Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Happy Hump Day!
Speaking of humping, do you all think that sex with no strings is doable? Particularly for women? I know...I just jumped right into the question of the day, but I pondered this myself based off the new movie No Strings Attached - take a look:
Now, I haven't seen the movie, but based off of that trailer, Natalie Portman seems to find it easier to have casual sex than Ashton Kutcher's character. While I DO think that men and women both can have satisfying casual sex, I don't think that men and women view, relate to, or respond to sex the same way.
Call me old fashioned, or not as "evolved," but I honestly, truly do NOT believe that women can have sex like men. I just believe that it goes against nature - that's not how we're wired. In scientific terms, "The way chemicals are released in the brain during intercourse is very different in men and women. In women, oxytocin is released. It's a chemical that makes women want to nurture their young and stay close. Men get a huge jolt of testosterone, which suppresses oxytocin, and that's nature's way of saying, "Leave the nest and go sire offspring somewhere else." So when women think they can have sex and walk away just like guys do, they're having to suppress thousands of years of evolution that tells them to cuddle, stay in bed, and look forward to tomorrow. When they get up and walk out, they feel depressed and don't know why." - cited in Marie Claire Magazine.
I agree with that wholeheartedly. That's not to say that I don't know any women who haven't had purely casual, non-emotional sex before. I know it can be done - I just don't think it can be done on a regular basis before someone (usually the woman) starts catching feelings. I almost feel that if a woman is to TRULY have casual, no-strings-attached sex with a man on a consistent basis, she almost has to not like him or respect him. That way, she will probably never really fall for him...maybe. But it's kinda hard to have sex for some women with men they don't actually like.
I know that sounds extreme, but I have yet to meet a women who has proven me wrong. I have friends who swear that they're "just kickin' it" with some dude - that they're just having fun and having sex and they KNOW nothing more will ever develop between them and their man toy.....only to profess their love for said man after 2 months, or come crying to me later when they realize he's in a "real" relationship with another woman that they actually love. Trust me, I've seen it happen over and over again...and it's not pretty.
But let's just say for the sake of argument that a woman CAN have no-strings-attached sex with a man - that doesn't necessarily mean that she SHOULD. I'm no prude, but I often wonder why a woman (or man) would choose this over trying to have a real connection with someone. I know some folks have commitment issues, or lead very busy lives where a committed relationship wouldn't be feasible, but what is wrong with having great sex AND great love? Can't you have both?
Trust me, I've been in phases where sex was all I could muster, but even in those phases, I felt kind of lonely. I'd much rather cuddle with my cat than try to cuddle with a man only to fulfill some fleeting need. While I believe that women should be as sexually free as men, I don't think that necessarily means random hookups, having a f*ck buddy or friends with benefits. I know that sounds "preachy" and disapproving, but I find that many women who think they're capable of this are lying to themselves. If you can be honest about what you're doing, and do it in a smart, cognizant and responsible way, then go forth young lady...and carry condoms. But if you're doing it fill an emotional void, then you're doomed. All this "think like a man, act like a man while still being a woman" is confusing enough as it is - don't sell yourself short for a quick fix or a cheap thrill. Great sex AND great love can be had - if you want it.
What say you?