :-)

SarKism said...

Ok....now for mine..

1. people who can't just speak their mind.

2. people who are 40 but cant hold a decent conversation about life, current events or your future.

3. people who know they are wrong but instead of admitting it, turn it around and blame you.

4. people who DONT do what they say they are going to do - PERIOD.

5. people who get angry when you get angry or upset or in a mood. Can I have a moment GEEZ!! Stop stealing my negative shine.

6. people who take themselves too seriously and cant just LAUGH!!!

ok...maybe later i'll do the things I do have time for :)

BrokN_RecorD said...

I cosign with your list especially these two:
"14. Have full text message conversations. Unless you’re in a meeting, pick up the damn phone and call me. I don’t have time to be typing to your ass all day.

15. Texting someone to ask them on a date or as first contact after getting their number. We’re not 12."

I tweeted about this a few weeks ago. Conversation is becoming a lost art

phillygrl said...

Brooke, this is a good one...( and the one abt the little girls with the pink...yes lwd yes..Girl DO play with turkcs & cars, they like brown & green & actualy look cute in Blue..--ok..
What I dont have time for is...
1. LIARS!

2. People who are unexamined... at this age, you should (I think) have examined yourself enoguth to know if you weren't working/making a living doing something you don't like, WHAT would you be doing?

3. People who wear fake eyelashes that look like Bessie the Cow or a Babydoll..I mean COME ON!!!

4. People who think "ghetto-fabulous" is cute( acting that way, living that way or beign that way--is NOT sute, unless you are in a video!)

5. and to piggyback off of #4..Women who think they ARE in a video, who are just wlaking around going to the supermarket in well..video "stuff"(shows, hair make up, clothes,etc.).

6. and I know this may be crazy..but I don't have time for REALLY REALLY "HYPED UP" people..I know two peopel like this (one just found his calling as a comedian, so I think that's a good move) , the other is a woman is is soooo draining to be around, I mean Im happy & all, but DAMN--speak a little softer(not so loud) , speak a little slower, and don't be so DAMN HAPPY & BUBBLY all the time! Sheesh! Real Talk!

7. People who always use slang( See previous #6--REal Talk) ...I have a frein who if you ask him what he's up to , or what's up?..he says"Maintaing, it's all good, nada, just chilling, making it happen, doing the damn thing, etc..etc"/...All that didn't tell me a DAMN thing , except you always being vague about ISH..Why am I your friend!!Asking me details of my life!!uugh!!

phillygrl said...

sorry for all the typos....typing a mile a minute & then off to lunch!...Im out!

Annamaria said...

Things I don't have time for:

1. Assholes.. I'm learning JUST how many people I know fit in this category...LOL

2.Fifty year old frat brothers still strolling at the club. Yeah, I said it! THIS GOES FOR YOU SIGMA'S THERE WILL BE NO STROLLING OR STEPPING AT THE WEDDING. ESPECIALLY THOSE WITH BAD KNEES YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

3. I agree with you on 9, 10 and ESPECIALLY 20...LOL but that's cuz that's my job..LOL

4. Lazy People

5. Inconsiderate people.

6. STupid people...

I have some people that fit into all these categories

I admit I hate talking on the phone SO I'd prefer to have a text conversation. Blame work.

Things I always have time for...
1.Sex (yea it's #1...LOL)
2. My beautiful YET bad as all hell Daughter...
3. My two babies Jada & Aaron
4. Sex (i'm with you on their twice B)
5. Alcohol. I need a drink to keep from tasing these fools.

Yolanda said...

Anyway...my "do not have time for" list:

-People who insist on having regular conversations about something they discussed, read/saw on Facebook. Once in awhile is ok, but must every virtual conversation creep into your "real" life.

-The natural hair wearers who dump The Gap and whatnot, and turn into incense-burning mother earths after they cut their perms out. I'm still me... just with some extra naps. You can keep your patchouli.

-People who still smoke in 2011.

-Waiting in a doctor's office.

