Wednesday, January 26, 2011

No Strings Attached

Happy Hump Day!

Speaking of humping, do you all think that sex with no strings is doable? Particularly for women? I know...I just jumped right into the question of the day, but I pondered this myself based off the new movie No Strings Attached - take a look:



Now, I haven't seen the movie, but based off of that trailer, Natalie Portman seems to find it easier to have casual sex than Ashton Kutcher's character. While I DO think that men and women both can have satisfying casual sex, I don't think that men and women view, relate to, or respond to sex the same way.

Call me old fashioned, or not as "evolved," but I honestly, truly do NOT believe that women can have sex like men. I just believe that it goes against nature - that's not how we're wired. In scientific terms, "The way chemicals are released in the brain during intercourse is very different in men and women. In women, oxytocin is released. It's a chemical that makes women want to nurture their young and stay close. Men get a huge jolt of testosterone, which suppresses oxytocin, and that's nature's way of saying, "Leave the nest and go sire offspring somewhere else." So when women think they can have sex and walk away just like guys do, they're having to suppress thousands of years of evolution that tells them to cuddle, stay in bed, and look forward to tomorrow. When they get up and walk out, they feel depressed and don't know why." - cited in Marie Claire Magazine.

I agree with that wholeheartedly. That's not to say that I don't know any women who haven't had purely casual, non-emotional sex before. I know it can be done - I just don't think it can be done on a regular basis before someone (usually the woman) starts catching feelings. I almost feel that if a woman is to TRULY have casual, no-strings-attached sex with a man on a consistent basis, she almost has to not like him or respect him. That way, she will probably never really fall for him...maybe. But it's kinda hard to have sex for some women with men they don't actually like.

I know that sounds extreme, but I have yet to meet a women who has proven me wrong. I have friends who swear that they're "just kickin' it" with some dude - that they're just having fun and having sex and they KNOW nothing more will ever develop between them and their man toy.....only to profess their love for said man after 2 months, or come crying to me later when they realize he's in a "real" relationship with another woman that they actually love. Trust me, I've seen it happen over and over again...and it's not pretty.

But let's just say for the sake of argument that a woman CAN have no-strings-attached sex with a man - that doesn't necessarily mean that she SHOULD. I'm no prude, but I often wonder why a woman (or man) would choose this over trying to have a real connection with someone. I know some folks have commitment issues, or lead very busy lives where a committed relationship wouldn't be feasible, but what is wrong with having great sex AND great love? Can't you have both?

Trust me, I've been in phases where sex was all I could muster, but even in those phases, I felt kind of lonely. I'd much rather cuddle with my cat than try to cuddle with a man only to fulfill some fleeting need. While I believe that women should be as sexually free as men, I don't think that necessarily means random hookups, having a f*ck buddy or friends with benefits. I know that sounds "preachy" and disapproving, but I find that many women who think they're capable of this are lying to themselves. If you can be honest about what you're doing, and do it in a smart, cognizant and responsible way, then go forth young lady...and carry condoms. But if you're doing it fill an emotional void, then you're doomed. All this "think like a man, act like a man while still being a woman" is confusing enough as it is - don't sell yourself short for a quick fix or a cheap thrill. Great sex AND great love can be had - if you want it.

What say you?

Go!

-b

24 comments:

Latinegro said...

First Bitches!

Annamaria said...

No strings attached sex is completely doable when you are doing it with something from:

http://www.annaspleasures.yourpassionconsultant.com/

SHAMELESS PLUG!!!!!

Latinegro said...

Great blog. It reminds me of a tweet that I posted last week:

There really is no such thing as #nostringsattached but we can pretend it exists for all parties involved...lol

I think at some point it all catches up to us. Feelings will get caught unless some stupid shit happens which usually means the end of said arrangement.

So with that said, we can just pretend each person doesn't care and continue to just have sex.

Stef said...

Dammit Ant!

I agree, it's hard for women to have no strings attached sex. It's cool once in a while, but not regularly. I've never been able to do it, and have had my hearten broken as a result because I actually fell for the guy. I'm never putting myself in that situation again...I'll just have to order a toy from Annamaria and keep it movin' if I ever get that desperate again! LOL!

Latinegro said...

that was a pretty shameless A.M. I would never do no shit like that.


http://latinegro.blogspot.com/

Brooke said...

Feel free to promote yourselves on my blog - it's all love here! Plug away! LOL!

Malik said...