-Unemployment. Like, it's so 2010. It gets on my nerves. I'm determined to kick it's arse.

-Casual sex. Giving my cookies away is not cute at 32... I need something more.

-Don't have time for uneducated people who are happy with never seeking said education.

-I don't have time for any music about p-poppin', smokin', drinkin', poppin' tages, etc... etc... Read a book, take a class and write a real verse.

-Bad arse kids in public.

-People who don't READ your emails but reply asking all the questions you just covered in the message or your attachment. I don't have time to review if you didn't catch it the first time.

-Indecisive and inconsiderate people. Make a decision. Do what you say you're going to do.

I'll always have time for my Mother and my besties... I could take or leave the sex these days. I'd rather just have a really good man and work toward that later.

And I'll ALWAYS have time for WINNING! Duh!

Ooh, I love this.

More later... maybe.

Yolanda said...

Geez, with my typos. I'm gonna go read a book!

I'm still winning though :-)

Annamaria said...

I would always try to find time however to be on whatever drug Charlie Sheen is on. LMAO

Yolanda said...

I believe you really do have tiger blood, A Buzz.

Annamaria said...

I forgot one very important thing on my list of things I always have time for....

My fiancee....

I'm gonna get tased one of these days!

Courtney said...

This list was brilliant! Love it!

The Cable Guy said...

Things I don't have time for:

1. women who don't suck dick. what are you doing with yoiur life?

2. virgins past the age of 21, give it up already!

3. people who have never had a one night stand or an affair. live a little!

4. movie and tv snobs. there is always some trash on tv or film worth watching...just for fun.

5. women who can't cook.

6. women who can't f*ck.

7. dudes with no "real" shoes. black sneakers are not shoes.

8. dudes who don't get a haircut every week. stay fresh, we too old to be scruffy.

9. dudes afraid to go to the doctor. get your shit checked out.

10. women who think being "hood" is cute or sexy. be a lady.

Brooke said...

People who have never been to the dentist. I can't stand a yuck mouf!

cosign on the men who don't go to the doctor, Cable Guy. Don't wait to start burning to go...and to YOUR doctor, not the clinic. You're old enough to have a personal physician.

People who get into other people's conversations and have no idea what the converstaion is about.

People who sneeze or cough and don't cover their mouths.

People who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom.

Men who don't get up for pregnant women or the elderly on the train, and then pretend like they didn't/don't see them.

I hate the fake eyelashes too Karen!

Jay said...

I don't have time for BULLSHIT.

That is all.

Serena W. said...

I love this list! I was just on the phone with my best friend this morning (my sista) and we were talking about what we don't have time for and bam...it's a blog! Brooke...thank you and Princess!

I love these from the list:

People who constantly type/write in text speak. Ur grwn, wat da fck iz da matta wit u? OMG, LOL.

Have full text message conversations. Unless you’re in a meeting, pick up the damn phone and call me. I don’t have time to be typing to your ass all day. (I'm having a time and a half with someone who can text all day everyday but can't pick up the phone)! Sheesh! BrokN_RecorD said it best (conversation is becoming a lost art) and it's a shame...

What I Really Don't Have Time For:

1. Fake people...you wanna be in my life when everything is grand and step out when I go through turmoil (a few got cut off last year).

2. Dream Thieves (just because you can't dream stop trying to stomp out mine).

3. People that tell everyone and I mean everyone their business in a professional environment. (Come on now...does one of our most esteemed partners have to know your business)? Sheesh and sheesh!

4. People who don't understand why you're happy. (This deserves an Ed Lover..."C'mon Son") why can't I be happy? So sad.

5. Traffic (was just stuck on 395 for over an hour in VA/DC because it was shut down).

6. Gas prices (they suck).

7. Economy (enough said).

What I do have time for...

1. Writing/Dreams

2. Love

3. Sex (love it)

4. Sex (oooops that was a double hitter).

5. Networking with positive people and collaborating on how to move our dreams forward.

6. Travel (beaches and clear ocean water).

7. Family

8. My future

9. Godchildren and nephew

10. The new babies in my life (so many were born last year in my circle and more to come this year). It's so nice to see life!

Serena W. said...

Brooke I'm going to add onto your "People who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom"....and...people who consistently at work funk up the bathroom and don't crack a window open or spray the dag on can on Lysol!

Nasty McNastys!!!!

Stef said...

Ashy people. Use lotion.

pencil dick dudes! LOL! Yesterday's blog was GREAT, thanks Fury! Brooke, bone him!

The bad ass girls on 16 & Pregnant.

Women who fight other women over a man.

Grown ass women who fight AT ALL. Basketball Wives is a prime example of this.

Anyone with a flip phone.

Dudes living in their parents' basement.

Mama's boys.

Drake. Rihanna. Amber Rose. Nicki Minaj. Whiz Kalifah.

Followers.

Men who cheat but constantly have girlfriends.

Kids who talk back. Beat they asses!

Bridezillas.

Always have time for:

MYSELF!

GOOD sex.

My family.

Reading Brooke's blog :)

Ice cream.

Sleep.

God!

Anonymous said...

I am guilty of 14 and 15. Probably need to work on that, or not.

Brooke said...

@Anonymous,

If a guy constantly texts me and never calls, I assume 1) he's 12, 2) he's married and can't talk to me on the phone, 3) isn't really that into me, or 4) just wants sex. I'm usually right.

I have a pretty sexy phone voice, so it's not because I sound like Tone Loc ;)

Jaz said...

LOL @ "Nasty McNastys!"

Watching Oprah now...things I don'thave time for? Men and women who are gay and have husbands and wives their whole life. Come out of the closet already and be happy and stop wasting people's time!

Gold digging women who make the rest of us look bad for insisting a dude pick up a check once in a while.

Cheap men.

Lazy men.

Selfish men.

men PERIOD! LOL!

that show that comes on after The Game.

People who blast their ipods so loud on the train you can hear their music. They must be deaf!

JLo on American Idol.

The new cast of DWTS.

Diet ANYTHING.

Debbie Downers!

Jay said...

@Brooke,

Yes you DO have a sexy phone voice, so if a dude is texting you as opposed to talking to you, he's creepin or gay.

Serena W. said...

Jaz I have a Debby Downer at work and she's getting on my nerves.

Had to bust out the Nasty McNastys! (Just that NASTY)!

Other things I don't have time for:

People with little or no faith in anything.

People who can't own up to what they did wrong.

What I do have time for:

Eating (overdue for some good Mexican food and a Cracker Barrel visit)! YUMMY!

Brooke said...

still have to make those shrimp quesadillas!

@Jay,

I was just kidding about the phone voice :)

Ms. Princess said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ms. Princess said...

Dear Brooke-lyn,
How fantastic was this post?! I'm so honored that anyone would think any of the Prannie-isms that I spew are worthy of being the topic of a blog. I have so many people to thank!
Anywho, I think I get so annoyed by things on a daily basis, my list could be pages long but I'll attempt to write just a few:
-Grown men wearing their pants sagging off their behinds. Really? Where do you work? More importantly, what are you teaching the youth?
-Nosy ask co-workers! You already know Brooke-lyn- this place is infested with them.
-Men who can't kiss. C'mon that's 101! And so important for intimacy (for me anyway)
-"Don't hate!...You're a hater!" No Boo-Boo, sometimes it's not hate, you're just doing stupid sh!t!
-Grown people who say trendy things thinking they sound hip. No, you're not 19. STOP!
-Women who rub up on each other or try to dance up on you (a woman) because they know men like it. Save that corny sh!t for the Spice Channel! I don't go that way, especially not just because some dude wants to oggle two women. #abortplanBooBoo
-When my natural hair acts stank and doesn't stay in the style that I put it in! Or doesn't want to behave enough for any style, like it ain't got no home training!

I think that's enough for the evening. I'll save the rest for lunch tomorrow, lol.

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