Agreed @latinegro. It's no different than an urban legend that keep making it's rounds on the internet.

The Cable Guy said...

Ant and Annamaria are funny!

No strings sex can be had, but like you said, not on a regular basis, cuz if you're having sex with the same woman week after week, ya'll are in a relationship, I don't care what NO ONE says.

And men catch feelings more than you know...we just dont' admit it.

Anonymous said...

dont prostitutes do it all the time? they have regulars....

Ms. Penn said...

@Anonymous,

Yes, but any woman who would prostitute herself has other issues - like low self esteem. That doesn't mean they don't feel empty or used or lonely. They usually have to get high or drunk to fight their biological need to feel close to a man. It's not the same thing. I could argue that a woman who values herself would NOT gravitate towards casual sex.

Annamaria said...

FACT: VIBRATORS HAVE NO FEELINGS... THEREFORE THEY CAN CATCH NO FEELINGS.

Yolanda said...

It might work in the beginning but I've learned that I don't share well... I'm especially not a peen sharer. I've just opted to go without until I find someone who can at least entertain the thought of working toward a commitment.

Oh, and uh...
http://witchesbrewonline.com/
http://www.yolandaarrington.com/
http://musingsofalatebloomer.tumblr.com/

That about covers it!

Craig n 'em said...

So between all this PLUG talk and just GETTING OFF ANNAJOLIA'S PLEASURE SITE...(and after cleaning myself up)...I have this to say...

Casual sex is POSSIBLE....for a certain amount of time...How long you say? Well, it depends on how much sex and how much pubic hair both parties involve have.

Now, this is all biology, math and physics with a sprinkle of magic.

What had happens is...(clearing throat)...Pubic Hair is the connection between man and woman. The bumping and grinding of public hairs become intertwined (THINK AVATAR). The more you fuck and the less you shave will get you intertwined in some emotional bullshit....But THAT is how the STRING evolves, this is how the ATTACHMENT FORMS!!!

20 FUCKS + 3 Weeks of BUSH TRADING = "WE NEED TO TALK..."

Thats why I have MILK DUD BALLS...

Annamaria said...

LMFAO @CRAIG... WTF

SEE:
http://www.annaspleasures.yourpassionconsultant.com/

FOR FEELING FREE ENJOYMENT! :)

Stef said...

Craig has problems :)

Jaz said...

DEAD @ "Milk Dud Balls"! LOL!

Jay said...

Craig is a nut :)

I think we all agree that it's possible, but not ideal... especially for women. Not to sound sexist, but women need to accept that they're women...and as such, your biology doesn't lend itself to casual, no strings attached sex. It can happen, but it can't be on a regular basis. Otherwise, you're constantly fighting your natural instincts, and you'll feel lost and used in the end.

Men take advantage of women's need to feel desired, loved, touched, etc. We almost DARE you to be able to behave like us, even when we know you can't. But that's our way of keeping our distance saying "well, I told you it was just a sex thing, adn you agreed." Some (most) men won't care about the feelings involved - or pretend not to - in order to get what we want...just like Ant said. It's all a game.

CorporateDiva said...

Agreed.....there is some game and there is some biology but hey biologically women arent supposed to be sole providers but they do it all the time. I think that we have evolved in alot of ways and I think casual sex is possible on both ends for a very limited time...

Jay said...

@Corporate Diva,

Taking care of family and sex are totally different, but just because people do things, or CAN, doesn't mean they're supposed to.

It'll work for a lil bit, but not long term.

Yari said...

I think we would like to believe we can. There always comes the moment when it all changes whether we meant it to or not... *sigh*

Anonymous said...

LOVED IT! We want to know if anyone knows where they filmed the part on his birthday when just the two of them went to eat? It lookd like a bunch of lunch/catering trucks lined up? I looked up anything I could in Westwood or LA Live, but couldn't find anytthing?
Any help??

Anonymous said...

my no strings attatched sex has just come to an end,it has been going on for 7 mths,all was fine,great fun ,then i fell in love.He has loads of women,younger than me,on the internet,i have always known about it but in the begining it didn't matter,i am now hurting like hell,he has tried to get me back,and it's taking all iv'e got to keep myself from going to him.worst thing i ever did

Brooke said...

Falling in love with someone who is unavailable to you is the worst! But it's better that it's over and you can move on. You live and learn, that's all we can do. I hope you feel btter...you'll be fine!

Lizelle Summers said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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